| Why do I spend so much time turned away from you? Why do you let me? How far from you must I walk before you come and get me? How many hours must I cry before you wipe my tears? It hurts every time I don�t open my arms to you. I don�t understand what it is that I�m doing to us. I listen to my music: every song is about you. I cry when I hear them and I scream when I don�t. All I can think about is what it was like yesterday And what it could be like tomorrow. What about today? I know that we deserve better than what we�ve been left with. If I know that we can have better, why don�t I try? Where has it gone? Have I taken things that far? So that we�re only left with what was and what could be? I don�t know what I want anymore All I know is that I don�t want this. Can you give me what I want, or must I take it? Let me know where to find it and I�ll do whatever I can. 2-15-02 There�s a feeling inside my stomach It�s my heart, and it�s sinking I want to tell you everything that I feel But I can�t know what I�m thinking It weighs down on me everyday When I think about the men who have loved me I don�t understand what I�m thinking Or how my heart can love again At least I know that when this is over There�ll always be the memories of what has been It was such a long time ago And it seems to have been everyday of my life I think about then: How I loved him in the dark In my bed, feeling his heart beat against my back He loved me then, I felt it in my heart Dancing in my room, while he whispered love songs in my ear Held safe in the arms of the man who loved me I think about how we only loved each other in the dark The day brought arguments and fights There were tears in the day But we found solace in the nights When we didn�t have to see each other And we didn�t even have to talk All I have now are those memories The troubles of the day took over the comfort of the nights Now I try to build new memories We can love in the light, and I�m happier now without the fights My mind has trouble getting used to this Letting go of the man who loved me My heart is all too eager to start again Betraying my rational mind How can I love you? How can my heart be so blind? It has experienced so much pain and sorrow And is still willing to get hurt again But when I think of you I smile It doesn�t hurt me to think of now, only then Now we have memories of snowflakes at midnight And when we�re together it�s so easy not to think of what might have been It�s easy to love again When I�m held content in the arms of the man who loves me 12/18/01-12/22/01 There's nothing to me/ can you feel that hole?/ put your hand right through me/ that used to be my soul/ there's nothing left/ you did that to me/ you took me away/ and somehow I am free/ I'm so empty/ so completely alone/ my world is over/ my light that once shone/ I'm different now than I used to be/ there's nothing left/ you did that to me/ you left my heart shattered/ you left my life broke/ one scrambled egg/ minus the yolk/ my shell has been ruined/ crushed by your hand/ my insides poured out/ now do you feel like a man?/ separated my proteins/ no nourishment for me/ if you didn't want me at all/ why couldn't you just leave me be?/ There's nothing left/ you did that to me A long time ago! |
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