The Next Conflicting Phase
Part Twenty-Six
�Sorry to wake you up, flyboy,� she apologized, her voice low, �but Trish is on the phone, and she�d like to talk to you.�
��Kay,� he murmured, still half-asleep. Then he noticed the amount of sun streaming through the windows and frowned. �What time is it?�
�0933,� Mac answered promptly. The furrow in Harm�s brow deepened, and she knew he was going to complain that she let him sleep too long, so she quickly shoved the phone into his hands. �Talk to your mother,� she ordered as she slid off the bed and high-tailed it out of the room before he could protest. He glared at her retreating back for a moment before turning his attention to the phone.
�Mom?�
�Good morning, darling,� came the familiar soothing voice of his mother. �Did you sleep well?�
�Mm hmm. Too well,� he said ruefully. �I�m sure Mac�s been awake for hours now.�
�I don�t think she minds, Harm,� Trish answered gently, which just confirmed his suspicions. When he didn�t say anything further, she sighed. �Harm, you needed the rest. You were worn down.�
�It wasn�t that bad,� he protested quickly, but even three thousand miles away he could tell that she didn�t believe him. Unfortunately, neither did he. �Okay, so it probably was that bad. But, still��
�But still what?� Trish prodded when he didn�t finish his thought. �Harm, why are you feeling so bad about getting a couple extra hours of well-deserved rest?�
�I don�t know. I just...I feel like I shouldn�t...� he sighed in frustration at not being able to get his brain to properly relay his thoughts to his mouth. Shrugging his shoulders, he repeated helplessly, �I don�t know.�
�Do you feel guilty about feeling better when Sarah can�t?�
Harm paused, considering his mother�s words. �Yeah, I guess I do,� he finally conceded. �I know it�s stupid, but I just feel like if she has to deal with this twenty-four seven, than so should I.�
�You�re right, Harm. That is stupid,� Trish agreed, her tone at once amused and exasperated. �Noble and sweet and very touching, but stupid.� The amusement faded as she admonished her son gently.
�She doesn�t want you to suffer along with her like that, Harm. It makes her feel even worse to think that she�s putting you through that. And I know she�s not doing it,� Trish added quickly to forestall Harm�s inevitable protest. �She�s just as irrational about the whole thing as you are most of the time, but in this case she�s mostly right. It doesn�t do either one of you any good for both of you to be miserable.�
�How can I not be miserable when I see her so miserable, Mom?�
Trish frowned at the sheer unhappiness in his voice. �Is it really that bad, Harm?� she questioned worriedly. �I mean, she told me she was sore and had to sleep in the recliner because it was more comfortable, but��
She trailed off when she heard Harm�s derisive snort. �Yeah, well, whatever comfort the recliner gives her shoulder is cancelled out by the discomfort it�s causing her back. She just can�t seem to catch a break, Mom.�
Trish�s anxiety ratcheted up another notch. �Why? What else is there?�
Harm hesitated, debating whether or not to tell her the rest. He didn�t want to upset her when there was nothing she could do to help, but he didn�t want to keep her in the dark, either. Finally, he sighed and admitted quietly, �The radiation is causing her to burn pretty badly. It�s getting bad enough that they�re thinking they might have to postpone treatment for awhile to let it heal.�
�I thought she wasn�t supposed to get more than a mild sunburn.� Trish definitely sounded upset with this latest bit of information, and Harm began to regret his decision; he hated burdening her with the same worry he felt. But since he already had, he figured he might as well tell her as much as he knew.
�The majority of women don�t,� he answered. �Unfortunately Mac�s falling into the minority. It�s not completely unexpected; Joe warned us that women who have bigger breasts � I mean��
�Relax, Harm. I know what you�re getting at.� Despite her worry, Trish couldn�t help but smile at her son�s discomfort. �And I suppose it makes sense in a way.� Another thought occurred to her. �Is that what�s making her so tired?�
�That�s part of it,� Harm confirmed, adding, �And the stiffness in her shoulder, and now the backaches are making the fatigue that much worse. Top that off with the fact that she�s been an insomniac for most of her life, anyway�� His voice trailed off as he finally admitted softly, �It�s just really wearing her down, Mom. And I don�t know how to help her.�
Trish heard the guilt and helplessness in her son�s voice, and her heart ached for him. �Can the doctor prescribe her something to help her sleep?�
�Wouldn�t do any good; she wouldn�t take it. And I can�t force that issue.� He didn�t need to explain any further; they both knew that it was dangerous for someone with a history of alcoholism to take prescription sleeping pills, and they couldn�t fault Mac for not wanting to take that risk. Unfortunately, that didn�t leave many options left on how to help her sleep.
�Did the doctor have any other suggestions?� she asked, beginning to understand her son�s frustration. What good were all those doctors if they couldn�t even figure out how to help Sarah sleep at night?
�A couple; mostly stuff about diet and relaxation,� Harm responded, and even thousands of miles away, Trish could see him rolling his eyes at the ridiculousness of that idea, �but things aren�t really conducive to her relaxing at this point. And I don�t know how to fix that.�
There was silence over the line for a moment. Harm knew that his mother was trying to come up with a solution to the problem, so he kept quiet and waited for her an answer. When it finally came, though, he didn�t really understand it.
�Maybe the same way she fixed it for you.�
�What do you mean?� he asked in confusion.
�I mean do what she did last night,� she told him. �Fix her favorite comfort foods for dinner, play her soothing music, read her a bedtime story that reminds her of childhood.�
�Mom,� Harm protested, �Mac�s childhood isn�t exactly something she likes to remember.�
�I know,� Trish acknowledged, �but there have to be at least a few good memories, Harm; maybe when she was very young.�
�Actually,� he said slowly, remembering a conversation they�d had when she first got out of the hospital last summer, �she did tell me one about when she was six and had the chicken pox and how her dad managed to stay sober so that he could take care of her.�
�Did she say how he took care of her?�
�As a matter of fact, she did.� A wide grin spread across Harm�s face as a plan began to formulate itself in his head. �Mom, you�re a genius!�
Trish smiled at the sudden exuberance in her son�s voice. �I know, darling,� she told him with a smile, and then added, �Why don�t I let you go so you can start putting into motion whatever plan I know you�ve got cooking in that head of yours. But you have to promise to call me tomorrow and tell me how it goes.�
Harm nodded his head absently, his mind already so focused on formulating a plan that it took him a minute to realize that Trish couldn�t see him. When he did, he responded, �I will, Mom. I promise. I love you.�
�I love you too, dear,� she said fondly. And then, because she knew he was no longer paying any attention to her, she said, �I�m going to let you go now; give Sarah my love.�
�I will. Say hi to Frank for me,� Harm added, feeling a little guilty because he hadn�t talked to his stepfather the last few times he�d called. He vowed to make sure he spoke to him tomorrow when he called to tell his mother how his plan worked. But to do that, he needed to start putting his plan in motion, so he quickly told Trish goodbye. As soon as the line disconnected, he dialed a familiar number; it only took two rings before it was picked up and a familiar voice came over the line.
�Hello?�
�Hey, Sturgis,� he greeted his old friend, and then, without giving Sturgis a chance to respond, continued, �I hope you don�t have any plans today, because I need you to give me the same kind of help you gave Mac last night.�
Glancing at the clock on the dash, Harm was pleased to see that his plan was still on schedule, provided that Sturgis had taken care of things on his end. Harm had called him as they were getting back into the car to head home, telling him they were on their way and what time he thought they would get there, and Sturgis had assured him that he�d have everything ready when they arrived.
Unfortunately, Harm thought as he caught sight of the house, it didn�t look like everything was quite on schedule. Pulling into the driveway, he stared in dismay at Sturgis�s car in the spot next to him. Looking up at the house, he saw his old friend just as he opened the front door and stepped out onto the porch. Harm quickly turned off the engine and hopped out of the car.
�Sturgis, what are you doing here?� he asked, careful to keep his voice down to avoid disturbing Mac. �I thought you�d have everything taken care of by the time we got here.�
�I did,� Sturgis answered calmly, reaching one hand into his coat pocket for his car keys. �It�s been finished for about ten minutes now.�
�Then what are you still doing here?�
�Four words for you, buddy,� Sturgis gave him a pointed stare. �Lit candles and fireplace.�
�Oh, yeah,� Harm said sheepishly, remembering some of the instructions he�d given Sturgis and grateful that at least one of them had thought things through enough to keep the house from burning down.
�Yeah.� Movement off to the side caught his attention, and he looked over Harm�s shoulder and then smiled. �Hey, Mac.�
Startled, Harm turned around to see Mac leaning on the passenger car door. �What exactly are you two up to?� she asked suspiciously. Unfazed, Sturgis just smiled and walked over to give her a peck on the cheek.
�You�ll see,� he answered mysteriously, giving Harm a wink. Slipping past her, he unlocked his car and opened the door. Just before he got in, he called out, �Remember that old clich�, Mac; what�s good for the goose and all. Bye.�
And with one last wave, Sturgis got in his car and drove away. Mac turned to Harm, arching her brow in a silent demand for an explanation, but he just grinned widely.
�Come on, goose,� he said, earning himself a glare and a light elbow in the gut. Catching her arm before she could pull away, he gently led her up the porch and inside the house.
Once inside, Harm shrugged out of his coat before helping Mac off with hers and tossing them both on the coat rack next to the door. Dropping his keys on the table, he took a look around and was pleased to see that Sturgis had set everything up just as he had asked. The crackling of the fire in the fireplace cast a cheerful light over the living room, and the same candles from last night were lit in the dining room, giving off that same warm, intimate glow.
Making a mental note to take Sturgis to lunch Monday as a thank you, Harm turned to Mac, who was staring at everything with tears in her eyes.
�Harm-� she started to choke out, but he quickly placed his fingers over her lips.
�Shh,� he murmured softly, �It�s my turn to take care of you now, okay?�
Mac couldn�t stop a few stray tears from spilling down her cheeks and lowered her gaze to the floor. �You�ve been taking care of me for months, Harm,� she said, and Harm could tell by the note of frustration in her tone that it still upset her that she�d had to rely on him so much since they started their relationship. But he didn�t see it that way, and he decided to tell her so.
�And you�ve been taking care of me for years, Mac,� he countered gently, thinking back to their trips to Russia, or waiting for news about Bud. He brushed away her tears with his thumb. �We take care of each other, Mac. We always have.�
He stared meaningfully at her until she nodded her head in silent acknowledgement of what he was saying, and then wrapped his arm around her with a smile. �Come sit down.�
He led her into the dining room, and Mac let out a little gasp of surprise. The table was set for a formal dinner, with their best silverware and linen napkins and two plates covered with silver lids. Mouth gaping, she let Harm lead her to her seat, finally speaking up as he pushed her chair in and laid her napkin gently onto her lap.
�Harm, you didn�t have to do anything fancy�� Mac�s protest died on her lips when Harm lifted the lid with a flourish. She couldn�t quite suppress a giggle when she saw that instead of some gourmet feast, the platter in front of her held a Beltway burger and fries.
�Oh, Harm, you shouldn�t have,� she joked as she looked up at him, her eyes dancing with laughter. Harm�s smile widened.
�I know,� he answered, setting the lid on an empty chair. He heaved a melodramatic sigh. �But I wanted to fix you your comfort food, and for some unfathomable reason, that means grease and starch and dead animal.�
�What can I say? I have a taste for the finer things in life,� she grinned. Harm just rolled his eyes and took his seat. Mac laughed when he lifted the lid on his own plate to reveal a grilled chicken salad. �I should have known. Rabbit Rabb strikes again.�
Harm glared at her and picked up his fork. �Hush up and eat, Marine,� he pointed the fork warningly in her direction, �or I�m taking the burger away.�
Still laughing, Mac picked up her burger in one hand and lifted the other to her forehead. �Yes, sir,� she said impishly, snapping off a jaunty salute. Harm thought about throwing one of his cherry tomatoes at her, but he refrained because he knew that she�d only retaliate by lobbing French fries at him, and a food fight would pretty much ruin the relaxing mood he was aiming for. Instead he just shot one last warning glare across the table before stabbing his fork into his lettuce and bringing it to his mouth.
Dinner passed for the most part in a comfortable silence, as they both concentrated on the meals in front of them. Harm was pleased to note that Mac�s appetite was making an appearance tonight, as she made her way through both the burger and fries with relative ease. It might not have seemed like much to an outsider, but considering how much trouble she was having maintaining her weight these days, Harm took it as a positive sign. Happy that his pampering of her seemed to be working well so far, he finished his own meal quickly. When they were both done, he hastily gathered up the dishes and took them into the kitchen, and then came back to escort Mac to the living room.
As she let herself be led over to the sofa, Mac couldn�t help but smile at what she saw. The room looked almost exactly like it had at Christmas. Their comforter and pillows were spread out in front of the fireplace and a plate of cookies was sitting on the coffee table; there were even a few wrapped presents sitting off to the side where the tree had been. She looked up at Harm, who was staring at her with a slightly nervous, expectant look on his face. She leaned up and gently pressed her lips to his.
�It�s wonderful,� she murmured, easing her arms around his waist and turning her body slightly so that she could embrace him without discomfort. Harm wrapped an arm around her shoulder and lifted the other to stroke her hair.
�I�m glad you like it,� he said softly.
�I love it.� Sliding back so she could look him in the eye, she added with an impish grin, �There�s only one thing missing.�
�What�s that?� he asked, his eyebrow arching with amusement.
�My hot chocolate,� she answered promptly. Harm laughed and turned her around in his arms.
Pushing her gently towards the comforter, he said, �Sit down and make yourself comfortable. I�ll be back in a minute with your hot chocolate.� He waited until she began to move forward before heading out. As he reached the hallway, he called back over his shoulder, �And don�t touch the presents until I get back.�
Ignoring her immediate protest, Harm hurried into the kitchen to fix their drinks. It didn�t take him very long; Sturgis had laid out all the ingredients and Harm had started the milk warming when he dropped off the dishes. As a result, he was finished much quicker than Mac expected, so he was able to quietly sneak back into the living room just in time to see her carefully placing one of the presents back on the pile. He cleared his throat loudly, and Mac snatched her hand away as if burned. Turning to face Harm, she gave him her most innocent look.
�It was starting to slide off the pile,� she informed him, eyes wide with false sincerity. �I had to keep it from falling.�
�Nice try, Marine,� he scolded her. �I know you were snooping, and I think as punishment you should be denied your hot chocolate. And that look is not going to work on me,� he added quickly when she began to pout. �I am immune.�
That was a flat out lie, of course, and they both knew it. Harm wasn�t able to resist her pout anymore than she could resist his. Taking full advantage of that knowledge, Mac jutted her lower lip out a little further.
�I�m sorry, Harm,� she said penitently in her best little girl voice. His defenses weakened immediately, and she was forced to lower her head to conceal the smug amusement dancing in her eyes. She let her shoulders droop and gave a little sniff for good measure, and Harm groaned in defeat.
�You�re bad, Marine,� he scolded her even as he walked over to hand her one of the mugs of cocoa. Mac reached up for it with a grin.
�Actually, I think I�m pretty good,� she countered with a giggle, cupping the mug in both hands. �Isn�t that why you love me?�
Harm snorted as he lowered himself down next to her. Reaching behind him, he grabbed the plate of cookies from the table and thrust it towards her. �Eat your cookies.�
Mac laughed and plucked one of the cookies off the plate. Breaking it in half, she held it out to Harm as a peace offering. Unable to resist her laughter, he gave up any pretense of being annoyed. Shaking his head with a grin, he leaned forward and bit into the cookie. He took care to let his tongue slip out and caress her fingers, and was rewarded with a low moan. Desire stirred within him, but he immediately tamped it down. Between her physical discomfort and her exhaustion, making love to Mac was out of the question at this point, so he didn�t want to get either one of them too excited. Needing a distraction, he set down the cookies and his cocoa and reached out for one of the presents.
�Here,� he said, laying the gift in her lap. �Since I know you�re not going to rest until you know what�s inside, you might as well start opening your presents.�
Mac flashed him a bright smile before turning her attention to the package. Thrusting her cup into Harm�s hands, she quickly tore off the wrapping paper to get at her gift. When she saw what was inside, she let out a very unmarinelike squeal of delight.
�Candyland!� she exclaimed, clapping her hands happily. �I love this game! I used to play it all the time when I was a kid.�
�I know,� Harm reminded her, grinning widely as he watched her try to pick a hole in the plastic wrapped around the box. �You told me how you and your dad played it when you had the chicken pox.�
Hearing his words, she paused in her attempts to open the game. Looking up at him, she asked softly, �You remember that?�
Harm smiled, reaching out to gently stroke her cheek. �I remember everything you tell me.�
Mac felt tears spring to her eyes, but she forced them back. She didn�t want to ruin the playful mood he�d created, so she just arched her eyebrow pointedly. �If that�s true,� she said skeptically, �then why did I have to ask you three times to take the garbage out last week?�
�Okay,� Harm conceded with an unrepentant grin, �I remember all the important things that you tell me.�
Mac rolled her eyes at his pathetic attempt at recovery. �Ri-ight,� she drawled slowly. Shaking her head, she reached out her hand and said, �Hand me my next present.�
�Your wish is my command,� he said grandly, grabbing the next box and presenting it to her with a flourish.
Rolling her eyes again, she snatched the box from his hand. Noticing how similar it was to the last one, she said archly, �I�m sensing a theme.� She tore off the paper to reveal another child�s board game, this one �Chutes and Ladders�. Before she had a chance to comment, Harm handed her the last box - the game �Sorry!�. Stroking her hand over the box, Mac�s mind drifted back to one of the few happy memories of her childhood.
She had just turned six when she got the chicken pox. It was a pretty bad case; she had been out of school for a week. She remembered how badly she had itched, and how hard it was to follow her mother�s orders not to scratch. She had been pretty miserable that first day, lying in bed covered in Calamine lotion, and her unhappiness grew when she heard her father come home; she was sure he would be drunk. But there was no yelling, and a few minutes later when her father poked his head into her room, she was surprised to see that he was sober.
When he saw that she was awake, he opened the door wider and stepped into the room, carrying an armful of presents tucked at his side. He gave them to her with a smile, and she had opened them to find the same board games she was holding in her hands now, along with a Barbie and a couple of new books.
They were extravagant purchases � while they weren�t exactly poor, money was tight enough that she usually didn�t get presents unless it was Christmas or her birthday � and she had been so happy that she flung her arms around her father�s neck in sheer joy. It wasn�t until she kissed his cheek and noticed the pink smear there that she remembered the Calamine lotion, and she had pulled back quickly, stammering an apology and waiting for her father to start yelling at her. But he didn�t yell; he just wiped the lotion from his cheek and playfully smeared it onto her nose. Then he helped her open all of the games, and they spent the rest of the evening playing together. And when it was time for bed, he had tucked her in gently and read to her from her new books until she fell asleep.
That night was probably the last time she had ever felt truly safe and loved in her father�s presence. As time went on and his drinking got worse, he had never again done anything as kind and unselfish as he did that night. In fact, if she let herself, she could remember that he had gotten plastered two days later and had come home spoiling for a fight. But she wasn�t going to let herself remember that, not tonight. Not when the man she loved had gone to so much trouble to recreate a happy memory for her. Tonight she would just remember that feeling of childlike joy, of being safe and protected and loved.
Lifting her head, she gazed teary-eyed at Harm, and found him staring back at her with eyes full of love and understanding. She set the games on the floor at her side, and scooted forward until she was kneeling in front of him. Sliding her arms around his neck, she fused her lips to his, pouring all the love she felt for him into that one kiss.
Harm slid his hands onto her hips, tugging gently until she was straddling his lap, his lips not leaving hers until they were forced apart by the need for oxygen. Mac leaned her head on his shoulder and, after waiting for her breathing to return to normal, whispered softly in his ear.
�Thank you.�
�You�re welcome,� he answered simply, grateful that he had managed to give her the same kind of joy in her memories that she had given him last night. He held her as tightly as he could without hurting her; content just to have her in his arms.
They stayed like that for a time, until Mac�s body finally protested too loudly to ignore. Sliding her arms from around his waist, she slipped regretfully off his lap. She started to apologize, but Harm wouldn�t let her. Giving her hand a little squeeze, he smiled and said, �How about we break open one of those games?�
Eyes soft with love, she smiled back at him. �I�d love to.�
Since she�d already freed it from its plastic prison, they decided to start with Candyland. After a small disagreement over who got to be the red piece, solved with a quick match of rock, paper, scissors, they settled down and began to play.
For the better part of two hours they sat in front of the fireplace, playing games and laughing and just enjoying each other�s company. Mac would have liked to continue all night, but Harm was watching her too carefully and when her winces of discomfort became too frequent, he called a halt to their fun and gently suggested they go to bed. After extracting a promise that she would get a rematch of �Sorry!� in the morning, Mac allowed Harm to pull her to her feet and lead her upstairs.
Once in the bedroom, she grabbed her nightgown and headed into the bathroom to change and get ready for bed. After washing her face and brushing her teeth, she came back to the bedroom and found Harm sitting on the bed, already in his pajamas and holding up the massager.
�Come here, Marine,� he beckoned with a smile, patting the bed beside him. Moving as quickly as her tired, aching body would allow, she joined him on the bed. They spent a minute trying to find the most comfortable position since she couldn�t lie on her stomach, and then Mac was sitting in heaven, moaning in delight as Harm worked out all the knots that came from sleeping in the recliner.
He kept it up for as long as he could, until he judged that any more massaging would be negated by the discomfort her sitting position was causing. Then he turned off the massager and slipped off the bed, coming around to Mac�s side and scooping her up in his arms. Moving quickly and efficiently, he had her comfortably ensconced in her chair with the covers tucked around her before she even had a chance to protest.
Dropping a kiss onto her forehead, he told her softly to close her eyes, and stroked her hair until he felt her relax. Then he pulled away gently and crawled into bed next to her. Sliding his hand under his pillow, he pulled out a small book, opened it up, and began to read quietly to her.
�Chapter One � In which we are introduced to Winnie-the-Pooh and some bees, and the stories begin.�
Mac smiled when she heard the familiar words of her favorite children�s book, and a thought crossed through her sleepy mind. Harm was right; he really did remember the important things. Snuggling deeper into the chair, she let herself be lulled to sleep by the low, soothing voice of the man she loved.
Rabb/Mackenzie residence
Saturday, February 28, 2004
0930 EST
Harm was awakened by a gentle hand stroking his cheek and calling his name softly. Forcing himself to push past the last layers of sleep, he opened his eyes to see Mac�s smiling face.
Rabb/Mackenzie residence
1848 EST
The sun was just beginning to set as Harm pulled the car onto their quiet, snow-lined street, with Mac dozing in the seat next to him. It had been a long day for both of them, but a pleasant one. A leisurely breakfast was followed by some cuddling in front of the fireplace; and then Mac rested while Harm ran out to pick up lunch, sneaking in a couple of extra stops to get a few items he needed to make his plan work. Fortunately for him, Mac had still been napping when he returned, so he had a chance to stash everything before she woke up. After lunch, they took a drive along the parkway, stopping in various places so that Mac could take some pictures. They stayed out as long as they could, but eventually the dropping temperatures and Mac�s lingering fatigue forced them to head for home.