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A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he accidentally knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon and set it on the table. The diner was impressed. "Do all the waiters carry spoons in their pockets?" The waiter replied, "Yes sir. Ever since we had an efficiency expert out, he determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen." The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented, "Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string hanging from your fly?" The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. Seems that the same efficiency expert determined that we spend too much time washing our hands after using the men's room. So, the other end of that string is tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull the string to get my penis out, go, and return to work. Since I don't actually touch myself, there's no need to wash my hands. Saves a lot of time." "Wait a minute," said the diner. "How do you get your penis back in your pants???" "Well, I don't know about the other guys, but I use the spoon!!"

FAITH and DAMNATION "So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence." Bertrand Russell "An immoral god � a hangover from stone age minds � still corrupts human mentality with its scapegoat justice and the threat of eternal damnation." Reverend Reginald Howard Bass � 'The History of Natural Religion' "The dignity of man lies in his ability to face reality in all its meaninglessness." Martin Esslin

"In a new sex survey they found that 8 percent of people had sex four or more times a week. Now here's the interesting part. That number drops to 2 percent when you add the phrase, 'With a partner' " David Letterman

SLAUGHTERED � SCATTERED LIKE DUNG "Peaceful meadows will be turned into a wasteland by the LORD's fierce anger!" In that day those the LORD has slaughtered will fill the earth from one end to the other. �No one will mourn for them or gather up their bodies to bury them. �They will be scattered like dung on the ground. � Jeremiah 25:33 NLT Weep and moan, you evil shepherds! �Roll in the dust, you leaders of the flock! �The time of your slaughter has arrived; you will fall and shatter like fragile pottery.� You will find no place to hide; there will be no way to escape. �Listen to the frantic cries of the shepherds, to the leaders of the flock shouting in despair, for the LORD is spoiling their pastures.� Peaceful meadows will be turned into a wasteland by the LORD's fierce anger.� He has left his den like a lion seeking its prey, and their land will be made desolate by the sword of the enemy and the LORD's fierce anger. �� Jeremiah 25:34-38 NLT