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Fatdick's Rants, opening:
This is a foreword, so pay attention fool. The opinions expressed on this page are indended to not offend, but to enlighten. The purpose is to show others what is before they eyes, yet cannot see due to blindess by standards. It would make all the better for people to find this page, agree with what has been said, and a common interest. When you find someone you agree with, a friendship almost instantly forms, from the bond between simply expressed opinions.
Ok, getting a bit too Dr. Phil on ya'lls ass. Basically, the shit I say is just an opinion, so don't piss your pants over it and come after me. Cuz I won't care. If you don't like it, fine. Go into chat and whine. If you like it, then great. If you don't care, then what are you still doing here? So shut up, stop bitching about that routed site, and read up.
Taverns
Let's start with quite possibly the most over done, and at one point, over used RP enviroment: the Tavern. At one point, the pinacle of chat RP. It was a place you could go to meet a myriad of unique and interesting characters to RP with. The tender/dress(s) was/were always attentive, on the ball, and hardly let a patron go unserved or unoticed. The bouncers made sure all fights and conflict were kept outside, the patrons made good conversation and often led to PM Long term RPs that started from a chance meeting in a tavern. It was a place to meet new people.
And people obeyed the rules. There were no people trying to take over the tavern, or bringing in god characters. And the few that did were swiftly and promptly ignored. You could click on the user rooms in Ayenee, and see a nearly full list of nothing but Taverns. New time comers found a warm welcoming atmosphere, regulars kept coming back to those h/she knew. It was good. RP was both abundent and of high caliber. No one used "para" or "one lineing" or "semi", they just RP'd. They posted what ever they wanted, however long they wanted. Elitism was frowned upon, and if you started trouble you got your ass booted of out the room.
Some of my earlier, fondest memories of online role play were of Tavern RP that didn't end when you left the room. When you came back, people remembered you. The life of the common role player was good.
~~~~~Skip ahead a couple of years~~~~~
Now, Taverns are a joke. Technically, they no longer exist. Since Yahoo took out the coding in chat to display the User Rooms, it's safe to say they are GONE. Get over it! Stop bitching "RP went to hell after the user rooms were taken". Honestly, RP was going down hill before the law suit. People just use it as an excuse. So, enough of the history lesson. I'm gonna list shit I don't like about Tavern RP today:
The Characters
Pretty much all we see in taverns are vampires or some breed mixed with twelve other species. All wearing black. All sitting in the corner of the tavern in a dark area. All ordering bloodwyne. It's boring. I mean, for fuck's sake, make a creative character! Not some damn cookie cutter ho hum same as the rest card board cut out piece of shit excuse for a character. And don't even get me started on all these canon chars. All the fucking Sephiroth, Cloud, Inuyasha, Sesshoe, Naruto, and fucking DBZ knock offs.
I can't believe people still make these sns. No one cares! The only person that would care is another canon character. PEOPLE! If you're going to rip off anime and video games, do it right! No faggy Goku+Vegeta love couples, no trash talking arogant Vash the Stampedes, no perverted Kikyos, no assinine Sephs that whore themselves off a dime a dozen. It's boring. Ignore these characters. They don't exist. Ayenee and Eden are/were places created for original characters to interact.
The Intro
Ok, these are almost all the same. Before I go further, here is a fresh intro I'm writing off the top of my head:
The dark, cloaked figure walked down the concrete side walk. Despite the bright intensity of the many street lamps that dotted the street like fangs in the maw of some dark serpent, whenever the mysterious figure walked under a light, nothing but shadows and darkness was seen. It appeared that even light dared not grace the being. It walked silently, the long folds of the cloak billowing in the fiece breeze. A storm was brewing. The inky, churning black clouds roll over the full moon, obscuring its warmth from the blanket of the night. The air grew heavy with an omnious feeling. Soon the figure found its boots upon the creaky wooden steps that led up to the large hexigonal shaped tavern. The tavern's odd shape might have confused outsiders, but once inside its purpose was revealed. Taking the steps one at a time, the figure finally reaches the top after a few minutes of slow stepping. Reaching out to the door knob, as if it were laced with explosives, or maybe to add dramatic effect, the figure finally after a few momments of hesitation turns it. Instantly a powerful gust of wind surges through the town, forcing the door to burst open inwardly. It slams against the inside wall of the tavern. Simutaneously, a tremendous, dramatic bolt of lightening cracks across the sky, splitting it in two and lighting up the night. Despite the intense light of the bolt, the figure was still shrouded in spooky creepy darkness shadowy mystery. A torrent of rain began to pound down onto the earth. It seemed as if the heavens themselves were dramatically announcing the arrival of this stranger. Once again, to add a hint of errie intrique, the figure paused at the threshold to the tavern, as if to further drill in the point that it was somebody special. After a couple minutes of expecting gawks from the patrons, it steps in, the door some how closing on its own despite no one ever doing so themselves. Maybe the tavern owner built in some string and pully mechnism. Taking a few steps into the room, the figure gives everyone a throurough look over, carefully scrutinizing every detail all at once like some omnipotent god. Standing in the center of the room, one could only imagine. The figure wore a cloak and hood to mask its features, so why would it want to draw attention to itself by standing there as if expecting a hand out? The figure was mysterious and cool indeed. It was now the figure decided to make its appearnce known. Grabbing the middle of its cloak, it yanks it off, and it magically dissapears revealing the figure. It was a male. He wore knee high laced up black leather boots. Because black leather boots are cool. He also wore a pair of stylishly tight black leather pants. Because chicks are supposed to think men in black leather is sexy or something. But they made it hard for him to move around in, and sorta rode up his ass crack. But if it impressed someone, he didn't mind. The pants had small bits of metal on them for added effect. The man wore a thick black tank top, and over it was a brown poncho draped over his shoulders. But it showed enough of his slim yet very muscular upper body. His cliche washboard abs were seen under the tightness of his tank, his well defined boring biceps peering out from the poncho. He stood about 6'5, around the same height as everyone else. And he only weighed 170 lbs some how. Probably some magical spell. His hands were shourded in cool lookin black leather gloves, because everyone knew leather gloves make you look cool. He had a well pronounced jaw line, asserting his powerful precense and masculinity. Healthy, full, slicked back black hair, high cheek bones, and ears adorned in steel jewerly. He had blue eyes, not that it mattered, since like everyone else he could make his eyes glow different colors to be all spooky and even further mysterious. Under his poncho hid a holster that concealed two Desert Eagles, with full ammo clips. He had seven katans hidden on his person, as well as fifteen grenades, a sling shot, two staplers, a pair of scissors, a frying pan, twenty seven shurikens, and a swiss army pocket knife. How he was able to conceal all this, no one knows. That just goes to show you how cool he is. Also, not like anyone could tell, but he was a vampire/demon/angel/god/wolf/neko/monkey hybrid. Having all the strengths but none of the weaknesses of all his traits. At any given point he could go to Super Saiyin 53421 at will, and could control space and time itself. Not only that, but he smiles to show off his neat lil fangs. But, none of that really mattered, since he was just here in the tavern to drink and hit on someone. Finally, he makes his way over to an empty table in a dark corner. One could only imagine, how many corners a tavern could possibly have if every other person went to an empty one. It was then that the hexigonal design of the tavern became apparent. This way, there were extra corners for people to go and sulk and brood in. Also, the tavern owner was so polite enough as to make sure all the light fixtures pointed away from the corners, and that every corner had an empty table in it at any time. Sitting down at the table, he lets his poncho flow over the chair, not caring to adjust it. But, before doing anything else, on a hunch, the figure magically senses several precenses above him. Looking up, the figure sees the tavern rafters full of other shadowy equally mysterious figures. It seemed people found the rafters just as cool and mysterious as dark corners. Why, it seemed every rafter had at least two other figures on it, perched as if no one could see them, starting down at the other people in the shadowy corners, as if no one could see them. The tavern appeared to be nothing more then people hiding in the dark staring at each other. Both those in the corners and the rafters would laugh and point and tease the silly people sitting together in the tables in the middle of the tavern, where things were well lit. How uncool and trendy they were. Hah! Calling out to the tender as if he gave a damn, he spoke in a loud obnoxious yet some how classy tone "Hey, asshole! Get me one of them there BloodWynes!" He scoffed to the stupid tender, as if he had to even ask for such a drink. I mean, the tender should know by now that's what everone gets, so he should be ready with one as soon as someone comes in. The figure liked bloodwyne. He wasn't really sure why actually, he just knew everyone else drank it, so it must be cool and trendy to order. So he did. And drinking blood in an alchoholic beverage was completely safe. Because everyone knew you can't get diseases in Ayenee. Hell, you didn't even need condoms. As he sat there waiting for the silly tender to bring him his bloodwyne, he looks over the women in the tavern. He sees one particular hawt fine bitch, and rubs his chin, trying to think of how to spit game at her. She wore a black corset that held her fat ass tits in place, a skirt that showed off her long endless cliche thighs, and black boots. He thought to himself "Damn, she must shop at the same place I do" After noting how amazingly similar she was dressed to him, he looks around, and notices everyone was wearing black and some form of leather. But he reminds himself, it was "Cool" so he was alright. They were just copying him, not the other way around. Stroking his Desert Eagle(Which is still hidden) like some twisted form of masturbation, he plays out what to say to the woman to mask his sexual lustful intentions and to trick her into playing into his hands. It shouldn't be hard, since that was what she probably wanted too. Gives the room one last look over, and checks in the rafters to see if any extra shadowy figures had jumped up there to laugh at the normal people".
Oh, and for the record, all that is pretyped, so when I go into a room, I'll just paste all twenty seven posts all at once and scroll the room to try to impress people with my 1337 RPing skills and hopefully pick up some e-booty.
Sadly, that's how most intros look. Copy and pasted pretyped pieces of shit. I mean, did I even check to see if the tavern was on fire? No. Maybe I walked into the middle of a gun fight and got shot? Should I care? No. It's so boring. Wow, walk into a tavern with a dramatic entrance, describe my characters boring cliche over done appearance, go sit in a corner or a rafter, order the same thing, and try to spit e-game. Tavern RP today is a joke, a mockery. I can't stand watching n00bs, newbs, and para monkeys RP.
Yes people, we have a new term "para monkey" I'll discuss it later. I hope my parody intro sums up why I hate Taverns today, since all you see is boring old and cliche over done people doing boring old and cliche over done things. And actually think they'll cool while doing it. Here's a clue: YOU'RE NOT IMPRESSING ANYONE.
The Fighting
This is seriously lol. I mean, the whole concept of fighting in a virtual reality world where only text dictates what happens is just a joke. People go into chat and look like this:
Some newb: oO(Does anyone here T2?)
It makes me laugh. I mean, it's bad enough people still use the T styles, but they actually look for a fight. The T styles all have their own flaws, and I don't give a democrat's ass if you say otherwise. Then, you just look for a fight. Yea that's real manly. Own someone in a textual battle. Bet that makes ya feel real big inside you beat up some other 15 year old's made up character. Yea......what in the hell has happened to today's youth? Most of the oldbie's and veterans moved on away from Yahoo, or hide away from Chat as far away as possible. They're the smart ones. I'm the stubborn one, still going into chat knowing how much of a n00bfest it is. Don't get me wrong, I know there are a few very skilled players such as myself who frequent chat. But, those aren't the people who bother me. It's so stupid to watch three or four guys fight using different styles. So, it ends up they spend more time ooc bitching about who hit who and what level of dragon lord they transformed to before someone activated a time stop. It's just pointless and spams the room. Stop it, please.
The OOCers
At any given point in any chat room it is default to assume any given person is OOC. It's that simple. So, when we have people who are actually RPing, and they want to bitch or whine at the OOCers to "quiet down the ooc or RP" it's really a good laugh. I mean. It's a Yahoo Chat Room. You just cannot tell someone to shut up or RP. These fanatics who RP everyday in chat no matter what are a joke to real players. And then......we have the RPers who stay OOC, and bitch and whine about RP, yet never go IC. It's lollery. I don't RP in chat, and you all know why. I RP everyday in PM, so I have the right to bitch about Chat RP. See, that's the thing. I bitch about CHAT RP. Not RP in general. My RP social life is seriously kicking. So, watching OOCers and ICers argue is funny. Further defeats the whole purpose of RP in a room. Another thing, these "f00bars" who think they're the shit. They're the elitist mother fuckers who sit there and hand out their opinion like it's your death sentence. They come up with weakest, lamest insults. Argue over the crappiest shit. Whine when you outsmart them, threaten to beat you up if you don't get hurt by their text, and generally group together with other f00bars for safety in numbers. They think they're talented, looking down on the newbs and being cool by making fun of them. When in fact, they're on the same level as a n00b. Great stuff. Sucks to be you. Stop trying to "own" me, you can't. If you ever find something about me to exploit, then I'll give you mega ass props. Cuz that shit ain't easy. More bitching here
This is a foreword, so pay attention fool. The opinions expressed on this page are indended to not offend, but to enlighten. The purpose is to show others what is before they eyes, yet cannot see due to blindess by standards. It would make all the better for people to find this page, agree with what has been said, and a common interest. When you find someone you agree with, a friendship almost instantly forms, from the bond between simply expressed opinions.
Ok, getting a bit too Dr. Phil on ya'lls ass. Basically, the shit I say is just an opinion, so don't piss your pants over it and come after me. Cuz I won't care. If you don't like it, fine. Go into chat and whine. If you like it, then great. If you don't care, then what are you still doing here? So shut up, stop bitching about that routed site, and read up.
This is seriously lol. I mean, the whole concept of fighting in a virtual reality world where only text dictates what happens is just a joke. People go into chat and look like this: