*Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
*A day without sunshine, is like, well, night.
*On the other hand, you have different fingers.
*Change is inevitable, except from a vending macjine.
*I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
*When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
*Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
*Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
*I feel like I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
*He's not dead, he's electoercephalographically challenged.
*You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be misqupted, then used againt you.
*I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
*Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular.
*Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.
*It is hard to understand how a cemetary raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
*Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
*The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
*It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
*You can't have everything, where would you put it?
*Latest study shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
*The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
*A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
*It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
*Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter cuz nobody listens.
*I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.
*I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
*Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
*My Mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.
*I didn't climp to the top of the food chainn to be a vegetarian.
*College is just one big party, with a $25, 000 cover charge.
*Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional.
*Gravity...it's not just a good idea. It's the law.
*If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
*Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
*A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.
*As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get in touch with my inner sociopath.
*I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
*Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words that "I told you so."
*I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.
*As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.
*I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.
*I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.
*Joan of Arc heard voices too.
*When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit. But not nearly as gratifying.
*The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.
*Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me just a minute...I'll find someone.
*I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people to laugh at.
*Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
*Drink until she's cute, stop before the wedding.
*I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.
*Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
*Don't hit a man with glasses...Use your fist.
* I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
*I intend to live forever, so far so good.
*The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
*When everything's going your way, you're driving in the wrong lane.
*Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
*Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.
*If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.
*24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?
*Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
*When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
*Excuses and opinions are like butts, everyone's got them and they all stink.
*Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
*I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
*Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
