April 11, 2000

Back at work now after a week off - and I get told I have a pay rise! Hurrah. It was a relaxing week on the whole and finished with a long weekend in the north east, staying with a Monty friend in Durham. Now that's a pleasant university city complete with cobbled streets, cathedral and castle.

Went to Newcastle on Friday evening and trolled the bars and the gay club Powerhouse. Had too much to drink and a jig about! Great fun. Saturday we went to see Erin Brokovich with Julia Roberts and her performing breasts, not bad either if a little too long. Then on Sunday we explored the coast and walked along a rather chilly Whitley Bay before catching sight of the rather marvellous Angel of the North sculpture at Gateshead.

It was really good to get away, have a change of scene and so on. Came home to London on Monday to some beautiful weather - and today it rains again. Roll on spring!

March 31, 2000

Jon, my best Monty friend over in Michigan, reminded me that I have been slow in updating my site! Whoops...here goes then! It's been two weeks full of work, early mornings and weekends included so I have an excuse. Jon, by the way, sent me a lovely card and some photos of him and Monty Clift's New York homes - a lovely surprise.

Discovered a lovely new bar/restaurant in Clapham last weekend called Sand and met up with Kate and Emma who I hadn't seen for a couple of months. A few days earlier had met up with some friends from school, which was nice.

My flatmate's house sale has fallen through so we have cancelled the notice on the flat so I will be there a bit longer. Good in one way, but it is really just delaying the inevitable.

I am off work for a week next week, hurrah. And I need it too. I am feeling so tired and fed up with everything. I need time to recharge the batteries and get me life in order...

March 19, 2000

Cold is just about going...and horrible it was too. But while that was grotty, the good thing is spring is clearly on the way. As I write this, the sun is shining on London and making me feel quite perky. Bit chilly, but we can deal with that.

Early this week I had a great night out at West Central in London - �1 a drink on Mondays! Can you believe it. Can you believe I drank myself into the ground? Impossible to imagine I know...Then Lee at work celebrated his 21st birthday on the same night that Jamie had his leaving do from work so I ran from one to the other and finished the night barely able to stand!

I am reading Robert LaGuardia's 1977 biography of Montgomery Clift again and I'd forgotten how dreadfully moving it is. I sometimes find myself sitting on the train on the verge of tears over the tragedy of his life. Makes you grateful for what you've got really...

March 13, 2000

I am fighting off a cold, yet again. Honestly, when someone goes down with it in the office, we all pay the price. So excuse my sore throat and snotty nose...

Worked earlies for most of the week and had to be in bed by 10am, which was something of a struggle. But the week picked up when I went along to the Canary Wharf gay group social at Via Fossa. A huge turnout and much drink consumed. I suffered for it Friday and stayed at home making do with bacon sarnies and orange juice.

I finally got to see American Beauty on Saturday night, and it really is very good. Talk about dysfunctional families! It reminds me in a way of Happiness, a gloriously sick black comedy which came out last year and which you must see if you get the chance - it's not everyone's cup of tea and people actually walked out of the cinema when I was there! Sunday was a beautiful day - suggesting that spring is not far way. We walked along the Thames and took in the views. Fab!

March 6, 2000

Doncha just love work leaving dos? We had one on Friday evening at our local down here in Embankment and there was all manner of disgraceful stuff going on. People snogging each other, Tracey trying to fix me up with this guy at the bar! All totally bonkers...and I ended up feeling truly ropey on Saturday. Had to work as well.

Yesterday I was in the heart of Soho with Jamie and Brian, hanging out in the Admiral Duncan and The Village, which was nice. Good fun we had to - they are a lovely couple! Bought myself a new book too, on the feud between Joan Crawford and Bette Davis. Love all that old Hollywood stuff, if you hadn't already guessed. Met up with Michael for lunch on Thursday and it was good to see him again after some time.

Feeling rather perky as well at the moment - something to do with hanging out in the gym too much, perhaps!

February 28, 2000

Began the week with a couple of days off, which was nice. Went to gym to fight the flab and had a funny turn in the steam room cos it was so hot. Oddly enough...

Had some fun nights out which went rather blurry. Met up with Jamie in the West End on Wednesday and chewed the cud and on Friday I ended up in a few gay bars. Had meant to meet a friend in the Admiral Duncan but lost him somewhere and ended up in G.A.Y. All innocent, I can assure you, and absolutely nothing happened cos I am very well behaved!

Went round the shops with mum in the West End on Saturday and then had a pleasant dinner with her. Did sod all on Sunday, however. Can't wait for spring to come so that I can get out and about again.

February 20, 2000

I've been fighting off a cold this week - first one I've had for a long time and I loathe them. All that snotty nonsense and crappy sleep. Hey ho.

Managed to get a few days off work at the beginning of the week and tried to be lazy. Ended up going to the gym a couple of times and lazing in the steam room, which was rather pleasant. Curry club at work on Thursday, although I only managed the beers cos I had to stagger back to work to do some bits (big mistake!!). Had a nice Friday and then had to work all weekend - groan!

I've been in a strange mood really - feel quite happy and cheerful but I feel like I'm in a strange, weirdo limbo. I still have done nothing about finding a new place to live, which may explain it. Or maybe it's me love life. Who knows? But I don't really like it. I think I need some certainty, some stability...

February 13, 2000

Hello! Well, another bonkers week but somehow, as I write this, I'm feeling quite perky - despite working this weekend and too much during the week. Dunno quite why I do, but let's not question it!

Thursday was really nice cos I got together with some old school friends - in fact, all my good friends are from school cos I never really kept in touch with anyone from college. But we did get to see Bill who used to be part of our group until we were about 20. We hadn't seen him for years, and it was fab doing so again. Much gossip to catch up on there! Also during the week I met up with Paul from Durham for a beer, a bite to eat and a natter. Must get up north at some point...

Friday night we celebrated a guy called Jon's birthday - a work colleague. But he went home early with the girlfriend (I wonder why...) so we all stayed to the bitter end and got in a bit of a state. I have Monday off so I'm gonna spend the day in bed and then at the gym...how keen.

February 6, 2000

AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH...one day I will get to write something fun here...but this was one of those odd weeks that I'd rather forget. Had to work far too much, managed the odd drink here and there, blah, blah, blah.

Me and Jamie went on a crawl round the gay bars on Wednesday night and ended up in West Central, where they had the famous slag tags night. Went tits up with Michael on Thursday - which is all rather horrible - and then tried to work Friday night while under the influence of lager - not recommended. Didn't go drinking at the weekend, ended up instead in my fab new gym in Cannon Street - which not only has the best equipment but a simply fab spa. So I had my evaluation with a v cute instructor called John and then dived into the steam room and jacuzzi. Went home and watched Maurice and Queer as Folk.

January 29, 2000

I haven't been in the mood to write much lately. OK, one or two good things - like Jamie's birthday do at Davy's. A fun last week in the office at Canary Wharf and the move to our new ones at Charing Cross - very handy for all the West End's bars! And on Tuesday I met up with Andy and some friends I hadn't seen since the latter's wedding.

But then my flatmate announced he was buying a flat and so I'm gonna be homeless yet again - coinciding with some private life traumas. It's all very depressing that, at my age, I don't have a home to call or my own and someone to wake up with every morning. Seems like everyone else I know has made it - I could've done but the property crash in the 80s and early 90s put paid to all that and property in London is so expensive these days that there is no way I can do it on my own. So I'm feeling pretty low at the moment and full of self-pity - and that's not very attractive. Don't really want to be with anyone at the moment...

January 17, 2000

Birthdays, birthdays, birthdays...My old flatmate Emma celebrated hers on Saturday and we ended up at this very tacky club in Clapham Junction after a night being crammed in at a local pub. Sunday was a washout really thanks to a crashing headache - couldn't think what brought that on! Today it's my brother Andrew's 31st.

Last week was all rather dull, not much to report although I had my usual violent mood swings not aided by the lack of weed. However, I have lapsed every now and again I'm sorry to say. It's such a difficult thing to kick and I just wish I had some willpower.

Picked up my new iMac from work so I can do bits at home. It'll be nice to be connected again in the old homestead.

January 10, 2000

Well, who would've thought it - a week of giving up smoking and I've only weakened once or twice. I got very drunk at the Canary Wharf gay group meeting on Thursday night and had a couple but I'm not gonna punish myself because I think I've done very well. And it has been tough...apparently record numbers of people vowed to quit this new year's eve.

I've also had very little booze this week and done very little in the way of socialising but I have been very busy at work. I also went to the gym four days running!! What a star...

I had to work this weekend - yawn - but finally managed to catch up with Michael on Saturday night after what seems like months. Isn't January a dull month?

January 4, 2000

And so one year, decade, century and Millennium ends and another one begins. Time to make all those dreadful resolutions that one is bound to break...

I saw in the new year with friends Kate, Emma, Danny, John and Pete, plus a host of others, at a party in Tooting. So not far to stagger when it came time to leave at 7am (with bottle of champers in hand). I was right out of it for most of the night thanks to alcohol (and other things) but I did manage to dance around a bit, watch some of the celebrations on TV and eye up the (limited) talent!

Spent all new year's day in bed and then got up to go out for a meal with John on his birthday. Only six of us but it was a laugh and ended up drinking far too much (again). No wonder I spent Sunday and Monday in front of the telly without any booze to hand.

Well, the last year's had some major highs and lows. The possibility of a great relationship, which then went through the floor. Great improvements on the work front, which then went tits up thanks to new management. My usual inability to control spending and take enough holiday. Things have ended, generally, on a higher note mainly cos I've met some great people this year.

I'm gonna try and be a better person in 2000. Sounds a bit arsey I know...I have given up the evil weed, will try not to throw me money away, try and be a bit more understanding of those around me and learn how to relax. How many of those will I stick to, I wonder...

December 27, 1999

So that's Christmas done for another year...it seems the older I get, the less like Christmas it feels. Suppose it's something do to with there being no children around and having no religious beliefs. We spent Christmas Day with my brother Andrew and sis-in-law Lisa, who did a very good dinner for us. Plenty of presents, silly games and people suffering from the flu.

Spent Boxing Day at mum's with nanny and the rest of the family. More food, booze, silly games and people suffering from the flu. I tell you, if I get through this holiday without going down with something it will be a miracle. Had to dash back from deepest Surrey this morning to go to work. I took plenty of pix and will have them up on site as soon as I can get the film developed.

The week began with a ropey work Christmas party - I got so drunk I could not remember going home. Made up with the flatmate, did last minute shopping, had drinks with a flu-ridden Michael and went out for a comedy evening with Jamie, Brian, Jan and Paul.

Just Millennium Eve to look forward to now but I intend to take it very easy this week!

Captions, from top:
1 & 2. Me with nanny - oh she looks a bit out of it in the one with me and me pearl necklace (the only one I got this Christmas - hehehe).
3. Me, nan and mum having a fit of the giggles.

December 19, 1999

Oh dear, this week ended on a very high and very low note. Spent Sunday with Kate and Danny, Emma and John and my flatmate Pete in Earlsfield - eating and drinking. Got very drunk. Got home. Me and Pete had major row over things that had been brewing for some time. All very nasty and things were said that really should not have been in the heat of the moment. Hopefully we can sort it out before too much damage is done.

So the build up to Christmas continues - yuck. But at least I have done most of my shopping now, which is terribly organised of me. Christmas sucks, but that's another story.

Not a busy week really, had Thursday and Friday off work. Went out on Wednesday night with Michael and Thursday we had a sort of reunion which wasn't. The aim was to get the old Warlingham School gang together but it was decimated by illness and people being at other Christmas events. So we made do with just four of us - me, Chris, Nev and Andy. Very pleasant but not nearly debauched enough. Haha.

Spending too much money. Must control meself.

December 11, 1999

Well, I end this week thoroughly pissed off. Had Friday off work and went to a dinner party in the evening, where I met one of the most provincial people in the entire world. The fact that she was American doesn't matter, there are plenty of provincials over here.

But, oh my God, was she dreadful. Talk about putting a damper on the entire evening - don't know why she left smalltown Ohio in the first place. Just the start of a truly tedious weekend, where the highlight was putting domestos down the sink and ironing me smalls. Ended up thinking about life and where it's all going at 36 - so you see how desperate it all got.

Last week, I also went clubbing - Bedrock at Heaven. Not up to much - not nearly banging or hard enough - but better than wetting one's knickers.

December 4, 1999

A really up and down week (haha). Not quite as mad as the last but still eventful - busy at work and the odd emotional trauma to contend with. Tuesday, met up with an American friend at the Two Brewers in Clapham and Wednesday I was at the World Aids Day meeting of the Canary Wharf Gay Social Club.

Thursday saw me at W5 in Ealing (God, this is sounding like a very queer week!) to meet up with Iain and Jon - and Abbacadabra did a turn on stage. And Friday was a clubbing night at The Gallery at Turnmills - normally my fave club but this week not quite as on form as usual.

Consequently, felt really tired on Saturday and only barely kept me eyes open when drinking with some friends in the evening. I think I need a holiday - I'm really tired and have had so little time off this year and I'm getting snappy and irritable with people. DUCK!!!

November 28, 1999

What a mad week....drinking, partying, 007-ing.

All began on Tuesday with a freebie work party thing - at the Cafe de Paris in London. And you know what it's like when you get free drink - you just can't stop. Wednesday, went into Soho and did a trawl of the gay bars with a friend. Thursday, a leaving party at work for one of the sales guys and Friday night was the chance to catch up with the new Bond movie The World Is Not Enough (followed by drink and a Chinese meal).

The movie, by the way, is just fab - and I say that as a huge and very anal Bond fan (I sit there and quote all the lines when I'm watching videos at home). The film's more like one of the older Bonds (From Russia With Love, for example) in that it concentrates much more on story development and character than many of the recent all-action adventures we've got used to. In fact, the plot ain't that easy to follow...Anyway, the fantastic opening sequence was shot near the Millennium Dome here in London and you can see my office in the background (which is not interesting at all, I know).

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