Evil vs Evil
A Most Evil Entrance (Lit, Cages, Evil Points?) Dr A
The Ring�
Burnt: And welcome back fans� as you can see right now� the TSOB Crew is working hard on putting that Triple Decker Cage together. I think we�re still going with the Triple Decker Cage thing� right? Davros?
Davros: *shrugs apathetically*
Burnt: Well� at any rate, they�re building it. And if our plans change so that we don�t use it. Well, I guess they�ll just unbuild it. And while we�re waiting we can-
�Bad Medicine� by Bon Jovi begins to blast, and that familiar sight of spinning syringes kicks on the screen.
(here)
Burnt: And once again� It�s Dr. Abortion. This should be an exciting contest to determine exactly how many times he can make an entrance here tonight�
Dr. A walks down the ramp, suspiciously without Roe and Wade, for once. However, he does carry over one shoulder a big-ass pipe, and over the other, a Scrabble Literati box.
Davros: So� what do you think Dr. Abortion wants to do with that lead pipe he has there?
Burnt: Well, he probably doesn�t want to do plumbing.
The maniacal medic slides into ring, which still has one side uncaged as the crew is still working on putting it together. He fraternizes with the working crew.
Dr. A: Hey there buddy� haha� get the **** out of my face.
The doc then drops down and crosses his legs, sitting Indian-Style. Which I hear is politically incorrect to say these days. Which is why I said it. because I�m evil.
Dr. A: PROTO� PROTO� PROTO� give it up man. This, �I�m not so evil� thing just isn�t working. I see Burnt had a little talk with you� and then I took a few shots at you� but enough of these silly, tired games. NO GAMES Proto, no games. Lets forget all about these games and get to serious business� Scrabble.
He opens up the box and unfolds the board.
Dr. A: Come out here and face me in this manly competition, we�ll do that to spend the time while they�re setting up this stupid cage thing. I promise� cross my heart and hope to die� that I will not hit you in the back of your head with this lead pipe here when you are not looking. And that is as true as Whitelight�s cancer. Really.
The doc sits there� Indian style� waiting for Proto. But he�s probably occupied with something else right now. It�s okay. We�ll get to him later.
Dr. A: Well then� whilst I sit� may I suggest something to you all� EVIL POINTS. That�s right� evil points. Now as we all know, Davros is a big pansy�
Davros: HUH?!
Burnt: Heh heh heh. So true.
Dr. A: And �ringing a bell.� A bell? That is how I�m going to prove I�m more evil than Proto? BAH! He says himself that his match is sloppy leftovers, rejected for the SoV/Chevs match. Well I�ll play by your rules� I�ll climb three cages and ring your bell. But this goes out to you Proto� lets just unofficially add it to the match, despite what these suits wrote down.
�Before we climb the cage� we�ve got to get enough evil points. Hit someone in the nads� get an evil point. Attack someone from behind � evil point. Eye rake� uh� half an evil point. Illegal object � evil point. Choke someone in the ropes � evil point. Mercilessly bludgen someone�s skull to mush while they�re unconscious� two evil points. You get where I am going. And once one of us has reached like� oh� say, ten, twelve, twenty � whatever � evil points� then we are allowed to ring the bell.
Like I said, we don�t need these EC suits adding it officially. Lets just do it on our own� so that we know that the winner is no fluke. So that we know the winner is truly evil.
Burnt: Sounds interesting.
Davros: But horrifically violent! Think of the ratings.
Burnt: But would Proto accept? He�s acting so� so.� nice. It�s sickening.
Davros: Maybe you should go back stage to threaten his life again if he doesn�t.
Burnt: Shh! You�re not supposed to tell anyone about my aggressive tactics.
Dr. A: So Prototype, you homohype� come out here and tell me what you think. And then lets play some friggin Literati. Unless you want to play Stratego. Lord I will kick your ass in Stratego.
Dr. A throws the mic down and starts looking at all the Scrabble pieces. He tries to memorize where all the letters are so he can cheat.
The Plot thickens. Proto
We're backstage. Right behind the curtains, in what Mick Foley's book told me is called the 'Gorilla Area'. Proto is about to make his entrance, when his cellphone rings. Scowling, he answers.
/Cellphone/: *ring* *ring*
/Proto/: What? Look, I've got a match now, and -
...
/Proto/: I do? I can?
...
/Proto/: I want that in writing.
...
/Proto/: Well, it had better.
Hanging up, Proto nods to the guy on the control booth thingy, and makes his entrance. As he steps through the curtain, his face creases into a smile.
Yes, Proto loves you all. He loves you so much, you're gonna get to see his video! Again! If this was an evil video, it would be annoying by now. But Proto's video is so full of peace, and good will, and love, and the tolerance of other people's views even though you may not necessarily agree with them, that it's just worth seeing one more time.
Shaking hands all the way down the aidle, Proto stops outside the ring, and looks at the maniacal Doctor Abortion, who's still waiting behind the scrabble Literati board.
Roe and Wade are, of course, not there. Wherever could they be?
Proto rolls into the ring through the side that hasn't gotten caged in yet.
/Burnt/: Well, here he is. The biggest waste of skin in Wrassle [dot] Net.
/Davros/: Dude, I'm pretty sure you're supposed to hype these guys up.
/Burnt/: Bah.
/Davros/: Uh, okay folks! There's a thrilling game of Literati coming right up!
Intense Literature and Spelling Action!!! Dr A
Dr. A: Are you sure you haven�t finished constructing the ring yet?
Guy: No sir. We�re waiting on the bolts and the-
/Proto/: Stop stalling Dr. A� you�re stalling. Stalling isn�t nice! Nice like me. Have a Wowwiepop!
Dr. A: Get that the hell out of my face. Wait� wait� I�ve got it� here.
[c][a][t]
Dr. A: Ooooo� CAT, baby! On a triple word score� that was worth 9 points!!!
He gets up to do the Earnest Miller dance. No red shoes.
/Proto/: Hmm� lets see� well� I have 6 letters� [a]� [s]� [t]� [o]� [h]� [r]. Now. there is this [p] dangling down from [u][p]� which you spelled. And this [e] dangling from [b][e]� also one of your words.
Dr. A: Just quit now� you�re going down!
/Proto/: Uhh� okay� [c][a][t][a][s][t][r][o][p][h][e] � and I think that catches the same triple word score that you had, so that is worth� hmm� 178 points.
Dr. A: ****!
Dr. A slams the board, making the letter tiles fly everywhere.
/Proto/: Whoopsie! That gosh darn temper there doc� good thing I remember exactly where everything goes!
Dr. A: ARGH!!!! HURRY UP WITH THIS STINKING CAGE!
Dr. A reaches over for his metal pipe.
Boo. [You really want to read this.] Proto
Ten minutes later, and the Literati devastation is mercifully over. There's no point in posting about it ... it was humiliating. Trust me.
Proto leans back in his seat opposite Dr Abortion. The Doc is about to Pearl Harbor him when Proto speaks.
/Proto/: By the way, Doc, I heard your idea about using an invention of yours known as 'Evil Points'.
/Dr A/: Yeah. We get so many points for doing various evil deeds.
/Proto/: Oh, would you like a wowwipop?
/Dr A/: Well yeah. Damnit, what is it with you and these lollipops?
/Proto/: Glad you asked ...
Dr Abortion chews noisily on the lollipop.
Backstage ...
/Roe/: Ssssh.
/Wade/: Dude, we don't need to be quiet. Proto is out in the ring. He's not here.
/Roe/: Oh yeah.
The two midgets break into Prototype's locker room ...
Around the arena, people suck on the lollipops Proto handed out earlier.
As Roe and Wade start setting up booby traps all round Proto's locker room, Roe accidentally knocks over a bunch of Proto's knitting equipment.
/Roe/: S***!
/Wade/: Watch it, clumsy asshole.
Roe stares at what he's found underneath the balls of wool.
/Roe/: Dude ... check this out.
Back in the NGPW, the NC and the rest of the wrasslers there enjoy their lovely strawberry lollipops, from the many tubs of lollies Proto gave them all.
/Wade/: Why would Proto have a load of test tubes and a book on biological warfare?
/Roe/: And what the hell is THAT machine behind the tapestry?
Burnt and Davros enjoy the lollipops Proto gave them earlier.
/Wade/: 'Candy Maker 4000'. Now, what do you suppose he used that for?
/Roe/: I dunno. Damn these lollipops are good.
Wade looks at Roe.
/Wade/: You don't think ...
/Roe/: ... Uh oh.
Back in the ring ...
/Proto/: What is it with me and the lollipops?
/Dr A/ nibbling on the last bits of candy on the stick: Yeah.
As Proto starts to talk, Dr Abortion slowly picks up the lead pipe he's been concealing, and holds it behind his back.
/Proto/: You know what I did whilst I was deported?
/Dr A/: No. I don't care, either.
/Proto/: I went to Libya.
/Dr A/: So?
/Proto/: It's the home of biological terrorism. Say, do you want another wowwipop?
Proto offers Dr Abortion another delicious strawberry lollipop.
/Dr A/ (starting to understand): ... No.
In the background, Prototype's video plays. You really, REALLY want to wait for this to load. And watch the whole thing.
/Proto/: Every single lollipop I've given out has contained enough syphilis virus to infect a small town.
On the commentary table, Burnt and Davros spit out their lollipops.
Across the arena, the fans spit out their lollipops.
Back in the NGPW, Genocide, Barrister, Johnny XS, Vonvolver, Prachord, Martini and all the others spit out their lollipops.
Dr Abortion looks at the lolly stick still clutched in his brawny hand.
/Proto/: How many Evil Points do you suppose giving half of Wrassle [dot] Net syphilis is worth?
As Dr Abortion lunges at Proto with the pipe, Proto ducks, smacks Dr Abortion in the chin with the loaded tub of lollipops, and mounts a turnbuckle to the cataclysmic booing of the fans.
/Proto/: F*** you. F*** all of you!
The baddest motherf****er on the face of the goddamn f***ing Earth is BACK!
And Dr Abortion ... you get the honour of being the first on my s***list.
**** the Cage! Lets Fight! Dr A
�repeat his to make mine look longer�
/Proto/: The baddest mother****er on the face of the goddamn ***ing Earth is BACK!
And Dr Abortion ... you get the honour of being the first on my s***list.
Dr. A picks himself up off the mat while Proto displays his evil at the turnbuckle�
Dr. A: *pffft*� *pfffft*� Jesus, where the hell is my penicillin shot?!
Proto jumps down and turns back towards the doc.
Dr. A: OH YEAH� Mr. Proto� Sooooo surprising. Sure� maybe I didn�t know you�d give me syphilis� but every man here knew it was coming. Don�t try to win this because of a big twist! Everyone knew that twist was on it�s way. Prototype� not evil? HARDLY! And don�t you try to win this because of a cool entrance video either!
/Proto/: Well, that�s why you use flash vids. Douchebag.
Dr. A: Jesus man� now I�ve got syphilis in addition to scabies, how am I gonna-
*THUD*
Burnt: OH! OH MY! Proto just kicked Dr. A in the face while he was talking! And he�s charging forward� I don�t think that the cage is even half near construction yet� but Proto is already starting on the Doc� Davros, I think this match has begun!
Davros: *cough*cough*� water� need to wash my mouth out� *cough*cough*�
Proto picks the doc up and throws him into one side of the cage which as already been built. There Dr. Abortion�s face smashes against the caging, leaving a red pattern on his face as he is pulled off for a big ass clothesline.
Burnt: I don�t think we even have a referee yet� Or maybe we do, but the ref is getting vaccinated because of Prototype�s dastardly plot to trick us all with lollipops of plague!
Davros: Ughh� I feel itchy! Damn you Columbus and your syphilis!!!
Burnt: Dr. A is down on the ground� and it seems like some of the workmen are still at it� they may just be constructing the cage around Proto and Dr. Abortion
Look� someone just threw a ladder into the ring!!!
Dr. Abotion, laying there getting kicked by the SECOND most evil man in Wrassle[dot]Net, Prototype, sees the metal pipe within a foot or two of his arm�s reach� if only he can get it� he can take out Proto�s knees.
But can he?
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