| You'll know their morning habits, if they are a slob or not, if they leave the toilet seat up, if they are responsible around the house, go ahead and ask if they'll help with the dishes one day, see how they respond. Do they help make dinner when you two make a dinner date? You'll know these things... oh, what about financial reasons? Okay, there's ONE argument I could say holds water. You two are more like "roommates" cause you can't financially make it on your own. Well, right then and there you're already feeling a financial strain, you NEED that other person. You're freaked cause if this relationship doesn't work, you're fucked. That's not a good frame of mind to be in, eh? Especially if you're going to marry this person, couples break up over money so often. Okay, so you moved in together. Yay! Maybe it IS lovey-dovey for awhile, it's new and exciting. So-and-so doesn't hafta leave at the end of the nite! But if you had your own places, who says the other person has to leave after a, eh, evening together? I'm not against that at all... hell, you better spend the nite a few times to observe how they are in the AM. After awhile everything gets routine... hell, no sense in getting married now. We're comfortable with the way things are right now! Why fuck it up by getting married? Ugh, marriage! That's entrapment! Well SHIT! If you feel that way about the other person or marriage, maybe you ain't ready for a relationship. Feel trapped? Feel like marriage is too big of a jump for you? I don't think you've seen the world enough... maybe you haven't "found yourself", maybe you haven't "lived your life!" yet... you need to "get it outta your system!" and find out WHO you are, what you like, what kinda things piss you off about other people, etc... the only way to do this is to get around, get hobbies, explore, meet with all kinds of people, DATE many different people... it's like "shopping around" but multiplied by a zillion. This is a big thing in your life, don't just settle. I'm not just talking about marriage, I mean that "cohabitating" relationship stuff... it'll fuck shit up. And another argument I hear... "How do I know if I can get along with them, financially, domestically, etc... unless I live with them first?" Isn't marriage about working things out and WORKING at the marriage in general? Marriages aren't something that happens and you primp it as necessary. You are given a fucking blank slate, a new life together, YOU TWO need to design it. Work out everything from paying bills, raising kids, spending time together, etc... obviously, you can talk about this shit with the other person without living with them... doesn't mean you need to take a "practice run" to see if it works. You WILL have troubles and problems and arguments in your marriage. Here comes that "working it out" stuff again. Get used to it. Don't pussy out and just move in together without any intention of marrying! Ya wuss!!! When you break up, sure you won't need a lawyer but you'll NEVER take that marriage step if you've been living together forever. And when you DO decide to get married after living together for a few years? Science hasn't quite identified this phenomenon yet... but something snaps and as soon as you get married or close to the marriage date, one of them freaks out. OMG WTF AM I DOING?!?!? I guess the realization of NOW it's serious, sorta freaks one of them out. Many people don't WANT serious relationships though... that's totally understandable. Then why the hell did you move in with them? Don't you realize that that's pretty serious? "Yeah, but we did it for financial reasons... we're just roommates, sorta..." Ahhh I rest my case. It's just my opinion anyway, not the law. But it's not just my sis' case where I predict problems. My bro and his wife lived together for awhile before they got married, they are barely married a year now and going thru divorce. I guess that's a bad example since I don't think their problems have much to do with them living together beforehand. I heard someone tell me this past fall about his relationship with his girlfriend, I heard that similar horror story, except his didn't have an ending: He met her when they were young, I think he said she was 16, he was 19... been together ever since. They live together, no intentions of making it more serious, in fact things have plateaued. I can't speak for him since I don't know anything about their relationship but he didn't seem too excited about it either. They've been together 6 or 7 years I think... GOD this is sounding WAY familiar, isn't it? That sucks, I wish him the best cause after that many years it'd be horrible to break up. "Marriage" never came up in our talk except for the idea to be shot down. Then there was a girl I knew who's lived with her boyfriend for 3 years, she'd bored now. She doesn't WANT to marry him cause she says all the "umph" in their relationship is gone. It's at a "comfortable" phase now, she's okay with that. But she never expects any excitement or change. But she loves the guy, he doesn't mistreat her or nothing, but things are just... eh, things are just things! The relationship isn't growing... they'll probably never have kids, but who knows... I can't say much since I've never been in a serious relationship but I've been surrounded by so many that I'm happy with my theories on them. Gotta keep things new and exciting... marry someone with an adventurous spirit. That way you can try new hobbies, visit new places, try new shit in general. When the relationship gets boring and it's day in, day out, same shit, vegging in front of the T.V. every nite, it's time for an overhaul. I'd be bored. I DO get bored when I don't have a goal in front of me. Right now ya'll can bet yer lunch money on what mine is... yep, working as much as I can this summer and put away a chunk of change for roadtrips. Last fall was made possible by Moo's funds (and some of mine) but without hers, this shit would never have happened. So I better start saving pennies! Anyway, I guess don't get involved with someone who's boring with no goals, sense of adventure or fun. Don't move in with them... shit, maybe you oughta be financially stable on your OWN first before taking on another person. But who am I to judge or say... hell, if you go by my ways you're breaking another rule of mine, "GO LIVE YOUR LIFE!!!" But it'd be nice if ya read this, let it sink in and maybe walk away with more outlooks/arguments for the "other side" of the co-habiting debate. Once you get engaged, then sure, moving in together would be a fine idea... who wants to worry about getting a house or apartment AND all the wedding stuff at the same time? I'd move in somewhere together first, then start planning the wedding. One thing at a time, sheeeesshh!! Marriage is stressful enough. I used to never wanna get married... but now I sorta realize that I DO want kids but I don't want bastards. I want kids cause I need someone to wipe my ass when I'm older. Damn, I'm already 22, I should start having kids by 30 so they're outta my face when I'm 55... that leaves me only 8 years to start working, save money, take time off to travel and "live my life!" before settling down, getting married... work on the marriage for a year or two before having kids... omg, I gotta get married within 6-7 years? I wanna know the person at least a year before we marry, omg, that means I gotta find Mr. Right in 5 years?!!? But you gotta date around, date all kinds of guys, see what you like and don't, so that takes about 2 years? So in 3 YEARS I gotta start the marriage process?!!?! AHHHH NOOOOO!!! In 3 years I'll barely be outta massage therapy school and struggling to work. Then when I have kids I gotta stop working cause A) I don't want my kids raised by a nanny and B), Like I can afford a sitter! Crazy lil thing called love indeed! There's alot of work that goes into finding Mr. Right and making that relationship work... I still have 3 years before I gotta worry, BRING ON THE ROAD TRIPS!!!! :) HOME!!!! |