Where We Belong
Part Seven
��Lo?� he said groggily, his voice still rough with sleep. It took a moment for him to recognize Mattie�s voice on the other end, so he only caught the very end of her sentence. Something about being hungry.
�If you�re hungry, Mattie, then go ahead and eat breakfast,� he responded absently, still half-asleep and not grasping the finer points of the conversation.
�Harm!� The irritation in Mattie�s voice was evident, and he forced himself to wake up and pay attention to what she was saying. That�s when he remembered his promise to bring Mac over for breakfast this morning.
�I�m sorry, Mattie,� he said contritely, trying to stifle a yawn, �I forgot to set the alarm last night and we must have overslept.�
His apology was met with a moment of silence, followed by a flurry of whispered conversation between two voices that he could only assume were Mattie and Jen. A minute later, Mattie spoke again.
�Okay, Harm. Don�t worry about it,� Mattie reassured him, her voice full of suppressed excitement. �Jen and I will just grab a little something now, and you guys can come over for lunch instead. Around noon, okay? Okay,� she rushed on, answering her own question, �Anyway, go back to bed. Call us when you guys wake up. Love you.� And with that, she hung up.
Harm stared at the phone, perplexed. Something had just happened, he was sure of it. But he had absolutely no idea what that something was. Suddenly, a muffled voice came from the general vicinity of his chest.
�You realize that you basically just told Mattie that we had sex last night,� Mac said sleepily as she lifted her head from the crook of his shoulder. She plucked the phone from his hand and, after making sure it was turned off, tossed it to the foot of the bed.
�I did?� Harm was confused. He went back over the conversation in his mind. That�s when it hit him. �We. I said �we� overslept.�
�Mm hmm,� she murmured, leaning down and placing little butterfly kisses on his chest. He lifted his hand to stroke her hair as he tried to work out the implications of his inadvertent revelation. Sensing his distraction, Mac lifted her head again. �Stop worrying, Harm. We were going to tell her anyway.�
�Not like this,� he pointed out.
�No,� she agreed, �not like this. But it�s done now, and there�s no sense worrying about it. Besides, it would have been just as bad if we�d gone over there and fumbled around trying to figure out how to bring up the subject.� She smiled reassuringly at him, �It�s going to be okay, Harm. Trust me.�
�Always,� he answered solemnly, deciding that she was right and he should let it go for now. And with that worry behind him, he suddenly realized that Sarah Mackenzie was currently lying in his bed, naked, and he hadn�t done anything about it. �Well,� he amended silently, �not since we woke up anyway.� Deciding to remedy that immediately, he quickly flipped them over so that Mac was lying underneath him. He leaned down and kissed her, slowly and thoroughly, only pulling away when the need for air became unbearable.
�You know,� he told her when he had caught his breath enough to speak, �Mattie said that she and Jen were going to grab breakfast, and that we should come over for lunch instead. So we have about three hours to do whatever we want.�
�Really? How about whomever we want?� Mac asked seductively as she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer.
Harm grinned and pulled the covers over their heads. �Even better.�
When the elevator doors opened and Harm looked into the hallway, his smile vanished. Admiral Chegwidden was standing in front of his apartment door. He turned around just as Harm stepped off the elevator, and Harm got his first look at the Admiral�s face since he�d found Meredith with another man. He looked...defeated. It was a look Harm knew well; he had worn it for months after Paraguay. He felt an unwelcome wave of sympathy for the older man and ruthlessly suppressed it. Whatever A.J. had been through, it didn�t excuse the pain he�d caused Mac. His gaze hardened as he remembered her tortured confession last night, and his voice was cold and formal when he spoke. �Can I help you, Admiral?�
�Actually, I�m here to talk to Mac,� the Admiral responded calmly. If he recognized the hostility in Harm�s tone, he ignored it. Harm considered lying and telling him that she wasn�t here, but realized it would be useless when Chegwidden continued, �I saw her car out front, but she�s not answering the door.�
�Is there something wrong at JAG, sir?� he asked politely, sidestepping the issue of where, exactly, Mac was.
The Admiral�s eyes narrowed. �No, it doesn�t. But then you knew that already, didn�t you, Commander?�
�If it�s not JAG business, then I�m afraid it will have to wait, sir,� he responded, once again ignoring the larger issue, �Mac�s helping Jen and Mattie with lunch right now. If you�d like, I can have her call you later.�
�Damn it, Harm,� the Admiral was starting to lose his temper, �We both know why I�m here, so why don�t you stop playing around?�
�Believe me, sir, I�m not playing,� Harm gave up all pretense of civility. He set the bags on the floor and stepped forward. His voice was hard as he continued, �And if you�re here to talk to Mac about your personal business, let me save you the trouble. I�m sorry for what happened between you and Meredith, Admiral. You didn�t deserve that; no one does. But that doesn�t excuse the way you treated Mac last night. She just wanted to help, to make sure you were okay. That was obviously a mistake, and she won�t make it again. So you don�t have to worry about her interfering with your private business anymore.�
Harm could see the Admiral�s anger building as he spoke, and waited for the explosion to come. He didn�t care what his C.O. said to him, at this point he�d come to expect the older man�s harsh remarks, but he�d be damned if he�d let him hurt Mac again. Unfortunately, he thought as he saw Mattie�s door open out of the corner of his eye, it didn�t look like he had a choice in the matter.
�Harm?� The light and cheerful tone of her voice told him that Mac hadn�t yet noticed their commanding officer standing there. She stepped out into the hall, letting the door swing shut behind her. �Why are you standing out here with the food when there are three hungry women waiting inside?� she teased with a smile. When he didn�t return her smile, she took a step towards him. �Harm, what�s wrong?�
Harm could tell the exact moment that Mac saw the Admiral. The smile vanished, and her entire body tensed. He swore he could actually see each and every one of her defenses fall into place and his heart ached for her.
�Admiral, what are you doing here?� she asked cautiously. Harm didn�t miss the way she unconsciously inched her way closer to him as she spoke, seeking out his strength. Judging from the Admiral�s expression, he wasn�t the only who noticed. And watching A.J.�s eyes soften as he looked at her made him realize that whatever his reasons for not taking Harm back last summer, punishing him for saving Mac wasn�t one of those reasons.
�I came to apologize for my behavior yesterday, Mac. I had no right to take my anger at Meredith out on you,� his voice was gruff but sincere. Harm couldn�t help but be impressed at his straightforward apology; he knew how difficult it was for a man as proud as the Admiral to say he was sorry, especially in front of an audience. Even an audience of one.
�I, uh,� he cleared his throat and continued, �I appreciate your concern, Mac, I really do. I�m grateful for it. But I need to deal with this alone. I hope you can understand that.�
�Of course I understand, sir,� she said quickly, �And I won�t say anything to anyone. Or Harm. I mean, I already told Harm, and I�m sorry about that, but Harm won�t say anything either. To anyone else-�
�Mac,� the Admiral interrupted, �it�s alright. I understand what you mean. And I appreciate it, thank you.�
Harm had been watching their interaction silently, hoping to stay out of the way, but after listening to Mac�s ramblings, he decided that it was time to intervene. After last night�s revelations, Mac was too raw and vulnerable to put up a defense against all the emotions the Admiral�s visit was stirring in her. And the Admiral was beginning to suspect that there was something bigger going on than just her reaction to his tirade last night. He needed to get Mac out of there before A.J. could ask her about it; he had no idea how she would react and now wasn�t the time to find out.
�Sir, I hate to interrupt, but we really need to get back inside,� he said. �We�ve got to get the food inside, and I�m sure Mattie�s wondering where we are.� Actually, Mattie probably thought they were out here making out, but the Admiral really didn�t need to know that. A.J. nodded.
�Of course,� he said understandingly. He reached down to help Mac as she lifted the bags into her arms. When he was sure she had a grip on them, he turned to Harm and fixed him with a piercing stare, �I would like to talk to you for just one more minute, Commander. It won�t take long, I promise.�
�Of course, sir,� Harm answered, knowing exactly what the Admiral wanted to talk about. �Let me just get the door for Mac.�
Mac looked at him with a mixture of curiosity and apprehension, but he just smiled reassuringly at her. He quickly walked her to the door, and as he opened it, he murmured softly, �I�ll be there in just a minute. Don�t worry, Marine.� She nodded, still uneasy but trusting him to handle things.
�Okay,� she said softly. Mustering up a smile, she turned and entered the apartment, calling out for Mattie to help her with the groceries. Harm shut the door firmly behind her and turned to face the Admiral, waiting for him to speak. He didn�t have to wait long.
�Something�s upsetting her besides yesterday,� A.J. said bluntly. �Do you know what it is?�
�Yes,� Harm answered. He didn�t even bother trying to dodge the question.
�Care to enlighten me?� the Admiral�s question was really a thinly veiled order, but Harm wasn�t about to obey.
�No, sir,� he said matter-of-factly. �If Mac wants you to know what�s bothering her, I�m sure she�ll tell you. But it�s not my place.�
Harm expected A.J. to get upset with his response, and was more than a little surprised when A.J. just nodded his head at his answer. He gazed thoughtfully at Harm for a minute before asking, �And just where is your place, Commander?�
The use of his rank and the casual way in which the Admiral spoke didn�t stop Harm from recognizing that the question was an intensely personal one; a rephrasing of the question A.J. had asked when Harm had resigned to go find Mac. What will you do to keep her? Unlike the last time, though, Harm knew his answer, and he gave it firmly and without hesitation.
�My place is with Mac.�
It was a declaration of intent, and both men recognized it as such. Harm watched the Admiral�s face for some kind of reaction, but all he got was a glimpse of something in the older man�s eyes that might have been approval. He hoped it was. Not so much because he needed the Admiral�s approval to go forward, but because he knew that his disapproval would mean just one more problem for the two of them to deal with. After a long moment of silence, A.J. nodded.
�Well, if that�s your place, then you�d better get to it,� he said gruffly, and Harm hoped that meant that he wasn�t going to give them a hard time at JAG. A.J. stepped around Harm and, forgoing the elevator, made his way to the stairs. When he reached the top step, he turned and addressed Harm one last time. Gesturing to Mattie�s door, he said, �Hold on to what you�ve got, Harm. Hold on and don�t ever let go.� And with that, he turned and left.
Harm just stood there for a minute, trying to process everything the Admiral had said, everything that had happened in the last forty-eight hours. He realized how much alike he and A.J. were. They had both spent most of their lives focused on their careers, pushing away anyone who got too close, unwilling to show any vulnerability. It frightened him to think how easily that the man walking down those stairs could have been him. If he hadn�t found Mattie, if he hadn�t swallowed his pride and his fear and reached out to Mac, he could be the one heading towards an empty home, an empty life.
But he wasn�t A.J. He had opened himself up, to Mattie, and to Mac, and to the life they could have together. And for the first time, he was grateful that it had taken him so long to get to this point. Because now he was completely secure in what he had, in what they had together. He would never have to worry about coming home and finding Mac with another man. He would never have to wonder how she would handle the rough times they were sure to find in the future; he already knew.
Mattie�s door opened and Mac cautiously poked her head out. When she saw that the Admiral had gone, she stepped out and pulled the door closed behind her, keeping one hand on the handle. He could see the concern for him written on her face and it overwhelmed him. She was the most amazing woman he�d ever known. No matter how hard something was for her, no matter how much she was hurting, her first concern was his welfare. He couldn�t believe that he had thought that he could live without her. He thought he could pretend he didn�t care about her. But he knew the truth now; he loved Sarah Mackenzie with everything he was. And looking down at her beautiful face, he realized that it was about time he told her so. He pulled her away from the door and into his arms, lifting her face to his.
�I love you,� he whispered softly before pressing his lips to hers in a gentle kiss. When she just stood there, frozen like a statue in his arms, Harm started to get concerned. But just as he�d begun to think that he�d moved too fast for her, she suddenly flung her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. It seemed like forever before she eventually pulled away and looked up at him with tear-filled eyes. She slid her hands forward to cup his face, and kissed him again gently. Brushing the back of her hand against his cheek, she finally spoke.
�I love you, too,� she said tenderly, as a brilliant smile spread across her face.
�Really?� he asked quietly. It was a stupid question, he knew, but a part of him still found it hard to believe that of all the men in the world, Mac had chosen him.
Mac just smiled at him lovingly, �Really.�
His answering grin threatened to split his face in two. Tightening his arms around her, he lifted her up and began spinning her around as she laughed in delight. Neither of them realized that the door had opened behind them until they heard the distinctive clearing of throats. Harm tilted his head to look over Mac�s shoulder and saw Jen and Mattie in the doorway staring at them. He saw the tears in their eyes and the identical smirks on their faces and realized that they had witnessed the whole exchange.
�We have an audience,� he whispered in Mac�s ear before setting her gently back on her feet. He turned her around so that they were both facing the girls, never releasing her from his arms. Mac smiled up at him before leaning back against Harm�s chest, wrapping her hands over his arms. He squeezed lightly, and then they both looked expectantly at Mattie, waiting for her inevitable commentary. They were surprised when Jen spoke first.
�Permission to speak freely, sir? Ma�am?� They both nodded, curious to know what the young Petty Officer would have to say. They watched as a big grin crossed Jen�s face.
�It�s about damn time.�
Sunday Morning
North of Union Station
Harm was startled awake at nine a.m. by the ringing of the phone. He answered it grudgingly, having been in the middle of a wonderful dream involving him, Mac, and the Admiral�s desk. As he reached for the receiver, he wondered idly if Chegwidden would be out of the office any time soon. He�d really like a chance to reenact that dream.
Outside Harm�s Apartment
1230 EST
Harm stepped onto the elevator, two bags of groceries in his arms. He didn�t really need any of the things in the bag, at least not for lunch today, but he and Mac had agreed that it would be best if she had some time alone to talk with Mattie about the newest development in their relationship. Harm was grateful that Mac was willing to take over in this particular area. Talking about sex with a fifteen-year-old girl would have been uncomfortable; talking about his sex life would have been impossible. He blushed just thinking about it. He had no idea how he would have dealt with the whole topic if Mac hadn�t been around. But then, he had no idea how he would have handled a lot of things without Mac around. He smiled to himself, grateful that he wouldn�t have to worry about that ever again.