"Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."

Step Two,  is a step that took me piece meal at a time.  When I was a child, I had a child's view of a God. To me, God was right up there with Santa - making a list and checking it twice.  More often my name was in trouble or there was other more pressing things that took up God's time and mine just wasn't that important. 

I grew up in an alcoholic home and I had a sister who died when I was 11 and she was 14.  It was an insane  time in my childhood.  Emotions hung on the edge.   Fighting, drinking and smoking had become a normal way of dealing with any grieving process or emotions.

As a young child, I remember clearly asking God to please stop all madness. It escalated even more after my sister's death.  I was terrified that someone would get hurt!  I promised to be good if God would do this for me.  Nothing happened.

As a teenager, the situation was getting worse as it always does in an alcoholic home.  I decided to go to church where I prayed and asked God for help.  I didn't understand. I would fail to live as I was instructed too by that preacher’s sermon because it was impossible to live up too. Why was I being ignored and punished? Why was this thing so hard? I really must have been doing something wrong.  I must have been not good enough.

I started to take matters in my own hands. I decided that smoking was a way to deal with everyone and everybody. My motto, "If you can't beat them, join them"! It seemed to work for me at the time. It became my higher power. I had found ways to numb out my pain and nicotine was on top of the list!  Behind nicotine I had the power to be brave and strong, to change emotion, to get the pick-up that I so needed many times and to find away to escape. It was the only way I had been shown to deal with life on life's terms.

After a while I stopped believing in a God who always seemed to turn a deaf ear to me and I called myself an agnostic.  I knew something was out there greater but I had no clue as to how to access it.  Neither did my family. I had given up on prayer.

When I came into the program, they told me that a power greater then myself was the answer to my problem.  I really wanted to believe them. My way of dealing with life was killing me. 

I could see how it worked for others in the program.  I told my sponsor about my experiences with God and prayer and she suggested I use the group or anything other than myself as a Higher Power. What I used was the Group until the development of my own fundamental idea of what God of my understanding was.  I slowly turned again to calling on a source of power greater then myself, who today I call "God"

My path is a very personal one but it works for me today. It is more developed than that of my early recovery days and today I have a relationship with my Creator.  It was the taking of the 12 Steps that enable my growth.

May you have many blessings in your journey.

Your Friend in Recovery,
Carol R.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

I come to a new town and I’m walking down the street, there is a deep hole in the side walk- I am lost...I am helpless; and I some how fall in. It isn't my fault! It takes forever to find a way out. 

The next time I come to town I’m walking down the same street, there’s that deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it and I fall in again! I can't believe I'm in that same hole again. But it wasn’t my fault. Well at least the hole is familiar, and although it’s hard it doesn’t take quite as long to get out. 

Later I find myself walking down the same street; there’s a deep hole in the side walk- I see it is there. My eyes were open; I know where I am, but I still fall in...You see it 's become a habit. Now I know it’s my fault. I climb out easily. 

Soon afterward I realize, there I Am walking down that same street, I see the deep hole in the sidewalk; and so I choose to walk around it. Next time I come to town, I decide to walk down another street.

Arthur Unknown

HOMEWORK

1. Read over the The Serenity Prayer for Nicotine Users I used the prayer a thousand times in early recovery and it helped me immensely. At first even the simplest of prayers helped.  I asked my Higher Power to keep me smober and I gave thanks each evening for doing so. At first some of us had a problem with a Higher Power. A Higher Power can be any Creative Intelligence, a Spirit of the Universe underlying the totality of things.  You need not have another man's conception of God.  Your own conception will work no matter however inadequate that maybe at this time. Go with your gut feelings of what is right for you and it will work.  Religion plays no part in recovery but spirituality does. 

2. Answer these Step 2 Questions

3. Read in our book on chapter on Step 2

4. Please read from the big book bunch on Step 2  

5. Please write an essay on your experience with your higher power.

Withdrawal from nicotine has 2 parts -- the physical and the psychological. The physical symptoms, while annoying, are not life-threatening. Nicotine replacement can help reduce many of these physical symptoms. But most smokers find that the bigger challenge is the mental part of quitting.

If you have been smoking for any length of time, smoking has become linked with nearly everything you do -- waking up in the morning, eating, reading, watching TV, and drinking coffee, for example. It will take time to un-link smoking from these activities. That is why, even if you are using a nicotine replacement, you may still have strong urges to smoke.

One way to overcome these urges or cravings is to identify rationalizations as they come up. A rationalization is a mistaken belief that seems to make sense at the time but is not based on facts. If you have tried to quit before, you will probably recognize many of these common rationalizations:

§         I'll just have one to get through this rough spot. 

§         Today is not a good day; I'll quit tomorrow. 

§         It's my only vice. 

§         How bad is smoking, really? Uncle Harry smoked all his life and he lived to be over 90. 

§         Air pollution is probably just as bad. 

§         You've got to die of something. 

§         Life is no fun without smoking.

You probably can add more to the list. As you go through the first few days without smoking, write down any rationalizations as they come up and recognize them for what they are: messages that can trap you into going back to smoking. Use the ideas below to help you keep your commitment to quitting.

Avoid temptation. Stay away from people and places where you are tempted to smoke. Later on you will be able to handle these with more confidence.

Change your habits. Switch to juices or water instead of alcohol or coffee. Take a different route to work. Take a brisk walk instead of a coffee break.

Alternatives: Use oral substitutes such as sugarless gum or hard candy, raw vegetables such as carrot sticks, or sunflower seeds.

Activities: Do something to reduce your stress. Exercise or do hobbies that keep your hands busy, such as needlework or woodworking, which can help distract you from the urge to smoke. Take a hot bath, exercise, or read a book.

Deep breathing: When you were smoking, you breathed deeply as you inhaled the smoke. When the urge strikes now, breathe deeply and picture your lungs filling with fresh, clean air. Remind yourself of your reasons for quitting and the benefits you'll gain as an ex-smoker.

Delay: If you feel that you are about to light up, delay. Tell yourself you must wait at least 10 minutes. Often this simple trick will allow you to move beyond the strong urge to smoke.

Reward Yourself. What you're doing is not easy, so you deserve a reward. Put the money you would have spent on tobacco in a jar every day and then buy yourself a weekly treat. Buy a magazine, go out to eat, call a friend long-distance. Or save the money for a major purchase. You can also reward yourself in ways that don't cost money: visit a park or the library, develop a new hobby, or take a yoga class.

Modified and taken from Guide to Quitting Smoking.