�Hey,� Nickolas said looking at her and giving her a kiss.
�Whatcha doing?�
�Nothing.� He smiled.
�Why don�t I believe you?� He shrugged. �Probably because you have this look to ya when you have something on your mind and you tell me it�s �nothing�.� He just looked at her. �What�s on your mind, Baby?�
�Nothing.� She rolled her eyes and left him go.
�You�re such a hypocrite.� He looked at her and got up.
�Why am I a hypocrite?�
�Because you have a fit when something�s bothering me and I tell you it�s nothing when you know perfectly well it�s something. Just like I know right now that something is bothering you yet you refuse to tell me.�
�You don�t like it do you?�
�But I tell you after a few minutes then don�t I?� He sighed. �I don�t even know why I bother with you anymore.� She walked away and went back inside. Nickolas shook his head and followed her inside.
�If I bother you so much anymore then why do you stay? No one�s making you.�
�I�m staying because I love you and I want to be with you. Just because you�re really annoying the hell out of me anymore doesn�t mean that I don�t want us to be together. I want us to be together, but you�re beginning to be impossible lately and I can�t stand it!� He just looked at her surprised by the tone of her voice. �If I don�t tell you about every little detail of my problems you flip the fuck out on me.�
�I flip out? What the fuck are you doing right now?�
�I�m telling you the way it�s been lately between us. I can�t stand this fighting and bitching between us that�s been going on.�
�What the hell do you want from me, Dakota? I�m trying my fucking hardest to please you, my family, and my fans and it�s driving me nuts.�
�Then do you want one less person to please, because I can arrange that?� He just looked at her. �I can walk out that damn door and not look back and then all you have to worry about is your family and your fans. Is that what you want? Do you want the life you had before you met me and fell in love?� They looked at each other and she quickly wiped a tear away.
�I don�t know what the fuck I want, but I do know that I want you in my life.�
�Do you?�
�Yes I do. You�re probably the best thing that�s going on in my life right now.�
�You�re just saying that to make me feel good and you don�t have to.�
�I�m not just saying that.�
�Yes you are and I know exactly what you want. You want me out of your life and I understand.� She sighed. �We�ve been having all these problems lately so I should�ve seen this coming.�
�Why are you doing this? Why are you putting words into my mouth?�
�Because I know what you�re fucking thinking. It�s easier for me to say it then have to hear you say it. It hurts less.�
�I don�t want you out of my fucking life, Dakota. If I did I wouldn�t have wasted my money on that damn promise ring and that fucking bracelet.�
�Do you want them back?� She started taking the jewelry off. �Do you want them back and then you can give them to that fucking slut you�re cheating on me with?� She threw them at him.
�I ain�t fucking cheating on you for the last time.�
�Don�t give me that shit, Carter. You can only have a dream so many times before ya realize how true it is.�
�Is that what this is about? You�re fucking dream you keep having that means nothing? Why don�t you grow the hell up?�
�Don�t you tell me to grow the hell up! You�re not the one having the same dream over and over night after night so you have no idea how it�s affecting me. Until you do you just keep your damn mouth shut about it.�
�Well I�m not cheating on you. Maybe you�re the one that�s fucking cheating and you�re feeling guilty about it so you decide to accuse me.� She slapped him across the face.
�How dare you accuse me of cheating when you know how I feel about you!�
�And you know how I feel about you, but you�re accusing me so what does it matter.�
�It�s different, Nick.�
�How so?�
�Because you�re not the one having the dream and it�s not killing you inside to think that maybe just maybe there might be some truth behind it.� He just looked at her. �You have no idea what it�s doing to me and you don�t care. You just tell me it�s not true, but you don�t assure me. You don�t give me any kind of reassurance and that makes me believe it�s true.�
�Well it�s not true.�
�Then there�s the way you�ve been acting lately; you�re being very strange, you�re distant, you�re only around when you want to be, you��
�I�m sorry for not spending every passing moment with you. I didn�t think I had to.�
�We hardly spend anytime together anymore. We both have things to do and I figured that when we do have time to be together you�d actually want to be with me and not partying and getting drunk all the time. I guess I was wrong though just like I�m wrong about everything else. Like I said last night, Nick, you only bother with me when you want to fuck. That�s what you wanted last night and you got it.�
�It�s not what I fucking wanted last night!�
�Then what did you want?�
�I wanted to propose, but I got scared so I thought that us making love all night would make it all better and substitute the proposal! But I see that it didn�t and I�m so sorry I didn�t make your dreams come true last night by proposing!�
�Right now I don�t care if you propose or not, because it�s not what I want! Yeah someday maybe, but not right now!�
�Then what is it you want?�
�I want the man I fell in love with!�
�I am that man!�
�No you�re not! The man I fell in love with wouldn�t criticize me about my dreams and try to understand how it made me feel! And he wouldn�t be distant and he wouldn�t pick partying and drinking over me!� He just looked at her. �The Nick I fell in love with would make the most of the time we got to spend together. He would make sure I knew I was loved and thought about. He wouldn�t only bother with me when he wanted laid. He�d bother with me, because he actually wanted to be with me.� She wiped her eyes. �I believed he really truly loved me and I want that Nick back. I want the loving caring funny man I love more than anything in the world. I want the real Nick Carter and not the arrogant hypocritical pompadous ass Hollywood Superstar Nick Carter that you�re turning into. I can�t love the latter, Nick, and I�m sure as hell not going to try either. I don�t want to love the wrong man. I didn�t fall in love with the superstar and I�m never going to love the superstar. I love the man that ain�t afraid to cry when his heart is broken or a family member or friend is hurt. I love the man that ain�t afraid to comfort his girlfriend when she is startled by a bad dream or isn�t afraid to take care of her when she�s sick. I love the man that ain�t afraid to express the way he feels about me in public and doesn�t think sex is the only way to prove his love.�
�You want the weakling.�
�No I want the guy with the strong tough exterior and the soft loving caring interior. I want the one I fell in love with. If I can�t have him back then I don�t want to do this anymore. I don�t want anyone then if I can�t have the real you back. I don�t want to spend the rest of my life with someone I don�t know.� The tears streamed from her eyes, but she didn�t care. She just left them come.
�You don�t have to.� He hugged her. �You can have the real me. I�m sorry for being someone completely different and hurting you.� She hugged him in return. �I�ll try my damnedest to be the man you fell in love with. I didn�t think I changed.�
�But you did and it broke my heart.�
�I am so sorry, Shorty.� He looked at her. �I�ll make this up to you. I promise. Maybe when you get back from Seattle we can go away together�just the two of us. What do you say?�
�Sounds nice.� He smiled.
�I love you so much, Dakota.�
�I love you too.� He kissed her and she hugged him again.
CHAPTER 13