| HOW TO BUY MILK |
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| Step 1: It is important that you have built up a thirst early in the day. I would say that between 1pm and 1.30pm is the optimum milk purchasing time, although any time of the day is a good time to buy milk! Clarity and vision are essential. Selecting the right shopping venue is a must, entering a greeting card store will just leave you thirsty and disappointed. Here we have selected SuperValu, a most excellent milk emporium. |
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| Step 2: Locating Milk This is where matters begin to take a sinister turn. It requires intelligence and the ability to read. If you can understand this then half the work is done. Reading the signs located above your head should lead you directly to the creamy goodness. The thing to remember is that nothing should stand between you and buying the milk. Don't get sidetracked. If someone has fallen and broken their leg, fuck them, they should have drunk more milk for stronger bones, don't make the same mistake. If a gangland war breaks out in the fruit and veg isle make your way swiftly to the milk section, select a cartoon of the finest and return to watch. |
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| Step 3: Selection Possibly the most mind fucking step of all. Which is the right milk for you? Take a second to ponder that question.......done? Have you made a decision? Its easy sitting there but think of the intense pressure you're under when confronted by many shelves of the golden white. Take 2 deep breaths, clear your head. It is important to regain your composure after the harrowing ordeal of actually making it to the dairy section. Our personal favourite is whole milk. Oooooh the cream. Choose wisely, stretch forth a steady hand and grasp. |