"So I'm not a test tube baby?" -Scott Evil from Austin Powers
"An evil petting zoo?" -Dr. Evil from Austin Powers
"Black Sheep" lines:
Chris Farley- "I'm just dandy. I have a whole bowl full of chocolate pudding in my underpants."
David Spade- "Um...we didn't have any pudding in there."-Spade/Farley; Black Sheep. A refridgerator has fallen on Farley and Spade asks how he is.
"That's cold man. Thats cold."-Kevin Eubanks, sidekick extrordinaire; Tonight Show w/ Jay Leno.
"Lets get ready to RRRRUUUUMMMBBBLEEEEE!!!!!" -That announcer guy on WCW and boxing matches.
"DO'H!" -Homer Simpson
"Yo queiro Taco Bell" -Gidget AKA Taco Bell dog
"To start, press any key. Where's the 'any' key?" -Homer Simpson
"Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom? Are you jacking on in there?" "No don't come in" -Leela (that one-eyed gal on Futurama) asking Bender the robot why he is spending so much time in the can.
"Hi everybody! Are you looking for a way to slash the cost of your medical expences? I will perform any operation for $129.95! Come in for brain surgery and receive a free Chinese finger trap!Ok, Fred You've tried the best, now try the rest. Call 1-600-DOCTORB. The 'B' is for bargain!" -Dr. Nick Riviera advertising on TV.
"The albatross is massaging a porpoise with cheese. I repete, the albatross is massaging a porpoise with cheese. This is not a drill." -Clip from the video on the "Weird Al" "Running with Scissors" cd.
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
"The loss of life will be irreplaceable."
"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have is that I didn't study my Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people."
"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago..."
When you play an instrument that people have no clue what it is, you hear many strange and interesting comments. Heck, just being in band allows you to hear many messed up things. Below are a few from my many years as the neglected baritone/euphonium section.
"Are you absolutely sure this thing goes in that hole?"-My friend Kirk talking about a valve from his baritone and wondering whether or not he was putting it in the right place.
"So, hows the uranium section doin?-Some confused kid asking me how I was and attempting to sound smart be using the REAL name of what I play.
"Do you stick your hand down that hole?"-Someone asking me if I ever stuck my arm down the bell of my euphonium. I think it was the same kid as before.
"My boner is long and is full of green creme."-A trombone player (the insane one) at my school talking about the vaseline (I will address 'vaseline crud' later) crud in his trombone.
Well those are all the band quotes for now, but this is the section of the quotes page that I update most often.
"Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of congress; but I repeat myself."-Mark Twain
"In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards."-Mark Twain
"Bite the wax tadpole."-Coca-Cola as originally translated into Chinese
"The internet is a great way to get on the net."-Republican presidental candidate Bob Dole
"If you are going to fail, at least come prepared to fail."
"Would you kindy amputate my head?"
"Man, I wish I knew Japanese."
"...or I'll get one of those fake arrow-through-head things. I'll say 'AAAAAAGGGGGGGG!!!! I was jumped by indians gettin outta the car!!!!! I CANT DO THE PARADE!!!!'"
Simpsons is a trademark of Fox
