Evil vs Evil


MOST EVIL MAN IN WRASSLE (official) ARRIVES! Dr A

The Sound of Trumpets and Applause�

The Sound of absolute indifference and apathy roars as Dr. Abortion kicks open the door to his TSOB locker room�

Dr. A: OH! Sweet room, how I miss thee ever since they changed the engine and I can�t get back to the playoffs! Welcome the MOST EVIL MAN in Wrassle[dot]Net back, baby!

Wade: Doc, number one� rooms cannot talk and do not care if you are back. Number two� what do you mean by engine? What is an engine? Why would it have anything to do with you getting here?

Dr. A: I mean the engine in my Ford Taurus� that piece of poo keeps breaking down. You�d think they�d give me a limo or something� I bet Vigilante got a limo. Yeah.

He grumbles to himself.

Roe: So� we�re here to beat Prototype and end a dispute that has been going on since the beginning of the year 2000� WHO IS� the most evil man in Wrassle?

Dr. A: Well yeah� only I wasn�t in Wrassle back then. So� you�re like� wrong. And stuff.



� I kill babies.

The sound of boos can be heard from the audience, watching the promo on the giant screen.

Wade: I think the audience is waiting for you Doc.

Dr. A: Well then� I�l just be real EVIL and keep them waiting! Mwahahaha!

The maniacal laughing annoys Roe and Wade. Who are midgets by the way. In case you didn�t know.

Dr. A: No. Just kidding. To the ring� NOW!!!!

Team Abortion dashes off to entertain the crowd.

And by that I mean �annoy� the crowd.


Dr. A: I will show the world that Proto is just the Diet Coke of evil!!!


Greetings, You Stupid Morons Dr A

Burnt: Well fans, the crowd is started to get excited� excited for Evil Versus Evil, that is. Can this follow up the intensity that was the Chevalier and SOV Feud?! What do you think Davros�

(talking on the phone)

Davros: No Icehawg! I didn�t know you were supposed to come up with something. So I did it myself.

Icehawg: [voice of all adults from �Peanuts� cartoons]

Davros: Okay� well then you tell me what the match is going to-

Burnt: That�s great Davros! Now, from what I understand, both Prototype and Dr. Abortion have been simultaneously claiming the title as the most evil man for over-

Burnt is Suddenly cut off by the sound of Mason Williams�s� no� not Jayson Williams�s� dramatic �Classical Gas.� And a hastily made, short flash video in the last hour.



Burnt: Well� the guys in the promo department sure have put up a nice-

The music is replaced by Bon Jovi�s BAD MEDICINE.

Out comes the Doc from DC on the Entrance Ramp, flanked by Roe and Wade�


Davros: No� look� I said connect me to production trailer!� damnit� are these batteries dead? Hello? �Can you hear me?

Dr. Abortion slides into the ring cockily and pulls a microphone out of his medical vest.

Dr. A: LADIES� GENTLEMEN� cardboard cut out fans to fill these patheticly empty seats� may I introduce myself?

I am Dr. Abortion. Now� this is the part where I do some really cheap heat and insult you all� but honest to God I am glad to be out of that hellhole Japan. Who�s stupid idea was it to move a fed there anyway?

Roe and Wade stand side by side with the doc� a few feet down. They have on shades, and look like bouncers at the Lollypop Guild Bar and Grille.

Dr. A: EVIL� what is� �evil?� Webster�s Dictionary says, *ahem*�
e�vil adj Middle English, from Old English yfel 1 : morally reprehensible : SINFUL, WICKED (an evil impulse) 2 : arising from actual or imputed bad character or conduct (a man of evil reputation).

Dr. A: That�s nice. But what truely is the essence of evil? Well, let me tell you. I am.

Evil is being a self-loving, self-indulgent, cocky, arrogant man. Evil is vanity and lust and greed and pride and hate. Evil is someone who does something morally repugnant. Like depriving babies of life!

The cardboard fans boo.

Dr. A: Sometimes I think to myself� do unborn fetuses� or is it fetusi? � have souls? And if so� do they go to heaven when they are terminated? Or do they go to hell for never being baptized... or finding whatever the true faith is. Limbo? Purgatory? These questions could absolutely drive both you and me crazy for the rest of our lives. So I ignore that question and ask a new one� Do you think babies taste good in barbeque sauce? I bet SPX does. Hahaha�

*rimshot*� Roe and Wade make the fake drum noise with their mouth... then kind of get offended a second later.

Dr. A: The point is� really man, my name is Dr. Abortion . No matter what Prototype does� he cannot be more evil than me. I kill babies� I always cheat to win� I hit people from behind... I have no friends, thats why I have never once been in a stable... I drug people with thorazine... I eat kittens... I� uhh�

Roe: -Have a drug problem.

Dr. A: Right. Thanks for reminding me. Drug problem. But it�s not illegal and therefore not against policy because I am a licensed doctor and prescribe myself anything. What else?

Wade: You tried and failed to take out your pregnant girlfriend.

Dr. A: Indeed. Ms. Contraceptive. Gee� how long ago did that pregnancy thing happen?

Roe: About 9 months ago.

Dr. A: Hmm� I wonder if I�m going to wrap that up some time soon. Anyway� I�m just aweful� and Prototype? Prototype? What is evil about Prototype?� �oOoOo� look at me� I run the BoD! OoooOooo� evil! They say naughty words there!�

�But no. Really. Whatever the stipulations of these 5 matches may be� I�ll take them. Just as long as we don�t have to play bootleg Scrabble or anything.

Wade: *psst*� doc� uhh� wait� just forget it.

Dr. A: Now� to any curious man out there who is maybe seeing me for the first time � you may not have caught on to this, but I am an abortion doctor. I�m very subtle about it. Now I can�t promise to steal the WrasslePalooza show here� all I can promise is this� Prototype is going down. But not quite down to hell� because there is no room for the both of us there. Because I am more evil� and I am�

The Doc from DC� I am the Maniacal Medic� I am the Practical Practitioner� and I am the Physician on a Mission�

And you are all goddamn Douchebags.

His music kicks on again� signaling the exit of this big bad baby butcher� for now�

He is about to put the mic down politely... and does. But then he stomps on it like 8 times... just to cost Wrassle another couple hundred bucks.


Davros: What a jerk!

Burnt: Yeah, I know, Dr. A is really-

Davros: NO. Ted from Accounting. He won't pick up the other line.


I can mop the floor with Chevalier vs SoV Dr A

�Team Abortion� � the dynamic trio of Dr. A, Roe and Wade, arrive back at their locker room after going to say hello to the fans.

Dr. A: Aww Haww haww�

Roe: Just what in the hell is your problem Dr. Abortion? Is something stuck in your throat?

Wade: Need a glass of water?

Dr. A: No, I�m showing everyone just how easy it is to impress people and have them come along and rave about how �unbelievable� a match is, and how you are being left behind by missing it. All you have to do is sound like a Frenchman and they�re all over-

Roe: -Now Dr. A, that last Wrasslepalooza match was great. Plus it�s just not all Froggie� It�s SoV too.

Dr. A: Oh please� Vig equals Assassin�s Guild. Assassins Guild equals suck. Not to mention Band of Brothers equals HBO miniseries. Who would name their stable after a TV show or Movie?

Dr. Abortion angrily stares at the Army of Darkness.

Wade: You need to show more respect for one of the great matches of our time because-

Dr. A: -blah, blah, blah! Say� who�s better � me or Chevalier? WHY, I DO DECLARE! I have beaten Chevalier in TWO Rewrites� and he is beat me in NONE. Two� None� Two� None. Chevalier cannot beat me. I am better than Chevalier.

Oh� what is this in my pocket� here?!� OH! And HERE TOO! Why� they seem to be transcripts of my two matches with Chevalier for the Dedication Title. And he seems to have beaten me a total of zero times!

�Plus Chevy loses because he has an aura around him that make the play-by-play and color man both do play-by-play. Very boring.

Wade: You�re fighting Prototype man� This is evil versus evil, BRO! Get Chevalier out of your head. It�s your jealously and lack of concentration is going to make you lose.

Dr. A: NO! I�m making a point here. And the point is� I am better than Chevy, the man can�t beat me. But no one will rave about this EVIL vs EVIL match, the longest awaited match in Cyberslam-Wrassle History being the show stealer. Why? Because�

Roe: -Icehawg is a Nazi?

Dr. A: No, that�s not quite what I was going for. But there is clearly a conspiracy and bias against me. It�s just no fair. *sniff*� things would have been different if Jebediah invited me into the Covenant� people would respect me then.

Roe: He said he only didn�t because he thought you were Al Bradd because you used Bon Jovi for your entrance music.

Dr. A: C�est la vie.

Wade: So� umm� doc� Is there anything else you�d like to say here? While you�re on the TSOB board and many are watching you? You know� something to go out to the whole of Wrassle?

Dr. A: Yes. No need to watch the next Wrasslepalooza match after mine. The Unification is pre-written already. Storm will either job to Angel Hunter�or� he�ll win but say that he wants wrassle to go Rounded Robin and not all out brawl, like is stipulated for his victory. That is all.

Roe: Wow, way to let down the fans, boss. Blow the whole thing!

Dr. A: < What can I say� I am� EVIL , you know. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Roe and Wade put their fingers in their little midget ears to block out the irritating maniacal laughter.

Wade: Geez� when is Prototype going to show up?

Roe: WHAT?!

Wade: I SAID� WHEN IS� oh� never mind, you�ve got your fingers in your ears.


The arrival of love. Proto

On TSOB-TV - all TSOB, all the time - Proto's wonderful new video plays. Hurray for the power of good!







Why is it playing? Not just because it rules, but also because Proto is here! Yes, the nicest guy around is here. To compete in a match do determine the most evil man in Wrassle [dot] Net.


As Proto's rusty, lime green Buick slews to a halt outside the TSOB arena, a kid runs over to grab Proto's bag. Protobably not to steal it, although you never know.



/Proto/: No, no, I can carry it myself. It's pretty heavy. I really wouldn't want to make you have to work on my account. Here, let me tip you anyway. And have a wowwipop!


Proto gives the kid a tip. And a lovely strawberry lollipop. See, Proto has been giving out lollipops to everyone. Lollipops = love. And Proto loves everyone.


/Kid/: Thanks! Mmm-mmm. These lollipops are great!


/Proto/: Be sure to brush your teeth afterwards!


Proto walks jauntily into the arena.


/Kid/: What a nice guy.


Yes he is.


I love you. [An interview with Prototype] Proto

Proto has just gotten to the arena. And now he's standing with Davros. Davros is the reporter for this, right? Well, he is know.


/Davros/: I'm here with former 'Most Evil Man In Wrassle', Prototype. But now he's a reformed character. Proto, why the change?


/Proto/: Well, sir, it's for two reasons. Number one, after being deported for the third time from the USA* ...


*(after using a toaster to whack a pregnant chick in the gut, and trying to make his tag partner get meningitis after they lost a title shot)



... I was issued an ultimatum by the wrassle [dot] net lawyers. I either had to clean up my act, or go and compete elsewhere. So I did.


/Davros/: And the second reason?


/Proto/: It's so much nicer being nice. Would you like a wowwipop?


/Davros/: Well ... I don't usually. Ah, sure. What the hey.


Davros takes a delicious strawberry lollipop.


/Davros/: So now you're here, competing with Dr Abortion in an 'Evil vs Evil' match. How can you possibly compete?


/Proto/: I signed the contract for this match before I became a better person. It wouldn't be right if I let down the fans, and so I'm still here.


/Davros/: But how the heck can you hope to beat Dr Abortion, now you're a nice guy?


/Proto/: Dr Abortion is a mean, cynical, nasty man. And although it's not my place to judge him, I don't like his actions. I'm hoping through love, hugs, giving, sharing and caring I can help him to realise that being Evil is not all it's cracked up to be.

I should know. After all, I used to be The Most Evil Man In Wrassle [dot] Net.


/Davros/: You certainly did. Prototype, thank you for your time.


Proto shakes Davros by his withered hand, and looks him deep in the eye.


/Proto/: No ... thank you.


Proto hugs Davros. Davros's little withered arms twitch and flail helplessly.


/Proto/: I gotta go and meet the fans! Later!


Proto runs jauntily off.


/Davros/: What a nice guy.


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