crazylittlethingcalledlove

"CRAZY LIL' THING CALLED LOVE"

How can I start a rambling like this? Love, ya know? Damn, love. Such a serious subject! But should it be? Shouldn't love be something that's all enjoyable, fun, mysterious, exciting, and yeah, perhaps serious? It's alot of things to alot of people... if I've learned anything in these 22 years of NEVER being in love (yeah, how much validity do I hold?) it's that love is undefinable. Some people think love is flowers, all romance 24/7 and candles... some think it's spending time with someone who you adore, some think it's your boyfriend or husband beating the shit out of you. So I guess Webster's gave up and never did quite define or outline "love" for us. That leaves us vulnerable humans to experiment and do as we wish. There are no rules in love (or war!) so to me love, hate, anger, happiness, all that are all linked. You can love someone but be angry at them... you can hate someone but be happy about it.

So why the rambling? I feel like rambling about my philosophy on love, what I think it is, isn't, should and shouldn't be. And of course throwing in a case scenario. There is another scenario I'd love to talk about but because of the nature and "recentness" of it's occasion I can't. But believe me it's probably one of the more devastating things you'll read. Starting with this oh-so-familiar tale of woe. Familiar because the storyline is, but familiar to me cause it hit so close to home. Here's a tale that I thought was right, a relationship I thought would last forever. When it ended I was so shocked. Looking back I see it was doomed, but more on my philosophy later.

He was 25, she was 22, and it was over. Shocked the fuck out of me, this seemed like a fairy tale romance! She was swept off her feet years ago, he was 18, she was 15. Met in high school. I thought he was the coolest guy ever! My sis bagged herself a rocker type, he played bass, hoped to form a band, loved metal music. My mentor! Over the years he gave me tapes, flags, cds, etc... all kinds of metal memorabilia. I was 10 when they started dating, young & naive I guess. I never saw their relationship as having trouble! Only thing that troubled me was when I walked in on them having sex when I was 13. That wasn't cool. When I was 15 (she was 19, he was 22) she moved out and in with him. Awww, how sweet! They live together! They're closer than ever now! What a good idea, get close without having to get married. Now you can see each other EVERYDAY and EVERY NIGHT, never be apart! EXCELLENT! It seemed so damn sweet to me. Little did I know it would be part of the downfall in their wonderful relationship. I visited them whenever possible, they moved around town then moved a few towns over, my sis would pick up the lil sis and I so we could hang out and watch T.V, have dinner, see the snakes, etc... When I got my own car, I'd hit up their place every week or so. I wish I could have a relationship like theirs... I totally didn't see it coming... "IT", the end. My graduation ceremonies are forever marked with break-ups. The nite of my HS graduation, my sis and her fiance (they were engaged in Sept. 98) were going to show up. June 4th, 1999. As I looked around in the crowd to find my family, ahh I saw them! But where is Chris? That's odd... after the ceremony everyone said, "Oh he's sick..." Damn, I hope he feels better! The next AM I went to the mall to ticketmaster, bought some Poison tickets, my first Poison show was gonna be in a month! I get a call on my cell... before I head home, Ma wants to know if I can pick up Chrissy. Oh yeah, her fiance is sick, he can't drive so I guess she needs a ride over here. When I get there, shit, I wish someone woulda prepped me for what I was walking into. But no. They said it's cause I'm a sensitive person and didn't want me to drive while I was hysterical. I ring the doorbell, she lets me in... but she's crying. He's sitting on the couch and crying as well. There are some boxes packed... she's packing up her suitcase. "What's going on?!!?" I demanded. No one answered. Finally he spoke. "Your sister is going to stay with you for a few days..." I started to cry too. What was going on??!! They've been together over 7 YEARS!!!! Most her teenage life and now into her 20s, how could they just call it quits?!!? WTF was wrong with them?!!? We talked on the way home, at least tried to. She was hysterical, so was I. It was her idea to leave, apparently they got into an argument on the way to my graduation and that was it. Things hadn't been going well for awhile. Their relationship never grew. They moved in together and things got stale... life didn't change, no new plans. They only recently decided to get married but I guess that wasn't a mutual decision they were both happy with. It just seemed like the best "next logical step" for their relationship.

Her stay with us wasn't for a few days. It was for two months... on August 2nd she flew to California and only visits on special occasions. Maybe their breakup had to do with our vacation to CA a week before my graduation. She met a guy out there... but that's not it. What happened is she realized there's a huge world out there she never experienced. She's been with the same guy since she was 15 years old. What can you do at 14, 13, 12, etc... that'll really show you what life is all about? Not much... freedom tasted so damn good, didn't it? I was bummed, Chris was a cool guy. We all knew this and keep in contact, hell, my brother is fairly close to him, just saw him in May at my bro's wedding. But what the hell happened and went so wrong?

This affected me because it was one of the first "real" relationships I knew of and saw, not like my friend's measly middle school problems. I had alot of questions that never got answered because Chrissy didn't want to talk much about it. But over the years I talked with more couples, friends, saw relationships crumble and eventually drew up my own conclusions/ideas on love. So here's the meat'n'potatoes:

Who knows what "love" is or how to define it... with all the failed relationships I'm surrounded by I wonder if "love is forever". So all I can tell you is how NOT to do it, or, How to Make it Fail! Something that effects kids my age is the co-habiting thing. Not that I'm super religious and that's what's making me speak against it. Think about it... what makes love so grand? When I think about it being great, I imagine being excited about the other person. Looking forward to seeing them. Coming home from work, changing outta the work clothes, putting on something nice (torn jeans and a GWAR shirt maybe), fixing the hair and makeup, getting ready for a "nite on the town" with "him". Blasting the music, running around the house all anxious, waiting for him to knock at the door. After the "nite", say goodnite and go home. Well of course if there's time go ahead and have sex at his place or yours, that's important and requires staying the nite (sometimes, I guess... maybe half? Like I fucking know...) But you know what I mean! By living together, you see that person day in, day out, all the time. No anticipation of them coming over or you two "dating"... No mystique, nothing like that. To me, someone who's got some mystery behind them is SOOOOO intriguing and quite a turn on. Nothing like that quiet bastard who barely squeaks a word. Anyway... you ruin that when you move in together. Some may argue that you GOTTA live with the person first to test the waters. No, cause obviously you two are fucking and will be sleeping over at each other's place. NEXT!!!