10-14-2009 (11:08am)
well, geocities is closing,
which may be good for me.
perhaps, I can enjoy the uncensored anonymity that I knew before.
before my mother quoted one of my more vulgar entries.
Goodbye geocities hello freedom,
my next entry will be at alexisdeleon.com/past.html
So upon it's long awaited return,
we'll mark today as the day we've entered into a new era of ethereal and unbridled commentary...
welcome

there are several things on my mind.
right now it's the project that I'm "working" on right now.
so to make it happen I had to clear out my schedule
which means no other work, besides this project.
maybe I'm naive in trusting this client.
is this another hard learned life lesson in the making?
I really hope it goes as planned eh, well I hope it happens at all.

I've also been contemplating the shepherd's pie.
looking at recipies, I find the basic ingredients like
beef, lamb, potatoes, onions, carrots, garlic, cheese, Worcestershire sauce...
but reading further I find things like balsamic vinegar, tomatoes, spaghetti noodles, sour cream.
it all sounds delicious.
mine today will be with some bell pepper, some of Blair's hot sauce, string beans, garlic, an onion, peas, carrots, corn, beef and sausage, cheese, japanese bread crumbs, and one tomoato.
it should be fine. (I'll eat it either way, of course)

finally, I was thinking about the phenomenon
of not being able to be left alone in a room with a girl
without us hooking up,
that mild adrenaline rush that, if not controlled,
can fuel a semi-hardon for what feels like hours.
I haven't experienced this in a while,
perhaps 10 years?
maybe because I'm an adult now,
and I'm now above wanting to just fuck a girl like an animal.
Either that or now my face is just too pitted, my eyes too crossed, my hair too coarse, and attitude too broken...
I'll accept the first excuse, I'm no animal, are you one?

8-7-2009(10:41pm) ridgewood, queens
so, I'm certain that I need to find out what it means for me to be an "artist"
and what I'm compelled to make.
I've been neglecting my itch to 'tinker' and make stuff.
I've been slacking so hard.
to rediculous extents.
my job is to make, to explore material and form,
to create.
I want to produce objects or volumes that require no explanation
objects that simply exist in all of thier beauty and ugliness.
must I really have something to say?
must I really have something to say?
I haven't realistically adhered to the timeline, i'm thirty two.
I really should have been annihilating the mediocrity by now.
instead of attending thier events.
instead of being scared to join thier ranks.
I must schedule studio time.
that is a must.
I need to take it up a few notches, making stuff constantly.
playing with all the shit I have as 'materials'
I'm scared of failing
but what does failure mean?
failing to carry on the family name?
failing to provide for myself?
failing to try?
I think that's it...
ok, please read this well, and over and over again.
I hope I'm not done dreaming.

7-3-2009(10:50pm)
well, life goes on
October 26, 2009 is the day it ends
Geocities will be no longer.
(I'm thinking, "should I link to geocities now, just so it can be added to the
collection of bunk links on these pages?")
(thank god for the annotated grateful dead page, and RIP leslie harpold of hoopla.com)
I transferred all my files on this server to my hard drive
and I'm seeing nothing is sacred, especially when you involve time.
websites are only as permanent
as the guy (or girl) slaving over it,
for days, months, or even years.
until, for some reason they are unable to redirect people
to the work that was done.
in doing so, I found an old excluded entry about my ex, Marcy,
just questioning our relationship, and I ultimately was right,
and now not only is it unquestioned, it's gone
I used to censor these, just in case someone would read it
but over the years,
I have seen there are substantially more people not reading this
than there are people reading it (hi mom!).
so it's a disservice to myself to hold back,
or describe a situation by abstractly referring to the mundane,
(thinking I'll know what the hell I'm talking about later)
because I will forget,
and that means no one will remember.
I'm feeling nostalgic, and worthless in the grand scheme of things.
I've always had an appreciation for the past,
the idea of capturing moments that can never happen again
and today I'm realizing that everything comes to a close.
...and, of course, that the only constant is change
not even geocities, the one time mecca of free website hosting is immune.
I remember the 'archived web' project,
where all the old websites would somehow be preserved
that's a good one, I thought. "physically impossible" is the reality.
I knew it was a bust when I heard of it,
but looking through this site, the many variations, and it's links (-and remembering what they were supposed to be),
I wish it could be true
I also know that life goes on (for me much slower these days it seems)
things change, I change, and the past is the past.
it's never lost if you remember it (or record it?)
and it's only forgotten if you let it
so goodnight, and happy 4th of july!

5-5-2009(12:27pm)
happy cinco de mayo
well, today I have to figure out why my driver's licence
isn't registering in the computer's systems
yes, and I don't remember writing one of these journal entries
with a cigarette, today I had one.
little things, and 2 cabinets to pick up,
today... will it happen,
probably not.(and it didn't)
ok, cheers!

sunday may third two thousand and nine, twelve fifty five pm.
hi I'm at urban glass again,
working, rather refining my janitorial skills
bringing mopping to a science
and elevating sweeping to a religion
that isn't entirely true,
I've been putting off getting to the inevitable duty
of sweeping behind and underneath the ovens,
which managed to reach the list of things for me to do.
along with reloading a grease gun,
neither of which I'm excited about.
I wrote my friend Rachel yesterday
real mail, of course.
I was talking about our guinea pig, Morgan.
how I'm trying to keep life exciting for her by
introducing new types of lettuce every few weeks
we have a italian fruit stand which should keep her
interested for a while,
but I mentioned that I may soon have to travel to chinatown,
just to find the most exotic greens I can
to keep my GP Morgan from dispairing over a caged life
we'll see,
so until next time,
keep your cages clean and open!

sat, april 25, 2009
ridgewood, queens
so I'm going to try to make art again
"art"
vessels, incorporating the random
unconventional, naturally beautiful, and unpredictable
nature of glass
I believe bringing projects to completion
is about confidence in the idea
it's the only thing that has driven me to actually
start this project
I really think this will turn out to be a nice puece
if it works, that is
wish me luck, I'll need it
spring is finally here, it was in the high 70's today
what did we do to deserve this?
cheers!
keep the faith, y'all

saturday april 18, 2k9 11:13am
LFUG again,
2009 has been crazy so far
alot of new projects,
some are stuff I've done before, like glass gallery work
some are totally random new stuff, like moving a kiln
refinishing furniture?!
filipino glass?
gradschool, shiat biach

Friday, April 17, 2009(6:39pm)
Live From Urban Glass(LFUG)
hello, while there is neither an unlimited
supply of alchohol
nor endless bandwidth here
I have arranged (through 43 things)
the ability to journal my shit
from anywhere I can get email.
initially that was the idea.
find the web, click, click, click
and instant real-time journalling.
but since geocites has become seemingly
more and more complicated for me to use
(probably beacuse all of my interfaces with
technology these days are extremely user friendly
-that is except here at urban of course,
where most of the computer controllers
have a 16 button keypad and malfunction
when plugged into a pc -ahem GB5)
but really, I can't wait until I can do this from my cellphone
touching the screen with ease,
with only me, as the end user, in mind.
bring it on, iphone we need you now more than ever.

Happy Easter Sunday April 12, 2009 (1:43pm) ridgewood, queens
hi, it's a gorgeous Sunday afternoon,
but I am committed to not leaving the house at all
It seems lots of people are moving into Bushwick,
the neighborhood I just left.
and I'm still accepting the fact
that I shouldn't give so much importance to which neighborhood or borough I live in
it's absolutely flakey
but what am I, but an overgrown flake?
and just because it commands importance to other people
doesn't mean it has to mean that much to me.
(and again saying it and believing it are 2 different things)
enjoy the spring!

tuesday 4-7-09(1210am)
woah, I'm tired
some days I feel really stupid,
I think I need to take things slower
once I have my mind set on something
I find it hard to think clearly about other things
(what?)
I should slow down.
really, be more deliberate,
and Careful
that's the word,
being careful isn't slower, it's better.

Saturday, april 4, 2003(11:04am)
hi, yesterday was the glassblower's ball
and a 'vintage' chihuly piece from 1979
failed to sell at auction starting at $14,000
(the appraised price was $28k)
I heard the news while we were packing
and announced it to the ug crew
and everyone was gave me a look of suprise
and disappointment
like chihuly is our poisonous gas monitoring caged bird,
if chihuly doesn't sell, what will?
but I believe there will always be a niche for
vessels, art, and lighting
and there will always be a glassblower to make them
maybe it's me, maybe it isn't.
(I'm wrestling with the idea of upgrading to the new DSi
we'll find out what I choose to do)
ok, until next time,
please, be kind.

11:04am 3-30-2009
(happy new year!) wow, whatever audience I may have had, I must have lost by now,
I shouldn't flatter myself like that
my daily blog entry, (now sent to my email!)
I wonder if this will catch on...
we'll see
blabber blabber blabber that's what my site has been.
is this supposed to be a website?, a journal?, what is it?
how personal should this get?
it was once talk radio sent into the airwaves to nobody
but now what is it?
the web is a good tool for social networking
but the idea of this actually being read by anyone scares me
that's why it's neglected.
so today it's sunny and a little chilly
I'll try to reformat this into a 'blog'
so today's subject is religion
yup.
ok, see you next time!
thanks for tuning in.

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