Tonight, I'm going to talk about some of the everyday occurrences that are never mentioned in polite company. Well, you know what? Fuck polite company! The 1st thing that I am going to touch upon is pissing: If you have a dick, chances are you stand up to piss and if you have a cunt, chances are you sit down to piss. If you have a cunt, I recommend that you do not piss while standing up because the piss will get all over. If you're female and take a piss while you are on the rag and if you look in the terlet, the terlet might be full of blood and period clots, which looks like you squirted out an aborted fetus into the terlet.

     Enough on pissing. Let's discuss shitting: Have you ever noticed that when you take a shit after you've been constipated, it hurts like Hell and when the rock hard turd finally comes out, it feels you're your asshole's been sliced up by a broken beer bottle, but once you defecate, your stomach starts to feel better. Meanwhile, squishy shit makes it difficult to wipe your ass. Ladies, you must be very careful about this: If you don't take a shower after taking a squishy shit, you could get a cunt infection and if your partner decides to eat you out while having sex, he or she will get squishy shit on their mouth. How embarrassing! When wiping your ass, make sure you use 2-ply terlet paper or your finger could go through it and you will get shit on your fingers. This is something that has happened to each of us. Something to think about the next time you shake someone's hand! Also, if you are nauseous and feel that you need to throw up, but can't, try bringing a picture of George W Bush in with you to look at. That always works for me!

     The next topic is for ladies who change their pads and tampons. Period glob can get all over. How yucky! Also, be careful on how you dispose of used pads and tampons and don't put them in the terlet or your terlet will get all clogged up! Use a waist basket and wrap up the items, lest the next occupant of the bathroom might mistake it for a jelly doughnut.

    Next topic: Beating off. If you decide to spank your monkey in the bathroom, be careful where you shoot your load. How would you like it if a string of someone's slimy jizzum fell onto your toothbrush? If you are a teenager and if you beat off, I advise you to keep the bathroom door locked, because when you moan, your mom might hear you and burst in to make sure that you're OK. How embarrassing! Lastly, when indulging in any of the above acts, please be considerate and keep the bathroom door closed. No one wants to hear or smell your piss, cum, shit or period clots. Actually, some people get off on stuff like that, but that's a whole other topic in itself!

I know this looks and sounds like something that Pat wrote, but he didn't.  Now, Pat mentioned that Joon is his soulmate because she is 1 of the few people in the world to think a lot like him on most issues, which is why I am honored to post something that Joon wrote on the inter-net, but it's time to go back to Pat's 2005 Vision of the World Page to read more thought provoking material that is good for your brain.