| FAQ |
| (Frequently Asked Questions) |
| Q: Are you gay? A: No. Q: You sure about that? A: Yes, I'm sure that I'm not gay. Q: I dunno... You seem kinda gay sometimes. You sure you don't like suckin' dick? A: I'm not fucking gay, alright?! Jeez... Q: How do you know you're not gay? A: (Sigh) Because I like women. A lot. Q: Maybe you're bi... Ever consider that? A: NO, because I DON'T like men. Q: At all? A: [Gunshots] Next question, please. Q: Does that [gunshots] thing above mean you shot that guy? A: Yes. Shot him dead. Q: Isn't that illegal? A: In most cases. In this instance, though, the victim, gun, and bullets were imaginary. Q: So it's okay to shoot someone if they're imaginary? A: Next question, please. Q: Okay, um... when is your birthday? A: March 21. Q: What are your parents' names? A: Greg and Cindy. Q: I don't believe you. A: Whatever... Q: Are you rich? A: If I was rich, do you think I would sit around on the computer all the time? Q: Um... yes? A: Eh, maybe so... But no, I'm not rich. Q: Do you wish you were rich? A: If I had three wishes, that wouldn't be one of them. Q: What would your three wishes be? A: I don't know. I'd have to think about it. Q: Would you wish for a really cool car? A: No. Q: Why not? A: Because I don't get excited over cars. Q: What?! Why not? A: I don't know... I just don't Q: So what do you get excited over? A: Not a whole hell of a lot. Q: Sports? A: No. Q: School? A: Ha. Q: Wait, did you say you don't like sports? A: I just don't get really interested in them. Q: But you at least watch football, right? A: Rarely. Q: And you're tryin' to tell me you're not gay? A: Fuck you. Q: Are you a virgin? A: None of your business. Q: That means "yes," doesn't it? A: No, it means "none of your business." Q: Most guys brag about not being virgins. Why don't you? A: Most guys are entertained by farting, too. Next question. Q: Are you saying guys are stupid and you think you're better than them? A: That's a little harsh, but yes. |
| Every day hundreds, no... thousands of people come up to me and ask me all sorts of questions. Things like "Hey, man, like... how did you get to be so cool?" or "Is it possible that you're the coolest person in the world?" Although entertaining, it gets tiring. So in another fruitless attempt to make my life even easier, here's a list of the most common questions I get and their answers. |