The Next Conflicting Phase
Part Twenty
She sighed, knowing she was being unfair. If there were any way to call, he would have done it; as it was, he was probably going to feel guilty for not getting to talk to her until after the whole thing was over. And when she finally did talk to him, she knew she would reassure him that she was okay and that she was just glad to hear his voice, and she would mean every word. But that was later; right now, she was tired and lonely and nervous, so she was going to let herself wallow in a little self-pity.
Mac was startled out of her wallowing by a gentle hand on her arm. �Sarah?�
�Hmm?� she said; turning and seeing Trish standing there with a concerned look on her face. She flushed a little in embarrassment; she�d completely forgotten that Harm�s mother was waiting for her so they could go inside. �Oh, I�m sorry, Trish.�
�That�s okay.� Trish smiled sympathetically. �No luck?�
Mac shook her head unhappily. �We better get inside,� she sighed, finally reaching down and turning off her phone. �I don�t want to be late meeting Joe, since he won�t tell me what he wants and I don�t know how long it will take.�
�He didn�t give you any kind of clue what he wanted to talk to you about?� she asked curiously.
Mac shrugged. �He said that he had something to give me that he thought would make me feel better.�
It was a nice idea, and Trish admired Mac�s doctor for taking such a close interest in her recovery, but she knew that whatever he gave her wouldn�t make her feel better. The only thing that could do that was on the other side of the Atlantic, and wasn�t returning Mac�s calls. And if Trish was honest with herself, that irritated her more than a little. She knew Harm was busy, but he should have at least called and left Mac a message since he wasn�t going to be with her today. Unless...
Suddenly, Trish thought she had an idea of what was waiting for Mac up in her doctor�s office. Not wanting to get Mac�s hopes up, she didn�t say anything about her suspicions, though. Instead, she just wrapped her arm around Mac�s shoulders and led her inside, being careful to keep any hint of excitement or anticipation off her face. Once they were standing in front of the bank of elevators, Trish tried to distract Mac from her nervousness by making small talk. She mentioned how nice it was of the Admiral to give her this first day off to get adjusted to everything.
�It was nice,� Mac agreed. �I�m sure I�m not going to need it, because the treatment�s not going to be painful,� she hastened to add, �but it�s nice that we get to spend another day together. Although I�m not sure that�s why he did it.�
�What do you mean?�
�I don�t know; there was just something about his voice when he called this morning. He sounded...tense, like he was waiting for something to happen, almost. I don�t know,� she repeated with a shrug, brushing the whole thing off with a wave of her hand. �I�m probably imagining it.�
Trish nodded, but she didn�t think Mac was imagining anything, and the Admiral�s decision and strange behavior just reinforced her belief about what they would find when they got to the doctor�s office.
The elevator finally reached its destination, and Mac and Trish stepped onto the Oncology floor. Another strong wave of apprehension washed over Mac. Taking a quick glance around to make sure no one was watching, although she didn�t think anyone would notice her without her uniform, she reached out and grabbed hold of Trish�s hand. Trish didn�t say anything, knowing that Mac would be nervous no matter what reassurances she offered; she just gave Mac�s hand a reassuring squeeze as they turned the corner and made their way to Joe�s office.
They stepped into Joe�s outer office just as his secretary was stepping out. Mac started to ask her if Joe was waiting, but didn�t get the chance. The young woman just smiled and pointed to a note taped to the door with Mac�s name on it before continuing on her way. Confused, Mac strode over to the door. Pulling off the note, she scanned it quickly and frowned.
�What does it say?� Trish asked, stepping up behind her.
�It says he�s meeting with a patient,� she answered, confused, �so he won�t be able to see me before my appointment, but that my present is waiting in his office.�
�Any hint of what it is?� Trish asked, suppressing the smile that was threatening to break free. If she was right, and she was certain she was, she didn�t want to spoil the surprise.
�No.� Mac tucked the note into her bag and shrugged. �Guess I should just go in and find out. Are you coming?�
�In a minute, dear. I just need to visit the ladies room,� she lied smoothly. It wasn�t the best excuse, but it would get her out of the room and give Mac a chance to go in there and ... appreciate her gift properly.
Mac frowned and took her hand off the doorknob. �Do you want me to show you-�
�Oh, that�s not necessary, dear,� Trish insisted quickly, already heading out into the hallway. She called back over her shoulder, �You go sit down and relax for a minute. Enjoy your present.�
�Okay.�
Mac opened the door and stepped hesitantly into Joe�s office. Stepping over to the desk, she dropped her purse into one of the chairs before looking down to see if her mysterious present was there. It wasn�t, and she sighed in frustration, wondering where exactly she was supposed to look for this gift of hers. She was just about to step around to see if it was sitting in Joe�s chair when she heard something rustling behind her. Whirling around, Mac turned towards the noise, only to freeze in complete shock at what she saw. Sprawled out on Joe�s sofa was her present, all six foot four inches of him, fast asleep.
�Harm,� she breathed softly, staring at the vision laid out before her eyes. In fact, as she stood there, she wondered to herself if he really was a vision; something her overactive imagination had conjured to get her through her first treatment. So she closed her eyes tightly and took a deep breath, exhaling slowly, and then opened her eyes again. And again he was there in front of her; with one leg on the floor and the other stretched out along the cushions, his head leaning against the arm he had propped up on the back of the sofa.
She took a hesitant step forward, and then another, moving as slowly and quietly as possible because despite what she saw with her own eyes, she couldn�t quite make herself believe that this wasn�t a dream. Not until she was finally standing next to the sofa looking down at him.
He looked exhausted. His uniform was rumpled, and even in sleep, his face was lined with worry and there were dark circles under his eyes. She had talked to him yesterday morning at the hotel, so he must have spent most of the last twenty-four hours traveling. Which would explain why he hadn�t called her; his phone would have had to be turned off while he was flying. It would also explain other things, as well; like the Admiral�s sudden order to take the day off, and Joe�s mysterious phone call early this morning. Harm had known he was coming home, and he had enlisted the other men�s help in making his return a surprise.
It had certainly worked, she thought ruefully to herself as she pressed a hand against her still racing heart. She was definitely surprised, and she was pretty sure it was the best surprise she�d ever had. Kneeling down next to him, Mac lifted one hand and gently stroked his cheek, delighting in the feel of his skin beneath her fingers. He stirred, and a small smile appeared on his face.
�Hi,� he murmured sleepily without opening his eyes. He rubbed his cheek against her hand, reveling in the softness he found, in the tenderness. He hadn�t meant to fall asleep, but he was exhausted; he�d been up for going on forty-eight hours. The minute Joe had offered him his sofa to relax on while he waited for Mac, he had felt his eyes begin to drift shut against his will. But now, with just the warmth of her palm against his face, he could slowly but surely feel his energy returning.
Mac could see that he was only half-awake, so she returned his greeting quietly. �Hi.� She gave him a gentle kiss. �What are you doing here?�
�You didn�t think I�d miss your first treatment, did you?� he told her with a smile as he finally opened his eyes. Dismayed to see the shadows in her eyes and the tears trickling down her face, Harm quickly pushed himself into a sitting position, and reached out to brush his hand across her cheek. �Hey, no tears,� he scolded gently. �This is supposed to be a good thing.�
She flung her arms around his neck and held tightly to him. �It�s the best thing,� she whispered fiercely, burying her face in the crook of his neck. �I missed you so much.�
�Not half as much as I missed you,� he responded quietly, running his hands soothingly up and down her back. His fingers slid underneath the neckline of her blouse, and the moment he touched the soft skin of her neck, the reality of the situation finally hit him. He was home. There would be no more solitary dinners in a hotel room, no more calculating time differences just so he could have the chance to hear her voice, no more waking up in a cold, lonely bed. He was finally home. �God, Sarah. I-�
Harm broke off, too choked up to say anything else. He slid his arms around her waist and pulled her up onto his lap, curling his arms around her and burying his face in the silk of her hair. For a long time they just sat there, silently clinging to each other as they adjusted to the unexpected joy of being together again.
Finally, though, Mac�s curiosity got the better of her and she loosened her hold just enough so that she could see his face.
�How did you do this?� she questioned, not understanding how he had managed to get leave to return. A thought occurred to her, and her eyes narrowed suspiciously. �You didn�t disobey orders or do anything illegal, did you?�
Harm laughed. �No, I didn�t. For your information, I am following orders. The Secnav�s, to be exact.�
�The Secnav ordered you back to D.C.? Why?�
�It�s a long story,� he told her, scrubbing his hands wearily over his face. Just thinking about the past few days tired him, but he could tell from the look on Mac�s face that she needed an explanation, so he sighed and asked her, �Do you remember that conversation I told you about?�
She frowned for a moment as she tried to figure out which conversation he was referring to, and then her eyes lit up with recognition. �When Sheffield told you his wife had breast cancer?�
�Yeah,� Harm confirmed. �Turns out he missed a lot of her treatments because of his job, and he regretted that. He didn�t think I should have to go through that.�
�So he just let you go?� Mac asked incredulously, �Just like that?�
�Just like that?� Harm repeated, and then shook his head with a weary sigh. �No. Not unless �that� includes demanding progress reports three times a day for a week. And making copies of all pertinent documents for everyone involved, taping strategy sessions, and a weekend�s worth of mock courtroom battles � with the Admiral video conferencing most of the time to grade Commander Gracen and Major Comer�s performances.�
He rolled his eyes. �I also have to check in twice a day for progress reports, handle any research that comes, be on call twenty-four seven in case anyone has questions, and be prepared to fly back there if there�s an emergency.�
�Wow.�
Harm shrugged. �It�s not really that bad; I doubt anything big is going to come up. Anyway, it got me home, and that�s what counts.�
Touched by his words and the lengths he went through to get home, and thrilled beyond belief that they were together again, Mac smiled and drew his head down to hers, kissing him passionately. Too passionately, Harm thought as he felt the familiar wave of desire building in him. He groaned when he felt her tongue dart out to trace his lips, and willingly opened his mouth to her. Tongues tangled and hands roamed feverishly over each other�s bodies as their need and desire spun out of control.
The need for air finally separated them, and as Harm tried to catch his breath, he forced himself to slow down. It had been a long and lonely week without her, and he desperately wanted to lose himself in her touch, but he couldn�t ignore where they were or why they were here.
�Mac, we can�t do this here,� he told her, his voice ragged. He groaned when she ignored him and began trailing kisses down the side of his neck. Sliding one hand under Mac�s chin, he gently pulled her away from him. She pouted for a moment, refusing to look at him, before reluctantly agreeing with him.
�You�re right,� she said, heaving a huge sigh. Then she lifted her head and finally looked him in the eye, and Harm caught the wicked gleam in her gaze as she wrapped her arms tighter around his neck and purred, �Let�s go home.�
Summoning every last ounce of willpower, Harm stopped her from kissing him again. �Nice try, Marine,� he said, giving her a playful tap on the nose. Mac glared at him, then heaved a defeated sigh and slid her arms from around his neck. Wrapping them tightly around his waist, she leaned her head against his shoulder. Harm leaned down and pressed his lips to her hair before asking in an understanding voice, �Nervous?�
�Yeah,� she admitted; her voice small and embarrassed. �I know I�m being stupid, Joe keeps telling me it will be quick and painless, but I can�t help worrying that something�s going to go wrong.�
�Well, if that makes you stupid; it makes me stupid, too,� he admitted with a laugh, reaching his hand up to softly caress her cheek. �It�s natural to be nervous, Mac. It might be quick and painless, but it�s still a very important part of your treatment; it�s natural to be a little worried.�
�Yeah,� she sighed again, recognizing the truth in his words. Still, knowing he was right didn�t stop her from trying one more time to get him to change his mind. Reaching out, she fiddled with the buttons of his shirt with one hand while running her fingers softly through his hair with the other. �Are you sure I can�t convince you to take me home?�
�Nope. So you can stop using your feminine wiles on me; I�m immune.� Mac raised a skeptical brow. �Okay, maybe not,� he conceded, and then added, �But your feminine wiles aren�t strong enough to overcome the knowledge that my mother could walk through that door at any moment.�
�You�ve got a point. She actually should be here already. Unless...� she glared at him suspiciously. �Did she know about this?�
�Nope. Just Secnav, the Admiral and Joe.� Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the door open just a little. Speak of the devil, he thought. He raised his voice a little. �I would have told mom, but I know she�d never have managed to keep it a secret.�
Trish pushed the door open the rest of the way, and stepped into the office. Placing her hands on her hips in mock indignation, she said, �Excuse me? I�ll have you know that I�m an excellent secret keeper.�
�Hi, mom,� Harm smiled. He loosened his arms from around Mac�s waist, and she started to slide off his lap so that he could stand and greet his mother properly, but Trish waved him off. This was the first time she�d had a chance to see Harm and Mac together since they started their relationship, and she was enjoying the sight of them so wrapped up in each other, literally and figuratively. They were just so perfect for each other, she thought happily, as her mind began conjuring up images of fancy gowns and dress whites.
�Don�t get up on my account,� she grinned knowingly, causing Mac to blush and bury her face in the crook of Harm�s neck. �I didn�t mean to interrupt, but we need to get you checked in if you want to start your treatment on time.�
Keeping her head down, Mac sighed, and resisted the urge to burrow herself further into Harm�s embrace and just forget about her treatment. It wouldn�t do her any good; and if she tried, Harm would probably just pick her up and carry her over there, while Trish walked ahead and opened the doors for him.
�You�re right, Trish,� she agreed reluctantly, pushing herself off of Harm�s lap. �I guess we should go.�
Mac turned and reached out a hand to help Harm. He took it, letting her help pull him to his feet, and held onto it even once he was standing. Squeezing gently, he asked, �You ready?�
She shook her head. �No,� she responded sullenly, but squeezed his hand in return before shifting to twine their fingers together. Harm gave her a tender smile.
�Suck it up, Marine,� he told her softly. She nodded, and took a deep breath. Keeping a tight hold on Harm�s hand with her left, she reached out her other to Trish, and together they made their way out of Joe�s office and down the hall to the radiation ward.
Forty minutes later, Mac was undergoing her first treatment while Trish and Harm sat in the outer office and waited. Well, Trish sat; Harm paced back and forth, stopping every minute or so to check the clock. Finally, after ten minutes of watching him in silence, Trish decided she�d had enough. Setting the magazine she�d been reading down next to her, she stood up and made her way over to her son.
�Harm, come sit down,� she ordered him, gently taking hold of his arm and leading him back to the seats along the wall. �You�re making everyone nervous.�
�I can�t help it, mom,� Harm protested, staring at the door to the treatment area even as he let her drag him across the room. �They said the treatment was only supposed to last fifteen minutes, and she�s been in there for almost half an hour.�
Trish sighed and pushed him into a chair before taking her own seat. �Harm, this is the first treatment. It�s bound to take a little longer this time. After all,� she pointed out as she picked up her magazine again, �it did take them three hours just to line everything up during the simulation; it�s not like taking a picture where you just aim the camera, point and shoot.�
�Yeah, okay. I guess you�re right,� he admitted reluctantly. He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes with a sigh. Trish opened the magazine to the article she�d been looking at, and had just found the place she�d left off when she felt Harm�s gaze as he peered over her shoulder.
�What�s that supposed to be?� he asked as he pointed to the painting on the corner of the page, more out of the need for a distraction than any real curiosity. Trish shook her head with a smile.
�An abstract,� she responded dryly. Harm glared at her when he saw that she was trying not to laugh at him.
�I knew that,� he told her defensively, �I was just looking at it from a bad angle.�
�Of course, darling,� she said patronizingly, although she knew he was probably right. After all, he couldn�t have grown up with her and not have picked up a few things. Still, it was fun to tease him sometimes.
Harm rolled his eyes at her in annoyance, but he wasn�t really upset. The last few times he�d seen her had been tense, as they dealt with everything with his father and Sergei, and he was grateful that this time around they could just take some time to relax, to laugh and joke and enjoy each other�s company. And if he had to endure a little teasing in the process, so be it. It was a small price to pay considering everything she�d done for him and Mac in the past week.
He smiled at her, and then reached down to tap the picture again. �So, are you going to tell me about the painting?� he asked, genuinely curious this time.
�It�s an exhibit I was going to take Sarah to today,� Trish explained with a smile. �Which I guess I�ll be going to alone now.�
�Sorry.� When he�d arranged his little surprise with the Admiral and Joe, he hadn�t taken into consideration that his mother might have made plans for herself and Mac for the day. Actually, he hadn�t really thought of his mother much at all; all of his attention had been focused on getting home to Mac. Feeling a little guilty, he suggested, �You could go with Mac tomorrow, or this weekend.�
�I could,� she agreed slowly, before fixing him with a pointed stare, �but then I�d be home with you and Sarah all afternoon.�
Trish laughed as Harm�s eyes widened in horror at the thought of his mother being in the house while he and Mac were...getting reacquainted. �Don�t worry, Harm. I have no intention of intruding on your and Sarah�s �reunion�.�
�Mom!� Harm protested in embarrassment, blushing profusely, but Trish just grinned unrepentantly at him. He narrowed his eyes and pointed an accusing finger at her. �You�re just loving this, aren�t you?�
�Yes, I am,� she said with a laugh. Harm started to say something, and then changed his mind, throwing up his hands in resignation.
Chuckling softly, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and gave her a quick hug. �I�ve missed you, mom,� he told her with a smile. Then his expression grew serious as he added quietly, �Have I thanked you for coming out here to stay with Mac?�
Trish nodded, reaching up and affectionately patting his hand. �About a dozen times.�
�Well, here�s thirteen.� He leaned in and softly kissed her cheek. �Thanks, mom.�
�You�re welcome.� She smiled lovingly at him, and added sincerely, �And thank you.�
�For what?� he asked curiously. He couldn�t think of anything he�d done that would warrant her thanks.
�For-�
Whatever Trish was going to thank him for was forgotten when her eyes focused on a figure stepping through the door of the treatment area and into the waiting room.
�Sarah!�
Harm spun in his seat at his mother�s exclamation. When he saw Mac, he jumped up and walked over to her. �Are you okay? How did it go?� he asked, putting his hands on her shoulders. She looked up at him with a dazed expression, and he felt his heart clench with fear as he wondered what could have gone wrong. Noticing the tension between them, Trish walked over and joined them.
�Sarah, what�s wrong?� she asked as she stepped up next to Mac, running a soothing hand up and down her back. The gesture seemed to bring Mac back to the present, and she looked up at Harm and his mother, confused.
�That�s it?� she asked incredulously. Really looking at Harm for the first time since she�d stepped into the waiting room, she noticed the hint of fear in his eyes and realized he had jumped to the wrong conclusion. She tried hastily to reassure him. �It went fine, just like Joe said. It was easy.�
�It was so easy,� she repeated, amazed at how quick and painless it had really been. �I mean, it was boring and annoying having to hold that stupid bar, but...�
She trailed off with a shake of her head, feeling more embarrassed than ever that she had been so afraid of starting treatments. She looked up at Harm and smiled sheepishly. �So I guess we�re pretty stupid after all.�
Harm grinned broadly at her. �I won�t tell if you won�t,� he told her. Relieved that everything had gone so smoothly and their fears were groundless, he reached out and pulled her in to his arms, hugging her tightly. He leaned down and gave her a quick peck on the cheek before whispering in her ear, �One down, twenty nine to go.�
�Bring it on,� Mac laughed, returning his kiss and then slipping out of his embrace. Keeping one arm around Harm�s waist, she shifted to face Trish. A wide, joyful grin spread across her face as she looked from one face to the other. Her family, she thought, feeling happier and more alive than she had in a long time. She reached out and took hold of Trish�s hand with her free one, squeezing tightly, and then turned her attention back to Harm. She leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek.
�Let�s go home.�
Bethesda Naval Hospital
Monday, February 2, 2004
0725 EST
Mac stood outside the doors of the hospital, rubbing her hands together to try and keep warm while she made one last attempt to get a hold of Harm before she had to go inside. Unfortunately, just like the other six times she had tried since waking up at four that morning, she was sent straight through to his voice mail. And although she didn�t want to, she couldn�t help but feel a little hurt. She knew he was probably stuck in some highly important meeting with the Secnav, but she didn�t think it was too much to ask that he take five minutes to wish her luck.