Did i ever tell ye 'bout the time I be crossin' the Bermudie triangle? A long time ago now. That were back when I was still a cabin boy on me first ship, the Golden Arsetronaut.
The Cap'n at the time were one Smoldering Burtlegap. A nasty man, with more teeth than brains and a prehensity for flogging the first mate on deck (if ye knows what i mean). There's nothin more distractin when ye tryin to run a ship than havin' to watch for spray from the bow as well as the stern.
Anyhow, we'd been blown of course by several days when we were attempting to make a crossing to the new worlds, and knew we be getting into dangerous territory. Then all o' a sudden, the wind's dropped an' a fog rose up out o' nowhere, an' the waters become smooth as glass. We were becalmed.
The navigator kept tellin' us there were naught to fear, but I noticed he'd changed into his brown pants. We all knew the stories o' the area and it's devil mists, o' how ships were pulled down, never to return, an' how'n sometimes a ship would return, but there'd be naught but memories aboard her. Determined not to go down like the rest of them, I struck upon a desperate plan.
Real casual like, I started movin towards the ladder leading into the
bowels o' the ship. When I were sure no one was lookin', I slipped below
decks, and made me way to the armoury. Gatherin' the supplies I needed, I moved deeper into the ship, 'til I were standing knee deep in the bilges, makin' sure to keep the powder dry. I set up a complex arrangement o' mechanical devices 'n gunpowder an' I quickly checked over me work,
then struck a match and set the taper alight.
Movin' whith a speed born o' fear, I rushed back on deck and started to
shout at the crew
"Ayyiieeeeayahahahyyii" I screamed at them, "Ayyiyiyiyaaaaaaahhhh" I called again.
"Ware the mirmaids laddies, I think I've just blown up the ship!"
Every head turned to look at me for a few seconds afore the crew
started to laugh. Thinkin back on it, I must have been quite a sight. Me
bottom half covered in muck, and we eye's wide with fear. They must o'
thought I'd gone salt crazy and been beggin' for attention. In any case, after a couple of moments, I started to laugh along with 'em. Even the
Cap'n stopped flogging the mate for a moment and had a chuckle.
O'course, the moment of hilarity only lasted 'til the powder keg went up,
blowin a great hole in the bottom o' the ship. The second part o' me
cunning ploy now went into action.
I jumped off the ship rail as the ship healed over sharply and water
started pourin' in. As soon as me head popped back above water, I started
shoutin,
"Oh, mummy-choo, please help me I can't swim!" and paddlin round in circles.
O'course the rest of the crew was much too distracted by the massive hole in the ship to pay me any heed, so I were safely away. With strong strokes, I struck out from the ship, til the mighty Golden Arsetronaut were lost in the mists behind me.
Luck it were too, as it sounded like I got away just in time. As soon
as the ship disappeared from sight I could here the dreadful screams of
the fog wraith's start, and the crew begain yellin' in fear. Without
the distraction i created, I never would have gotten away befo' the
ghosts struck, pullin' me old ship into the depths.
I swam for about 4 days before another ship found me, The Rancid Swamp
Donkey, and by then I were half dead from exhaustion. I told 'em me
tale o' me miraculous escape, an' they promptly locked me in the brigg and
had me beaten twice daily 'til we returned to old Blighty. A small price
it were to pay to get away from the Bermudie triangle and the restless
spirits that dwelt there'n.
I've heard it told by a couple of old sea dogs that they occasionally
catch glimses o' the Arsetronaut as they sail those cursed waters, the
Cap'n still on deck floggin the mate.