Let me start off with saying, I am 13 and will be 14 in a few months. Not like I'm saying spanking is wrong or anything just that it just doesn't work on some kids.

Like me for instance, I'm not bad or unruly, its just that I know how to NOT tick off my parents so they don't like, get all mad and junk. All when I was little my parents would spank me everytime I did something wrong but it never worked. It was never a "I better not do that again ro I'll get in trouble!" thing but more of a "Gosh What I did was stupid. I'll put that on my list of things to never do again"

So while my parents are thinking "Wow this is working!" all they were doing was making me wonder "Why the heck are they doing this to me?"

So before spanking a child you should really know, do they learn from looking back on a situation or do they learn from feeling and being in the situation, sort of "In the heat of the moment"

I really wish my parents would have left me alone and let me learn on my own. Some personality types like mine are just like that. Nothing works but their own thoughts on a situation.

Addressing this new age "Kids are always right"--or--"Don't dicipline and raise self esteem" is sort of stupid as well. Like putting your kid in fromt of a corner is going to settle them down and make them never ever do it again. Or taking away something they like is going to fix the problem. NO! All thats going to get you is an angry kid and even tho they say "everythings fine" everything isn't fine. They hold it all inside. Well, kids like me.

Anyway, in short of what I'm trying to say, the type of punishment should come after consideration of how they learn. Not every kid is the same.
 

My father died when I was 8. My mother, my four-year-old sister and I moved to the farm where my mother grew up. My widowed grandmother still lived there with my mother's younger brother Jeff, his wife and two daughters, ages 4 and 2. It was a big house and I had a room of my own.

I got plenty of affection and attention from the women but Uncle Jeff had little time for me, or anyone else, being something of a workaholic. He had a full-time job besides running the farm with the help of the women. He spent one week every year on a trip with his wife and daughters (and later, his sons) and he spent four days with me (and much later, his sons) toward the end of summer vacation every year on a camping and fishing trip. This was a tradition we had since before dad died. Dad, Uncle Jeff and I would go on a guys' outing. I loved these trips, even when it was just Uncle Jeff and me, but I still needed more male attention and, as it turned out, more male discipline.

I was mostly a good kid but I had the idea that chores were things to do only when I felt like it. Mom would yell at me and sometimes gave me an ineffective swat on the seat of my pants. Finally, about a year after we moved to the farm, Uncle Jeff warned me that he would punish me if I continued to forget chores. The non-specific threat scared me only enough to improve my behavior for a week. My uncle had to carry through with his threat.

We went to my room at bedtime. He sat on the chair in my room and told me to undress for bed. I had a good idea what was coming, although I only knew about spankings from stories and TV. To add to my misery, I knew that I deserved whatever Uncle Jeff was going to do to me.

I stripped to my undershorts, which is what I wore to bed. He had me come over to his right side, put a hand on my shoulder and explained to me why I was being punished. He asked me if I understood and I said I did and then he told me, "I'm doing this because I love you."

He had never told me he loved me before and, despite my anxiety, I was pleased to hear it.

He pulled my shorts down to my knees, pulled me across his lap and gave me a long, hard spanking, taking time between each whack so that I could feel each one. The pain was surprisingly intense and I was soon bawling. After it was over, he pulled up my shorts and hugged me for a long time until my sobbing subsided. Then he sat me on his lap and we had a long talk about why I was spanked, how I felt about being spanked and how I felt about anything I wanted to talk about.

I said I was sorry and promised to do my chores. He put me under my covers, kissed me on the cheek (something he had never done before) and again told me he loved me.

I did my chores after that but, being a normal boy, I did misbehave occasionally. Uncle Jeff spanked me three more times in a about a year and a half. He followed the same pattern as the first one.

I went for a time doing nothing to deserve a spanking until one day when I was 12, I didn't do chores. I had no good answer when Uncle Jeff asked why. "Do you want a spanking?" he asked. I was surprised to realize that I did and I made sure I got one by giving a smart aleck response.

After I stripped to my undershorts, I was embarrassed that I had an erection. My embarrassment grew as Uncle Jeff pulled my shorts down and pulled me across his lap, putting my erection against his thigh. He gave me the longest and hardest spanking yet. My erection went away and I forgot about it in my agony. We had a good long talk afterward, this time Uncle Jeff sitting next to me on my bed with his arm across my shoulders. I didn't mention that I had wanted the spanking and neither of us mentioned the erection.

I tried to avoid spankings after that, more from embarrassment at the idea of another erection than from fear of the pain. However, when I was not quite 14, I and two friends got caught sharing a bottle of stolen beer. I was not the one who stole it but I was still guilty for sharing. The other two got punishment with a belt at home, but I got another bare-bottom spanking across my uncle's lap with his hand. I was sobbing by time it was finished but I still had an erection, which was mortifying. I didn't have much to say during our talk afterwards. I sat there with my arms in my lap, just wanting to be alone.

I had a hard time looking my uncle in the eye for weeks after that. When we had our annual fishing trip, he finally got me to tell him what was wrong. He laughed and said that all boys my age got erections. I felt relieved and no longer ashamed.

That was my last spanking. I didn't behave perfectly after that but was never bad enough to earn more than a short grounding. Uncle Jeff went part-time at his job away from the farm so he could spend more time with his family, including me. We remain very close.

I have a wife, a three-year-old son and an 18-month-old daughter. We plan to have a large family. We agree the children will get bare-bottom spankings with the hand when they defy us or repeatedly break rules. After about the age of 10, they will get spankings only from the same-sex parent and they will not lie across our laps after that age. They will lie on their bed with pillows under their belly.

Something else we've decided, both of us will give each child plenty of affection and attention when they are being good so they will never consider wanting a spanking to get attention.
 

Well I have read your site and I think it is interesting. Well I thought I would give some feed back about when I was spanked. Well I was spanked when I was very little(3) until I was about 9 or 10. I was never smacked with anything but by dads hand and belt.I usual got spanked for something like I was told to do something and I did not do it. I was only spanked with my dads belt when I was like 7 to 9 or 10. I am 13 so I have not been punshed for 3 years. I don't know if spanking or getting grounded works better because I was spanked until I was 9 or 10 my parents thought I was too old for spankings and they grounded me for a month. And boy did I hate that. I have not been punshed since. well unless you call getting sent to your room because you insult the dinner. ( I am a picky eater )But when I am sent to my room I am alowed to do anything I pleas. I can call friend, watch TV , go on the computer ect. well the point is I don't know what worked better grounding me or spanking me because all of my being bad stopped after I was grounded once. So it could be that I did not like being grounded or I just grew up.( I have only been grounded once my whole life)Well I hoped this helps someone.
 

Hi,

I tried contacting Penny F., the author of one of your November 2004 postings as I am moving to the UK in August. Her e-mail has apparently changed. If you are Penny F. of the November 2004 posting, will you please give an update on your e-mail address? Thank you.

Regards, E(...)
 

I'm a 16 year old guy that wants to be spanked. I haven't been spanked since i was probably around 7, and my mom doesn't even dicipline me anymore. I'm not a little devil or anything, far from it. But on occasion I feel I need to be punished, and she doesn't do it. She thinks I'm too hard on myself. Even when I do do something she thinks is wrong, she won't punish me for it, she'll just be disappointed. I don't know what to do though. I've thought about asking her to spank me, but it would be way too awkward and embarassing seeing as we have a terrible relationship in the emotional department. I don't know what to do, and I hate feeling guilty. I try to give myself punishments, but I don't stick to them, and I don't know what else to do. Any advice would be helpful. Thank You.
 

Note: this letter is not anonymized on special request.

Hi my name is duane i live in colo my parents spanked until the age of twelve than they quit i am now seventeen i feel i need them to start spanking me a again. i read your website and it is very good i see a lot of teenagers are still spanked. i would like to know how to ask them to start spanking me again, as i have a lot of guilt of things that i have done. they ground me and i don t think that it works for me.it is not sexual i just think a good barebottom spanking will help me get over these guilt feeling. you can use my e/mail if you have any answers for me.i would like to hear from other teenagers who still get spanked. my e/mail is [email protected] hope to her from you or any other help i can get. thanks duane
 

Note: this letter is not anonymized on special request.

Dear SWL,

I am happy to share my name with the SWL community and would appreciate any feedback from other parents regarding our contribution.

We have found your website useful but felt that it would be important to know when and why parents should administer a spanking. For this reason we would like to share the rules we have set out for our children and the traditions we have developed.

Having these rules has been a very useful disciplining tool, which the kids understand and accept. We hope that this could be useful to other parents as well and hope that others would share their experience and feedback with us directly.

Based on our contribution and on further feed-back it would be possible to add a page to the website regarding possible rules and the reasons why/when it make sense to spank children

(See Family Agreements for that new page and the rules that were attached to this mail.)
 

Greetings:

I have made a recent discovery in my life. A good friend (as she will be refered to) feels that her home life punishments are not getting though to her the way she feels neccessary. This good friend as spoken to her gaurdians and asked them about their view of spanking her instead of other, more trivial punishments she faces. Her inquires to her parents have left them with little or nothing to say and she has run out of hope of ever getting her parents to change their methods for what she feels would be more effective punishments. By the means of thought and feeling, she has decided that spankings, rather than groundings would work on her to teach her a "point" as she says. Time and time again, her hints and suggestions have had little impact and she has barely had success of informing her parents of her ideas. Whether it was in her desperation or not, she has come to me with a very queer (not gay but unusual for all who dont know) request. She has asked me to take the place of where her parents would be and spank her in secret for things she has done and to also take the trivial punishment of her parents. Whether or not this is a fetish, I cannot say. But I cannot help to wonder whether or not this would be a correct course if it is not a fetish developed through her childhood. I ask mainly for advise on how to proceed. I did not give her any answer and told her that I would have to think about it. Should this request be a ruze used to fulfill a sexual fantisy, then I have little to worry about as far as your help would be concerned. But if not, I cannot help but think that I would not be an appropriate choice for such actions that would be better left to her parents. I have been thinking about this for a few days, but the use of good logic has not trained me to answer such a question. I came upon your site while in search of any others who could help me, and it appears you rank as my best choice of asking for advise and council in this matter. If you have any questions at all, please do not hesitate to ask. The sooner I come to some decision, the better.

Thank You
 

Note: this letter is not anonymized on special request.

well the first spanking i remember from my dad was when i was 7 years old i call my mom a BIT** and he mutplied my age 4 x and told me i would recive 28 spanks for calling my mom a bitch and he prayed with me and then he made it clear why i was getting a red bottom and proceeded to spank my butt after the spanking he said that he was sorry he gave me a hug and said i love you andhe saith that i would thank him later in life for the spankings that i got as a kid and he was right they were a good learning experiance for me and somtimes evean though i am twenty three years old i feel i still could use a spanking every now and again i know it sounds crazy but it helped me then why wouldent it help me now? please leave my email addy in tact
 

I am so thankful for your website.

I was spanked by my father up until I left the house at 21 years old. My father was big on insisting that I follow the rules and when broken I knew what was coming. My first spanking by my father wasn't until I was 15. I said something awful and he pulled me over his knee in a very public place and gave me my over the knee spanking of my life. I kicked and screamed as any bratty teenager would and he kept spanking away. In fact, the more I fought the harder he would spank me. Believe it or not, my father was king for a day. The adults in the area cheered him on for punishing such a bratty teen. As much as I was embarrassed and humiliated, I do admit that I deserved the spanking. And quite frankly, I should have been over his lap as a tantrum throwing 5 year old. I couldn't sit comfortably for the rest of the week. In fact, my father was still so angry with me that he would give me a strong swat on my bottom every day just to remind me of my disrespect for the head of the household.

After that I found myself over his knee with my skirt up and my panties down getting a much deserved tanning. For every year I got older, the longer the spanking and the implement would enhance. By the time I was 21, I was over my father's knee much to his pain receiving a child-like spanking with his father's belt. He would always tell me what every daughter has heard, "This is going to hurt me more than it is going to hurt you." I never believed that until then.

Since then I have grown into a very responsible and respectful woman. I have married a man who is also the head of the household. And my father gave him his belt for safe keeping. I plan on spanking our children when needed.

Thank you so much for your wonderful website.