change my mind...

i'm restless
i'm useless
i can't be out cruisin tonight
no paper
till later
there's no escape for me this time

it's funny how only you could have me like this
and not see the value
i'm not upset - but hoping you'll miss me
when you realize i'm not coming back to you

i'm pacing
heart's racing
but this time, it's hardly about you
i'm dying
still crying
but only cause it's hard tryna start anew

but dont get it twisted...

i'm doing this for me this time
and this time i really meant goodbye
if you'd answer your phone
you'd know why you're alone
but i guess it's good that you don't...
cause i'd probably change my mind - like i've done so many times...

tha story...

I don't know if this is a poem or random thoughts that just happen to rhyme. This wasn't something derived from a diary entry, or note I wrote to myself, or anything like that. I broke up wit My Special Someone, I didn't have any money to go out and distract myself with, it was late at night so none of my friends were up, I tried calling him back but he stopped answering his phone, I got angry, and wrote this. I wasn't upset at how much I was going to miss him - dumping him was the best thing I've ever done because I did it for me. I was just upset that my entire way of life was about to change and I hate change so I was afraid that I'd end up running back to him just to have that security that I'd always had bouncing from boyfriend to boyfriend: I was afraid that I'd change my mind. I think that's all I was trying to get across in this one.

tha dedications...

That Special Someone yet again. I swear, one day I'll stop writing about him.

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