Happiness is a warm puddle.

You can only get so wet - go for it !

Caution !! The weight of a runner defecating on a hillside will eventually exceed the strength of the sapling being held for support.

An occasional cigar won't kill you and even if it does... it's worth it.

To guarantee never to be bitten, select a partner who is slower than you. (A nice added touch is to say "I'll get help" while accelerating.)

Never wear a medal unless you won it in the Olympics.

Pinning on a race number cures constipation immediately.

A wet pair of running shoes left in a hot car with the windows closed provide better theft protection than "The Club".

By the year 2015, the entry fee for a triathlon and the cost of a new miata will be the same.

Race T-shirts left un chaperoned breed faster than rabbits.

When you reach the 20 mile mark in a marathon, you're halfway there.

Never trim your toenails the night before a race.

No marathoners are atheists after 23 miles.

There is no such thing as a tailwind.

The Steve Taylor Theorem - Some nice guys don't finish last.

Never inhale while running through a cluster of gnats.

Remember Lonneman's Theorem: Fireplugs have very little "give".

Shoes on sale are 1/2 size smaller than yours.

When your tights stand by themselves, it's time to put them in the wash.

Spit Strands that make it past your cheek will land on your sleeve.

Runners never pass gas when running in a co-ed group.

No one on earth really gives a damn about your 5K PR.

Power Bar's two main ingredients: Beets and Rutabagas.

Since Gatorade was created to replace sweat quickly, it should be no surprise that it tastes like it, too.

Never get in a Port-O-Let line behind someone with reading material.