When a patient loses the will to live, there is little the doctor can do. Despair and depression -- both are the worst enemies a doctor must combat. And yet...what if...the patient cannot die?

Silent Acquisition

by Karma

He woke up and stared at the ceiling. I'm alive. Sighing, he slowly sat up. I'm *ALIVE*!!! He threw the bottle of arsenic across the room in despair and anger. The dark bottle crashed against the wall and shattered into pieces.

That bastard of an apothecary! He told me that it would work! He said that arsenic would kill any normal human being!

Any *normal* human being.

Suddenly, he felt violently ill. His stomach felt like a truck had run into it. His throat felt dry and scratchy. He felt hot, feverish, and found himself hoping that it was true, that the apothecary *had* been correct. Please...let me die...

Seconds later, Tsuzuku found himself hurling the poisonous contents into the bathtub of the bathroom in the hall. The Ryudo brothers lived in a large, spacious, two-story building. There was a bathroom on each level of the house. The one that he was throwing up in was the one on the second story, where his room was located. He retched, gasped, and threw out the rest of his lunch once more.

"Tsuzuku-aniki? Daijobu ka?" Owaru, his younger brother, knocking on the door.

"I'm fine!" he shouted angrily. "Don't come in here!" He was glad that he had locked the door; his pesky younger brother would not bother him.

When he felt *sure* that there was nothing left to remove from his digestive track, he quickly turned on the bathtub and rinsed his puke away. Wincing at the stench, Tsuzuku looked around for something to clean the tub with. I can't let Hajime-niisan find this. He located a window glass cleaner and promptly sprayed the tub with it. Good, it's lemon-scented. Hopefully, no one will notice the smell.

"Aniki! What are you doing in there? Hurry up!"

"I'm cleaning the bathroom because SOMEBODY doesn't always hit the mark!"

Tsuzuku finished cleaning the bathtub and moved to clean the toilet, as a reinforcement of his lie. He did not lie often, but when circumstances reared its head...I *am* cleaning the toilet. So I'm *not* lying, he rationalized. When he finished cleaning the waste deposit, he promptly moved to clean the window, since he was reluctant to leave the room. By now, his brothers noticed that whenever he cleaned the bathroom, he *cleaned* the bathroom. The sink, the tiled floor, the window, the toilet, the tub, the mirror. Everything.

"But you just cleaned it last week!"

Don't remind me. He had tried a similar trick last week, drinking two cups of bleach mixed with two cups of powdered bleach. It did not work, although the puke, when washed down, made the tub cleaner. Toxic? Yeah, right. "If swallowed, contact the nearest poison center immediately." Like anyone would need to. Bleach can't kill anything but germs and insects.

"Well, if you were a little more CAREFUL when you used the toilet, I wouldn't have to always clean it! We can't leave our bathroom like this! It would disgust Matsuri, and we can't expect to HER to clean it." He washed the tiles, the sink, and then the mirror. He wiped the shiny glass twice, trying to avoid his own gaze. It was useless. His auburn eyes, almost red, stared back at him.

Strangely fascinated by his reflection, he stared at himself. He had golden-red hair, high cheekbones, and a fine face structure. Only sixteen, he was by far the most beautiful person in his family, although his younger brother Amaru showed potential. Even his pretty cousin, Matsuri, once complained how unfair it was that a boy was prettier than she was.

He examined his face, then his neck, where he had tried to slit last week. The razor, instead, broke on his skin. Only further proof that I'm not normal. None of his other brothers seemed to care that *they* were not normal, but it bothered *him.* He was sick of the dreams that haunted his sleep and flooded his refuge with nightmares every night. Dreams of dragons, of death, of power.

He was sick of always hiding his abilities, of watching students at school and knowing that he could never make any friends outside of the family. It was too much of a risk, something may slip, and the powers of his brothers would be known. Hiding our abilities is the number one priority. Bitterly, the second oldest Ryudo brother smiled at his reflection. As someone that was *not* normal, he had to be constantly conscious of his every movement. He had to constantly monitor himself at school, to make sure that none of his abilities were showing, that every move that he took was measured to be similar to that of a normal teenager. He was discouraged from joining any sports, his physical abilities so far exceeded those of his peers that discovery would surely occur.

How can they *stand* it? None of his other brothers seemed to be disturbed by their differences. Hajime, instead, concentrated on raising the family. Their parents had orphaned them seven years ago, leaving only Hajime in charge. He was now only twenty, but he assumed the role of "father" to his brothers, rather than "elder brother." His younger brothers, Owaru and Amaru, did not seem to care at all, so long as they did not have to hide their abilities at home. At school, they controlled themselves, at home, they were free to do whatever they liked, so long as it did not attract the attention of his neighbors.

But then...Owaru and Amaru were young, innocent. Owaru was only twelve, Amaru, nine. They had each other, and so they cared nothing about interacting with their peers. Hajime was always too busy trying to keep the family together, finding a job as a teacher and earning an income to provide for his family. And Tsuzuku? Tsuzuku was alone.

I thought I would have been used to this by now. He had been alone ever since his parents died, when he was only nine. Amaru had only been three then, Owaru five. Immediately, Hajime was forced to look for a part-time job while he was in high school, and so it had fallen upon Tsuzuku to look after his two younger siblings. And so, he had cared for them, watched them, looked after them. And so...although they did not do so intentionally, they treated *him* differently from each other. To each other, they were brothers; they laughed and joked and played each other. But they figured that he was never interested in the same, because they *respected* him, as *another* fatherly figure in their lives.

He had hoped things would change when he entered high school. But they did not. Banned from sports, he ended up doing more intellectually based activities, like reading. He had even joined a few academic clubs at school, in hopes of making a few friends. But it was useless. First off, he *still* had to be careful around others, to the point where he felt like avoiding people in general. Second...his looks. He was so beautiful that his presence caused heads to turn in his direction wherever he walked. Girls in his clubs all immediately fell in love with him, and as a result, avoided him for fear of embarrassing themselves. Or, they would try to go out with me, rather than try to be my friend. But if making friends was a risk, finding oneself a lover was certainly out of the question.

And the guys. His beauty made the members of his own sex uncomfortable. They were jealous of the fact that all the girls they had crushes on all fell in love with *him.* Consequently, many hated him. Furthermore...he was so beautiful that some of them felt attracted to him, and attributed the nervousness they felt around him to their dislike of him. Some were in deep denial and so, hated him to the very core.

After a while, he had simply quit all his clubs, and avoided the other students in general. And after running into a few previous members, he had realized that doing so only made the rest of them feel relief. Relief that he was gone, that he was no longer among them. And that had hurt, to know that the absence of your presence made others feel comfortable.

And slowly, his mask built. He learned to throw back the subtlest and most hurtful insults whenever he was targeted by a group of guys at his school. It was so frustrating, to know that he could take on any of them in less than two seconds, and not be able to do a thing to them. And so, words became his weapon, cutting and cold insults. Words to show them what fools they were, how inferior they were, how they could not touch him. Words that cut through their souls and hit their hearts, insults that could make any of them cry. And so, they hated him, but they left him alone because they were afraid of him.

They were afraid of him.

He was different.

And the mask continued to build, until it was perfect. He could not be touched by anyone. Neither by the hatred of those of his own sex, nor by the gushing and sickening admiration by the members of his opposite sex. Nothing could touch him. Nothing did.

And so he spent his past time reading. When he had a book, he could pretend himself normal. Words did not talk back to him. He could easily immerse himself into a story, take on the role of a normal person, a person with friends and who was not shunned by his peers. Someone that was *not* Ryudo Tsuzuku.

He *hated* the person that stared back at him. The beautiful boy with the abilities of speed and strength that exceeded those of Olympic champions. The kid at school that no one wanted to be friends with, the male that was shunned by his half of his peers and adored by the other. The detached brother that felt distant from his family.

The only one outside of the immediate family that knew of the brothers' abilities was Matsuri. Fifteen, she visited them daily and often did house work for them. At first, he had hoped that he would find a companion in her, but he quickly realized that the only person *she* felt close to in the family was Hajime. Hajime, and no one else. And so, Tsuzuku stood back and watched detachedly as the bond between the two grew, to the point where it was obvious who *she* was in love with.

It was not that the second oldest Ryudo wanted her affections, he simply wanted a friend that knew who he was. Matsuri came near to it, but not quite; as she spent all her past time with Hajime. She WAS a friend, but not a close one.

Sighing, Tsuzuku finally finished cleaning the mirror. He tossed the rag that he had been wiping the cold glass with and then retreated to the sanctuary of his room. There, he carefully cleaned the glass bottle that had held the powdered arsenic. Obviously, the toxic was not poisonous enough. He gathered the broken pieces of glass and what remained of the powder that he had consumed so readily the night before and tossed it into a plastic bag. He slid the bag underneath his bed; he would toss it out tomorrow.

Tired, Tsuzuku climbed into his bed. Lying on his back, he stared at the ceiling, crossing something off on a mental list.

Toxic#5 -- arsenic. Failed.

"Can I sit here?"

He looked up, surprised. The speaker was the new kid, the transferee. Tsuzuku had assumed that, by now, the boy would have learned to stay away from him from the other males in his class. Evidently, not. He nodded slightly, and returned to his book.

And found that the other boy was studying him.

"What?" He asked, irritated, preparing another insult mentally.

The other boy shook his head, his long red hair swaying with the movement. "Nothing. It's just that...there's something special about you."

Tsuzuku felt panic. Did he slip? Did the boy know? "Thank you," he said coldly. "I'm so *pleased* to know that every student that transfers here notices how beautiful I am." Go away, leave me alone. I'm vain, see? Off you go, run along now.

Instead, the other boy laughed, his green eyes sparkling with amusement. "That's not what I meant. I mean, that's true, you *are* more attractive than most others at our school, but that's not what I'm referring to." He shook his head slightly. "Not that I'm hitting on you," he said hurriedly.

"Ah." Tsuzuku pointedly ignored the boy, returning to his book. The other boy did the same, and Tsuzuku felt irritated that he had to share his table space with someone. I should have turned him down.

"Minamino Shuuichi. Hajimemashite."

"Ryudo Tsuzuku. Yoroshiku." He responded automatically, before he realized that he was talking to the annoying guy next to him. Hajime had taught everyone of the family to be polite, and it was ingrained in his system.

Minamino Shuuichi was a pretty and androgynous being. At first glance, a normal human being would mistake him to be a girl. But Tsuzuku was not normal, and he knew that the other was a boy. The latter sported bright, red hair, a slim facial structure, and lively green eyes.

And suddenly, while talking to him, Tsuzuku sensed something else different about him as well. Something...powerful. Tsuzuku frowned slightly. His instincts NEVER failed. There was something about Minamino Shuuichi that was...unsettling. Could he be a possible enemy? Tsuzuku had to try to find out.

And so, Tsuzuku suddenly smiled, his features lighting up.

Then, the two started talking. They chattered about mundane things, like school and books. Tsuzuku was surprised to learn that the red head *actually* HAD a brain, unlike many of his peers. But the Ryudo was cautious, because he could not shake the feeling that the person he was talking to was laughing deeply, inside, within his own mask. Not at Tsuzuku, in particular, but at everyone and everything in general.

Meeting the other's gaze, Tsuzuku could swear that he saw a flash of gold there, and another face replacing that of Shuuichi's. But the revelation lasted only a mili-second, too fast before he could register it. It was not that Shuuichi had another face, it was just another one of Tsuzuku's instincts.

This person that I'm talking too...is not normal.

"Oi, Hajime-aniki!" The third eldest Ryudo ran to greet his other brother, who had just come home from work.

"What is it, Owaru?"

"Tsuzuku cleaned the bathroom again."

Hajime looked at him in surprise. That was a total of five times the entire month that Tsuzuku had cleaned the bathroom, more times than the last year combined. He frowned. Something was wrong.

"Maybe Niisan just likes cleaning," said Amaru, his blue eyes laced with worry.

"Where is he?"

"In his room."

And they had become friends. It was the first time that Tsuzuku had ever made a friend at school. Shuuichi hung around him at school, in the library, and Tsuzuku eventually accustomed himself to the redhead's presence. It was strange, to talk to someone that WANTED to talk to you, not because he HAD to. Hell, Tsuzuku had been surprised when the boy had struck up a conversation with him in class the next day, let alone the next day, and the day after that...

Soon, Tsuzuku found himself seeking the latter's company. It was not much, but it was better than nothing. And so, they talked about books they've read, argued about characters in novels, and agreed about the plotlines of other works. Shuuichi, surprisingly, had a sharp mind, and read many works outside of those assigned.

But he knew, he sensed that the real reason that Shuuichi hung around him -- the boy was curious. Evidently, Tsuzuku must have slipped somewhere, the other boy saw, and THAT was how he knew that Tsuzuku had a secret. There could be no other explanation.

That was fine with him. He did not want any close friends, because he could not slip. And as nice as Shuuichi was, he could not be trusted with the family secret. And so, Tsuzuku kept up his side of their pretense friendship -- after all, the only reason he STAYED friends with Shuuichi was because he knew that the redhead had a secret too.

And so they remained friends, in appearance only. Both talked through their masks, trying to learn the secret of the other. Both kept up the continual conversations, the long talks.

Gradually, Tsuzuku began to sense a dying in the redhead's curiosity. Instead, it was replaced by...something else. It dawned to him, one day, while they were in the library in conversation, that Minamino Shuuichi now sought Ryudo Tsuzuku's company because he liked it.

It was shocking.

To find yourself a friend that accepted you as you were, even though they did not know the real you...it was...strange.

And as the pretense faded from Shuuichi, even though he kept his guard on his secret, Tsuzuku's own pretense began to wear down. He found, to his horror, that he actually liked the company of the red head. Worst yet, now that he had a friend, he didn't know what he was going to do without one.

It was...unsettling.

And yet, having a friend brought a strange source of happiness.

"Tsuzuku? Tsuzuku, open the door." Hajime knocked politely.

No response.

"I guess he's sleeping."

The oldest Ryudo brother shrugged, and left to find his cousin.

Tsuzuku woke up to the pounding on his door. He was surprised to find himself crying. He had been crying in his sleep, recalling the good times he had had with his first friend in his dream, before their friendship had shattered.

Gradually, he also learned to care for his friend. It was hard not to like Minamino Shuuichi, who could actually carry a conversation about a difficult subject. Who excelled academically and could make Tsuzuku laugh. Who remembered Tsuzuku's sixteenth birthday.

It had been quite a shock. None of the Ryudo brothers celebrated birthdays, because they were all born on the same day -- January 17th. The only person who ever went out of her way on that day to make it special was Matsuri. On that day, she usually treated the four of them to a movie, and bought them all gifts, although the gifts tended to be the same for each of them.

To receive a gift from another person was quite a shock. As far as he knew, no one at school knew when his birthday was.

He looked up at Shuuichi, who stood before his desk. The present was in a gift bag, concealing its contents.

"Go ahead, open it."

"How did you know?"

"I asked your cousin. She's kinda cute."

Feeling a strange sense of anticipation, Tsuzuku opened the first birthday gift that had even been given freely and made especially towards him.

It was a potted rose. A beautiful, red rose. It was strange to see a rose bush trimmed enough to be potted, Shuuichi must have been an excellent gardener. There were two other buds, both in the process of opening. The roses were fascinating to look at, beautiful but still with their thorns upon their stems.

"Careful, I left the thorns on. They're prettier that way."

"...Thank you..."

Shuuichi smiled. "Happy birthday. Do you want me to help you plant them?"

And as much as Tsuzuku wanted to, he was afraid to invite Shuuichi over. He might see something he was not supposed to, from one of the younger brothers. And so, reluctantly, he refused. "No...I can do it myself. It would be an interesting experience, I think."

Shuuichi nodded, a little hurt but not too terribly, Tsuzuku hoped.

And the Ryudo potted the rose in the garden that day. Looking at it gave him a sense of peace.

He still did not know Shuuichi's secret.

And he no longer cared.

Tsuzuku glanced at his list in dismay. He tried everything, and he still could *not* die! He was immortal, and horribly so. I'm not normal!

Despairingly, he tore the paper up into shreds. "Damn."

The misery consumed him, and he felt no appetite.

Nobody cares.

And then he was struck by an inspiration.

He stole a long bread knife from the kitchen and examined it in his room. It was long and sharp, almost unused, because Owaru like cutting his bread with the butcher knife. (He enjoyed the noise it made.) It was jagged on the side, useful for cutting hard bagels.

If he tried to cut himself, the knife would break on his skin.

Tsuzuku unplugged his lamp.

It had been one week since his arsenic attempt.

The knife breaks because scales appear on my skin to protect me. It was frustrating, to have all this power and not know where it came from. To own it and control it, but not know its purpose. To have it only to separate you from others, and then be forced to hide it.

Scales can only come from outside.

Tsuzuku found the bag of arsenic underneath his bed and took out the glass pieces.

My stomach pumps out poison.

Carefully, he took half of the glass and broke them into bite-sized pieces.

But if I get cut from the inside...

One by one, he carefully swallowed the sharp pieces. He swallowed them whole, without biting.

If I hurt myself from the inside...

Pain shot up his throat, a terrible fiery pain that burned like crazy. He forced himself to endure it, if he passed out, he would not be able to finish his job. His eyes welled up with tears, but he ignored those as well, although the liquid was rapidly blurring his vision. Tsuzuku began to panic. His gag reflex made him want to throw up, the pain was overpowering.

Not...yet! I have to make sure I finish the job!

He took the knife and cut the chord of his lamp, revealing the wire. Frantically, he ripped the wire out from the plastic that surrounded it. Then, he slipped one end of the wire down his throat, and plugged the other one into the electricity socket.

I hope it works this time.

The electricity hit him with full force.

And then, one day, he found himself thinking of Shuuichi. The way his emerald eyes lit up when he smiled. The glossy hair. The beautiful face.

Shuuichi is beautiful, he realized. He stopped himself. What am I thinking?

And he ignored that thought, and although it did not go away completely, he pretended that it never existed in the first place.

Shuuichi is beautiful.

He never said a word to the red head regarding this line of thought. Shuuichi was a friend, nothing more. Although...lately the androgynous male was acting strange as well.

And then, one day, while they were eating lunch outside, Shuuichi turned towards him and spoke in a soft, serious tone.

"I think I'm in love with you."

Tsuzuku froze. At first, he was filled with a sense of joy that he had never known. But as quickly as it came, it disappeared and he began to feel fear instead. Fear, and panic. He never intended to make a friend this close. He certainly did not set out upon looking for a lover. Hell, he could *not* have a lover. It was out of the question. A friend, yes, a lover, no. And he never wanted a friend in the first place. As tempting as the idea was, he could *not* accept Shuuichi as a lover. In fact, the closeness they shared was getting alarming, and he wondered if he should even keep him as a friend.

Shuuichi paled, and Tsuzuku realized that he spoke out loud. Horrified, he looked at the redhead who stood suddenly, bowed, and ran off.

"Wait!"

Tsuzuku chased after him, in a slowed run. Surprisingly, however, Shuuichi was fast. Very fast. The fake normal human run was not fast enough to catch him, and Tsuzuku was forced to run at an almost normal (normal for him) pace.

Shuuichi climbed over the school wall and disappeared.

Tsuzuku looked at it hesitantly. If he jumped over it, it would arise suspicion. Instead, he climbed over it as well.

But his hesitance cost him, for Shuuichi was gone as well.

"Oi, Aniki!" Owaru grabbed Hajime's newspaper out of his hands to get his attention.

"What?" Hajime looked at him in annoyance. He did not get to read his paper often, and --

TSUZUKU!!!

Hajime and Owaru ran upstairs in three seconds. Amaru was already in front of Tsuzuku's door, trying in vain to open the locked door without damaging the door.

Owaru did not feel the same. He slammed his shoulder against the door, busting it down. The three Ryudo brothers ran into the room.

Tsuzuku was lying against the floor.

"TSUZUKU!!!!"

"ANIKI!"

"NIISAN!"

Shuuichi avoided him like crazy the next week. Uncertain of what to say, Tsuzuku did not attempt to meet him. It was, after all, probably smarter if he did. Making a friend, a close friend, was a dangerous thing. He had felt like revealing his true self to Shuuichi so many times that it was no longer safe to be near him. And with Shuuichi's confession, his world was thrown into confusion. He was uncertain of his true feelings toward the red head, but he knew that he could not support them, no matter what they were.

And so, he found himself avoiding Shuuichi as well. He could not bring himself to talk to him, he was uncertain of what to say, of what to do. He wanted advice from Hajime but was afraid of the answer. And so, he convinced himself that Shuuichi was a friend, and nothing else. Not *even* a friend, because Shuuichi did not know the real him, their friendship was fake, artificial, built on lies.

And Shuuichi transferred once more.

And his heart died, because he realized that he DID enjoy the red head's company. He felt cold inside, numb. Drained. Empty. And his mask came up again. This one was colder, even meaner than before. And life resumed.

And one day, several months later, while walking home from the school, he found someone waiting for him.

The person was a short being. But Tsuzuku could *feel* the power coming from him. The person in question had short, black, spiky hair and dark, crimson eyes. He was dressed in black, with a white scarf tied across his forehead. His right arm was bandaged

The boy stood in his path. Tsuzuku tried to move around him, but the being moved to block his path.

"Yes?"

The boy moved in one quick motion. He pointed a long, sharp katana at Tsuzuku's neck. Tsuzuku only glanced at the sword in mild amusement.

"You bastard..." The dark haired boy spoke in a low, deep voice. "You're the one who broke Kurama's spirit."

"Kurama? Who's Kurama?"

"You ningen call him Shuuichi. He's dead now, because of you." The boy growled, and Tsuzuku tried to look afraid. Inside his mind was a turmoil.

Shuuichi? Kurama?

Dead?

"That he would give himself to you and earn your hatred in return... You're disgusting. That he killed himself over a worthless human like you..." The boy bristled with hatred and anger.

Killed himself...over me?

"I hope you're happy to know that you destroyed one of the few beautiful things in this stinking world."

When a patient attempts to kill himself, there is usually very little a doctor can do. Despair slows recovery. But this patient was no ordinary human. Thus, the need for secrecy.

The patient was not exactly dying. He had apparently electrocuted himself and swallowed glass. The first fried him, the second cut his internal organs. By all rights, he should be dead. But he was not. Apparently, he survived, but was now in agonizing pain because of the glass.

Carefully, the doctor monitored the patient's progress. The boy was alive, and would not die, but he could possibly be trapped in this state of pain until his death.

"You should take him to a hospital and get them to operate on his stomach."

"If we COULD do that, we would have DONE so already, don't you think?"

"Owaru!"

"Sorry."

"Please..." The youngest brother met the doctor's mismatched face with his own. "Please...help us. We don't have a lot of money, but...but...we can offer you services."

"Services?"

"If you ever need help doing anything, we, the Ryudo brothers, will help you. We can steal things, beat up people, protect you...anything." The boy picked up a vase and crushed it with one hand. "We're strong, see?"

"Amaru!"

The doctor shook his head slightly, his two-colored hair swaying with the movement. "You don't have money? Then how did you get my number?"

"I have a friend that's a news reporter." The oldest explained.

The doctor examined the patient. He looked back at the brothers, and nodded his head. "I'll see what I can do."

"And for that...you deserve death."

The other boy swiftly attacked him. He was surprisingly fast. Tsuzuku dodged the blade, not because he was afraid of getting hurt, but because he did not want to ruin his clothes. He tried his best to look afraid, to satisfy his opponent, if nothing else. The boy's speed was surprising.

He's not human either!

Tsuzuku glanced around his surroundings. They were on an abandoned road, so he supposed he *could* use his powers. Defense was allowed. But if he did that, the other boy might tell Shuuichi about Tsuzuku's powers.

Wait. He couldn't do that.

Shuuichi was dead.

The shock of the news finally hit him. Shuuichi...dead. The bright green eyes, the red hair, the amused little laugh...all of it, gone.

It was impossible.

Shuuichi *could* not be dead.

The blade landed inches from his face. Tsuzuku rolled away from it.

Concentrate on the fight!

Cuts appeared all over his clothing. The short guy was *fast.* Possibly faster than Tsuzuku. The shorter boy landed from another attack, frowning slightly. Tsuzuku didn't care.

Shuuichi's DEAD!!!

Tsuzuku had to call and check.

But he never went to Shuuichi's house because he did not want to feel obligated to invite Shuuichi over. And he never got Shuuichi's number because he did not want to give his own number out. They had never hung out outside of school, and Tsuzuku had not been sure that he had wanted to. And so, they had never exchanged numbers or any of that sort.

But this short kid knew Shuuichi. In fact, he might be able to tell him. Tsuzuku stood up and felt the force of the blade slam him into the wall.

The shorter boy jumped back, his frown deepening. He looked at his blade in astonishment, as it *cracked* and the pieces fell, becoming useless.

"Are you finished with your stupid game?" Tsuzuku asked, sitting up. The blade had broken against his skin, and did not go through. But he still felt the impact of the blade, and that had, surprisingly, hurt. "As if attacking an unarmed normal school boy with a sword would give you a good fight."

"You of all people should know that you are not normal, dragon." The shorter boy sheathed his broken blade.

Recovering from the shock of the words spoken, Tsuzuku could only stare in astonishment as the other boy pulled off the white cloth against his forehead, revealing a third, large purple eye.

An alien!

"If you were a normal human, you would be dying a slow, agonizing death at this instant. But you aren't. You're a dragon disguised as a human." Power emanated from the boy, so like a child in appearance. Slowly, he began to ceremoniously remove the bandage on his arm, while Tsuzuku only felt horror at the words spoken.

"HIEI! What the hell do you think you're doing? Stop it!" From out a nowhere, a third boy ran towards the shorter one and gripped his arms around the one called Hiei, restraining him. The new comer had dark green hair, which was slicked back, and large brown eyes. He was wearing a green school uniform.

"Yuusuke. Let go of me."

"The hell I will! If you kill another human, Koenma's gonna grill you!"

"I don't care anything for that brat. If--" Hiei's voice broke off in surprise, as Yuusuke calmly slammed his head into the back of the shorter boy's in a hard head bunt.

Hiei's dark ruby eyes glimmered in anger. "Temee...Yuusuke..."

"Kurama wouldn't want you to do this."

"If Kurama was smarter, he wouldn't have fallen in love with that bastard." The voice was uncommonly bitter. Hiei, however, stopped struggling. He pushed himself from his friend's grip and stepped freely away. He did not, however, attack.

Satisfied, Yuusuke turned and eyed Tsuzuku, who was watching him cautiously.

"So you're the asshole that that Kurama fell in love with," he said contemptuously. "Even if you didn't feel the same way, you *could* have told him so without breaking your friendship."

The words stung more than any blow, as they held truth within them. The other boy continued relentlessly.

"Kurama's smart, beautiful, and fun to hang around. He's compassionate and kind. He's the perfect guy. If he wasn't the wrong gender, I'd go for him in a second. And of all people he has to fall in love with, it HAS to be you." Yuusuke snorted in disgust. "He kept saying there was a friend of his that he wanted us to meet, but you never showed up. I guess we should have taken that as a sign of the deceitful bastard you are beneath.

"Kurama's not like other people. If you didn't feel the same way, you could have told him, and he would have dropped the matter. He wouldn't try to push you into a relationship that you did not want." The other boy was angry. "It's funny...I never thought he would become friends with someone who was so narrow-minded and homophobic. I thought he had better taste than that.

"Instead, you avoid him like he had some sort of disease after he confessed his feelings for you. Do you know how *hard* it must have been for him to confess himself to you? You didn't even have the decency to tell him that you just wanted to remain friends, and forget the whole incident. You..." His brown eyes met the Ryudo's auburn.

"You lost your chance at obtaining the greatest happiness you'd ever know. You didn't just lose it, you destroyed it."

"He sure is pretty, isn't he?" The doctor's assistant, standing on a stool for a better look, examined the doctor's patient. She was a small child, of five, perhaps, with short brown hair and glassy, brown eyes. Her skin had a peculiar shine to it, although none of the Ryudo brothers felt it was in their place to comment on how strange she looked.

The doctor continued writing down measurements of the patient's health status. After a moment, he looked at the eldest Ryudo. "Is there a modern facility we may move him to?"

Silence, as the eldest Ryudo struggled to come up with one. Helplessly, he shrugged.

The doctor observed the response quietly and nodded in understanding. "I know of a private hospital a little while from here. The owner owes me a favor, so he will give us a private room. I'm afraid, however, it will neither be free nor inexpensive."

Hajime nodded in assent. Owaru tugged on his arm, distracting him.

"Aniki, can I talk to you for a second?"

Hajime bowed towards the doctor. "Excuse us for a moment." He left the room with his younger brother, the two of them entering the hall together.

"Oi, Aniki!" Owaru whispered loudly when they were outside of the room. "Are you sure you trust this guy? He looks weird." The doctor, as Owaru was referring to, had half of his face grafted with a different skin color and perhaps, as result, two different hair colors. The right side of his face, which looked Japanese, sported white hair. The left side, which had darker skin, supported black hair.

"Owaru. Haven't I taught you not to judge people based on their looks?" Hajime sighed. "We don't really have a choice."

Outside of the events of their births, none of the Ryudos have ever been inside of a hospital. They were remarkably healthy, none of them had ever injured any bones or sprained any ligaments. None of them have ever been ill enough to warrant a trip to the hospital. They had so long avoided health centers that Hajime was uncertain of what would happen if they took Tsuzuku there. The Ryudos were unlike normal humans...it was probable that their heart rate, temperature, and other measurements were not average. And if anybody found out how inhuman the Ryudos were...

"But who is he?" Owaru pressed, not liking the idea of leaving the care of his older brother to a stranger.

"He's an unlicensed underground doctor named Black Jack. Shinkai-sempai once researched him for an article, but never printed it. He's a skilled surgeon who doesn't talk. Usually he charges only what you can give; which, for the types of patients he gets, is a lot." Seeing his brother's disbelieving look, Hajime sighed. "Thousands. Millions, some times, all depending on the situation. We're lucky he's willing to help us even though we can't pay him much."

Owaru's eyes widened. "Oh..." He looked around, suddenly recalling his youngest brother that struck the bargain. "Where's Amaru?"

"C'mon, Hiei. We're on suicide watch."

The shorter boy looked at the speaker in surprise. "You mean..."

"What, you didn't really think that poison would kill him, did you?" Yuusuke grinned. "Even if it was a Makai plant... He sure had us fooled. Telling us that he just wanted to recover from yesterday's fight, although the fact that he got hurt yesterday was his fault, too. Serves him right that I forced him to throw it all up. He almost had us."

Slowly, Tsuzuku absorbed the bizarre things that were being said. "You mean he's alive?"

Yuusuke looked at him in contempt. "He might as well be dead; he's been trying to kill himself over you."

With that, the two boys left, leaving the Ryudo alone with his thoughts.

For the next week, Tsuzuku forced himself to talk to students he disliked at school, the girls that fawned over him, the boys that hated him... He forced himself to ask those that *seemed* to know Shuuichi...or at least, had spoken to him at school. He asked around for Shuuichi's phone number.

It was not easy. Most of the other students tended to avoid or ignore him when he walked up to them. And they all were astonished that he didn't have the red head's phone number, seeing as how "close you two had been." It turned out that none of them had his number, either.

At last, one girl who had been obsessed with Shuuichi gave Tsuzuku his number, in exchange for a lock of Tsuzuku's hair. Reluctantly, he had given it and that day, he immediately went home and called it. He spoke with Shuuichi's mother, who said that he was spending the night at a friend's house, and gave him Yuusuke's address.

It was so easy.

The house was within walking distance.

But if he saw him, what would he say?

What if he only hurt the other boy even more?

Tsuzuku found that his original uncertainties had resurfaced, and that he was still unsure of how he felt around his former friend.

Amaru watched his sleeping brother worriedly. The fairest of the Ryudos moaned in his sleep, clearly in pain.

"Tsuzuku..." Amaru whispered, the tears flowing more freely now that his other brothers weren't watching. "Niisan...please...don't die...." He wiped his eyes and talked to the other boy, as if he were awake. "Why?"

Amaru had been the one who found the powder on the ground that Hajime had told him to stay away from. He was also the first to notice the wire on the ground, which must have slipped out of Tsuzuku's mouth. And he had overheard Hajime telling Owaru that the person who had done this to Tsuzuku was Tsuzuku.

The youngest Ryudo couldn't understand it. Why would his brother want to hurt himself? Why would anyone try to kill himself, why? For what reason was there that overpowered nature's instinct towards survival and cause a being to turn upon himself? "Why did you do it? Do you hate us? Do you wish you weren't with us? Have we been nothing but a burden to you?" Choking back a sob, he looked at the doctor solemnly. "Black Jack-sensei...is he going to die?"

The doctor watched him carefully, before deciding how he should answer. "By all rights, he *should* be dead. Since he's not already, I find it very unlikely that he will soon. But the glass has caused a lot of damage to his internal organs, and if one of the vital ones ceased functioning, then he will die." He glanced at the patient before he spoke again to the youngest Ryudo. "Get your brothers. The sooner we operate, the better the chances of his survival."

Finally, he had mustered the courage to go see his friend. How could he be so selfish as to worry about his own feelings when his friend was dying on his own account? If nothing else, he had to see that Shuuichi recovered... They were friends, if nothing else. But no friendship was worth dying over.

And so, Tsuzuku found the house. He felt an odd sensation, one that he had not experienced in a long while.

Fear mixed with anticipation.

He was at the side of the house before he noticed that someone else was coming. Not wishing for a repeat of his last encounter with Shuuichi's friends, he quickly ducked into some nearby bushes, and hid himself the best he could while watching the intruder.

The approacher was the short boy from before, Hiei. A slight aura radiated from him, Tsuzuku could *feel* it. Energy. Tsuzuku forced himself to relax completely, and not breathe, only watch.

The other boy did not notice him. Instead, he silently opened a window that was only a few feet to the left of Tsuzuku, and hopped inside.

Carefully, Tsuzuku rose from his hiding place, moved beneath the window, and slowly, carefully, lifted his head and glanced in.

The Ryudo brothers had excellent vision, far excelling those of normal humans. Not the exception, Tsuzuku could see, even from his distance away, Shuuichi.

His former friend was lying on bed, covers partially covering the lower half of his body and eyes closed. He was ill, it was evident from a single glance. His normal healthy complexion was slack and pale. Beads of sweat clung to his damp forehead, his pretty red hair darker and dirtier than usual.

He was not wearing a shirt. Instead, bandages stained brown were wrapped sporadically over his upper torso. Some on his arms, several layers over his chest. Evidently, he had been in a fight, and from the looks of it...he had not won.

Silently, Hiei moved to the side of the bed. He stared at his friend with an unreadable expression on his face.

Even in his sleep, even with bruises all over his face and body, with bandages over his upper torso, with his hair damp from sweat, with the pale, sickening complexion that spoke of illness --

Shuuichi was beautiful.

After he finished regarding his friend for a minute, Hiei moved his arm, his black cloak rustling with the movement. He placed a hand against Shuuichi's cheek, gently gripping it, his bottom fingers holding onto the chin. Then, he turned the redhead's face to face his own, leaned in, and kissed him.

The kiss lasted half of a minute. Tsuzuku could sense a change occurring, a shift of balance of some kind, but he did not know what.

Then, Hiei pulled away and observed his friend silently once more, as did Tsuzuku.

Shuuichi's skin had regained some of its color.

Tsuzuku moved quickly into the bushes once more, when he realized that Hiei was leaving. Thankfully, the bushes were large and untrimmed, being neglected and allowed to grow every which way with no care towards its aesthetic value.

Hiei silently jumped out of the window. He did not notice Tsuzuku, his mind elsewhere, although Tsuzuku noticed *him*. The Ryudo could no longer sense the aura he had felt earlier. If anything, he observed, Hiei looked weakened.

The shorter boy flickered out of view.

Tsuzuku heard movement coming from the room, a rustling of fabric. Carefully, he glanced into the corner of the window.

Shuuichi was awake, and sitting upright. His expression was one of thought, so deep into thought that he did not notice anything else around him. His fingers lingered over the lips that Hiei had just touched earlier.

And slowly, the lips curled into a slight smile.

A patient who tries to kill himself by electrocution and who survives is no ordinary patient. Despair and depression were items that needed to be combated, yes, but so did the body's natural defenses.

Moving on the side of caution, the doctor gave the Ryudo anesthesia, the proper equipment covering the boy's nose and mouth, allowing him to inhale the narcotic. After studying the graphs and charts that indicated where the glass pieces were located, Back Jack took the scalpel and prepared for an incision.

The scalpel broke against the patient's skin, and it soon became apparent why the boy had NOT died from the electrocution.

"Scalpel."

Pinoko, his small girl-child assistant, wordlessly handed him another one.

This one, too, broke.

Black Jack looked at Hajime, the only brother present, and spoke through his surgeon's mask.. The eldest brother had forbidden Owaru and Amaru from being present at the surgery, and was, thus, the only one presiding. "I cannot operate on him if his skin is impenetrable. Suggestion?"

Frowning, Hajime touched his younger brother's forehead from the other side of the operating table. Instinctively, he knew what to do. He closed his eyes and commanded the other not to awaken, not to attempt to awaken, it was too soon to awake. Let him be hurt, let this man help, do not allow the dragon to awaken. There is not danger here, no harm, it was too early to wake. Silently, he forbid the other from awakening, he commanded the other to *allow* this. To trust him, them, both. When their destinies would force them to, *that* was the time to awaken.

Tsuzuku relaxed considerably.

Using his third scalpel, Black Jack began the operation.

And Tsuzuku left the neighborhood.

He understood now.

Hiei had been in love with "Kurama" as well; *that* was why he was so bitter. And that was why Tsuzuku could trust him to take care of Shuuichi. He *would* have to trust the little guy to, he certainly couldn't trust himself.

Shuuichi would recover from his broken heart with the aid of the short boy, the one who *did* know his secret.

There was no need for Tsuzuku to interfere.

Tsuzuku realized that he still did not know Shuuichi's secret.

And it no longer mattered.

Shuuichi was in good hands. He had someone who *could* reciprocate his feelings, someone who *could* be close friends with, someone he *could* share all of his secrets with. Someone who had just given him some of his *own* energy to speed the recovery.

Tsuzuku could offer nothing. Their shallow friendship could never move past its current stage. They could not be close friends, they could not be lovers. If he DID pay Shuuichi a visit, it would serve only to injure the boy further, as it would be to end their friendship once and for all.

Better to simply not do it. If nothing else, to wait until Shuuichi was emotionally stable enough to handle it.

He recalled the slight smile, and hoped that, for Shuuichi's sake, the other boy would fall in love again. He knew that Hiei would not harm him, and would prevent him from harming himself further.

Surprisingly, he felt a bitter sensation. Sorrow. Never mind that he, too, had been in love with Shuuichi. It could go nowhere, and it was best to end it now. It was better for all of their sake's: Shuuichi, Hiei, and himself.

So why did he feel so sad? So bitter? So lonely?

He knew why. And he knew that he would just have to get over it.

But the pain did not go away. In the weeks that followed, the pain intensified until he could bear it no longer. He wanted to find Shuuichi, tell him everything, confess everything. He resisted. He wanted to fight Hiei again, for different reasons. He didn't. He wanted the sorrow to end, he wanted to recover from *his* heart break. He couldn't.

He wanted things to return to how they were before. When they did, he discovered that *that* was not what he wanted, for it solved nothing and only made things worse. The former happiness could never be recovered again, nothing changed, and compared to the memories, his life was becoming hell. Back to the routine of pretense, of not having anyone to talk to, of not being accepted.

And he now learned a great lesson: he would always be lonely.

He wished that he could stop feeling. Feeling guilt, regret, sorrow, pain...everything.

And that was when he made a list of possible ways to end his suffering.

He woke up and felt a terrible pain in his stomach. I'm alive. *AGAIN*! I've failed once more. He was staring at a ceiling he did not recognize.

His stomach ached, and he moved to sit up. Immediately, he found himself pressed down by familiar hands. Hands that held him in his childhood, hands that comforted him when he was younger. Hajime.

"Don't move," his older brother whispered.

Tsuzuku looked towards his body, found someone operating on it, and felt panic rise, heavily laced with confusion. What the hell's going on?

The patient had apparently awoken, and in his great alarm, his body began to heal.

Frantically, Hajime *commanded* Tsuzuku to sleep.

To both his and the doctor's relief, he did.

And the operation continued.

"Aniki, how is he?"

"He's fine; he's asleep." Hajime forced himself to smile, to attempt to reassure his own brothers a feeling he did not share.

When Dr. Black Jack had removed all the glass pieces, he had also found traces of all sorts of substances in Tsuzuku's stomach, ranging from a variety of substances.

Tsuzuku has been trying to kill himself for a while, and no one had noticed. The constant cleaning of bathrooms, the missing knives, the broken razor blade, the missing bleach, the shopping trips. The time he was hit by that truck, the class field trip to see Tokyo Tower, the extra long baths, the rope found downstairs, the time he accidentally burned himself, and a larger variety of other small peculiarities clicked into place. Those alone should have told his brothers. One would think that his brothers would *eventually* notice, but they didn't, not even things that they *should* have... The changes in Tsuzuku, for example. The detached expression, the eating of meals in his own room, the irritability that came and went, the sharp tongue sometimes used on his brothers...

Hajime felt like pounding his head against the wall. How could they have been so stupid? Why didn't they notice? Even though he worked, it was no excuse for his neglect. Why didn't his younger brothers ask? But Tsuzuku was never an open person, and so rarely did they speak about themselves to him...

But how could no one have seen this? This had been occurring since the last *MONTH*. Not days, not weeks...*MONTH.*

How could they have been so stupid...?

How could they not see?

Was it too late to change his mind?

"Are you awake?"

Tsuzuku blinked. He ran his mind through a mental catalogue and promptly came to the conclusion that he did not recognize the voice, nor the person that was speaking to him. Where...?

His throat was dry and raspy. His head had a dull ache as well did his stomach. His stomach. Another suicide attempt had failed. "I'm alive," he noted bitterly. He sighed and looked quietly the person who had spoken to him.

The being was not looking at him, scribbling notes on a clipboard instead. He had dark skin and black hair. Or so Tsuzuku thought, until the former turned around, revealing a face that had dark and light skin, black hair and white hair. The stitches that ran across the man's face was the divider between the multiple skin colors. He was wearing black tuxedo over a white collared shirt, sported with a thin red bow tie, and a black mantle hanging over his shoulders.

"Who are you?" Tsuzuku asked calmly, not indicating any of the fear he felt in his sixteen-year old body. I can take him out in two seconds, then run out the door. Actually going out the door is probably stupid... There are probably lots of people outside. Maybe I should go out the window. Jump out the window, maybe I'll get killed. Yeah, right. Like falling out a building will kill you after you've thrown yourself off of Tokyo Tower and survived.

"My name is Doctor Black Jack. Your oldest brother brought you to my care. I've taken the liberty of removing all of the glass pieces from your stomach, as well as pumping your stomach from any removing traces of poison -- although your body has already been doing an excellent job of doing so on its own."

"Where are my brothers?" Does Hajime know what I've been trying to do...?

"Amaru's outside, being kept company by Pinoko, my assistant. Owaru had persuaded Hajime to drive him somewhere to get something to eat. You're in the Akizuki Private Hospital in Chiba."

"I see." Slowly, Tsuzuku pushed himself partially up, so that he could observe his doctor more carefully. If Niisan trusts him, then I guess I have no choice but to do the same... After all, he dissected me... He must know that there's something unusual about it. He began to laugh bitterly, as the irony set in.

Here he was, sacrificing everything, *EVERYTHING* for the keeping of the secret of the family... Distancing himself from a friend, making himself unpopular at school, losing the only potential of having a lover...all for what? To try killing yourself, failing, and then being rescued by a doctor who now knows. It was useless, meaningless, pointless! What has he done with his life but try to keep the secret from being revealed and now another person outside of the family knew! And it was all his fault! He might as well run after Shuuichi and tell him everything and beg for forgiveness...

Tsuzuku smashed THAT thought as soon as it came and tried to keep his eye on his doctor. Thinking about Shuuichi *hurt.*

"I hope that we can trust you to be discreet about us...?"

Black Jack gave his patient a brief smile. "I think that was why your brother brought you to me. I'm an unlicensed doctor, so have no fear, your family's secret is safe. I've seen stranger humans, stranger things..."

"Stranger 'humans'? Can you even call us that?" Tsuzuku laughed bitterly, and then choked back a sob. To his horror, he found that his mask was crumbling right in front of a stranger! But it was easier to indulge in telling things to a stranger than to someone who knew you, a stranger couldn't compare and judge how you acted to how you used to be...

The doctor observed him quietly. "Have you ever killed someone?"

"No."

"Do you torture small animals or children for pleasure? Do you rape girls in the streets, do you break down houses and burn people in them? Have you ever tried to push an old man into the street while a car is speeding by?"

"No!" Tsuzuku exclaimed, surprised by both the questions and how horrified he was at the thought of committing such atrocities.

"But you *can*. You more, than any normal person, *can,* and can get away it."

Tsuzuku glared at him. Was he intending to use us to get away with crimes?

The doctor continued. "But you choose not to, you have a set of morals. *That* is what makes you human. I've seen people do all of those, and worse. I've seen the effect of old biological chemical weaponry on young girls, girls that develop anorexia and starve themselves to death. I've seen a man gunned down just as he was about to step on his home soil, his last wish, and all that was left of him was his hand hanging on the fence. Can you really call the people who did those crimes 'human'? You, who have tremendous power and *choose* not to abuse it, can you really call yourself inhuman? The reality is that you are more human than any of those people, and doubting it will only bring you pain."

Tsuzuku stared, his mind in turmoil. "But...that's different..."

"How so? Physically, yes, you are different from others. But everyone is unique. No two humans have the same DNA as another. And is being different wrong? Can you blame a homosexual for his different orientation? Can you hate a little boy who is of a different skin color, just because he was born that way?" Black Jack smiled briefly, touching the darker side of his face unconsciously and running his finger over the smooth stitches that separated his two skins.

Tsuzuku could only watch him thoughtfully.

"Now," said the doctor as he sat on a chair besides the bed, "Do you want me to get your brothers?"

To see his brothers now? Now, after they knew about his numerous suicide attempts, now after he'd forced them to reveal their secret to another? To face Amaru's sadness, Owaru's anger, Hajime's disappointment? Tsuzuku shivered slightly. Why didn't he die! Why couldn't it all just go away? Why couldn't he just sleep? Is this how his existence would always be? Would he lived forever like this, trapped in a body that couldn't be hurt and constantly feeling pain? He shuddered, and tried not to cry. But another sob escaped his throat and he soon found something warm and wet sliding down his cheek. He wiped away at it furiously. He would not cry in front of a stranger, and would definitely not cry in front of his brothers! But it was too late, his resolution weakened and the tears, though he tired to hold them back, slowly fell. He shook his head slightly and spoke in a shaky voice. "Please don't tell them yet."

Black Jack watched him silently. "You're a little young for bottling up your feelings. If you want to cry, then do it. Don't fight it so hard. Don't let your pride get in the way of expressing who you really are."

The words filled Tsuzuku with shame and regret. And at the same time, he felt relief. He turned his face away from his doctors and let the tears slide down his face, just a little, until he was sure that they would not start up again so easily. He was so weak! Here he was, sobbing like a baby in front of a stranger and yet, he couldn't stop! It was so humiliating... But Black Jack was right, he shouldn't be so prideful... The tears continued to flow, slightly easier than before. When they stopped, he wiped his face and looked back at his doctor, who smiled slightly.

"If you ever doubt your humanity, look upon your tears, for only humans shed tears because of their emotions."

"Aniki... why do you think Tsuzuku-aniki did that to himself?"

Owaru and Hajime were waiting at in the inside of a restaurant for their orders. At first, Hajime had been reluctant to leave the hospital while Tsuzuku had been asleep, but Owaru pointed out that he and Amaru didn't eat anything since Tsuzuku was taken to Black Jack. Then, Hajime had felt guilty for neglecting his younger brothers and had taken Owaru to get something to eat, while Amaru volunteered to stay in the hospital as a familiar face in case Tsuzuku woke up.

The service at Sushi Fun was slow, giving the two ample of time to discuss matters while waiting for their orders.

Hajime sighed, restraining himself from banging his head on the table, for fear of alarming his brother and the other customers. "It's my fault... I'm not fit to lead this family. I've neglected Tsuzuku and this is what happens..."

"Aniki! It's not your fault!" Owaru almost banged his fist on the table, then remembered that if he did so, the table might collapse. Instead, he concentrated his attention on his older brother and lowered his voice. "No one said it was because of you, Aniki. Tsuzuku-aniki had never told any of us what was bothering him... it's his fault that...." His voice trailed off, as he realized what he was starting to say. "Anyway," Owaru emphasized. "It's not your fault. Tsuzuku-aniki should have been more open to us."

Hajime fell silent. He knew that Owaru didn't blame him. But who else was there to blame? He should have noticed that his younger brother was having problems. He should have noticed the signs... How could he be so remiss? After all those failed attempts, one would *think* that his older brother, the one that cared for him when he was younger, would notice. How could he have been so blind?

"What I want to know is *why* Tsuzuku-aniki would try to hurt himself. I thought he seemed pretty happy for the last half of the year." Owaru looked irritated, as he began to feel an irrational anger towards his suicidal brother. "Remember when he planted a rose on our birthday? Or when he began waking up earlier and earlier to go to school? Boy, he sure changed his mind quick! I wished he told us SOMETHING..."

Something occurred to the oldest Ryudo. "Where *did* he get that rose? Did you give it to him?"

Owaru was surprised by the question. "Me? No...Aniki, Amaru and I figured that you gave it to him, for always taking care of us."

"...No..." Hajime frowned.

"Matsuri then?"

"No. I was with Matsuri the entire day before, she wanted help on picking out everyone a gift. And then she gave up and decided to treat us all to another Hong Kong action flick, remember?"

"Yeah, 'God of Gambles' was a great movie. I --" Owaru stopped. He looked puzzled at Hajime. "So some friend gave Tsuzuku-aniki the flowers? Must've been a girl. Aniki's so good-looking that anybody would fall in love with him in a second." Owaru was proud of his brothers, in every which way.

"I guess..."

Owaru frowned. "So Tsuzuku-aniki's bummed because of some GIRL? That doesn't seem like him..." His eyes darkened in irritation, and suddenly he stood up, surprising his older brother with an outburst directed behind Hajime. "Alright you, would you please stop staring at us and eat your own food? Mind your own business and quit your eavesdropping."

Hajime turned around and found that the person Owaru had been addressing was an effeminate looking young male. The male's face was very pale, contrasting with his bright, red hair. His hands gripped the corner of his table hard, his knuckles white. Across from him, not quite sitting on his chair but on TOP of its back sat a short, small spiky-haired youth. The latter was glowering at the floor, while the former had a strange gleam in his eye. Looking apprehensive, he stood up and walked towards their table, leaving his companion behind.

Owaru glared at the redhead as he approached. "What do you want?"

"Sumimasen...did you say Tsuzuku? As in Ryudo Tsuzuku?"

"Who are you?" The second youngest Ryudo asked hostilely.

"Owaru!" Hajime admonished.

"I'm Minamino Shuuichi, one of Tsuzuku's former classmates. How is he? I haven't seen him in a while..." The androgynous male's green eyes were laced with concern. "Did you say he hurt himself...?"

"No, he's fine," Owaru lied. He glanced at Hajime, who disproved of them lying, and then amended, "Ok, not exactly fine, but he will be."

"Oh." Conflicting emotions crossed over Minamino's face. Hajime noticed that he was shaking slightly, and realized, upon closer inspection, that the boy did not look in the best of health. Minamino looked sickly, and he leaned one hand against the corner of their table, as if supporting himself from collapsing. Smiling politely, Hajime spoke. "Would you and your friend like to eat with us? We won't be here long, but..."

Enthusiasm mingled with hope danced into Minamino's green eyes. He glanced in the direction of his companion, who was watching them expressionlessly, and then back at Hajime. "I'd love to." He signaled the waitress, a pretty young dark-haired woman, and indicated that he moved his seat. She nodded, then glanced uncertainly at his companion. Reluctantly, the shorter boy left his table as well, opting to stand near Minamino, who was now sitting.

"You can sit down, you know," Owaru said to Minamino's friend. He received a disdainful look.

"Please forgive Hiei...he's not the most sociable of creatures." Minamino gave a brief smile in the direction of his friend and then returned his attention towards the older brother. "So, how is Tsuzuku? Is he in the hospital? Can I visit?"

Hajime blinked in surprise at the barge of questions, and Minamino flushed slightly.

"Forgive me for being so rude...it's just that...I wanted to see him again..." His voice trailed off, he paused to take a moment to examine the fine tables that Sushi Fun had to offer. He glanced up again, and smiled at the waitress, who came over with the Ryudo's orders. "Never mind...please just tell him that I hope he gets well soon...and to call me if he feels like it." He looked up at the waitress. "May I borrow your pen?" At her consent, he took her pen and scribbled a number on a napkin; then handed it to Hajime, who accepted it.

"Oi, Aniki! We got the food, ya wanna go now?" Owaru dangled the bag before Hajime's face.

Hajime nodded, swapping the bag with his hand. "It was nice meeting you, Minamino-kun."

Minamino stared at the table thoughtfully. He looked up and nodded in consent. "Likewise..."

"Ryudo Hajime. And this is Ryudo Owaru."

"Likewise, Ryudo-san."

"Ok, well, it was great meeting a friend of Tsuzuku, but we gotta go." Owaru stood up. "Bye." He left the restaurant, leaving Hajime no choice but to follow.

"Niisan?" The question asked was uncertain, tentative. "Tsuzuku-niisan, are you awake?"

Reluctantly, Tsuzuku opened his eyes to find his youngest brother staring down at his face. His mind was foggy, slowly waking from its rest. I was asleep? Apparently, he had fallen asleep after talking to the doctor, and from a quick survey of the room, the latter was no longer present. Blinking slowly, he turned to Amaru.

"I am now..."

"Niisan..." Amaru collapsed into a sob, hugging his startled older brother tightly. "Ni-niisan..." He cried for a few minutes, before pulling away to face Tsuzuku. "Is it true? Did you do this to yourself?"

Looking at the tear-streaked face filled Tsuzuku with shame. How could he even think of dying while his brothers still needed him? That look of pure innocence, the sad eyes...it made him so angry at himself that he almost wanted to do it all over again. Slowly, looking down, he nodded.

"Why?"

One simple word, one simple question, a dozen inquiries. Why did he do it? Why did he try to kill himself? Why didn't he talk to his brothers, why didn't he confide in one of them when the pain was unbearable? Why would he even try? Faced with just one question, Tsuzuku found that he could not answer. He couldn't tell Amaru about Shuuichi, Amaru wouldn't understand. He couldn't talk about the agonizing loneliness he felt, because Amaru would feel guilty for it. He couldn't talk about his endless nights of soul-searching, of questioning himself and finding out that there was no one he hated more than himself. He could not bring himself to tell of the many half-attempts he tried at talking to his brothers, only to be interrupted or brushed aside. He could not bring himself to speak of any of this, of his pain, his thoughts, his feelings.

One simple question, no simple answers.

Tsuzuku could not bring himself to meet his younger sibling's eyes, and found himself studying the bed instead.

"Do you..." Amaru sounded like he was about to choke. "Do you wish that you had succeeded?"

How could he not? How could anyone who had gone through what he did not wish that it worked? To fail so many times, to make so many mistakes...

To hurt so many people...

And now...to face the consequences of his actions. His brothers' reactions.

It was bound to happen. Sooner or later they would notice, wouldn't they? But he had been hoping that he would succeed before they did.

And yet, part of him, a tiny part, felt relieved that they finally knew. Part of him was tired of hiding from Hajime, and was glad to have the oldest Ryudo know...to have the attentions of his older brother, to leave his problem for Hajime to take care of...

How can I be so selfish? Tsuzuku sighed, and realized that he still did not answer Amaru's question. Well, how do you honestly answer a question like that without telling the truth?

Amaru choked back another sob. "You do, don't you?" He hugged Tsuzuku tightly. "I'm sorry..." His arms tightened around his older brother, until it became uncertain who was supposed to be comforting whom. "I'm sorry we never knew... I'm so sorry..."

"It's not your fault. Don't apologize for something you didn't do," said Tsuzuku, becoming alarmed. He had no idea his act would affect his brothers this way. He knew that they loved him, but it was still surprising to see Amaru crying on his account. To see that Amaru cared... Tsuzuku felt his own tears slowly collecting. He fought them back viciously. You idiot. Don't cry in front of Amaru just because you're becoming sentimental. Just because you're surprised to know that someone does care about what you do...why are you surprised? You know that they love you. So why do you feel like crying now, why does seeing Amaru cry almost make you want to cry? Why does him shedding his tears also make you a little happy? You selfish, self-centered monster! Taking pleasure in your brother's tears, and at the same time, seeing him so breaks your own heart.

The tears slowly slid down, no matter how hard he tried to prevent them. And then he recalled his earlier conversation with the doctor, and the tears slid more freely than before. Tsuzuku hugged his brother back. "I'm sorry too..." I'm sorry...I can't do anything right, can I? I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

"How is he?" Owaru offered the doctor a western roll -- apparently, an American bastardized version of the normal sushi dish.

The doctor shook his head, refusing the offer. "Your brother is fine -- physically, at least. I can remove the glass from his stomach, but can do little else for whatever is bothering him. Apparently, he is not one easy to kill, so the worst thing that he faces right now is himself." The doctor put on his coat, getting ready to take Pinoko out to dinner. "You can see him right now; he's with Amaru. Although I'm not sure that he wants to receive guests. But he shouldn't be alone right now... not after a suicide attempt." Black Jack eyed Hajime. "From what I gather, he's ashamed of not being normal. I think there's more, but I don't know what it is."

Hajime watched him, taking every word in and nodding as the doctor continued.

"He's not in any immediate danger, but if his depression is not dealt with soon, he could try something worse next time." Black Jack paused, and then looked at Hajime thoughtfully. "The patient wants to live. That is what every doctor must believe. Otherwise, there seems little point in what he does; depression is the worst enemy a doctor can face. If a doctor believed otherwise..." His voice trailed off, thinking of another dark doctor, one who practiced euthanasia. "In any case, I'll be taking a break now. I don't think he'll try anything now, but he should be watched anyway." He nodded at the Ryudos, took Pinoko's hand, and left.

Owaru watched him leave and then swung to look at Hajime. "What do we do, Hajime-aniki?"

"What else can we do? I'll try to get to the bottom of this..." Hajime looked tired, as he realized what lie ahead of him was many hours of emotional torment. "You take Amaru and wait outside. He hasn't eaten yet."

Owaru nodded, glad to take orders so that he didn't have to think of a plan on his own. Hajime and Tsuzuku were always the ones to do that; he and Amaru were just there to help carry out orders.

Hajime stared at the door, a thousand insecurities bouncing in his mind as he hesitated. Why was he the leader of his family? He was unfit for the position, and terribly so. Would he be able to respond to Tsuzuku's pain? Would he be able to help his little brother at all? A million fears and possibilities of what could go wrong. But...hesitance only cost the hesitator, and nothing would be done if he simply stood outside of the door all day. Slowly, he knocked on the door. "Tsuzuku? Amaru? We're coming in."

Slowly, Hajime turned the knob and opened the door. Inside the room, the scene presented itself to him: Amaru, hugging Tsuzuku, both looking rather tearful. It almost made him want to cry himself. He nodded at Owaru, silently giving the order. Hesitantly, the second youngest brother gently tugged on Amaru's shoulder.

"C'mon Amaru, let's go eat outside." Owaru slipped an arm around his younger brother, and pulled the boy towards his body. Not resistant, Amaru went with him, and they left the room, leaving the two oldest brothers alone.

Quietly, Hajime sat in the chair besides his brother. Tsuzuku tried to hide his tears when his older brother sat down, but it was useless. Instead, the second oldest brother turned his head away from Hajime, ashamed of his weakness and his tears. Never mind what the doctor had said about tears. When facing his older brother, all Tsuzuku felt was shame. Can't I do anything right? I try not to cry, I try to die, and in both do I fail miserably. He felt strong arms around him, as he received yet another hug from a brother, this one his oldest.

"Tsuzuku...how are you feeling?" Hajime asked him gently.

How do you think I feel? The question unintentionally increased the flow of his tears. He disappointed Hajime, he KNEW it now, and it only made him feel worse. I'm so stupid...thinking that I could get away with it without Hajime knowing. The sobs became to rack his body, as he cried harder. Why did his older brother care for him at all? He was never a good brother; he didn't need attention like his younger brothers... He was the second oldest, the one that was also supposed to be responsible, and he tried to electrocute himself! Not only did he set a horrid example for his younger brother, he must have made them all ashamed of him. Imagine, a Ryudo who tried to take his own life! Not once, but many times...and failing each time. How can Niisan care for such a loser? Such a pathetic brother? Tsuzuku forced his voice to steady as he tried to answer his brother's call. "I've seen better days." Like when I HAD a close friend...Shuuichi...

"Can you tell me why you did it?"

Once again, the why. Not a rebuke at doing so, not an angry, "never again!" but a questioning, uncertain "why?" How could he answer a question like that? Instead, the third youngest brother began to feel an irrational anger toward his older brother. Why do you think? You don't know because you didn't even TRY to know...All those times when I tried to talk to you, you were being so damn unreachable! I knew what you were going to say, knew you were going to judge me. Why do you even care??? You never took care of me, you always expected me to take care of myself, to take care of Owaru and Amaru. Why do you give a damn about me? Of course Amaru would be worried...I've been a mother and a father to him since he was three. Of course Owaru would be angry...he expected better of me. But you. Why would you care? You never did anything for me.

But that was a lie. Hajime was there when Tsuzuku was younger, he couldn't deny that. Like when their parents died. Hajime had looked at him and told him, "We have to be strong, Tsuzuku. For Amaru and Owaru's sake. We cry now, and then we will be strong because we can't be weak." Or when he first realized that he wasn't normal...he had asked Hajime why they had to hide their disabilities. His older brother had pointed out that their differences were not his fault or Tsuzuku's, so they shouldn't have to worry about it.

But each time...each time Hajime never really confronted the problems. He simply deterred them and made Tsuzuku focus on something else. He didn't help Tsuzuku cope with the loss of their parents; he had simply told Tsuzuku to be strong. He didn't tell Tsuzuku why they had to hide, he was basically telling Tsuzuku "It's not your fault, and we don't really have a choice." The second oldest Ryudo had to learn on his own why he had to hide his abilities...

Because otherwise people think that you're a freak. Like when he had punched that little snotty boy on the playground for pushing Amaru off the swings. He hadn't really meant to hurt the other boy, he just wanted the boy to know not to mess with his family. But even though he was only ten at that time, he had been gifted. He had broken the boy's nose and caved in his right cheekbone. The boy's sister had been screaming about what monsters they were, and in panic, he and his two younger brothers fled, never to return to that playground. When they told Hajime that evening, he simply held them and told them then, when it was too late, why they had to hide their abilities and why they had to avoid hurting other people.

Niisan... Hajime-niisan missed the point entirely. He was so close and yet so far. He never tried to understand his younger brother, concerned more about other things. Tsuzuku couldn't blame him; Hajime was just a boy himself when he was forced to watch over them. I should be grateful that he was responsible enough to watch over us. But of course, Grandfather had watched over HIM, whenever he came to visit. No one ever watched over me... Listen to me...I'm being such a brat. His self-attacks began to start again. How could Tsuzuku blame his older brother? It wasn't his fault. It was no one's. I should just mature up and pretend that everything's ok. Then Hajime will leave me alone, and we can all pretend that I did not try to kill myself, that I did not try to do so repeatedly, that I will eventually find a way... The tears racked through his body once more as he mercilessly attacked himself. You're so despicable, Tsuzuku. You had to watch Owaru and Amaru because Hajime couldn't do it, and Grandfather passed away a few years later. You can't blame Hajime. Look how well Owaru and Amaru turned out. And you didn't exactly help Hajime cope with his grief when Ojiisan passed away. Maybe you're just trying to kill yourself for the attention. Despicable, disgusting, stupid! You're the shame of the Ryudo family! You can't make friends... Hell, the person you *were* considering a lover was a *boy*. You end up hurting the person you wanted to the least...Shuuichi tried to kill himself because of you. And for what? For some stupid secret that your *doctor* now knows? Tsuzuku felt like shoving Hajime away, his presence brought on such strong self-hatred. There you go again, blaming others.

"Tsuzuku?" Concern in Hajime's voice, and Tsuzuku felt like laughing. Stupid Niisan, you're so stupid. You'll never understand me...

Hajime held him, his love for his brother undying. And Tsuzuku felt himself shaking.

You'll never understand me.

"So, how did it go?"

Hajime sighed, and got his coat while he answered Owaru's question. "He cried for a while, but wouldn't tell me anything. He fell asleep afterwards."

"Oh."

"I'll try again later. For now, I have to go see Matsuri -- she has probably been to our house and worried that we haven't come home." The eldest Ryudo looked upon his two younger brothers. "Someone should stay here with Tsuzuku. The other can come with me."

"Will you be bringing her by?"

Hajime nodded. "Of course. She'll be just as worried about Tsuzuku as we are." His eyes moved back and forth between his brothers. "So, who wants to come with me?"

"I already went with you, Aniki. Amaru can go with you." Owaru handed Hajime the bag of leftovers from Sushi Fun. "Don't forget to eat, you were with Tsuzuku for a long while."

Hajime shook his head. "I'll grab something later. Keep it in case Tsuzuku gets hungry."

Amaru looked hopeful. "Maybe we can get Matsuri to pry it out of him. They're close in age."

Tsuzuku woke up half an hour later. He felt tired, but could sleep no longer, as he had been sleeping most of the day. Beside his bed, on the left, was the doctor and his assistant. To the right of his bed was his younger brother Owaru. Slowly, he sat up, his face neither welcoming nor discouraging his visitor.

"Can he eat, doctor?" Owaru asked, his fingers lingering over the bag of food.

Black Jack watched Tsuzuku. "Usually after a surgery on the stomach, the patient should only drink liquids. How do you feel?" He addressed the second oldest Ryudo, knowing that the boy seemed to be an exception to many rules.

Tsuzuku yawned and stretched slightly. "I feel as I always do. I feel fine. Healthy and alive."

Owaru handed Tsuzuku the bag. Black Jack put his hand over it.

"You've been starving yourself for quite a while. I don't advise you eating solids just yet."

Tsuzuku nodded. I don't feel hungry anyway.

"On top of all this, you've been *starving* yourself as well?" Owaru looked angrily at his brother. He looked like he was about to say more, but the doctor interrupted him.

"There's a lounge downstairs. Next to it is the cafeteria. Go buy him some vegetable soup."

Owaru looked at him for a minute, about to dispute the order, when he suddenly realized that Black Jack was Tsuzuku's doctor and he should probably obey orders. He looked back at Tsuzuku. "Oi, Aniki, do you have any money? I'm broke."

"Come on, I'll take you." Pinoko took Owaru's right hand in her own two and pulled him towards the door. "I'll pay for it, don't worry."

Owaru looked uncertainly at her, and glanced at Tsuzuku. Pinoko tugged once more, and this time he left with her.

The doctor waited for the door to shut before he looked back at his patient. "You will be released soon."

Tsuzuku nodded in acknowledgement of the words spoken.

"Will you try this again?"

Tsuzuku felt heat rising in his face. Anger, as irrational as always, flooded his senses. How come he's the only one that asks that? "Why would you care? It's none of your concern."

"Of course it's my concern," said the doctor undisturbed by the small outburst. "You're my patient. The well-being of a patient is always the concern of a doctor."

Tsuzuku was silent. After a pause, he spoke. "I've tried everything. Nothing has worked."

Black Jack waited patiently for him to continue.

"I once heard that there was this doctor... One that helped people to sleep. I found him and asked him to help me."

The doctor tensed. "Kitori?"

Tsuzuku shrugged. "I don't know his name. He asked me if I worked or if I had inherited a fortune. I replied that I didn't, and he told me that I was too poor for his way to be an option." The words echoed in his mind. "Then I'm afraid that's not an option for you."

Black Jack turned away, and said nothing. After thinking deeply to himself for a pause, he turned and looked back at his patient, a young teenager that could not kill himself or afford to hire someone else to do it for him. "In all probability, if you tried eating arsenic and survived, if scalpels break on your skin, then nothing will be able to kill you. Your only option, then, is to live." Another pause. "You can continue to be miserable, to try killing yourself and failing each time and then to hate yourself even more for failing."

Tsuzuku closed his eyes, listening.

"Or you can try to heal, to move past what brings you pain. You can live. You're too young to die, and frankly, at this moment, I'm uncertain if you can. Your brothers obviously adore you, you should talk to someone to deal with your pain, and then move on and not look back. If death is not an option, then you might as well make the most out of living."

"Hajime-san! Thank goodness!" Matsuri flew into the eldest Ryudo's arms in greeting, stunning both the latter and his younger brother. She looked up at him, an expression of worry painted over her face. "I heard that Tsuzuku got hurt. What happened? Why weren't you guys home?"

Hajime took a step back, his mind reeling in turmoil. "You heard? How?"

"Minamino-sempai called and asked me about Tsuzuku. He said that he ran into you and was wondering if Tsuzuku was alright. I didn't know what he was talking about, so I went to your house to check up on Tsuzuku. But you weren't there!" She took a deep breath. "What happened? Is Tsuzuku all right? Was he hurt badly?"

"Minamino-sempai?" Hajime frowned. That redhead knew Matsuri AND Tsuzuku?

"Right. You know, Minamino Shuuichi. Tsuzuku's best friend, before he transferred to another school." The shock appearing on Hajime's face made her doubt her own words. "The one that gave Tsuzuku the roses? You remember, don't you?"

"How could I remember? I've never met him until today. I didn't even know Tsuzuku had a best friend..." The eldest Ryudo frowned. Why was he suddenly learning all this information about his younger brother NOW, after the boy had tried to commit suicide? How could there be so much about his younger brother that he never knew?

"What? I assumed that you knew. He was in Tsuzuku's home room. They're both a year ahead of me." She shrugged and directed her questioning towards Amaru, since Hajime seemed like he was more interested in learning about Minamino than telling her about Tsuzuku. "What happened, Amaru-kun?"

The younger brother hugged her and fought back the tears from entering his voice. "Tsuzuku-niisan... electrocuted and poisoned himself, Matsuri-chan. He's in the hospital right now."

Matsuri looked at Hajime for verification, horror written all over her face.

Hajime nodded slightly. "He's at a private hospital right now. He doesn't appear to be too hurt; I think the doctor will let us take him home soon."

"Why would he do something like that?" Matsuri asked, shocked.

Hajime sighed. "We still don't know. He won't tell us."

Owaru entered the room with Pinoko, the former carrying a bowl of soup. They both had amused looks on their faces, and Pinoko was giggling. The younger Ryudo went straight to his brother's bed and ceremoniously handed him the soup. "For you, my lord brother," he said with great exaggeration. "May this humble bowl of soup speed the recovery of your health." He was rewarded with a faint smile from his older brother, who accepted the soup graciously.

Tsuzuku drank the soup slowly. It was thick and tasty; obviously the Akizuki Hospital was used to serving those with good taste. He wondered, for the first time, how much in debt his attempt had put them. Black Jack was a special doctor. They were in a private hospital. And the soup was probably expensive. I should probably get a job... it'll kill time, give me a reason to leave home, and help Hajime pay the bills. But then who would take care of Owaru and Amaru while Hajime's still at work and they come home from school? He looked at his doctor, suddenly wishing to see the bill before his older brother did. "How much will this all cost?" He made a vague gesture. "Your services. This room. This soup."

"Don't worry about the soup," piped Pinoko. "I bought it with the allowance that Black Jack gave me... I'd rather spend it on a good cause rather than buy anymore cuddly-looking stuffed animals." She giggled, and Tsuzuku wondered about her age. She was surprisingly mature for someone so young. "Besides," she continued, "Having Owaru carry me on his back was worth it!" She gave Black Jack a meaningful look.

The doctor returned it with a blank stare. "You have two arms and two feet, Pinoko. You're in perfectly good health. You can walk."

"You're no fun," she said, sticking her tongue out at him. Black Jack ignored it.

Tsuzuku watched the exchange detachedly, his mind elsewhere while he ate. Beside him, Owaru was eating the last of the sushi rolls. Suddenly, the latter remembered the message. "Oi, Aniki. You're in no condition to do it now, but we ran into an old friend of yours at Sushi Fun. He wants you to call him whenever. Hajime-aniki's got the number on a napkin."

Tsuzuku's heart skipped a beat. "Old friend?"

"Yeah," said Owaru, eating and oblivious of the intense look that his brother was giving him. "He said he was a former classmate. His name was...um...Minami...er...Minamino Shuuichi, I think."

Tsuzuku dropped his bowl of soup. Reacting quickly, Owaru caught it in surprise.

"Aniki! What are you doing, almost wasting your food!?!"

Tsuzuku did not hear. Inside, his mind and emotions were battling each other once more. It was amazing how a simple thing, like a name, could send one into such a fit of uncertainty and conflict. Shuuichi...wants me to call him? Then: They saw Shuuichi. He recovered from the poison, then? Of course...anyone who receives energy from another being would... Keeping his voice level, he addressed his brother, who was now gazing at him inquisitively. "How did he look?"

"Terrible. I think he was sick. He was leaning against the table, and he had with him a rude little guy. This short kid wouldn't talk with us at all. Anyway, Minamino really wanted to talk to you. He was asking all sorts of questions about how you were doing, and was kind of annoying. And then he gave us his phone number, but Hajime-niisan's go it right now."

"Oh." Tsuzuku paused to collect his thoughts and declared, "I'm going to the bathroom. Where is it?"

Black Jack indicated behind him, to the door at the wall. "Can you walk?"

"Of course." What kind of a stupid question is that? Owaru moved to help him get up, and he shrugged his brother's arm off impatiently. Slowly, he moved out of the bed and walked to the bathroom. Once inside, he locked the door and stared at himself in the mirror.

His face was of a pale, sickly quality. But even ill, his eyes were calm and proud. His hair was greasy and shiny. But even after being in the hospital for so long...he looked the same. A beautiful boy. He stared at himself and watched in wonder as the tears collected once more. He cried silently for a few minutes, then washed the salty remains down the sink.

"He was able to walk across the room without aid," Black Jack explained. "When he came back from the bathroom, I examined him and found the stitches completely gone. He's perfectly all right now, and I see no reason to detain him any longer."

Hajime, Matsuri, and Amaru listened without a word. They had just arrived, and met the doctor coming out of the room.

"Thank you so very much," said Hajime respectfully. Relief washed over him.

"However...I wish that I could detain him longer. You see; he still seems to be in great emotional pain. I'd suggest psychiatric help, but I doubt that would be an option for you. I suggest that you monitor him carefully for the next few days...see if you can find the root of the problem. My guess is that it has something to do with his friend -- Minamino Shuuichi -- I think his name was. Owaru-kun mentioned him, he went pale, went to the bathroom, and came back with tear marks on his face."

Once again, that redhead. Hajime turned to Matsuri. "Later on, after we bring him home, I want you to tell us everything you know about him." He turned back to the doctor. "Do you have the bill?"

The doctor gathered his things. "I talked with the owner, and waived the hospital fee. And as for the bill..."

Pinoko popped her head out from behind Black Jack's leg and smiled. "Don't worry about it."

"Don't forget our agreement," said the doctor. "Your family owes me a favor."

Hajime bowed deeply. "Thank you very much," he repeated.

It had been three days since Tsuzuku was released from the hospital. He evaded all questions asked about his attempts and was under heavy surveillance by his brothers.

Hajime frowned. All Matsuri told them was that Minamino Shuuichi was a perfectly nice student that had to transfer to another school. Apparently he and Tsuzuku had been close friends, although Tsuzuku had never mentioned him to his brothers. Sometimes he would glance at the phone, but he never used it. At least, not around his brothers. To the best of Hajime's knowledge, no one at Tsuzuku's school ever knew that anything was wrong with him or that he was in the hospital. He had only been in the hospital for two days.

Hajime had hoped that Tsuzuku would talk to him or one of his brothers, but the younger ones repeatedly reported that no such effort was ever made. Tsuzuku acted like nothing had ever happened over that weekend.

There is not a single moment of privacy at home, Tsuzuku thought. It was kind of funny, really. With his recent attempt now clearly shoving into his brothers' faces of what he tried to do, his brothers were constantly worried about him. Tsuzuku tried to act like nothing ever happened, to get them to relax, but it only seemed to make them more worried. Owaru and Amaru were starting to forget, but Hajime... I can sense it from him. He's always worried about me. He keeps hoping that I'll open up to him or one of the others. I suppose this constant scrutiny won't end until I tell them SOME sort of story...

He stared out of the window in his class. It was ironic that the source of his unhappiness was now his only refuge from his family. On one hand, he was sort of glad that they were so worried. It gave him a slight guilty pleasure to know that they were concerned about him. On the other, he felt disgust at himself for such a feeling, and guilty for not telling his brothers anything, after what he put them through. He was sick of hiding, and yet...the constant watching they put him under angered him. He had no privacy and felt that he could not trust them because they did not trust him.

Can I blame them? I violated their trust in me, can I blame them for not trusting me now? The family had always been close, tight, and in harmony with each other. His recent attempt had thrown a wrench into the closeness they shared.

He looked out the window. The sky was so blue.

"It's been so long! So good to see you again!" "How have you been?"

Tsuzuku ignored the ramblings of the crowd outside the school grounds. They were not of his concern. He descended the steps of the school building, and headed towards the gate.

"Ryudo-san? No, I haven't seen him."

Tsuzuku looked automatically to the crowd where his name was spoken.

He froze in mid-step.

Standing beneath the tree behind the school gate was a familiar figure. He was dressed in a dark magenta school uniform, and was surrounded by a crowd of female classmates. He leaned casually against the tree, his long red hair swaying gently against the wind.

"Minamino-san? Are you waiting to see Ryudo-san?"

The figure nodded. He was not looking at the girls, but at the people who were leaving the gates, as if searching for someone.

Tsuzuku turned and walked quickly back into the school building. Shuuichi had not yet spotted him, and he wanted to keep it that way. He moved quickly through the crowd that was leaving the building, ignoring the protests of the people that his shoulders brushed hard against to make way.

When he was safely within the halls of Kyowa High School, he leaned against the wall and slowly sank to the floor as his thoughts tumbled together.

He's here. So why am I hiding from him? Why don't I want to talk to him? His thoughts raced just as his heart quickened. Why is here now, after so much time has passed from then? Can I face him without breaking down?

"Tsuzuku-kun!"

He looked up in surprise.

Matsuri, ran down the hall and stopped a few feet before him, panting slightly from the exertion. Her dark aqua eyes flashed with concern. "Haven't you heard? Minamino-sempai is waiting for you outside of the school."

He looked at her, and then looked down. "I know."

"Oh."

After two heartbeats, Matsuri slowly sat down next to him. They sat there in silence, leaning against the wall and staring at the empty halls of the school. Matsuri glanced at her cousin uncertainly. "Do you want to talk about it?"

He shook his head. "Maybe someday...but not today."

She stood up. "I'll get rid of him, if you want."

What do I want? Why am I so afraid to see him? What's wrong with me? He tried to analyze his own feelings and failed miserably. After a long pause, he looked back at his cousin only to see that she was missing.

He tried in vain to understand what he was feeling. It was some sort of twisted mixture of bitterness, resignation, joy, hope, sadness, anger, fear, hatred...every emotion that ever existed twisted within him, overwhelming him, because he was not used to feeling so many emotions at once. What should I do? Wonderful. On top of everything else, I'm confused. He could do nothing but sit there, lean against the wall, and stare at the floor.

After what seemed like an eternity, he heard soft footsteps. Down the hall came Matsuri, walking slowly towards her cousin. She sat down besides the most handsomest Ryudo and gave him a small note.

"I told him you were staying after because you had to help out at a club. He told me to give you this."

Damn. He'll know that it was a lie. He knows that I'm not in any of the clubs at school. Numbly, he began to open the note.

In small, neat characters, were the words printed: "Please meet me at the old park if you want to. I'll be there all day."

The sun was setting by the time he reached the decision to head for the park. The sky was an angry pink-orange, and his steps were slow as he headed for his destination. The old park was two blocks from the school, a community park used mostly by little elementary school children. It reminded Tsuzuku briefly of the time he punched the boy in the face. Not the same park, but still...

He turned the corner and moved to the park's entrance. The park was fenced off, it entrance was surrounded by bushes. He glanced briefly through the green plants and saw (with his sharp vision), in the gaps between the leaves, Shuuichi.

Shuuichi sat on a still swing, looking at the sky. It bathed him in that same, golden color. His hands gripped the chains that held his seat up. Besides him, sat a smaller, dark figure whose feet did not touch the ground. Hiei.

With the exception of the two, the park was otherwise deserted. It was quiet and peaceful.

"He won't come, will he?" Shuuichi asked calmly. Perhaps he addressed his companion to the left of him, perhaps he didn't. His friend said nothing.

"I guess it was pretty stupid of me to think that he would." The redhead continued his monologue. "How arrogant of myself."

"Hn," came the reply from his darker companion.

The taller figure glanced at his friend in amusement. "A reply? How unusual. It must mean something."

"You're usually pretty arrogant."

Rather than getting offended, a smile broke out upon Shuuichi's face. He gave a short, surprised laugh and looked at the floor as he addressed his friend. "Hypocrite."

Hiei deigned to comment.

It's that little midget friend of his that attacked me, Tsuzuku thought amusingly. The one that's in love with him. His amusement disappeared, replaced by another, unidentifiable but uneasy feeling. I wonder why he doesn't sense me. Must be thinking of "Kurama" rather than sensing for others.

"Are you worried?" Tsuzuku's former friend asked Hiei quietly.

Silence. Then, the shorter figure admitted in his deep voice, "A little."

For some reason, the red head smiled at the words. "Don't be."

Hiei looked sharply towards the entrance suddenly. "He's here."

Sure, *now* you notice me. You must be a little off today. Blow my cover just when things are starting to look interesting. I suppose it's time for my dramatic appearance. Tsuzuku straightened up and entered the park, each step filling him with a growing apprehension.

Shuuichi looked up at him and smiled as he approached. The red head had slightly noticeable dark rings beneath his bright green eyes, indicating a lack of sleep. Besides him, Hiei stood and flickered out of view, moving away so fast that normal human eyes would not be able to catch the movement.

Wordlessly, Tsuzuku sat to the right of his friend.

"It's been a while. How have you been?" Tsuzuku's former classmate did not look at him, staring at the empty park instead as he addressed the Ryudo.

"So-so. You?"

"I've been better. I feel pretty good now, though."

Another moment of silence passed between them.

"I asked you to come here so that I could apologize to you."

Tsuzuku looked at his friend, his mind moving in turmoil. Apologize? To me? He has no reason to. I'm the one that ruined our friendship. Because I was too afraid...

Unaware of the Ryudo's thoughts, the androgynous boy continued. "I'm sorry for all the trouble that my confession has caused between and for us." He looked at Tsuzuku. "Will you forgive me?"

"There is nothing to forgive," said Tsuzuku, somehow managing to find his voice. "You shouldn't be the one apologizing. I am the one that's sorry." Suddenly, he could not bear to look at him; his shoes were so much more fascinating. "I avoided you and didn't have the courage to speak to you."

"You had a reason to. Not every adolescent boy gets a confession from his best friend of the same sex every day." Shuuichi's smooth voice held no anger or resentment.

It's not that, Tsuzuku wanted to say. It's not that at all. You had the courage to say what you felt but I did not have the courage to return it. I couldn't care less about your sex. I used my family as an excuse but the truth was that I was afraid to admit it to myself until it was too late. Until I drove you away. The words, however, would not come out of his mouth.

"You have nothing to fear from me now. I'm involved with someone else..." Tsuzuku couldn't see him, but he knew that Shuuichi was smiling as he spoke the words. "I just wanted to see you again...to let you know that if you ever need a friend, you still have my number." Shuuichi was now looking at him. "I know you don't make friends easily, so if you ever need one, you at least have one that you already made."

I could break this, Tsuzuku thought. I could tell Shuuichi how I felt -- feel, and ruin his new romance with Hiei. He assumed it was Hiei, he wasn't sure. "Is it Hiei?" He asked.

"How did you know --?" His friend's voice trailed off in realization. "Oh. Sorry about that time he attacked you... I had no idea he would..." Then, a quieter, happier: "Yes, it's him." A pause before changing the subject, "I heard that you were in the hospital?"

I could ruin it...let him know everything, leave that shrimp to flounder around in the dust, alone. I could stop the two...or make it extremely difficult for them. He glanced at "Kurama," saw the smile on his face, and looked back at the floor. I could... but I won't. Not with that smile on his face. I've never brought him such happiness, and with my insecurity, I never will. He thought of Hiei, kissing the sleeping Shuuichi and somehow transferring his energy in the process. I'd never be as devoted to "Kurama" as Hiei. I have my family and my own interests first. I'd never be as good as a lover as the smaller man, because the shorter boy loves him so intensely... And since they're now together, Hiei must have confessed his feelings to Shuuichi...something I was never able to do. And now that they're together, it's something I'll never do. He shrugged, and answered the question: "I was playing with wires and fried myself."

"You all right now?"

I am now... I think it's better this way. It's reassuring to know that Shuuichi is no longer hurting because of me...that he has someone, because he deserves to have someone so in love with him, *with* him. The old wound ache, but not as badly as before. It was a wound that could heal, and would. "Thank you for seeing me again," Tsuzuku said. "Yes, I'm all right." I will never hurt another like this again. If I had just told him no, lied and said that I was only interested in girls, then I would have saved him a lot of pain, because he wouldn't have spent all his time wondering why I didn't speak, wondering about himself...trying to kill himself. "I'm sorry." For not making a decision earlier, for putting you through such hell. Sorry for you hurting yourself... "I know that I caused you a lot of pain." And made yourself become your own torturer. "And I'm really sorry about it."

"It's ok... I'm over it now," Shuuichi said, acknowledging the truth of the words spoken. He turned and smiled at Tsuzuku, the smile that lit his beautiful face. "Friends again?"

"Yeah."

Shuuichi hung around for a little while longer, and then had to leave; so as to not worry his mother or Hiei. Tsuzuku stayed by himself, swinging on the swing gently.

I can always regret the past, but I cannot change it. The only thing I can change is the future. It was a clean break, and no longer having this problem hanging over him was relieving. I think I can move on now... The hurt was still there, perhaps it always would leave a scar, but it was slowly fading. It'll be hard to find someone else who's even better than Shuuichi...now my standards are *really* high. He thought of his brothers. I won't tell them this small story, this story of my foolishness. But I'll talk to them and get them to stop worrying about me. It'll be my little secret, a lesson that I'll always remembered. Shuuichi was my first best friend and my first love, and I'll never regret any of this because I don't and it'll be meaningless to do so.

Tsuzuku smiled gently. I'm really all right now.

He looked at the sky, where the sun was setting, soon to be replaced by the cool night. The sky stretched to infinity, so deep, so bright with the little stars within it.

Later he would ask himself how he was able to deal with the loss of his first love so well. Later he would wonder why, that after breaking down over everything else, he was able to deal with his emotions by examining the scenery.

Tsuzuku went home late that evening to an anxious family. The minute he stepped back into his house, he realized his error. His suicide attempt had not been very long ago, and his brothers had discovered his previous attempts...

He took off his shoes and called in his usual mild tone, "Tadaima."

"Tsuzuku-aniki!" Owaru ran down the stairs in a second and looked at him excitedly. "What the hell happened? Did you win the fight?"

"Fight? What fight?"

"Matsuri-chan said that you got a note to meet someone, but she wouldn't tell us where or what kind of note it was. It was a challenge, right? For a fight?" Owaru grinned, showing his perfectly straight and white teeth. "I bet you stole the heart of some idiotic girl in your class cuz of your good looks and some moronic guy was challenging you in hopes of winning her back. Am I right? I'm right, aren't I?"

"No. There was no fight," said Tsuzuku wearily. He wasn't snappy or irritated. Rather, he was in a strange state, somewhere between an adrenaline-induced exhilaration and light melancholy. What's wrong with me? How can I be happy and sad at the same time? After losing this opportunity, regaining his friendship but losing what could have been beyond it. Self-analysis slowly shifted his emotions towards the negative emotions. I lost to a short alien, he thought with bitter irony.

"No fight? Then...it was a girl confessing her love to you! And you stayed out so late because you didn't want to hurt her feelings but you didn't know how to turn her down properly!" Owaru grinned.

"No."

His younger brother looked dismayed. "Then Amaru was right, you were out on a date, weren't you?"

Where does he get this stuff? Granted, the first two events occurred on a semi-regular basis, in a less extreme fashion, but still... "Nothing happened. I met an old friend, we hung out for a bit, and then he went home." It was the truth. Not the entire truth, but close enough. It really was none of his younger brother's business.

"Oh." Owaru looked both relieved and disappointed, which immediately caught his older brother's attention.

"Why?" Tsuzuku asked suspiciously.

"Amaru and me had lunch riding on this. Oh well." Owaru's grin faded. He lowered his voice, speaking more seriously. "You better tell Hajime-niisan then; he was worried sick about you." His eyes darkened. "You know, cause he was afraid that it might be just an excuse..." His voice trailed off when he realized that he had spoke too much.

Inwardly, the second oldest Ryudo winced. His most recent attempts were not discussed aloud; it was almost like the discussion of his last experiment was taboo. Something simply was not spoken of... It's happening all over again... I guess I shouldn't be expecting anything less than everyone pretending it never occurred. He nodded at his kid brother distractedly and went instinctively to the evening room, where he knew that Hajime was waiting.

He was greeted by hug from his elder brother, which surprised him. Hajime-niisan isn't usually this touchy unless he's really emotional. "Sorry Niisan... I was out hanging with an old friend and I lost track of time." The irony was that this was not even the latest that he had been out late; and there was little a stir before then. When he fell off Tokyo Tower, for example, he had had a terrible headache and had slept it away in a local caf�. He did not awake until midnight, when the compassionate owner had reluctantly been forced to throw him out. When he returned home, Hajime had not said a word to him about being late; only greeted him and ask him if he was hungry.

It was now not even seven yet, five hours shorter of the time he went home then, and he now had Hajime hugging him from worry and fear.

The eldest Ryudo released his younger brother and met in eye to eye. "We have to talk," Hajime decided.

Tsuzuku nodded, feeling dread and anticipation. He was surprised; he did not think that Hajime would ever ask him directly. He followed his brother in a state of turmoil; his mind racing as he wondered what he would say. It was one thing to avoid a topic if no one asked you about it for fear of dredging up old memories. It was another to have the one person that you listened to and obeyed all your life ask you about...that subject. I thought Niisan would wait until I came to him on my own, he thought partially resentfully and partially relieved.

They entered Hajime's study, and the latter closed the door behind them quietly. The leader of the family indicated to the chairs, and the two of them sat down simultaneously.

There was a tense silence, while both groped for the right words to say.

"Tsuzuku," Hajime said softly. His kind tone made his brother hate himself even more. I'm so unworthy of such a kind older brother. He did nothing wrong and now he has to deal with a troublemaker like me. His oddly detached and reassuring feeling that had remained after Shuuichi left dissipated, and rapidly his other emotions, as if they were just released from a cage, came barging in.

"Yes?" Oh no what am I going to tell him? I can't lie to him...but do I want to tell him the truth? If I tell him everything; from the loneliness to Shuuichi, will he understand? Will he blame himself? On one hand, out of spite, he *wanted* Hajime to feel bad. Another part of him denied this; crying that Hajime did not deserve such pain from an undeserving brother. He felt suddenly horribly nervous. Part of him wanted to confess everything, very few things were secrets between them before. The other part wanted to run out of the room. Did I really think that he would not ask me? Did I want this? What's wrong with me? Why can't I decide on what I want anymore? What am I going to do? After attempting suicide repeatedly, did you really think that he would not ask? Well...honestly, he wasn't sure. Niisan, due to his ignorance, never asked before...

"Tsuzuku, it has been almost a week since you've been at the hospital for harming yourself." The words were obviously painful for Hajime to say, he had been hoping and hoping and hoping that everything was all right, but he could not tell, not without knowing what it was that bothered his brother so. And he did not know how much longer he could deal with this uncertainty, this feeling of fear that would arise whenever Tsuzuku came home late. "I know it may be a lot to ask, but will you please tell me why you did so in the first place?"

Silence was his only response.

"Take your time," the eldest Ryudo said patiently.

"I..." Tsuzuku's wit, used to break the spirits of people who would not stop harassing him, used to find kinder ways of turning down unwanted lovers, used to score high on all exams, failed him then. He could not think anything to say at the moment, other than the truth. "I..."

His brother nodded encouragingly.

"I....Niisan...I..." Unbidden and unexpected, suddenly he felt tears begin to form in the corner of his eyes; and laughter building within him. What the hell am I doing? "What do you want to hear, Niisan?" His tongue moved with a mind of his own, sparing his brother nothing. "Do you want to hear a sob story of a girl dumping me? Do you want to hear me tell you, in infinite detail, all the attempts I tried? Or do you want me just to tell you that everything was okay, that today was an exception, that I had never meant to try to take my own life, that I wasn't thinking the consequences thoroughly?" Stop it stop it stop it! Don't hurt Niisan like this... But part of him felt this need-- to test his older brother, to see...

And the tears actually began to slide.

Hajime reached over and held his younger brother, who began to cry on his shoulder. "All I want is for you to tell me anything that you want to tell me."

Upon hearing the words, something within Tsuzuku cracked. Niisan may be non-confrontational, he may not understand, he may be one of the reasons... He may hear something that he doesn't want to; he may feel guilty afterwards, but... Memories flooded in, then, memories of his older brother and himself. Memories that he had long forgotten, the unchained melodies of the memories of their youth: Hajime holding him at their parent's funeral; Hajime giving him his first book; Hajime taking him out to eat and leaving Grandfather with Owaru and Amaru; Hajime reading him a bedtime story each night for the first week after the funeral just like their mother used to, before getting a job. Niisan... When was this barrier between the two of them created? When did he begin wishing that his brother had paid more attention to him, when did he start condemning everything that Hajime had done in the past, when did he become like this?

When had he forgotten that his older brother *still* cared, not just loved, but actually *cared* about the everyday incidents of his life?

How did it become like this? When did I stop trusting Niisan with myself?

If I open my heart to him...what then? He had never opened himself to *anyone* : neither friends at school nor siblings at home. Hajime-niisan... His arms lifted and he hugged his brother back.

Why did I never realize that he had been here all along?

"Niisan..."

Because he hadn't, not really. Not when Grandfather passed away, not when he started work, not when he left Owaru and Amaru under my care...

But...

He told his brother everything. From his isolation at home to his isolation at school. Shuuichi. His self-hatred. His numerous attempts. And last of all, "Kurama" and Hiei.

It took longer than he had expected, and was easier than he thought. Once he started, it became harder and harder to LEAVE things out. Hajime made no judgmental remarks, gave no sounds of disgust, and listened to everything. The eldest Ryudo reached over now and then, to give his younger brother a reassuring pat on the shoulder, or hold him when the tears came.

By the time he had finished, several hours had passed and the two youngest brothers were asleep. It was late.

Only after he finished his last sentence was Tsuzuku finally able to venture to meet his brother's eyes. It had been too difficult to face Hajime while starting; he had been afraid that he had been wrong; that he could not trust his brother after all, that his brother would hear but not listen and condemn him for falling in love with his best friend.

His fears were unjustified.

When he met his older brother's eyes, he found them wet, like his own.

"Tsuzuku... I'm sorry."

Hajime's own confession began. "I'm sorry that you had to go through everything by yourself." The oldest Ryudo wiped at the corner of his left eye and cleared his voice. "When our parents died, I tried to concentrate only on raising us; I avoided thinking and talking about their deaths because they didn't seem to be real to me. I tried to be strong about the loss of them because I didn't know how to cope with it myself." He buried his face in his hands and this time it was Tsuzuku's turn to hold him for comfort.

"I didn't come to terms with their death even after I got a job. I kept thinking that they would come back; that they were different, like us, and that I was working only as a temporary measure. It finally hit me when Grandfather passed away that I was the only one left to take care of us." He paused to come in terms with the memories before he began again. "I didn't want to tell you specifically why we had to hide our abilities because I was afraid that you would become so ashamed of them that you would want to hide everything about yourself. I didn't want that... I wanted you to be proud of yourself; to see them as only small differences in us that did not define who you were. I didn't think things through...

"I'm sorry that the responsibility of Owaru and Amaru fall to you... I have no excuses for that, but I'm glad because you raised them better than I ever would have. I don't think that I would've been able to handle raising all of you and going to both work and school." He was not making an excuse, but explaining himself. "And I knew you could handle it. I never realized how lonely you were, though...and I'm sorry you felt that way." Hajime looked back at his younger brother. "Tsuzuku...you are not alone. I'll always be here for you. Talk to me whenever you feel like it, whenever you want to. If I look tired or irritated; talk to me anyway...conversations with you always raise my mood...I'll probably need you talking to me more than you need someone to talk to." His tone was warm and reassuring, and he met his brother's eyes. "I know that it's hard for you to open up to others, and I can't promise you that I'll be able to understand everything you say. But I'll certainly try.

"Tsuzuku...if you need me, you need only to ask."

He went to bed that night feeling both euphoric and drained. Niisan... arigatou. Afterwards, Hajime and him had talked for another half an hour about nothing in particular, until his older brother had said that they probably should turn in because they had to be able to wake up at their usual time tomorrow.

Tsuzuku hugged his pillow to his face and smiled to himself. Niisan... It was comforting to know that his brother would always be there, that his brother loved him after all his mistakes and did not condemn him for anything that he felt.

Hajime had been worried, though, when I had told him about Shuuichi ending up with Hiei. He'd been worried about me, and remarked about how well I was taking it.

Why am I taking it so well? Thinking that I was all right immediately afterwards, and not feeling as awful as I probably should have. Shuuichi...It used to hurt to think about him but now it doesn't. I guess I'm just glad that he's happy now, at least...Hajime was right, I am taking this quite well. Maybe it'll hit me later. But deep in his heart he knew that he wouldn't. Today was the last of it.

As he began to drift off to sleep, a groggy realization came to him. I remember now...it was that dream I had the night before...

And he fell asleep, dreaming.

It's too early and I won't see you again for another three years, at least...

Chapter 1: Destiny's Disguise

To what Tsuzuku dreamed, from someone else's pov

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