Three Little Midgets Lost Are We
Date: Sunday July 14th 2002
Time: 14.00 PM
Wade: I have a really bad feeling. Something has happened.
Roe: That's probably just the AIDS talking.
Wade: No, something's wrong. I feel it.
Li'l Proto: Why the f*** are we f***ing stopping here again?
Wade: We need to work out what to do next.
Roe: Isn't it obvious? We keep going north. There's like five hundred square miles of wilderness up there. Those two abusive buttwipes will never find us.
Li'l Proto: Five hundred? You mean five f***ing million, right?
Wade: Stupid Roe.
Roe: Shut up, AIDS boy.
Wade absentmindedly throws a stone into the lake.
Li'l Proto: So we go north? But where?
Wade: Well, if Farrakhan over there hadn't lost the map, we'd know.
Roe: You still don't get it! It doesn't matter WHERE we go. Just so long as we GO. Or we're dead. Plain and simple. There's no reasoning with either of them.
Li'l Proto: We have one f***ing trump card.
Reaching into his bag, Li'l Proto pulls out a toaster.
Wade: Um. Dude, that's a toaster.
Roe: Is that ...?
Li'l Proto: Yep. This isn't just A f***ing toaster, it's THE f***ing Toaster. Both Proto and the Doc have owned this bad boy at some f***ing point in f***ing time. Proto even used it as an f***ing inanimate tag partner once.
Toaster doesn't do anything. How can it? It's just a toaster.
Wade: So why do you have it?
Li'l Proto: I just f***ing found it f***ing lying around in Proto's locker room. I think he was f***ing planning to use it in his f***ing match with Dr A, but I f***ing stole it.
Roe: Nice. Can we have some toast? I really want some toast.
Toaster makes good toast. Even though it's black (like SPX), and burnt (not the CEO). If Toaster could think, it would be proud of this. But it can't. All it does is warm bread.
Wade: Not right now.
Roe: We don't have time?
Wade: We don't have any bread.
Roe: Oh. So why is Toaster a trump card?
Li'l Proto: Cause if either of those two f***ing s***bags catch us, we can f***ing threaten to f***ing break it. And they wouldn't f***ing want that.
Roe: I like its 'I [heart] the Trenchcoat Mafia sticker'. What's that about? What's the Trenchcoat Mafia?
Wade: Dunno. Hey, we should get going.
If Toaster could speak, it could have told them that the Trenchcoat Mafia was a stable Proto was a member of briefly, before remembering that being in stables licks balls. The three (and Toaster) get back into the Taurus, and pull away. As planned, they're heading north. But what of Prototype and Doctor Abortion?
Location: Highway 40, on the bank of Lake Ontario