I'M GLAD I'M A MAN
I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe;
I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese.
I won't spend hours deciding what to wear;
I spend 5 minutes maximum fixing my hair.
And I don't go around checking my reflection;
in everything shiny from every direction.
I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing;
I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring.
I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back;
I don't carry our differences into the sack.
I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too;
I know what the time is and I know what to do.
I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball;
it's more fun than dealing with women after all.
I won't cry if you say it's not going to work;
I won't remain bitter and call you a jerk.
Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a man, you see;
I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery.
I don't get all cranky every 28 days;
I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise.
I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true;
I'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you!
I'M GLAD I'M A WOMAN
I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am;
I don't live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam.
I don't get wasted at parties and act like a clown;
and I know how to put that darn toilet seat down!
I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt;
my belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut.
I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind.
I'm a woman you see -- I'm just not that kind!
I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing;
I don't have body hair like shag carpeting.
It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back;
when I lean over you can't see three inches of crack.
And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb;
I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome.
Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side;
I'm a woman, you know - I've got far too much pride!
I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball;
I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal.
I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful, it's true;
I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!
