| IN MY HEAD.... Thinkings...... |
| 1/12/2004 Why is something sweet and simple so hard to come by? Why is it so difficult to find someone to just care whole heartedly? I want to know!! Is the answer similar to the answer of the question about our purpose here in this life? Why is there all this etiquette when you want to care for someone? Where you have to to this and then you can't do this and that. I don't understand!! Why can't things just be simple and sweet? Just someone to simply care, to talk to, and to be there. There needn't be material things. Just the thought to be thought of and the need to be held close to the heart. It won't matter if it isn't perfect, just the fact that the feelings are there is good enough. Something so simple and sweet that it's so necessary. I know i'm not perfect, but why does God have to punish me for being imperfect? |
| 1/15/2004 - 10:32pm - Thursday There's something about him that I can't help but....like so much. I love the way he talks to me. So shy, but yet he still tries. It's so adorable. I wish he would tell me things though. Like small things, for him to choose and when he needs to get off the phone..... But yet...everything about him is so endearing. I don't know what's wrong with me. I hope I don't scare him. I'm so afraid this will be just another....week. Just another...nothing. But who knows. I don't even know what he thinks, if he feels the same way i do about him. I doubt it... But it's ok. As long as he's happy, I'm definitely happy. I want to do everything for him, Hold him close, comfort him, buy him things...I just can't help but....think about him all day. Tatyana's "Daydreaming" song describes how I feel. It's so crazy. I can't get him off my mind. SOMEONE HELP! |
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| 1-30-2004 1:41am Friday I'm sorry...I can't stand it without you... No matter how hard I tried to handle, I just couldn't do it.....i'm sorry.... You don't know how much you mean to me, i don't think you even feel slightly the way I do for you. But it's ok. I like caring for you....you can just shun me and hate me and i still wouldn't be able to hate you. I wanted to that day, to hate you...because you pained me so. You cannot imagine the pain I felt. Physical pain is much more bearable than the pain that you showed me that day. i wanted to stab my heart out cuz it wouldn't stop hurting...it would have hurt less if i did stab it out... i needed to know if...if that's what you really wanted. I'm sorry to complicate things. I'm sorry for being selfish and thinking about myself needing you instead of just letting things be....you said you dreamt about me....do you even know how much i dream about you? everything about you captures me. the way your hair curls....the sexy way you sound, so confident when you talk about cars....the cute way your voice gets when you talk about certain things....your eyes, how it seems never ending, but yet it's guarded....like there's a promise of even more depth in those eyes of yours....the way you say "I miss you" which makes me miss you even more then i always, always do when i'm not with you....the way i feel so safe in your arms.....i can't stop thinking about you..... |
| 2-4-2004 12:52am Wednesday It's been so weird. My emotions are playing some tricks on me or something. being affectionate is my passion...just like the Arts is my passion and i love all kinds of Arts.... and i like being affectionate.... i like being affectionate to you and i understand about how you don't express..... and it's not like it's been long....so i understand, but what can i do. i can't help what i feel. and if the only way i can care for you is being one sided, then so be it. I'm afraid that you fake it when you're with me. everytime you smile, i'm afraid you might be faking it. i know i'm easy to read and easy to see thru and i know i'm not the bright and sneaky like some people are....but i just want....to know...i guess...is it that hard? is it bad to want to know you..... |