Ketchup is red like blood but it doesn't taste as good
I'm coming into this writing session with a rather depressing mind set. I realize that life is really just a candle of sorts that's slowly burning to an end. I corny analogy but it's gonna have to work. Its my birthday today, I'm now 17 years old, to some this would be a milestone, a victory in it's own way. A statement to the world that they are nearing adult hood, but to me, it just means that I'm that much older and that much further away from all those fun years as a child. Childhood is leaving me and I am forced to step out into a world that I dont wan't to accept, one full of bastards that only care about money. With 17 come no bennafits either, their isn't anything special about this specific age, in fact its probably the worst age you can possibly be at. I mean after, its just one large tranistional type era with no perks, nothing so grand at all, not even a senior discount, I feel ripped off. So when you reach 17, or if you already have, I hope you feel better about it than I do. The other thing I don't get is the whole party aspect of a birthday, I'm not belittling anyone who has a birthday party but I just don't see why anyone would want one. I mean seriously, people just forget that it was your birthday, sure they give you free stuff but do people really want to hang around with you to celebrate something that you or they had no control over. I can see why it makes sense to have a party if its a bunch of your closest pals, cuz they are the people that have toughed it with you, but when its like tons of people that you yourself don't even care that much about then what is the point. Lets be honest with ourselves.
I'm done with the whole birthday thing now so lets talk about something else. Let's talk about what holds us back, what is it that keeps us from reaching our full potential. No one really ever does hit that point where they can't progress any further. I suppose progressive beings by nature, but why do we always want to be better at something, be better than someone. I think at the high school level it's mostly about the popularity. If you say it isn't so then i say you are lying. There are some excepetions though, probably alot actually, so maybe you arent a lier. We all try to feel good and one of the ways to do this is by other people feeling good about us. If you are good at something people notice and they are like hey you are rad or whatever and it makes you feel accepted. Some people its so bad that they can't do anything without wanting people to think they are fucking champs. Do I do this? a little bit, but not that much. Some of you are probably calling me a lying fag right now but i dont care, if you know me you know that I'm not that popular, and i dont care all that much about what people think. I suppose I care a little bit, but i think the main reason I don't care about being good at stuff is because I'm really not that good at anything in particular. Now this sounds like a self pitty run so what the heck am I doing, this sucks so I will stop now. Just think about the motivation when you mention yourself in a conversation the next time you are talking to people, you might be supprised at what you find. later folks
9/27/03 9:56 PM
How to maximize your kill count
Once again i failed in my promise to write regularly, but i don't care at all right now. I don't feel guilty or depressed about it, but I am pissed off because I just wrote a giant chunk of decent journaling and my computer decided to freeze and I no longer have that nice chunk so I'm starting over, in a bad mood, so we will see how it turns out. The first thing that I want to talk about is really something nice, Ya know those wax bottles filled with the nicely colored liquid candy in them, those are great. Those are the most succulent of all edible products in the world. I love them and would quite possibly trade my life for them if it was the only alternative, even though i dont think it would do me that much good because I wouldnt be able to eat them if i was dead so I would make sure i wasnt really dead and instead would just get into an almost life threatining situation and would onlt kinda of be dead and that would be good enough just as long as I can have my candy. So Even if I wouldnt trade my own life I would gladly trade the lifes of other people, preferably the girls that sit by me in math class, I think everyone has them, the girls who are extreamly attention deprived, the ones that talk about how their weekend sucked more that anyone and how they are so tried because their dance team is really good and how they talk about the dumbest stuff in order to feel like they are fucking rad. The ones that really just need love. The sad thing is that I can't give it to them, And i dont want to give it to them, and I never will. Don't call me mean or say i'm a jerk over this, but they steal the time I need during first period, its where I catch a few winks before the harshness of history, but no, everytime something goes wrong, or even if something goes good , then they have to blab on about it forever. If you try to say one thing to be nice or to have a kind hearted conversation then they feel obligated to be better than you or talk about something really neat that they did that must be better than something you did. Come on girls, Just go buy or steal a shotgun and go shoot......cans out back or something, I'm sick and tired of you people whining like I'm doing now, but i already own a shotgun so back off.
On to a lighter note, Thurston RAPED Tumwater last night. I'm talking we blew their heads off with laser gun and cut thier genitals into tiny bits of cat food RAPED. I think 31- 0 is a pretty good rape score if you ask me, especially since no one has beat them in like 3 years, sucks for them, good game though, I thought the best part was when we put our jv in for the full 4th quarter, that was a nice touch. I think tumwater took it kinda bad though, i really do feel simpathy. Sorry guys, Good job Cody and all the rest of you. And good job thurston. You make football seem like a childrens game when you man handle good teams like that, YAY!
You guys havent really missed much since I wrote like a week ago, But I did get my license, and thats sort of nice. It means that I now have to pay for things, Rock on you bloody toms. The real advantage is being able to run people over legally, there are some other perks but its not all that cool, I dont even like to drive, I haven't like driving since i got my permit like a whole year ago, man sometimes I feel like a loser, but at least i got it before i was 17, which reminds me, I'm almost 17. That means none will make fun of me for being 16 and it also mean that I will be 1 year closer than last year to being a grown up that doesnt have any fun and they just work for the rest of their lifes, god, bring me the shotgun. But whats to complain about, my life really couldnt be better, and i'm pretty happy. Does any one listen to Luna? If any of you little bastards do i want to talk to you and give you a kiss and tell you that you arent going to hell for listening to retarded music. Oh i forgot, I only listen to music if its on the recent top ten, thats the only cool music. I plan on having a section of this page devoted to music soon but who knows when that will happen with my busy schedule of nothingness.
Grant keeps mentioning that I should be a bit deeper on this thing and that everything I say is boring. Thats probably true but just deal with it people, Im not a deep person, I'm not a thinking person, I just live, I'm shallow. I would be deep but It's just not in me, I think thats why i have trouble with girl/guy relationships, besides the obvious reasons of course. I think people might just expect a little to much of me sometimes, if thats you, then you shouldn't bucause when it comes down to it I'm just totally unreliable. Maybe if I fall in love with you or something It might be a little better than what i just decribed, but i cant fall in love with everyone so please people, dont ever expect me to be there for you. I'll let you analize everything I just said and you be the judge, its your call, I think all this is true only if you believe me, so dont give up on me because you never know what could happen. now you are extreamly confused and you dont know what to think and you are wondering if i really am shallow or what. I think its different will everyone, i think i'm just like everyone when it comes to this too. We all treat people differently depending on what role they play on our life. We have the stevie wonders in our life, the people that are all emotional and it just seems like everything they say speaks into your life and then there are the nelly type people, the ones where everything they say is worthless and sounds absolutly gay and retarded and you just want to shoot yourself everytime you hear them talk, and i cant think of anyone for in between, the people you like and need but they arent really special or anything, cuz im not that deep so sorry.
Now that thats over with i will share the highlight of my day. I was in cle elum today at my aunt and uncles overly large house and property where my relatives celabrated my grandma and aunts birthday. So anyways, my cousin and I caught a bunch of these huge grass hoppers and then we put them on this log in the woodpile and chopped them all in half with a really sharp ax, that was the coolest part of my day. I'm out of here people so go masturbate a conversation with a stranger.
9/22/03 8:42 PM
I bet if fear looked like a person, it would look like the easter bunny
Haven't writen in a while, but I'm writing now, so shutup, all of you just shut up.
It's monday night, boring monday night and as I look back on the weekend I realize that it wasn't to exciting either. I hung out with dan K. On sat. that was cool, i wish he could skate though, broken ankles are GAY and so are you. Nothing really happend on friday, I did avoid the NT football game though, goodjob ted. See, I told you it was boring. Actually it would be alot more exciting if I told you everything about it, but somethings just shouldn't be talked about. Gotta follow the Code of the Jungle, or be punished like a rapist. Oh, I did get to spend a little bit of time with Amy Bakker, that was cool cuz we hadn't talked in a really long time, Amy you are rad, and so is sean connery. I also noticed that my relationship with life was a weird one. I finally figured out that Life is pet and its on a leash and I'm in control, and sometime it wants to bite me like it has rabbies so i shoot it in the head. It's a pretty good relationship though. Thats it for the weekend.
So what about today. Do you want to know about it? You don't? Well good then, where should I start. No, i changed my mind,I'm not writing about my day, because it really was boring, with a few delightful highlights. Like me finishing drivers ed, 3 days before I was supposed to. That was pleasant. There was another one but its an unmentionable. That was my day. I had a few good ideas about my future, some things I want to do when I get a bit older and don't have alot of money.
My first idea was to rob an armored truck thing, the ones that carry money in them, with people that have guns in them and holes to stick the gins out of and blow you to particles. I've been trying to figure out a way to do this and i've decided that bombing it with an airplane so it blows up would be a pretty good way. Cept i dont have a plane, so the next best way would be to dress up as a woman and seduce the drivers with my bodaciously good looks and superb charm. It would work, I'm sure. After I'm in the back of the truck i just shoot them in the heads with a shotgun and send their brains to the wall while at the same time looking innocent and cute. Another way would be to lure them to my naked car wash ( see food for the masses) and use car soap thats not really soap but is actually metal eating acid that doesnt burn money. I would wash the truck and it would eat away the whole bit, inlcusing driver and passengers, leaving gobs of money for me to run away with.
I can't remember the second idea and I'm beggining to think that I never had one. So instead I will look into my future and talk about what it holds. I get my license soon, So that just atomatically makes any big and daunting problem shrink to the size of _______'_ breasts. Other than that though, my future does look a bit bleak. Oh, I got the WASL scores back and boy oh boy folks, I did good. The WASL was a great test because all we did was sat around and missed school to take one of the easiest tests in the world, not to mention the hour long lunches. I am a bit proud of my self because I don't usually do that good when it comes to things that have to do with learning, but I got higher than 95% on everything in it, except for math, but i got way above average on that too. Most people probably did just as well though, but i still feel good about it because it means i did something right. I don't even know why we have that test though. But yay for hour long lunches.
Besides that nothing is worth writing about, well i guess none of this was worth writing about and is all boring but i dont care. Some kid said i looked like a 6 year old now. What the heck, everyone is saying i look younger. It's a bit weird cuz people used to think i was alot older when i was younger and stuff and now people think im younger when i'm really older. But i don't care. I am getting old though. 17 in october, and it sucks. It means that I'm that much closer to tons of responsability. Kinda sucks that I'm jst getting my license and im almost 17. Do i feel like a loser cuz of it? No, i dont care, so bugger off. That's all I have to write at the moment. I have more but I will write it later or somewhere else on the site. Most of it will never be writen though so sorry. All the stuff i dont write is better than this though, but at least i know what it is. I'm listening to rap right now, for those of you that know me well you know that thats weird. It's E-40 though, the old stuff, so its not as bad. I think someone should shoot nelly though, please. Haha, that would be funny if my dad read my page, it would be weird, dont know why, I have nothing to hide but i would rather he didn't.Guess thats goodbye.
9/18/03 7:53 PM
I wanna remember to remember to forget that you forgot me
Isn't it the strangest thing how one day you can hate the world and you just want to tell everyone to piss off and then the next day you are happy as a clam. So strange, so weird.
Life has got to be the weirdest thing on the planet, seriously. People are pretty weird too, we change and then change again. We don't let anyone figure us out, do you know why? Because it's threatening, it makes us vulnerable. We think that if people know what we are thinking and how we feel then they will take advantage of us. This is true to some degree, there are always gonna be people out there who don't give a damn about you. Then you gotta think about the people that really do care about you, you are so scared that they are gonna do what everyone has done before them that you miss out on something truely special. You shut yourself us thinking that its going to protect you, when really all it does is makes you miserable. I know all this cuz i used to do it, actually, I still do. I used to be so afraid that someone was gonna hurt me, when I was really just hurting my self. I just pushed away the people that cared for me. I didn't want to explain or express myself. I didn't want to be close to anyone, I didn't think I needed them, I mean after all, all they had ever done was hurt me so what good would it do. It's not that much of a problem now, although sometimes I want to shut myself up again. I realized that I was only happy when I expressed myself. It usually takes me a long time though, a fantasticly long time. Even then I am faced with the problem of other people shuting themselves up. You are ready to tell someone how you feel and how much they have taught you and then they get scared. They are fearful of intimacy. It's so strange because no matter how much you want to help them, no matter how much you care you just have to let them be. You can't force the chicken out of the shell, it will just hurt it more. Even when it hurts you a ton you can't do a bloody thing. You have to let them be happy on their own, Someday they will find that thing, or that person that fixes their hurt. You see them hurt and it hurts you because you can only stand their and watch them walk away. Don't look back, but dont't forget. Always hold on to the things they gave you, and always care for them. Sorry this is so serious. Talk to you all another day
9/17/03 4:01 PM
I make a living off of arts and crafts.
School is for losers, school isn't that cool, school should just bugger off if you ask me, but you didn't ask so I won't answer. but enough about how much school is just one big pommy shower and on to The White Stripes.
Jon and I went to the white stripes show last night, and boy oh boy do I like mahogany. Wait, what i meant to say is, Jon and I went to the white stripes show last night and let me tell ya folks, It was bloody fantastic. I loved it, they were most excellent live and they have so much talent. I would see them again anyday. Its rad because they can do so much with so little( which is really alot because they are bloody talented) I just love to see that in a modern group. The opening band was superb also, it was the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, If you arent familier with them then maybe you should be cuz they are gnarly and sound great live and have awesome stage presence. The lead singer girl was a god sent riot, she was so crazy, a great performer. When the Stripes are in town again i suggest you make an effort to go, otherwise you are just missing out on something great, something that you can't find in icecream or trix or what ever it is that you like. They are even better than mahogany, maybe.
Hmmmmm, what else could we talk about at this very instant. I think it should be something random. Maybe something about life, the universe and everything. Oh, i just thought of something.
CAMERAS
Nearly all cameras have the same basic design, which includes an aperture, a shutter, a view finder, and a film advance. However, cameras vary widely in such features as adjustability and the type of film used. The simplest cameras, called fixed-focus cameras, have a nonadjustable lens and only one or two shutter speed, in others words, they suck. The majority of these cameras use cartridges of 110-sized film. Professional cameras, including view cameras and studio cameras, have many adjustable parts. Most such cameras use large sheets of film. SEE CAMERA
That was taken out of my trusty 1984 World Book encyclopedia in the photography section, all except for about 1 sentence. If you didn't read it you should because you might just learn something. I'm all about you guys learning, it would make me proud.
I didn't write yesterday so i feel obligated to give you guys a double portion, even though you probably don't want me to because you think that the indians shouldnt be able to hunt whales and abortion should be made illegal in mexico and europe should really think about having iceland towed to somewhere close where it can be made usefull, maybe connect it to england or something, or about how this is the biggest run on sentence in the world, but I dont care. so now i shall accend into your hearts with a magnificent story that will move you to tears.
It all started yesterday, on my way back to school. I was sitting on the bus when is started to rain profusely. This put a damper on my day because I was supposed to skate to Jons school and i know couldnt because it was wet. So when i reached my school i sat around and though. I decided that instead of skating i would hitch hike. Some of you probably think that i mean that i would just get a ride over there from someone at my school, but you are wrong. I'm talking real hitch hiking. I thought about the best method to attract a car that would take me to Jons place of learning and decided the freeway enterance would be the best place to start. So I marched on over to the south bound enterance with my backpack and all and proceded to wait with my thumb sticking into the air like a lone commando and his way to the firing squad because he was caught sleeping while on gaurd duty. So I waited and waited until a overly large black sudan stopped and asked if i needed a ride. I said yes and thank you very much and hoped in. When I got in I noticed a huge man with a black suit and a hot pink tie. He was holding a rocket launcher in one hand and a mahogany pen in the other. Sitting at his feet was a giant ice cube, It was bigger than my head. I could only guess what that was for, really though, guessing was the only way i would ever figure out what it was for. After taking in the sights an uneasy feeling set in, this feeling should have sat down on my skull a long time ago, about the time that I saw the car license plate, IWILLKILLYOUIFYOURNAMEISTEDANDYOUAREHITCHHIKING is what it said, but for some reason i didnt really pay attention to that until after I had jumped into the vehicle. I began to realize my situation and began sweating like a dinosaur as soon as he asked what my name was. So I responed by telling him my name, Ramsey. This was a lie of course but whats a man to do. he then smiled and we started talking as if we had known eachother for years. This is how some of it went.
"So your name is Ramsey eh? thats the name of my great uncle." said the fat man.
"yup, thats my name, i was named after me mum but shes dead now. She was killed in Nam by a banana spider."
"hmmm, thats a shame lad, do you have a home"
"No, I dont, I have no one anymore"
"well, I'm filthy rich because i run the mafia so if you would like to live with me you cirtainly could."
"Oh yes, that would be wonderful kind sir"
"then thats settled, oh and by the way my name is Abraham Lincoln"
" are you related to sean conery by any chance?"
"No, None at all"
"oh"
Thats how our first chat went, or something along those lines anyways. We seemed to hit it off really well and I was no longer scared of his icecube. we continued to talk and we were just ready to drive to Jons school when i heard an scream that sounded like Godzilla so I turned around to behold...........Godzilla. He was on the free way trying to eat a school bus full of children. When i saw this i imediatley jumped out of the car and started yelling at him and telling him he was a mean and such when I see Abraham pull out his rocket launcher and shoot the bus. He claimed it was a bad shot but i'm not too sure. So Godzilla starts runnin towards us right but then super man come and gives him a triple shot vanilla mocha. Not really sure why he did this but it didnt help that muchand i'm now positive he's a tart. I start to run at Godzilla and we engage in a bare knuckle boxing match where I devistate Him. So Godzilla is bleeding about like a baby asking everyone for a bandaid when i look back and See Abraham in a pool of blood. I run over crying and i hold him in my arms. Looking into my new fathers face I hear him utter these last words, "Go and skate and quit school, you dont need it." That puts a smile on my face for about 3 seconds but then i sart crying again and then the abulance came and it was pretty much over. By then it was dry so i ended up skating to Jons school anyways, where we proceded in a caravan to the stripes show. Man, what a long day.
Nothing cool happend today, I thought about alot of stuff thats important. But I will tell you about that stuff tomorrow because to be honest, I'm tired and I want to go home. I will write tomorrow, i promise, and it wont be foolish stuff.
9/15/03 6:36 PM
I'm a Teenage Bronco!
Hey all, I seem to be writing about every other day instead of everyday like I had promised earlier. I don't even know if people read this crap anyways so it could verywell not matter, but I will try to write everyday anyways cuz a promise is a promise and should only be broken sometimes. So how about today. Wasn't it something? I'm excited about Jons new page, the friend thing, it should be good but who knows. Well that was all pretty random, so I suppose I will write something that you young bucks can use in a real life situation.
At New Market today a couple of us guys noticed something that should be noticed. We noticed that alot of the dudes in the class wear really baggy pants with a bunch of zippers, chains and other strange apparatices. We stared in complete awe and wonder as these kids moved around with normal if not superior rage of motion. It amazed me how agile they were even with 2 pounds of metal attached to there lower garments. I had noticed this before but never thought alot of it until today. look in the previous sentence, between noticed and this there was a 20 minute pause where i took a break and ate dinner, well it wasnt really dinner, just a salad. Anyways, just thought i should mention that. Back to the pants thing though. What are they for, and why all the metal stuff. This one kid had two overly large change that hung from the back and were attached on the side near his waist. It made the out line of a large ass, this was very amusing and i couldnt help but stare at his butt. Why I'm writing this i have no clue, im not trying to make fun of anyone because i really dont care what other people wear. I wear stuff that is probably made fun of alot too.
That Last paragraph got us absolutly no where and this next one probably won't either. My eating habits are to be discussed in the following few sentences. Don't know why either. After reading my stuff for a while you will come to the realization that I don't know alot and infact know pretty close to nothing. I don't even know how i manage to get by without knowing anything. So anyways, I'm a vegitarian, have been since I broke my jaw and couldn't eat cuz my mouth was wired shut. This was close to the begining of summer( I shall recap my summer tomorrow) I Like meat I think, its just that it makes me sick. I think its to heavy or something, it just taste weird. So i guess I really dont like it though. I eat fish though so in actuality I'm not a true vegitarian. I did eat meat once though, Jon tricked me, but i forgave him. I only eat once a day too, i'm just never hungry. I like human meat. Thats all I'm writing right now. I've noticed that nothing in the entry has any value and it even boring me. I do intend to write more tonight though, its just that i'm sorta confused right now and am not able to process thought very well. There is alot of misspelling in this too, but i dont care so anyone that does can just piss of. Later Kids
9/13/03 1:00 PM
Oh baby, I have lots to write about today. In fact, I have so much that I don't even know where to start. Actually, its really not that much so don't get distracted. I really need to stop telling you all these lies at the begining of my writings, it's starting to annoy me so please forgive. Not knowing where to begin i will naturally start from about 1/4th of the way in, that seems comfortable. So let me think, i gotta figure out where that puts me. I belive its about when the time that I leave for New Market. Yes, thats about right. So anyhow, While on the bus to NM I enjoyed a conversation between a teenage male and female. This was no ordinary conversation mind you, in fact, i wasn't really involved in the exchange of emotions, feelings and humors of the two. Only visually could I experience the communication of these kids. They are deaf. Now i dont usually talk to deaf people, just because they can't hear me, and I wasnt talking to these people either, i was just watching. It was like a movie, a comedy and a tragic all rolled into one big shabang. Very interesting this was, and I enjoyed it much. So, after i had my regular chat with the deaf kids I went to my class. I'm not gonna tell anyone what my class is though because i feel that a certain sense of mystery should be present everywhere. So I will just tell you what i did instead. I didnt do anything really, i signed some papers and sat around. Had a nice class convo though, very fun.
Now that the 2nd fourth of my day has been poured out for you to view i shall write about my first 4th. The first part was deffinatly the dumbest and most excrutiating. It isn't really important to anything that could be considered important at all. Math was fun, after all i'm in just about the same math i've been in for 3 years. It's never really exciting but it has it's ups and not a whole lot of downs. It's so easy too, I'm not really sure why i've been at the same level of math for this long but hey, i dont think it gets much better. It's been like 3 different math classes with 3 different names and so far they have been about the same. Us History was pretty baller cuz i sat around and did nothing, that class is weird though because the teacher doesnt really teach, she just has us copy out of the book. Normally I love history cuz its so bloody easy but this year the worst thing has all ready befallen my class. A teacher with an annoying voise, yes folks, its the worst. Its hard to consentrate when the teacher sounds like she has a bowl of fruit in her mouth/nose section of the face. I will get over it though. On to the next class. I will skip it cuz i dont even remember what class it is at the moment, so I will now disemback for New Market
3rd fourth of day was rad. It consisted of nothing, pure zero. I skated for a little bit and then layed( lied?) down for a quick nap. thats about all that happend.
The 4th quarter of my day kinda sucked, I was at the Tumwater football game. It was alright i guess except i kinda remembered why I stopped playing foorball about 2 years ago, Its boring. But it was cool anyways, Tim Reynolds was QB, go Tim. I wanted to skate there but they said that we couldnt get back in if we went out so we didnt go out, what a dissapointment. We skated a little after the game though, kinda ironic cuz it was in front of tons of people and a couple of cops but none of them seemed to care, until a janitor came a kicked us out of the over sized 3 stair. It's always the janitors, why them. I'm at Jons now where i am soon to retire at a rather early time. This entry was a bit of a dissapointment to me, i didnt really get to adress the things that i initially wanted to talk about. there was some good stuff in store but i guess you guys will just have to wait for another day. Goodnight Everyone.
9/11/03 5:35 PM
Okay, so today has be AWESOME. Why? How dare you ask why, Its been AWESOME because it was my day. Well, not really my day, I don't own it or anything, but it just felt like my day. Now here comes the real shocker, ready? Today really wasn't as AWESOME as I might have made it sound, in all truth today was totally undelightful in all ways possible. It was the 3rd day that I missed school this week,, which is really quite amazing if you think about it, after all school started last week. Some of you kiddies are probably rather envious, saying to yourself, "man, I wish I could stay home and party all day just like Ted does." Well, all i have to say to you is, yes it has been a party and i have been able to sit around and do nothing, but at the same time it has been extreamly boring. Not to mention the fact that I will have three bloody days of daunting homework waiting for me when I get back. Still, I wouldn't trade it for kansas. I didn't really do anything worth while today, or actually i should say I didnt do anything worthy of praise. The things that i consider worth while might just be considered worthless by others. So let me tell you about my day.
While some people prefer to do a boring play by play of their life when writing, I do not. I will try my hardest to avoid this style of writing, although sometimes it's just plain hard to dodge. So, if I become overly boring just let me know.
Today had some of the attributes of the end of the world, which I find rather ironic considering its sept. 11th. Not to make a joke out of something that traggic or anything. Really folks, I'm not a jackass. So anyways, when I say the end of the world I am by no means even saying that my day was anything like the poor victims of sept. 11th. In fact, it was probably a little better. Enough with the disclaimer though and on to the goodstuff. I woke up extreamly late, feeling rather refreshed considering the sickly state my body is in. I was actually awakend by my dear cat, who is loud and obnoxious. But it was still nice none the less. That was for sure the high point of my day. nothing has really happed between then and now thats is noteworthy. Oh yeah, I did accidently touch a spider today. That was deffinatly something that will never be repeted as long as I live. There wasn't anything I could actually do about it though, I mean after all it did lunge at me from above and started puncturing my skin with its razor sharp fangs. I swear it had to have been at least 3 inches wide, and that was at its narrowest point too. It had obviously planed out its attack with major precision, he must have been the incarnation of Napoleon. Let me tell you of his perfect plan.
The Spider, we'll name him Conrad for now, woke up about 7 hours before me. He was refreshed and ready for action. He took a shower( in my kitchen sink mind you, how dare him) and then took to the drawing board where he perfected his plan for household domination. As soon as he was done scheming he set the plan in motion. He wandered over to te dishwasher rather inconspicuously and proceded to wait right where the dishwasher handle is, Conrad waited and waited untill I, being totally unawear of the events that were unfolding before my eyes, walked casually over to the dishwasher where I placed my hand on the handle with the intention of fetching a spoone. This was when he struck. With out warning I was jumped on by Conrad, now this was bad, very bad. When I had finally recovered from the heart attack that He had caused I quickly took action against my foe. I shook my hand in a vigerous nature and the stomped on conrad when he hit the floor with a shock. Yes, kids, I killed him. He is dead. It felt good, Not only because i never really kill anything, but also because it was the first spider that i had touched in about 3 years. Mission acomplished Ted. Do I feel any remorse for what i have done, yes, a little bit. But he was an enemy, a terrorist if you'd like. And we all know what we do to terrorist in America right? WE KILL THEM!!!
Thats all I have to say for today folks, so tune in next time.
Dont mind the misspellings