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A gay couple is driving along one afternoon, and while stopped at a stop sign, they are rear ended (no pun intended) by a big semi. Furious, the guy in the passenger side throws his purse on the seat, gets out of the car, goes back to the truck and starts banging on the door. The truck driver opens the door and the gay guy, standing there with his hands on his hips, says, "I'm gonna sue your ass, Buddy!" The truck driver just laughs and says, "Blow me!" The gay guy runs back to the car and says excitedly to his lover, "You won't believe this, he wants to settle out of court!"

BLOOD UP TO THE KNEES "The First Crusade set off on its two-thousand mile jaunt be massacring Jews, plundering and slaughtering all the way from the Rhine to the Jordan." Herbert J Muller "In the Temple of Solomon one rode in blood up to the knees and even to the horses bridles, by the just and marvellous Judgement of God!" Raimundus de Agiles - ecstatic cleric "A Christian is a man who feels repentance on a Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday." Thomas R. Ybarra

"I think any guy who films his wife giving birth, she ought to be able to film his hemorrhoid surgery later on. 'Look girls, Tony is totally dilated. What a trooper he was!" Jeff Foxworthy

EXTORTION and MURDER While not as bloody as Old Testament tales, this account of Peter � cofounder of the Christian church � is important because it shows how the fledgling church, right from its earliest days, demanded money with menaces and murdered anyone who didn't comply. That is, unless you believe that people just die on the spot for no reason whatsoever. �"There was also a man named Ananias who, with his wife, Sapphira, sold some property.� He brought part of the money to the apostles, but he claimed it was the full amount. �His wife had agreed to this deception. �Then Peter said, "Ananias, why has Satan filled your heart? �You lied to the Holy Spirit, and you kept some of the money for yourself.� The property was yours to sell or not sell, as you wished. �And after selling it, the money was yours to give away. �How could you do a thing like this? �You weren't lying to us but to God." As soon as Ananias heard these words, he fell to the floor and died. �Everyone who heard about it was terrified.� Then some young men wrapped him in a sheet and took him out and buried him. �About three hours later his wife came in, not knowing what had happened. � Peter asked her, "Was this the price you and your husband received for your land?"� "Yes," she replied, "that was the price." �And Peter said, "How could the two of you even think of doing a thing like this � conspiring together to test the Spirit of the Lord? �Just outside that door are the young men who buried your husband, and they will carry you out, too." �Instantly, she fell to the floor and died. � When the young men came in and saw that she was dead, they carried her out and buried her beside her husband.� Great fear gripped the entire church and all others who heard what had happened." Acts 5:1-11 NLT