"Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Making amends for me was one that I made harder then it really was. Talking it over with someone made it much clearer for me.  I did not have an official face to face NicA sponsor over 5 years ago, but what I did have was the fellowship online and I did use that. So off went my e-mails to my recovering nicotine addicts. I would get the fed back that I needed from another persons in the program. This being just another angle to look at it from.  

I had learned long ago that other people didn't always know what was right too but, what I really needed was to honest with myself. Sending those e-mails off and even verbalizing it to someone else before I took off and said all those things that I wanted to say, I could check and see if I still had resentments attached to it. I only wanted the best for myself. If I still hand any of those resentments, I went back to look at my previous steps. If I did not, then I went forward and I made my amends.

I check to see where I had injured others, only looking at my behavior. One of the things that Nicotine Anonymous focus on is how we influenced others. Was it a negative influence?  Did I send the message out to others, that it was okay to smoke? Did I disregard other peoples rights to clean air? I had cheated my employer many times over - with sneaking out for breaks and being unable to concentrate because my thinking was always  getting the next fix. 

I look at amends in all area's of my life. Since I had done this step before in another program - I looked it over once more to see if anything else was added to my list that was not on my original list and I did those too. 

I do have to add, before I went out to make them, I ask for God to direct me and give me the strength to do the right thing. This was critical. I would even say my prayers before I started doing my writing or reviewing. 

Your Friend in Recovery,
Carol R.

FOOD FOR THOUGHTS

It's hard to apologize. Many of us are ashamed or have too much pride. Sometimes we just don't know how to do it. Here are some tips that may make it easier to say you're sorry.

• Take responsibility. The first step in apologizing is to admit to yourself that you have offended someone. You may know this right away, or the other person's reaction may let you know you have done something hurtful. But you must admit you have done wrong and accept responsibility for your actions.
• Explain. It's important to let the person you hurt know that you didn't mean to do harm. At the same time, you must show that you take your mistake seriously. Recognize that your actions caused a problem for the other person.
• Show your regret. The other person needs to see that you have suffered, too. Come right out and say you are sorry or ashamed. I felt bad the minute I told your secret. I'm ashamed of myself.
• Repair the damage. To be complete, an apology must correct the injury. If you damaged someone's property, offer to fix it. If the damage isn't so obvious, ask What can I do to make it up to you? There may be nothing concrete you can do, but the offer must be sincere. I'll try to keep my mouth shut in the future. Meantime, let me buy you a cup of coffee. Another way to repair the damage is to send a note or a small gift.
• Use good timing. Apologize right away for little things. For example, if you bump into someone, say you're sorry right away. Don't wait until the next day to apologize. However, if you have done something more serious, like insult a friend, your apology should be more thoughtful. A quick apology might seem phony. Take the time to sit down, look the person in the eye, and apologize honestly.
• It's not about who "won" or who "lost." It's about keeping a strong friendship.

HOMEWORK

1. Read Our Promises

2. Read in our book on chapter on Step 9

3. Read >Step 9

4. Review your list in from Step 8

5. Are there people on your list that you still find hard to make amends?

6. Talk them over with your sponsor or a friend. Maybe send an e-mail, preferably face to face if at all possible.

7. Before you set out to make your amends, seek console with your higher power and allow the outcome to be up to your higher power.

8. If you are having troubles forgiving others, then you may want to try this exercise > FORGIVENESS