so how can anybody say
they know how I feel
when they are they
and only I am I

So, brave traveler, you have stumbled here, to find out more about the girl behind the method to the madness. What madness you say? Morrissey and the printed word of course. This is just another Web site in a long line of Web sites (mostly defunct, because I just don't have the time to do them justice) devoted to various people of interest to me. I've organized this page generally in reverse order of boredom - that is, I figure the stuff you'll want to read is closer to the top, and the really boring stuff about me is at the bottom.

There used to be a list of the Web sites I once owned plus still own, but I realised no one is interested in any of them too much b/c I don't have much time to tweak any of them except this one. There is the Fields of Eden, a site I started in 2000 as a Duran Duran appreciation site that I had every intention of keeping updated. But as I haven't seen them live since November 2003, it hasn't had much of an update since I posted that gig review except for some literary bits and bobs here and there. You are of course welcome to visit if you like.

In the attempt to make this site as original as it can be, coming from my mind, this site won't be an endless parade of Morrissey interviews or photos, because there are much better Web sites out there (these include great ones such as The Arcane Old Wardrobe [a ton of stuff] and the lyrics and trivia filled It May All End Tomorrow) and besides, I figured this Web site on the great Mozzer would be about me unleashing my thoughts about Morrissey and his music. Please keep in mind that all commentary on this site (except where noted) are my opinions only and should not be construed as fact; the photos displayed on here are all copyrighted in one way or another, but are displayed here for your viewing pleasure only; and I'm totally open to debate and suggestions, if you ever want to contribute to this site.

This site has also evolved to become a collection of British things I love, hence the collection of photos from my travels to the empire (the long and winding road) and various other commentary brits do it better).

I have been a music fan since, probably, for as long as I can remember, but the band that was my first musical love was the Beatles. I know many a Smiths fan who argue the Beatles' influence on music, and while I will always be grateful for the Smiths and what they managed to accomplish in a couple short years, I still think the Beatles' influence on popular music cannot be denied. And that in no way is knocking the Smiths' music at all. Maybe had I discovered the Smiths instead of the Beatles in the mid '80s, I would be singing a different tune? Quite possibly. If the Beatles were the first ever true rock and roll band, the Smiths were the first ever true alternative rock band. In my mind :)

Some people are quite surprised that I am also a big Led Zeppelin fan. This is probably owing to the fact that I'm a slight Chinese girl who looks like she should be locked in a science lab. This goes back to the days when a very impressionable young version of myself heard the hard rock band via osmosis (my brother's loud speakers). I've got "The Song Remains the Same" on DVD and one of my friends gave me this remastered 4-CD set for Christmas years ago when I was in university...I don't have any of the more recent remastered stuff, however, because as I've gotten older, I've realized the importance of live shows and the experience that goes along with them; not to say that CDs aren't great, I'm just saying that if you have the opportunity to see a great band or singer live, go for it, because you never know when they might stop touring. For whatever reason. And then all that is left are memories that you might have missed out on. You can read about all the gigs I've attended here.

Anyway...I was saying? Led Zeppelin represents to me the perfect hard rock band. Sure, Robert Plant's voice doesn't appeal to everyone, but name me an artist that does! (My mother seems to think Paul Anka, Bobby Darin, and Bobby Vinton fit the bill, but I'm not so sure...)

Here are some bits and pieces about me that you may (or may not?) be interested in:

Morrissey/Smiths firsts

Gigs I've attended have been moved to a separate page here.

Currently on my backpack

I must congratulate you, if you've managed to read this far. Because honestly, I don't think I'm that exciting of a person. But since your eyes have traveled down this far down the page, this must be what you're looking for. And here you go. Reader meet author...and enjoy.

Now my heart is full for many reasons. Why, you ask? Well, it's been pretty tumultous times I've lived. Not only did I have to give up my desire to sing my life for a living - which, I admit, was a pretty far-fetched dream of mine since I was little *anyway* - and have to deal with a multitude of non-self-inflicted sins - namely, taking a ton of medications (prescription! no interesting drug) that I'm sure couldn't be good for me, chemotherapy and stints in the hospital too numerous to count all related to a chronic, genetic illness. Considering what a hell of a time (literally) I've been through the last decade, what's really sad is that at times, I've gotten really disappointed with life and say to myself, dear god, please help me. But I shouldn't complain, because I know there are people much worse off than myself. And I am grateful for each and every day.

I do my best and don't worry because that's all one really can do when they've been saddled with such problems. Morrissey says "I Have Forgiven Jesus" in a song - but has he really? I certainly haven't. It's almost as if he or whoever runs the universe has made me some sort of cruel joke and I have been the unlucky recipient. I guess for me, I was lucky to have been "lost" and then "found" by Morrissey.

Of course, things are never that simple. I wish they were with my descent into unhappiness and the feeling that nobody loves us, but that wasn't all. I was totally knocked for six when my father died in May 2004. For a long while I was the girlfriend in a coma and even now, I have bad moments when I just don't feel like being happy. I even have unhappy birthdays every year in November because every birthday, I am to be reminded of what happened, on 6-month increments. Events change people. Life is a pigsty and the world is full of crashing bores.

So where am I today? All I can do at this point is hope that it's going to happen someday for me, because on my better days, I have the hope that it's there and it's real for some people. I have a good gig for a job right now, and while it's not really what I envisioned myself doing from the get-go, it's a good gig and I'm happy with it at the moment. Tomorrow? Your guess is as good as mine. Someday soon, in the future, when all's well? I hope to see you there, smiling.

mlmchang
17.07.08

~~~

Something I have learned...
if there is one thing in life I've observed...
it's that everybody's...got somebody...
ooh no, not me...

back to the start
first posted 23.01.05
last updated 20.07.08

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