Brands
A woman is picked up in a bar by Dennis Rodman, the famous basketball player, known for the wildly changing color and style of his hair. They liked each other and the woman went back with him to his hotel room. He removed his shirt revealing all of his tattoos and she saw that on his right arm was a tattoo which said, "Reebok". She thought that was a bit odd and asked him about it. Rodman responded, "When I play basketball, the cameras pick up the tattoo and Reebok pays me for advertisement." A bit later, his pants came off and she sees "Puma" tattooed on his leg. He gave the same explanation for the unusual tattoo. Finally, his underwear came off and the woman screamed and ran to the corner of the room. Rodman said, What's wrong?" The woman remained quiet and just pointed at the tattoo on his penis which read "AIDS". Finally she said, "I'm not going to do it with a guy who has AIDS!" He said, "It's cool baby, don't worry, in a minute, when it gets hard, it's going to say ADIDAS".(AV)
My Elbow
A grandmother is giving directions
to her grown grandson, who is coming to visit with his wife:
"You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment
14T. There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T. I will
buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your
elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my
doorbell".
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my
elbow?"
"You're coming empty handed"?
The
Cowboy and the Preacher
One
Sunday a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw
that
he and the preacher were the only ones present.
The
preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead
and
preach.
The
cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed
my
cattle and only one showed up, I'd feed him."
So
the minister began his sermon.
One
hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours.
The
preacher finally finished and came down to ask the
cowboy
how he liked the sermon.
The
cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I'm not very smart, but
if
I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure
wouldn't
feed him all the hay."
The water board please...
C= Caller and O = Operator
C: The water board please.
O: Which department?
C: Tap water
O: How are you spelling that?
C: With letters.
Ketchup with that?
An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his
new territory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and
before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties
all over the carpet.
He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning this up,
I'll eat every chunk of it."
She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?"
The salesman says, "Why do you ask?"
She says, "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on
yet."
Mark 17
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."
Rules of the
Air
** Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
** If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick
back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way
back, then they get bigger again.
** Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.
** It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there
wishing you were down here.
** The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
** The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot
cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.
** When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the
sky.
** A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is
one after which they can use the plane again.
** Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of
them yourself.
** You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to
the ramp.
** The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of
arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.
** Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five
minutes earlier.
** Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be
another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report
that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.
** Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of
take offs you've made.
Teeing up?
It was a sunny Saturday morning, just perfect for golf, and Murray was
beginning his pre-swing routine, visualizing his upcoming shot, when a voice
came over the clubhouse loudspeaker.
"Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee back up to the men's tee,
please!"
Murray was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption.
Again the announcement - "Would the MAN on the WOMEN'S tee kindly back up
to the men's tee!"
That was too much for Murray. He broke his stance, lowered his club back to the
ground and raised his voice.
"Would the announcer in the clubhouse kindly be quiet and let me play my
second shot?"
Just a dumb bird?
A
burglar was cruising through a posh suburb looking for a target of opportunity.
At one house he saw a truck unloading a big screen television, stereo, and video
outfit. All the gear had to cost thousands of dollars. He made a mental note and
went on his way.
The next day he was back in the same neighborhood. When he drove past the house
with all the goodies, he saw an elderly couple loading suitcases into the trunk
of their car. He could hardly wait.
That night, without a moon in the sky and a heavy fog, he drove up to the house.
He rang the doorbell and when no one answered, broke the lock on the kitchen
door and went in.
It was pitch black inside as he made his way through the kitchen, then the
dining room and into the den where he expected to find the things he wanted to
steal.
"I see you and Jesus sees you," a voice said.
The burglar froze in his tracks.
"I see you and Jesus sees you," the voice said again.
When nothing more happened, the burglar took out his flashlight and shinned it
in the direction of the voice. All he saw was a parrot on its perch.
"I see you and Jesus sees you."
The burglar laughed.
"Just a dumb bird," he said.
The burglar closed the drapes before turning on a lamp and that's when he saw a
big and mean looking Doberman pinscher sitting beneath the parrot's perch.
"Sic him, Jesus!" the parrot said.
The Littlest Firefighter:
The 26-year-old mother stared down at her son who was dying of terminal leukemia. Although her heart was filled with sadness, she also had a strong feeling of determination. Like any parent she wanted her son to grow up and fulfill all his dreams. Now that was no longer possible. The leukemia would see to that. But she still wanted her son's dreams to come true. She took her son's hand and asked, "Billy, did you ever think about what you wanted to be once you grew up? Did you ever dream and wish what you would do with your life?" "Mommy, I always wanted to be a fireman when I grew up." Mom smiled back and said, "Let's see if we can make your wish come true." Later that day she went to her local fire department in Phoenix, Arizona, where she met Fireman Bob, who had a heart as big as Phoenix.She explained her son's final wish and asked if it might be possible to give her six year old son a ride around the block on a fire engine. Fireman Bob said, "Look, we can do better than that. If you'll have your son ready at seven o'clock Wednesday morning, we'll make him an honorary fireman for the whole day. He can come down to the fire station, eat with us, go out on all the fire calls, the whole nine yards! "And if you'll give us his sizes, we'll get a real fire uniform for him, with a real fire hat -- not a toy one -- with the emblem of the Phoenix Fire Department on it, a yellow slicker like we wear and rubber boots. They're all manufactured right here in Phoenix, so we can get them fast." Three days later Fireman Bob picked up Billy, dressed him in his fire uniform and escorted him from his hospital bed to the waiting hook and ladder truck. Billy got to sit on the back of the truck and help steer it back to the fire station. He was in heaven. There were three fire calls in Phoenix that day and Billy got to go out on all three calls. He rode in the different fire engines, the paramedic's van, and even the fire chief's car. He was also videotaped for the local news program. Having his dream come true, with all the love and attention that was lavished upon him, so deeply touched Billy that he lived three months longer than any doctor thought possible. One night all of his vital signs began to drop dramatically and the head nurse, who believed in the hospice concept that no one should die alone, began to call the family members to the hospital. Then she remembered the day Billy had spent as a fireman, so she called the Fire Chief and asked if it would be possible to send a fireman in uniform to the hospital to be with Billy as he made his transition. The chief replied, "We can do better than that. We'll be there in five minutes. Will you please do me a favor? When you hear the sirens screaming and see the lights flashing, will you announce over the PA system that there is not a fire? It's just the fire department coming to see one of its finest members one more time. And will you open the window to his room? About five minutes later a hook and ladder truck arrived at the hospital, extended its ladder up to Billy's third floor open window and 16 firefighters climbed up the ladder into Billy's room. With his mother's permission, they hugged him and held him and told him how much they loved him. With his dying breath, Billy looked up at the fire chief and said, "Chief, am I really a fireman now?" "Billy, you are," the chief said. With those words, Billy smiled and closed his eyes one last time. My instructions were to send this to four people that I wanted God to bless and I picked you. Please pass this to four people you want to be blessed as well as the person who sent it to you. This prayer is powerful and there is nothing attached, please do not break this pattern; prayer is one of the best gifts we receive. There is no cost but a lot of rewards, let's continue to pray for one another. God bless and have a nice day! Father, I ask you to bless my friends, relatives and email buddies reading this right now. Show them a new revelation of your love and power. Holy Spirit, I ask you to minister to their spirit at this very moment. Where there is pain, give them your peace and mercy. Where there is self doubt, release a renewed confidence through your grace, Amen." Continue to be blessed...because I am, (Alipate)
Adios Erap Jokes!
Good News: Erap is no longer a
president.
Bad News: He would be happy to
get another government post-Chief PAGCOR!
GAMBLING FATHER
Who art in jueteng
hakot be thy name
thy kickback come
thy wealth be done,
in Wack-Wack as it is in San Juan.
Give me this day
My daily bribe
And conceal all my sins
As I conceal
those who sin along with me
And if I am Lead into temptation
Deliver me from criticism
For mine is the country,
its power, and its money
forever and ever
Amen.
response:
Aba Ginoong Estrada
Napupuno ka ng kwarta
Ang panginoon ng jueteng ay sumasaiyo
Bukod kang pinagpala sa lahat ng bobo
At pinagpala ka naman ng kay raming
kulasisi mo.
*********************
Erap's Mi ultimo Adios
Mi parte de jueteng wala na.
Mis compadres y lords nabuking na.
Los mansiones de mis queridas
ini-imbistiga
Mis amigos de la Camara el ultimo
pagasa.
********************
In a cabinet meeting…
Erap (galit na galit) There have been
a lot of allegation these days, and I would like to know who the ALLIGATORS are!
********************
IQ check…
Q: Why cant ERAP resign?
A: Because that would be one
intelligent thing to do.
*******************
PAL pilot before landing: Mr
President, we have begun our descent to NAIA. Please fasten your zipper and
return "Weng" to her upright position.
*********************
Q: Kung ang tawag kay Marcos ay
diktador, ano kay Erap?
A: Eh, di kubrador.
*********************
Reporter: Mr President, how do you
keep your women happy?
Erap: Pa sing sing lang yan. Konting
romansing and a lot of housing.
********************
Nasa simbahan ka.
Pagtingin mo sa tabi mo for the Sign
of Peace ay si Erap pala. Ano ang gagawin mo?
Magpakatotoo ka. Ngumiti ka at
sabihin mo. "Impeach be with you".
********************
Q: Why is the Philippines a banana
republic?
A: Because it has a sagging economy
and a monkey for a president.
(Bob Roa)
Just One Word
Two sisters inherit
the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial
trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to
purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
The one sister balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out
west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.
Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy
the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does
want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After
paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell
her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram
to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to
hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it
home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds,
"It's just 99 cents a word."
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes
that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.
After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send
her the word, 'comfortable.'"
The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that
you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to
haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable'?"
The sister explains, "She'll read it very slow."
Monday,
January 15, 2001
Final Exam
It was the final
examination for an introductory English course at the local university. Like
many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having
over 700 students in the class!
The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The
professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his
desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail.
1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an
exam booklet.
"You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor stated
sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet.
"Yes I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began
writing.
After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up
and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing.
1/2 hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his
desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of
exam booklets already there.
"No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late."
The student looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know WHO I am?"
"No, as a matter of fact I don't," replied the professor with an air
of sarcasm in his voice.
"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" the student asked again.
"No, and I don't care." replied the professor with an air of
superiority.
"Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed
exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.
Password
A
woman is helping her computer-illiterate husband set up his computer.
She
instructs him to choose and enter a password he wants to use when logging
on.
The
husband, in a rather amorous mood, figures he will try for a shock effect to
bring his mood to his wife's attention.
When the computer asks him to enter his password, he makes it plainly obvious to his wife
that
he is keying in "PENIS"...
His wife nearly falls off her chair from laughing so hard when the
computer
replies:
***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH. ***
***
PLEASE TRY A NEW ONE. ***
Story about Parrots
This lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I inherited these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?", the priest asked. "They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'." "That's terrible!", the priest exclaimed. "I do have a solution to your problem. Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I have taught to pray and read the Bible, then my parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship." "Thank you." said the lady. So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady put her female talking parrots in with the male talking parrots and the female parrots said, "Hi, we're prostitutes! Do you want to have some fun?" One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and screams, "Put your Bible away Frank, our prayers have been answered!!"
The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
Contributed by Alipate Vosaicake (Fiji)
Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills
Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them
Good: Your son studies a lot in his room
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there
Ugly: You're in them
Good: Your husband understands fashion
Bad: He's a cross-dresser
Ugly: He looks better than you
Good: Your son's finally maturing
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door
Ugly: So are you
Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter
Bad: She keeps interrupting
Ugly: With corrections
Good: Your daughter got a new job
Bad: As a hooker
Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients
Way ugly: She makes more money than you do
Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: It's triplets
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.
One day The Lord came to
Adam to pass on some news.
"I've got some good news and some bad news", The Lord said.
Adam looked at The Lord and said, "Well, give me the good news first."
Smiling, The Lord explained, "I've got two new organs for you, one is
called a brain. It will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things, and
have intelligent conversations with Eve."
"The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will allow you to
reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Eve will be
very happy that you now have this organ to give her children."
Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts you have given to me.
What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"
The Lord looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, "The bad news is that
when I created you, I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs
at a time."
The Fairy
A couple had been married for 25 years and had also just celebrated their 60th birthdays.
During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife wanted to travel around the world.
The fairy waved her wand and poof...
She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said, "Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy picked up her wand and poof...
He was 90...
All men are bastards but at least the fairies are on our side……
Don't you just love it????
Chapter VIII
“A la Holiday Inn”
Keeping
the days going especially for a long year mission as mine takes a simple
formula. Although initially it was very interesting but ultimately has become an
agony. In my one year
mission here, the office regimen starts with the mess hall called “Crocodile
Alley” just across the Hq and within the Kobe Camp where long sleepless nights
are not uncommon. When reality is
itself a deprivation, we can only help ourselves by pure imaginings. It goes for
the food and even with S…Take a look at the great ordeal.
Just
a sampling of the daily menu. Note this was still the time when it was being run
by Filipino cooks. Sometime in June
2001 when Filipinos started managing the chef up to 1st week of
January 2001. It was subsequently
turned over to Eurest, a UN concessionaire.
The menu looks and even taste good, but it has never been always a
guarantee. It has never changed for
the better though.
10 November 2000
Quote
of the Day
Live
each day as if there is no tomorrow.
BREAKFAST
Frankfurt,
Pancake, Bread, Pouch Egg/Fried, Fried Rice, Salted noodles, Cured Pork ,
Yoghurt, CMJ (Chocolate/Milk/Juice)
LUNCH
Plain
Rice, Roast Beef, Fish-Florentine, Sweet Corn, Cold Cuts, Buttered
Broccoli/Cauliflower Hollandaise, Spaghetti, Vegetable Salad, Mushroom Soup,
Fruit Cocktail Salad
DINNER
Plain
Rice, Chicken Breast/Aloha, Pizza Pie with mushroom/pineapple/Beef, Buttered
Yellow Beans, Mixed Vegetable, Cocktail Onions, Buttered Corn, Oxtail Soup, Cold
Cuts, Chocolate Cake
07 November 2000
Quote
of the Day
Innovation
is something that criticizes the old but makes use its wisdom onward.
BREAKFAST
Fried
Rice, Plain/Buttered Bread, Buttered Fresh Corn, Cold Cuts, Sausages, Spicy Tuna
Omelet, Scrambled Eggs with Onion and Tomato, Whole Tomato, CMJ (Choco/Milk/Juice),
Yoghurt
LUNCH
Rice,
Goat Caldereta (Spicy), Liver with Sagi, Ground Beef with Potato, Hamburger
Sandwich, Sautéed Carrots, Cabbage; Cauliflower, Baked Pumpkin, Coleslaw, Slice
Tomato, Mushroom Soup, Pineapple
DINNER
Rice,
Roast Chicken, Buttered Fish, Boiled Potato, Mushroom in Garlic Sauce, Tuna
Green Pea Salad, Mint Carrots, Buttered Broccoli with Asparagus, Oxtail Soup,
Pears
06 November 2000
Quote
of the Day
It
is better to free one hundred convicts than putting to jail an innocent
man.
BREAKFAST
Bacon,
Mashed Potato, Pouched Eggs, Fried Eggs, Cured Pork, Pancake, Baked Beans, Bread
Automatic,Yoghurt , Choco/Milk/Juice
LUNCH
Plain
Rice, Lamb, Chicken Adobo, Fish Fillet, Buttered Broccoli, Minced Carrots, Lasagne,
Vegetable Salad, Onion Soup, Fruits
DINNER
Nasi
Goreng/PlainRice, Buttered Fish, Beef Tips Oriental, Boiled Potato, Buttered
Asparagus, Mixed
Vegetables, Egg Salad, Beef
Sausages, Sautéed Green Beans with Beef, Mushroom Soup, Cake
01 November 2000
Quote
of the Day
Remembering
the departed gives you direction on what you can achieve that they have
failed.
BREAKFAST
Plain
Rice, Baked Beans, Fish Fingers, Pork Luncheon Meat, Bread, Automatic/Buttered,
Egg Automatic, Fresh Corn, Pancakes, Chocolate/Milk/Juice
LUNCH
Plain
Rice, Spaghetti, Chicken ala King, Breaded Fish, Coleslaw, Buttered
Cauliflower/Asparagus, Sliced Vegetable, Glazed Sweet Potato, Banana Pudding,
Onion Soup, Ice Cream
DINNER
Plain Rice Boiled Potato, Beef, Goat Caldereta, Green Beans Guisado, Fresh Tuna Salad, Buttered Corn Kernel, Macaroni Soup Cake
29 OCTOBER 2000
Quote
of the Day
Think
about life, think about your future. In short, think about the children who will
run your nation's future.
BREAKFAST
Fried
Rice, Fish Fingers, Fresh Corn (Buttered), Honey Soy
Noodles, Bread Automatic, Egg Automatic, Pepperoni Omelet, Chocolate/Milk/Juice
LUNCH
Baked
Macaroni, Steak (Phil. Style), Liver with Sagi, Sliced Vegetables, Sautéed
Zuchini with Beef, Mushroom in Garlic Sauce, Clubhouse Sandwich, Look and Sweet
Potato Soup, Pineapple
DINNER
Chicken,
Pizza Pie, Plain Rice, Spaghetti, Toasted Bread, Cauliflower, Sautéed Cabbage
with Beef, Mushroom Soup, Caramel Pudding, Pears
29 OCTOBER 2000 (Sunday)
BREAKFAST
Egg
Automatic, Scrambled Egg, Oatmeal, Sausages, Pork Luncheon Meat, Potato Bread,
Pandesal, Yogurt, Bread Automatic
LUNCH
Lamb,
Chili Con Carne, Baked Potato, Plain Rice, Sautéed Succhine? of Pork, Sliced
Fresh Vegetables, Cold Cuts, Beef Clear Soup, Radish Salad, Cake, Ice Cream
DINNER
Pork,
Chicken Casserole, Buttered Broccoli, Rice/Nasi Goreng, Baked Macaroni, Glazed
Sweet Potato, Fresh Tuna Salad, Chapati with Kadhai Peas, Onion Soup, Sweet
Melon
Quote of the Day
"The farther back you can look,
the farther forward you are likely to see."
28 OCTOBER 2000
BREAKFAST
Oatmeal
Cake, Baked Beans, Beef Omelet, Eggs Automatic, Bread Automatic, Mashed Potato,
Fish Fingers, Cold Cuts, Pancakes,
LUNCH
Beef
Oriental, Fish Kilawin, Chicken Curry, Spaghetti, Minced Carrots, Bamboo Shoot ,
Lumpia Sariwa, Plain Rice, Clubhouse Sandwich, Egg Thread Soup, Austrian Salad,
Orange
DINNER
Steak
Diane, Plain Rice, Fish in Tangy Sauce, Cream Bean Soup, Baked Potato, Stuffed
Mushroom, Cake, Mixed Vegetables, Tomato Cheese Casserole, Fiesta Fruit Salad
Chapter IX
“Small (world) is beautiful”
Boredom is just
one sure way of failing yourself in the mission. One can just walk to and from
the PKF Hqs just across the KOBE accommodation. It’s not that
far but just enough for one to have
a brisk walk. On the street up to
early evening from sun up, there children and locals just hanging around at the
gate of the Kobe Camp selling a VCD or just
about anything. I have
perfected somehow as I cross the street saying
Bon Dia (Good Morning), Bo Tarde (Good Afternoon) or Bo Noite (Good
Evening). I really have to make it
sure that both sides are clear from any speeding freak.
The $50T UN insurance is a
windfall but no thanks I might not even have the chance to enjoy it.
The habit of
going to and fro, sometimes in a lazy motion and sometimes in a snappy stride
has almost become automatic for the year round. There is not much to enjoy even after working hours.
Practically, there’s nothing to do except to hold up and lock out
myself either reading my law books
inside my room at G-6 or
stay even past midnight at the office whiling away the time at least
comfortably inside an air-conditioned room. Watching television in my room or at the office is not a
luxury to get one’s nerve relaxed
but it is still part of the job monitoring
what’s has been new in the news lately.
The computer has
always been my friendly companion. It’s partly job related and just a bit of
personal curiosity browsing on the
internet which is easily accessible
and free. I must be lucky like everyone else to
get on the internet free. Unlike back home, I had to pay about $25 for 30
hours web-time. This is good though
to keep everyone else busy in front of the PC.
I do join my
friends for a drink or two but only rarely. And if I do, I still have to log-in
in the office to keep me sober before going to bed. There are only few places to spend time with the drinking
buddies but they do have their own world of fun playing “mahjong”.
The beer is cheap at the Dengue Bar where most Australians hang around.
Chief Plans Lt. Col. Carlos Quita and his “mistah” Maj. Rasky with
the rest of us Filipino staffs at PKF find ourselves playing the guitar and
singing once in awhile.
Have you been to
Obrigado Barak? I initially thought
until after three months that such name is not referring to a barracks after
all. It means “Thank You Very
Much” in Tetum. We also had our
goodtimes right there singing with the Fijians. They are a bunch of nice and
happy people that one can easily get along with. There was my roommate named
Alpeit Vosaycake who is also a captain. He too is a jolly-good-fellow but I
never heard of him after he left the mission in December. My longtime roommate
now Is Major Pedro Ancanan who prefers to be called Joey. He had to switch rooms
with my roommate Fijian because he had sleeping problems for a week. He had to
do it since he said it was too hard for him to be
with another roommate who
was not a Filipino. He just
couldn’t have last speaking a foreign language without breaking his jaw. You just can imagine when two people would be talking all the
while with a language not their native tongue.
What else do you
think where everyone goes during weekends? The beach, others call it the stone
beach. The water is not so sprite and clear especially after a low tide in the
day. But there’s nothing to go
to. We have been to Liquicia beach
westward or Manatuto in the eastward. Others
may just hide themselves just
below the Christ statue in Dili. When we arrived in Dili, we were told not to
go there because there was one Bangladesh soldier who died from shrapnel while
trying to clear an unexploded ordnance in that area. His name was Corporal Aziz
who in his memory a bailey bridge was named after him. This was personally
inaugurated by the SRSG Sergio de Melo. But
lately, the international baywatch club find the place
just perfect for sunbathing.
But the
easiest and even cheapest way to pass
the time is a jog passing by the street corners and along the water front
way passed the Force Commander’s quarters. Until lately, it has also become
dangerous because of some rowdy gangs who may caught up on you with stones or
knives. Even a civilian police was
victimized in that area while jogging.
But during
weekends, our group would always find someone inviting us.
We have Filipino friends who are civilian staffs and more often, they too
are delighted to be with other
Filipinos in the mission. There is
the Imotin group. I can only remember Tony and Don and the rest of them.
There is the Erwin group in
the house of Erwin himself, Gene and Ely. The
latter group is different from the other not in terms of hospitality but more in
terms of professional pride. Our group finds no difference or it may not matter
at all.
Once in awhile,
it may even be nice to go to Darwin. There
are also good Filipinos who are
accommodating and ready to show us
around. But watch out, there was
one hustler who may not have her right conscience to dupe anyone on her way. The
feeling of being out of the country is felt in Darwin.
But they say, you haven’t seen Australia if you were only in Darwin.
The longer you stay in Darwin, the dragging the days are passing also.
It’s quite expensive though with room rents or just fastfood meals.
Sometimes, the Grand Casino
is too alluring to be irresistible. I had also my winnings but just a few bucks
but generally it will squeeze your budget.
I’ve been to a
place called “The Mall” right at CBD (City Business District), the downtown
they knew. There is a “Disco
Jam” where one can see it jampacked every night with teen and oldies alike
playing pool in one room or doing the dirty dancing on top of the tables with a
good cold pitcher of cheap beer and a perfect beat that sends the heart
throbbing and the walls shaking. The
interior and setup is just so ordinary with dancing lights and a warehouse type
ambiance. No inhibitions though for everyone, just simply fun. Did I miss out
something a nice place for other form
excitements? “Sinsation”, that’s for sure.
You know where that is. The
truth is, if you have seen one, you’ve seen them all.
Chapter X
“For the heck of it”
At the rate of 1
to 10, I consider my stay in this
mission 11. It’s not of any
vanity whatsoever. It’s just the truest assessment that can do justice with
the long absence I had with my family. When
I left my country, my youngest was just about learning how to walk and say
“dada”. Now, she can run that
you can hardly catch her. It’s wonderful, she now can do so many tricks that
can be so amusing. My wife was just
learning how to drive but now she can drive you crazy all the more. I am a
diehard optimist. I knew that she
can be dependable. But she said, it’s been a horrible experience. But it made
good one thing of her. My young
wife just learned life the hardway
and I give her a rate of 12. She is complaining now, but it’s too late. I’m going home
to see once again my family in just about a week from now.
It’s good to be
in the United Nations peacekeeping mission.
The chance to meet different people with varied culture and experience,
the different ways of doing things and sort of is unlimited.
There was this
“Filipino Night with Friends” in East Timor.
It came about as an offshoot from
a core group of drinking buddies who realized the idea of getting all acts
together to put up a cultural show to raise funds to benefit a benevolent
project. It was Don Ramirez and
Sir Caloy with of course the prodding from us and some committed Filipino
civilian staffs like Ate Betty. By
this, I had the opportunity to help in putting up the show from
the brainstorming to conceptualization. Printing
out the tickets which is most important and
making out the invitations. Others had their respective role from stage
design which came out very perfect, thanks to Erwin.
It was a great team effort of Filipinos who are out of their country
doing something good for the people of East Timor, at the same time bringing up
the culture and heritage of Filipinos to the international community in the
mission. I was together with Joy
Cabal the master of ceremony during
that one hell of a show which others called “the mother of all shows” in
East Timor. It was on February 17, 2001 when the Filipino community in this
mission had conquered practically the world.
With the success
of the aforementioned show, a follow through came about on May 12, 2001.
This time, it was called “A Night in Asia” with the same objective of
raising funds for a cause. It then involved most
of the countries in Southeast Asia and South Asia, and including China.
The show presented some 8 numbers from China, Malaysia, Thailand, Cambodia,
Nepal, Sri Lanka, Vietnam, Bangladesh, Pakistan, Philippines and East Timor.
Xanana Gusmao, the future president of East
Timor was there with his wife and kid. I
too was an emcee again with Jane from Malaysia and Raza from Pakistan.
It was another long-remembered show where the Asian culture of so many
was captured in one quick night of
entertainment at the UN Club House. You can just imagine how different
nations can work together through their own people who take pride of each
others heritage.
Another show that
I became a part with was the celebration of
Philippine Independence in East Timor at the Kampo Filipino on June 12, 2001, as
an emcee again with Ate Lilian. Initially,
the table amenities were perfectly set-up, the buffet was
adorned with plenty of choices and fruits. It was like a garden feast complete with flower arrangements
and a matching candle and table cloth. But it rained. The good preparation was nearly drained but the invited
guests like Major General Roger Powell, Deputy Force Commander of PKF and
other international guests
patiently waited and stood their ground with umbrellas and almost anything to
insulate themselves from. It became
slippery when wet, a type of start that gave way to another
enjoyable evening of food and entertainment.
We had the Filipino Community in Darwin led by
Vilma Stinton with their sons and daughters professionally performing the
different songs and dances of the Philippines with
entirely Filipino costume and even hi-tech fogging machine.
Something of that type that you can compare equally
with an opera. It was
another long evening to remember and surely enjoyed very well by the
international community.
Lt.
Col. Carlos Quita in a daily banquet at Crocodile Alley
Chapter XI
“Snafu
which is not uncommon”
I missed the
flight this morning ( 14 Aug). I was supposed to go with the Force Commander for
a flight to Gleno on the first leg of his farewell visits to the sectors.
It was a 7:30 flight at the heleport but I took it as between 7:30 and
8:00 a.m. as what appears on the timings. Nevertheless, I could link up with
them at 9 a.m. for a visit to the areas accessible by land. It will be a whole
day. I’ve been to Gleno also with the Force Commander in his
first visit right there in December. We
even went up to Atsabe, a highland of cool breeze and very traditional people.
We were greeted by about 200 mountain
people and the FC was really
treated like a King with a group of young dancers
dressed in a very traditional attire in beautiful colors as we walked
through between parallel lines of people alongside the road.
We were led by the dancers inside a fenced compound that used to be a
fortress. It’s now
being occupied by one platoon of the Kenyan Company as its observation
post.
There are similar
snafus I had during the mission. Another
was during my first two months of the job.
Since my boss then Lt. Col. Brynjar Nymo was on his last leave, I had
moments of acting as spokesman by attending the bi-weekly presscon at the
GPA. In the succeeding presscons, I
was asked of an issue regarding the Falintil, the victorious freedom fighters of
East Timor. It was in connection
with an encounter with some suspected militias by the Portuguese Battalion at
Same area whereby one militia was killed. The question was if the
Falintil are allowed to join patrols of the peacekeepers, if they also carry
firearms, and if they also fire at the militia.
I responded
safely by a statement that they are allowed to join patrols to a certain extent
as only guides and that they
are not allowed to carry weapons nor could they also shoot. This was the prevailing SOP on a limited usage of the
Falintil in reconnaissance patrols
with only administrative functions but not a tactical one. But, I sensed something else was going, the more I denied
their involvement. I
thought to myself, they might have seen a video tape shown earlier by the
Portuguese in the morning brief. But
I said, the showing was very confidential and was limited to only PKF staffs and
besides, I never saw any Falintil firing a machine gun.
I was asked if I’ve seen the tape which I positively replied. But still
I had to deny the participation of the Falintil to an extent.
They soon told me that the tape was shown to them by someone from the
Portuguese side.
It might be that
eager beaver that somebody had the
good intention of showing the video tape to the reporters earlier in the
conference. So I had to call on
Capt. Pedro Diaz after the presscon why was it shown without telling us at the
headquarters. But it already happened.
It was queer that I kept on denying a Falintil firing a machine gun only
to find out that the Falintil had the same
uniform as the Portuguese peacekeepers. I told Capt. Diaz that if
anything that comes out to the media he too must inform us at the PI office in
order to have coordinated actions and thematic messages.
As an off shoot of this incident, our
office came out with a specific policy guidance which was contained in an SOP
signed by the Force Commander outlining the
rules on releasing information to the media. It was made clear that any release
must be cleared by us in the PI headquarters.
I never had other
snafus that I can think of. The
first release of the latest TNI
issue at the border pertaining to the 28th Jul incident was not a
snafu. I was taking a nap inside my room. Since it was a Saturday I didn’t
have any intention to go the office. But the phone rang, they needed me at the
operations center. It was 2 p.m. I had to cut short my comfort.
I had the complete facts contained in the series of situation reports
from Sector West headquarters. I
was briefed by Lt. Col Goltz, the Australian Chief of Operations of the PKF. I
had to call on Capt. Tom Craig, the PI down Sector West. But he said, he is
coming out with a statement to sent to me in 30 minutes.
I had to wait up to 5:30 p.m. I couldn’t. After I was done with the
draft, I had it checked by the Military Adviser to FC Lt. Col. Declan Hayes
but just in time when the FC
was getting out of the office. Col. Hayes didn’t see any problem. I had to
show to Col. Goltz once more and I told him
it was okayed by the MA. Rushing back in front of the computer, there was
Capt. Wuttichai, the Thai PI whom I asked if anything has come out yet on the
e-mail. He said, none.
When I was
sending the release out through the e-mail, the Lotus notes popped out a message
“can’t send out message, not enough data base” or something to that
effect. I tried it sending many
times, but the same response greeted me. I also furnish a copy to my e-mail so
that at least I can check if it was really sent out to the world.
At eight o’clock, I opened my e-mail with about 50 times or so
containing the release which I thought failed to send many times. It was
Saturday.
It was normal yet
on Sunday morning. Initially the release didn’t carry the dead TNI soldier
because I myself was not aware nor
was informed that it was a miss shot during the exchange of fire.
I didn’t know the information until
Sunday evening when the phone was ringing again confirming that a TNI
soldier was shot. I couldn’t have guessed so I rush to the office and browsed
on the media source on Jakarta news. There
was it, the same story about an incident with the peacekeepers whereby one TNI
soldier was killed at the border.
The next morning
which was Monday, after I had it announced during the presscon which was
intended for information by the Independent Election Commission except for
pressing ones, the official phone
which I had, started ringing from the world with queries from the different
media source as far as BBC London. Live
interviews on the phone were lining up and the 28th July Incident was
known to the world. I believed that there was really an exchange of fire but the
poor TNI soldier was mistaken out to be a militia since he was out of uniform
and carrying a rifle in a place along the border and away from the good
observation by any reasonable man.
Chapter XII
“Just another unforgettable moments”
I was telling you
earlier about my miss flight this morning at
the heleport. It wasn’t only me.
I found out that the Thai MA of the FC Col. Surasit missed the same. He
went there at 8 a.m. He told me that it was his second time to miss a flight to
Gleno. I never knew he was supposed
to go with us on that FC visit to Kenyan Company last December.
Anyway, we both
were able to link up with the group after the FC landed at 9 a.m. I was greeted
by the FC as he approached us and before boarding his Toyota Land Cruiser, the
latest model equipped with highly visible and protruding antennae and a 3-star
plate from back to rear. As soon as he boarded in, I went along with the Force
Sgt Major, a Fijian who was our driver without complaining, with the Irish MA
and one protocol officer who is a
Jordanian major. Off we went to the
rest of the scheduled visits on all units at Sector Central.
We proceeded to
the Bangladesh Engineer (BANGER) at Comoro.
The one section honor guard was splendid, with a snappy drill before the
FC approached each one of them. I’ve never seen such like it before.
Their movements were prominent and distinct. You can hear the stomping of
boots and the clapping on the rifle. It’s like what you see on silent drill
exhibitions. Col. Amin, Commander
BANGER led us to their mess for a
snacks proudly Bangla food. There
was chicken barbecue in small
sticks, another fried chicken in bigger slices
not a Kentucky fry that I
know of and a toasted crunchy bread
stuffed with curry, rice and vegees. They
wanted to hold us a bit longer after the giving of mementos but it was not
possible because of the tight schedule of the FC. The most interesting sight I saw was the
departure when the group walked through the line of
soldiers of about 100 meters long, each soldier showering flowers on the
FC. It was a pretty sight.
We had to rush to
the next destination at FLS, this means Field Logistic Support run by
Australians, since we were behind 15-
minute late. It was good that the
visit was short which put the schedule back on time.
The FC gave a commendation
to one of the soldiers for helping a person during a road accident.
Speeches and farewell messages came forward from the FC as he recognized
their good deeds and their significant
role in the peacekeeping effort. Naturally, the FC sends everyone laughing with
his witty gab when he said that he
would invite everyone to visit his place in Thailand where he would put up a
house and a museum to have all his memorabilia in, to have a free accommodation
and totally everything would be free. But he said, he doubt if everyone can be
able to come and squeeze in inside the house…something of that line.
Right there, we
went next to the Filipino FSU, the
support unit of the PKF. All of
them were waiting and he was given honors.
The FC thanked them of all the things they did to him like securing him
and taking care of his needs at his quarters.
I learned that the boots he was wearing was given to him by a Filipino
Commander, then Col. Jalandoni of Philippine Battalion.
He said he likes wearing it
because it is more durable than what Thailand can produce.
He talked on the many ways of similarity between Thais and Filipinos. I
think the FC had really good impressions of the Filipino support during his
term. We had been eating in the previous
units we earlier visited from but
it was good that FSU did not have to offer any snack because by that time we
wouldn’t have agreed to fill-in
some more. The FC really had to approach and talk to every soldier in mass
formation just like having to pin each one a medal during a medal parade.
It was too
early for lunch on our next destination to the Portuguese headquarters in
Becora that we had to pass time back in the office. We were just in time after
we left at 11:25 a.m. for a 10 minute drive to
the Portuguese headquarters. We
were met by Col. Correa at the gate while a honor guard greeted the FC.
When it is a
lucky day, everything comes in plenty. It
was a lucky day for me. I can say that with the group too.
There was this delicious grain that taste better than a peanut and
similar in size and color as the egg of an ant.
It’s as big as the size of elongated
mentholated pills. It’s called “piniow” or pinion (pine seed). I was told
to satisfy my curiosity that it comes from a tree that is only found in Portugal
and it would cost about US$1000 per kilo. Ah oh! ‘Sounds like the foods for
the gods.
As we headed for
lunch in their mess hall, everyone
was waiting for the FC. There were an intro of appetizing remarks and finally we
felt hungry. It’s like a formal dining with the bread having been served first
with the soup. The soup captured my
best taste, something that I can
compare by the way
we Filipinos cook. Then came the main dish. It was a pasta minus the red sauce
placed on a big stainless platter with enough
t-bone slices of pork chop.
It was so delicious that you can compare it with
our “adobo” something we inherited from our colonial history. Just
perfect. The salad of
lettuce mixed with corn kernels was also
the best. Unlike how we
would eat it with a “thousand islands”.
Theirs was concocted with a distinct savory taste. Then the dessert of
Sunkist sliced in thin halves laced with a reddish syrup
and sugar. It’s natural
sour flavor is totally submerged by a sweet aromatic taste.
After lunch,
again we were treated with the best coffee around. The size of a two shot glass only filled-up to the middle.
Unlike the way we drink coffee in a big mug filled to the top.
But two shots was good enough with a Portuguese coffee. It’s not the coffee that everyone else can have a chance to taste it but
it is the best.
Before we left,
the FC was given a lot of memento. I, too was also given with their unit’s
coin and the Timor “tais”just
like the rest of the staffs. Thanks and more thanks.
Chapter XIII
“The Human Side”
Being away from
the family for a long time is a
test of good character and attitude. It’s a test of tough determination both
of the family and myself. Like
everyone else in the mission, we
were deprived to a certain degree
of some quality time with our loved ones. This
feeling of loneliness or
homesickness sometimes becomes our greatest challenge. Communicating back home
through the cell phone at least creates the hologram of being near to
them. It’s costly though.
It’s like a
long retreat where one may find his individual soul and learn to
give value to otherwise things we may just take for granted with our
family. Sometimes, there is not
much any difference between joining the priesthood or becoming a soldier.
I can cite three almost major foundations, namely, service; sacrifice,
and celibacy. Before finally becoming a full grown priest, one is required to go on a “regency” where one gets out of the
seminary for a certain period in
order to find himself to finally decide his real vocation.
Similarly, this mission would test one’s
fidelity. I can safely say
generally all peacekeepers have passed the test of being celibate.
Thanks for the AIDS scare.
It’s not
uncommon for some people to have failed though. Well, I come from a moralist upbringing. Perhaps, that is one
thing that limits my understanding why some people had succumb to such a
temptation. It’s not simply
saying “I’m alright, you’re alright”. You also have to consider if the
others are alright.
Getting to know
friends is a good way of passing time and widening your horizon. As an artist, I
too am a lover of beauty.
But being an artist would be different if one becomes a lover.
Getting close to someone for the heck of
nursing one’s loneliness must fail by any reason. In this UN mission, I
have discovered how one person can be totally transformed by the kind of
environment of a diverse culture. Sometimes, relationships have come in the open without any
glimpse of shame. Promiscuity may not be the appropriate word to describe it,
but a bit close to it.
I can only
content myself of pure imaginations with the
passing of time since day 1. Like
the rest of the “Magic Seven” of us,
we have shared each
other’s worries and among ourselves we have shared to resolve. One year in the
mission did not pass so quick
especially when you hear your kids on the phone always asking, “Daddy when are
you coming home?” I would always count the months as weeks, and the weeks as
days, and the days as by the hour. I have just told them,
I’m coming home in less than seven hours.
Chapter XIV
“Point of Departure”
-the prospects of things to come
I would consider
to have written so much of my mind about East Timor. The challenges that the
Peace Keeping Force are faced with. And those that I observed and experienced
during my tour of duty.
I would also
consider with full confidence to have at least crystallized an enduring
residue in the actual performance of the nature and functions of public
information both within the exclusive confines of the PKF and the unconventional
or unpredictable world of the media.
Primarily, public
information has been an indispensable instrument to clearer understanding of
issues and mundane accomplishment dealing with the peacekeeping force.
To claim that the
success of service delivery of PI
functions is a team effort is a good hypothesis that can only be substantiated
by a personal commitment, rich background knowledge reinforced by a keen
professional judgment, and talent. Such sampling of personal
attributes give the better
foundation of a coordinated team effort to accomplish a PI product.
In my experience
in this peacekeeping mission, the
interplay of straight-jacket prescriptions with real expediencies
must be at the balance to achieve something.
There were situations which dependently elicited from the professional
judgment of the PI practitioner especially when confronted with sensitive
questions that had great impact on
peacekeeping role. I have learned
that to a certain extent there was enough freedom to make statements in response
to the prying interpellations of the media especially those that came too often
in major incidents. The media took
it at face value and official every pronouncement of the spokesman.
It really pays to consider a good foresight of the peacekeeping trend by
weighing the balance of what comes from the official channel in the Office of
the Force Commander against obtaining realities right in front of the media.
To be able to put oneself in the mind of the commander at any given
situation will not give you any doubt in making sensible statements to the
media.
I don’t see any
doubt the success of
a given PIactivity in this multi-racial or multi-cultural dimension if
given enough freedom of discretion in identifying and responding to issues which
any country does not have an exclusive interest but
more importantly, the
greater interest of the global effort i.e., the United Nations Peace Keeping
Force in East Timor.
I just took a
look around Dili from the rooftop of the headquarters building. I felt the
serenity of the
surroundings. It’s nighttime! One
can see the electric lights adorning the landscape around. I have turned my eyes
to the same mountain I earlier referred to. It has become more alluring to view
it in the dark.