| TRIP SEVEN - "OH GOD WHEN WILL THE AGONY END?!?!" |
| We slept till almost noon, I felt so much better... sleep is one of those things that ya "don't know what you're missing till it's gone!" Finally showered and bailed, then Moo & I came to a painful realization; this was it. The end of the road. Our last show. Nu-uh... we need more!!! We hadn't even planned on hitting up more, hell, we were broke and Moo needed to keep some of her money she'd earned during the summer to move back to California ASAP. Drove all across Alligator Alley, very quiet and dead, Moo slept, I was thinking. Pretty sad afternoon, actually. Got to the venue and I nearly died cracking up. When I heard that the Ft. Lauderdale show was at the Metal Factory I couldn't believe it. That place was so tiny, I saw Dee Snider there a year earlier and he could barely get his band on the stage. I knew the show would either be cancelled or moved to the Culture Room, the venue that shoulda gotten dibs on the show in the first place. Well... not exactly. There was a sign on the door giving the address of the "new location"... but no name of the establishment. I called up some friends in Ft. Lauderdale and asked them where the place was.... "Uh, I think it's that Bahama Beachhouse place!" they said. "It's a restaurant with a couple bars and a dance floor upstairs, it's NOT a venue tho, there's no fucking stage!!!" They were absolutely right. Found the address, sure enough, some sorta beachhouse restaurant. I guess the guy who owned the Metal Factory also owned this joint. My friends who I'd called up agreed to come to the venue and hang with Moo & I since we were horribly bored and severely dehydrated. Oh... my... GOD the heat!! It was warping the air and making us melt. Soooo hot!! We didn't wanna lose our parking spot tho since the lot was small so we refused to go anywhere. We flipped on the camcorder and recorded a few moments of us bitching 'bout the weather. Judy & Frank showed up and bought us tons of ice cold bottled water... AHH OUR SAVIORS!!! I hadn't seen them in awhile so many hugs went around and we chatted forever!!! Frank said it was going to be one fuck of a nite since this place wasn't equipped for a show what-so-ever. "I'm kinda curious as to what it looks like inside," I commented. Since it was already in the afternoon and the set had to have been set up by now. "Well, let's go take a look!" Frank said. Take a look? "Uh, doors aren't open yet!" I said. Frank gave me The Look and Judy grinned. "Oh, Frank has no shame! He's a bold man... c'mon." Fortunately he knew alot of the folks who worked there since his band had played at the Metal Factory before so we all walked in like nothing was wrong and we weren't fucked with so long as we stood by Frank! It was weird to see everyone milling around inside before the show, the stage getting set up. The stage? What stage? Moo & I turned a corner before we saw what they did. It looked like they simply cleared the floor of some of the tables and set up right on the floor. There was no floor room except for a small area for about 3 rows thick. And a large pole was right in the way. A metal barricade was set up, it was nice and low. "Know what Moo? This is gonna be fucking awesome! Check it out, low barricade, no huge crowd behind us, as long as we can stand RIGHT THERE (pointing to spot where we did indeed end up!) then we'll be good to go!" Moo smiled. "I claim right in front of the pole!" It's all you, Moo. When we felt uncomfortable and like we'd invaded their space enough, we bailed. Went to lunch, stood out in line. Frank & Judy bailed, that was a sad moment. There went our only friends! :( The guys from Cattle Decap. and Bloodlet were waltzing around, carrying camcorders like usual. Moo & I had tried to jump in front of the lens alot and say stupid shit, usually saying, "Bloodlet/Cattle Decap. SUCKS!!" or flipping it off, shit like that. I kept meaning to moon one of the cameras but never found a chance. Had a deep, philosopical talk with Cattle Decap's road manager while we walked to Publix for some drinks. One of those sorta life-changing talks that happens every once in awhile. I just realized I haven't talked much about the "before show" rituals. Moo & I would wait out front as early as humanly possible, we were always first in line except Tampa & Charlotte. We'd poke fingers or sticks into the cement, throw rocks, hum, look at our watches, shake each other to make sure the other was awake, ya know, real exciting shit. The price you pay to cling to the front door in order to ENSURE front row. Unknown to many of "the weirdos" (as everyone collectively became known, no matter what band or role they had...), they were great entertainment when one would come outside to do their own thing but walk by us and yap something, call us names, tease us or make faces. You always knew when someone was coming cause Moo & I would be chatting then I'd suddenly see her eyes shift away from mine, she'd slowly trail off of what she was saying... then she'd grin real big and say loud enough for whoever to hear, "Uh oh, DO NOT provoke/approach 'the weirdo'...incoming!" Moo's a trip. Or she'd spit, "Ugh, GOD! Here comes some loser, don't look!!!" then bust up laughing. Doors opened and we knew exactly where to run. Like bats outta hell we whizzed to the spots where we'd already lifted our legs and marked earlier that afternoon. "Well, if this ain't fucked up I dunno what is!" we grinned. We were almost at eye level! Actually, we were higher up than the "stage" but since we're both real short, everyone was STILL taller than us. Very strange to be sorta looking down on the show, we couldn't imagine what it looked like above us. Right above our heads was the dance floor that not only had a very low railing but too many people crowded behind it. More on that later. I was thirsty and unfortunately our bartender never came back to get my drink order even tho I told her to come back. Grrr... one of the guys in Bloodlet got me a drink and I held onto the cup which now had nothing but ice. "Ya never know," I told myself. It might get hot and I'll need it! Not a good idea. Why? Heh heh... GWAR finally hit and it wasn't as intimidating as usual when yer at eye level. "LOOK!" Moo shouted. "THEY HAVE FEET!!" Unknown to us earlier, wow, their costumes really did have "feet". Obviously we knew this but NEVER saw anyone from the knee down since our eyes were usually just barely reaching the barricade. While Moo & I were observing the newly-discovered concept of "feet" I didn't see anyone approaching me. Apparently Moo did. Smoke all around, strobe lights, ya know, the show is just starting... my eyes are wandering around, still gripping my cup of ice I'd planned on chewing on later... all the sudden my vision went black and I felt someone only 2 inches in front of me. I turned my face straight ahead, saw only gray and knew that someone had just gotten up in my face but was so beyond confused at that moment I froze. Not even a second later I felt a slam on my chest and something wet dripping... (good nite I chose to wear a low-cut tank top) and something rubber going back and forth across my neck. I probably screamed like a little girl, and that cup of ice went flying straight ahead as I went to grip onto the barricade. I feel bad cause I probably nailed the drums or hit someone in the head with a flying brigade of ice cubes. I heard Moo cry out and saw her put her hand up to her mouth, eyes bulging... my vision finally came into focus and I saw one of the slaves pull the sword back and stomp away. OMG!!! YES!!!!! I looked at Moo, she was squealing and pointing to my chest, I looked down and it was completely red, HELL YEAH!!!! My ambition in life was to get fed to the maggot or the meatgrinder and I was saddened when I went to one of the first DBX shows and heard one of them say that those weren't going to be used this tour. I just got used for part of the opening, hell yeah!!! And they never did that again to anyone at any of the shows we went to. Moo said she saw him coming right at me the entire time, how come I didn't see that? Busy in La-La land, I suppose! That was so fucking cool tho!!! Never again did I hold onto a drink before GWAR hit the stage. The show was unusual indeed because of the set up but it was still awesome. We were "sitting ducks" as we called it, much easier targets to hit!!! Normally we'd get nailed from the chest up but now we were totally exposed and even our feet were getting nailed. You'd turn for a moment to defuse the pressure of the shit hitting you in the eyes then whoever manned whatever was being used to hit you would aim it for another part, relentlessly soaking us. And we'd keep screaming for more. Before the encore, 'Oderus' walked right up to Moo and proceeded to piss on her head for a good minute or two! I'm talking a LONG time, he went right in her face, held the cuttlefish just inches away and blasted her in the head... she turned her head to her left and faced me, her face was all scrunched up and looked so cute, everyone around us was laughing and staring. 'Oderus' was humming along, just blasting her non-stop... such special attention, Moo relished every second! NEXT!!! |