If you receive a file with the .POOPOO suffix, DO NOT OPEN IT!!!!
The file contains a virus that will stuff small animals into your bottom! When your bottom is completely engorged, the virus will activate the animals which will cause mad scurrying in your botty!
Also, this virus will loosen the lids on ALL the jars in your house, thereby causing a nasty mess when you pick up the lid less jars! OOH!
The anti-virus boffins have no idea how to protect against this malicious virus. If you do happen to open the file, DO NOT PANIC!! After the file has been opened for 23.78445228 hours, the virus can be successfully vanquished by inserting a pickle in each of your nostrils and reciting, whilst skipping to the tune of Yankee-Doodle, "Jim, Jim, got caught on the rim, Frank, Frank, stuck in a bank". If this doesn't work, you are totally screwed, as the virus will evolve into a groundsman, who will ruthlessly remove all the leaves from your garden, weed the flowers and plant a few nice daisies by the front door. Once the groundsman has finished his terrible duties, he will evolve into a jar of mustard. THIS IS THE VIRUS' WEAKNESS!!
Whilst in the form of mustard, the virus can be attacked, but only from the south-west, and only using a feather from the Peruvian Cow Bird. The feather must be inserted under the lid of the mustard jar; slowly push the feather into the jar - when you make contact with the mustard, you must scream "MOOOOO, YOU STINKING BASTARD, MOOOOO!" This will demoralise the virus sufficiently for you to perform the kick of the screaming turtle, which will destroy this malicious little nasty.
SEND THIS TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS!!! I would rather receive this message 8,525,689,754,541,357,855,854,967,645,648 times than get this bloody virus!!
Bahoo!
