The Next Conflicting Phase
Part Fourteen
The waitress came back with their coffee, and he smiled his thanks at her. Mac, on the other hand, didn�t even notice her, so the minute the waitress was out of earshot; he reached out and tapped her hand. She flinched, startled, and turned to look at him. When he was sure he had her attention, he asked, �You want to tell me what�s wrong?�
Mac tensed. �What makes you think something is wrong?� she responded cautiously.
�You want a list?� he said, giving her his best �who do you think you�re kidding� look. He lifted his hand and started ticking points off with his fingers. �Well, there�s the fact that instead of having Harm drop you off like we�d originally planned, you had me come pick you up. Then there�s the way you�ve been brooding since you stormed out of the house. And how you�re putting off joining Harm at the Roberts. Not to mention that you look tired and you�re moving like you just finished your first day at boot camp.� He took a deep breath and help up his last finger. �But most importantly, you let me talk about Varese for twenty minutes without teasing or picking on me once.�
As intended, that last comment drew a small chuckle out of Mac. �Twenty-four minutes and seventeen seconds, actually,� she told him with a smirk. Her smile softened. �And I�m just glad to see you so happy. You are happy, aren�t you?�
�Yes, I am. Very much so,� he said seriously. �But I�d be even happier if you would tell me what�s troubling you.�
�You want a list?� she responded half-jokingly, throwing his words back at him, but Sturgis just stared back at her expectantly. Dropping her gaze to the table, she sighed and tried to figure out where to begin. She and Harm had agreed that today would be the best day to tell their friends about the cancer. The holidays were over, and they had gotten the pathology reports back yesterday and settled on the course of treatment; there was no longer any reason to delay. But it was more difficult than she thought it would be, and she had spent most of the time since Sturgis picked her up trying to figure out where to start. She didn�t want to just blurt it out like she had to the Admiral, but there didn�t seem to be any way to ease into a conversation like this.
She sighed and lifted her head to see Sturgis still sitting there patiently, waiting for her explanation. Taking a deep breath, she said softly, �A month ago, I found a lump in my breast. It was malignant.�
The spoon Sturgis had picked up to stir his coffee clattered onto the table. He stared at her, his mouth gaping open and his eyes wide with disbelief. His first thought was that he had heard her wrong, but the sad, solemn look on her face told him that he hadn�t. Which only meant one thing.
�Malignant? You mean cancer?� She nodded silently. He shook his head, still trying to wrap his mind around what she was telling him. He just couldn�t believe that this was happening; that Mac could have a malignant tumor. A thought occurred to him. �Wait a minute. You said it was malignant. What does that mean?�
�I had surgery last Friday to have the tumor removed,� she admitted quietly.
�What?!� he exclaimed loudly in disbelief. He could see the few customers around him look up, startled, so he lowered his voice and asked, �Mac, why didn�t you say something? I know I haven�t been the best of friends lately, but you had to know I would be there for you.�
�I know,� she assured him, and then added, �But I didn�t want to worry you until I knew what we were dealing with.� He just continued to stare at her. �Sturgis, please don�t be upset. I didn�t tell anyone except for the Admiral, and that was only because I had to.�
�Why didn�t you want to tell anyone? There has to be more than just not wanting us to worry.� He gave her a probing look. �Is it because of last summer?�
�NO!� she insisted quickly. �No, it wasn�t that at all. I promise. It�s just...� she sighed and confessed softly, �Sturgis, it�s been so hard. Dealing with all of the waiting and wondering and worrying; mine and Harm�s. I just couldn�t handle anyone else�s emotions on top of that. I know that sounds pretty selfish-�
�No, it doesn�t,� he interjected. �Self-preservation is not selfishness. And if you needed to be able to get a handle on everything yourself before telling your friends, then that was the right thing to do.�
She bit her lip and asked hesitantly, �Then you�re not mad at me?�
�No. Do I wish you had told me sooner? Yes,� he acknowledged, before adding quickly, �But I understand why you didn�t. Does the fact that you�re telling me now mean you know what you�re dealing with?�
She nodded her head and told him, �We met with my surgeon yesterday and went over the pathology report on my tumor.�
�What did it say? How bad is it?�
Mac heard the slight hint of fear in his voice and hastened to reassure him. �Not bad. Actually, all things considered, it was really good.�
�Really?�
�Yes. There are five stages of cancer, starting at zero and going to four, and I�m Stage I,� she explained. �I won�t go into all of the boring details about margins and s-phase percentages or anything, mostly because I don�t understand half of them myself,� she smiled wryly at him, �but basically the cancer was contained within the tumor. And the tumor is gone.�
�So that�s it? You�re cured?� He asked in confusion. Surely it couldn�t be that simple.
�Technically,� she allowed, and then added, �But I�m still going to have radiation treatments, to catch any stray cancer cells that might have escaped.�
�And then it�s over?�
She smiled sadly at him. �It�s never going to be over, Sturgis. Not really,� she explained gently. �I�ll have tests and follow-up visits, and I�ll always have to watch out for recurrences.�
�I understand,� he told her softly. He reached out and covered her hand with his, squeezing gently, and she felt tears sting her eyes. She hadn�t realized, until this very moment, how much she had missed Sturgis. She loved Harm with all of her heart, and he would always be her best friend as well as her lover, but there were times when she needed to talk to someone else. Someone who was close but who could be a little more objective, and Sturgis, as calm and logical a person as he was, fit the bill perfectly.
They sat for a few minutes in comfortable silence, and then Sturgis looked at her and asked, �How�s Harm doing? I don�t imagine he�s handling it very well.�
�Actually, he was handling it pretty well up until yesterday.� She sighed, pulling her hand away and crossing her arms over her chest. �Now he�s being an overprotective, unreasonable jerk.�
Well, that explained why she had asked him to pick her up this morning, and why she�d stormed out of the house. Sturgis wondered if Harm was really acting as badly as she said, or if she was overreacting. There was only one way to find out. He leaned back in his seat, because he had the sneaking suspicion that this might take a while, and questioned her, �Why is he being a jerk?�
�How should I know?� She threw up her hands in exasperation. Just thinking about the past twenty-four hours made her blood boil. She just didn�t understand how he could go from the concerned, gentle man who had tended to her needs without making her feel helpless to the man who barked orders and got mad whenever she so much as tried to open the damn refrigerator door.
�Sturgis, when I first got back from the hospital after surgery, he was wonderful. He took care of me, but he didn�t smother me. He didn�t coddle me; in fact, he was the one who pushed me to start on the rehab exercises that they showed me at the hospital. And even though he was always within shouting distance, he still gave me time to myself. He was about as close to perfect as any man could be in that situation.�
�Until yesterday,� Sturgis added, and saw the storm clouds gather in her eyes.
�Yeah, until yesterday,� she muttered. She looked up at him, eyes full of frustration. �Then we go to the doctor and he tells me that I�m going to be okay, gives us an outcome that�s close to a miracle cancer-wise, and suddenly I�m a delicate flower unable to lift a finger to take care of myself.�
�Don�t you think you�re overreacting a little?� he said, raising a brow in disbelief.
She glared at him, and then began to explain the situation with exaggerated patience, �Sturgis, he didn�t want me to go for a walk because it was too cold. Even though it wasn�t any colder than the day before, and I walked then. But I didn�t want to fight about, so I told him to go for his run, and then he could help me with my exercises when he got back. Well, when he got back, I was in the kitchen standing on a chair trying to get something off one of the shelves, and I wobbled a little. You would have thought I was about to take a header from a ten-story window the way he came rushing over and grabbed me off the chair,� she told him indignantly. �Then he ignored me when I tried to tell him to put me down, carried me up the stairs, deposited me on the bed, and ordered me to rest! So no, I don�t think that I�m overreacting!�
Mac had been so engrossed in telling her story that she didn�t notice how hard Sturgis had been trying to keep a straight face. But when she looked up, she could see him fighting back a grin, and she looked at him incredulously. �You think this is funny?�
Sturgis shook his head, knowing that if he tried to open his mouth, he would burst out laughing. He couldn�t help it; he had suddenly gotten this mental picture of a caveman Harm � complete with club - flinging Mac over his shoulder and carrying her upstairs; it was pretty entertaining. He didn�t think Mac would agree, though, so he decided to keep those thoughts to himself.
After taking a moment to regain his composure, he told her seriously, �It�s not funny, Mac. And I agree he went a bit overboard, but he was probably just worried that you would tear out your stitches or something if you fell.�
She glared mutinously at him. �I wobbled, Sturgis. I wasn�t in any danger of falling. At least not until he came over and started pulling on me.�
�I�m sure that�s true,� he said calmly, trying to placate her a little, �but if you had started to fall, it could have ended up pretty badly. You�re obviously still sore from your surgery, and who knows what would have happened if you�d lost your balance.�
�Doesn�t mean he had to act like some kind of caveman,� she huffed indignantly, and Sturgis fought down the urge to start laughing again. Mac sighed, �Look, Sturgis, I get that it scared him to walk in and see me standing on the chair. I�d even be willing to overlook it, if it weren�t for the fact that he kept on acting that way. I thought that when we got the results back and they were good, things would be better than they�ve been since this started. But it�s not. He didn�t even seem to care that it looked like things were going to be okay, he just got mad that I got the doctor to clear me to come back to work early.�
Sturgis looked at her reprovingly. �Of course he cares, Mac. You know better than to think that he doesn�t,� he chided her. She flushed, and dropped her gaze to her hands. She did know better, but it was hard not to feel upset when all he had done since they�d gotten out of Dr. Graves� office yesterday was criticize her or get angry with her for trying to do too much. She was still following the doctor�s orders, but that didn�t mean she was incapable of doing anything for herself.
Mac sighed, and admitted softly, �I know, Sturgis. And I know he�s worried that I�ll overdo things. But I�m not. I�m following the doctor�s orders, and I�m going to follow them at work, too. It�s not like I�m going to run a marathon; I would just rather be sitting around at work than at home. At least at work I can feel like I�m accomplishing something. And I don�t understand why he can�t see that.�
�He will, Mac,� Sturgis reassured her. �You just need to give him a little time. He�s only had a day to adjust to what the doctor told you. It probably just hasn�t really sunken in yet.�
Mac nodded and gave a little sigh. �I�m sure you�re right. And I guess I just need to try and be a little more understanding.� She gave him a little grin and added, �With that in mind, we should probably get going before he sends the National Guard out for me.�
�Definitely,� Sturgis agreed with a laugh. He stood up and dropped a few bills on the table, and then reached out to help Mac into her coat. After slipping his own coat on, he gestured towards the door. �After you.� She smiled and started to move forward, and then stopped. Turning around, she reached back and took a hold of his hand. She squeezed it gently, and then let go and resumed her way towards the entrance, with a smiling Sturgis following right behind her.
When he had finished, he leaned back in his chair and tried to give Bud and Harriet time to digest the news. Both were stunned, and were trying to figure out what to think and how to react. After a few minutes, Bud looked up.
�The Colonel�s going to be alright?� he said, wanting to confirm that he had heard the Commander correctly. When Harm nodded emphatically, he let himself relax a little. As long as she was going to be okay, he knew that everything else could be dealt with. That was a lesson he had learned the hard way. He wished that Harm and Mac wouldn�t have to learn it that way as well, but it looked like fate wasn�t willing to cut them a break. Shaking away that depressing thought, he turned to his wife, who hadn�t said a word since Harm had begun telling them about Mac.
�Harriet, are you okay?� Harriet nodded, but he could see a few stray tears trailing down her face. He reached out and grabbed hold of her hand. �Honey, didn�t you hear what the Commander said? The Colonel is going to be okay.�
�I know,� she said softly. She looked down at her hands. �It�s not that.�
�Then what is it?� he asked, concerned when more tears began to fall. He glanced over at Harm and saw his concern mirrored on the other man�s face. Turning back to Harriet, he waited for her to explain.
�It�s just...� she hesitated for a moment, and then blurted out. �I thought that things were better, that we�d gotten our friendship back on track after that mess last summer, and now I find out that we haven�t.�
�Harriet-� Harm started to interject, but Harriet rushed on before he could say anything.
�It�s not that I blame the Colonel for any of that, sir,� she assured him quickly, �For her not trusting me, I mean. I just wish I knew what I needed to do to regain her trust.�
�You don�t need to do anything, Harriet. Mac trusts you,� Harm assured her. Harriet just stared at him disbelievingly, so he explained, �She didn�t want to say anything to anyone until she knew for sure; she didn�t want to worry you. And she didn�t want to ruin the holidays for you, especially since it was Jimmy�s first Christmas.�
�But I would have wanted-�
�It�s not about what you want, Harriet.� Bud interjected in a calm but firm tone. �Or what I want. The Colonel needed to deal with this in her own way. And if giving us a happy holiday made her feel like she was a little more in control, like she was doing something positive, then we can�t begrudge her that. Okay?�
She thought about that for a moment, and realized that Bud was right. She knew what it was like to feel so out of control, and she couldn�t begrudge the Colonel for doing what she needed to do to hold on. �You�re right. I�m sorry,� she told Harm sincerely, �I guess it all just overwhelmed me a little.�
Harm gave her a rueful smile. �You and me both, Lieutenant.�
They all laughed a little, and the tension in the room seemed to dissipate. Once the laughter had faded, Bud asked seriously, �How is the Colonel doing now, sir? Emotionally, I mean.�
�She�s acting like the stubborn marine that she is,� Harm grumbled.
�Sir?�
Harm looked at Bud and admitted, �We�ve been fighting the past day or two. I don�t seem to be able to do anything right with her.�
Bud and Harriet exchanged a knowing look; both remembering what those first weeks and months after his accident were like. Harriet looked over to Harm and then back at Bud with a question in her eyes; when Bud quickly nodded, she quickly excused herself to go check on the kids. Once she had left the room, Bud asked gently, �What do you think you did wrong? Or what does she think you did wrong?�
�What haven�t I done wrong, Bud?� he answered with an irritated wave of his hand. �From the minute we walked out of the doctor�s office yesterday, she�s been completely unreasonable. I tried to help her in the car; she said she could handle it. I point out that it might be too cold for her to go for a walk; she gets mad at me. I ask her if she�s sure she ready to come back to work on Monday, she tells me I�m being overprotective. And she keeps trying to prove that she�s Xena, Warrior Princess, by pushing herself to do things she shouldn�t.�
�Things like what, sir?� Bud asked carefully, trying to smother a smile at the Xena comment.
Harm started to tell him about the incident in the kitchen yesterday, but the doorbell rang before he got a chance. Bud quickly got up to answer it, with Harm trailing behind him. They were both surprised when Bud opened the door and Sturgis was standing next to Mac. They knew he was supposed to drop her off, but considering the strained relationship between him and Bud, they hadn�t expected him to walk her to the door.
For his part, Sturgis hadn�t planned on coming up, but the walkway was slick and he didn�t want Mac to slip and fall. He was pretty sure Harm would kill him if he let that happen. Besides, he hoped that since he was here, he would have a chance to apologize to Bud for his attitude the past couple of months. Now that he was here, though, and saw the stunned look on the other man�s face at seeing him, he decided that his apology could wait another day.
Bud shook off his surprise and opened the door wider. �Colonel, Commander Turner! Come on in.� Mac immediately stepped into the house, but Sturgis hesitated. He started to beg off, but Bud wouldn�t allow it. �Please, sir. Come on in. We�ve got plenty of food.� He made a big show of glancing over his shoulder, and then adding in a stage whisper, �and it will be nice to have another referee when the games start and the Colonel and the Commander get into one of their more heated...discussions.�
Harm, who had been standing next to Mac wondering if it would be okay to help her off with her coat, chimed in, �I�m not sure that�s incentive to stay, Bud.�
�You may have a point, sir,� Bud conceded, before turning his attention back to Sturgis, �But we�d still like you to stay. Please.�
He and Sturgis exchanged a long look, as one silently apologized and the other forgave. Then Sturgis gave Bud a small but friendly smile. �I�d be happy to, Lieutenant. Thank you.�
Bud returned the smile. �You�re welcome, sir.�
Sturgis stepped inside and started to remove his coat. Mac, who had been watching the two of them out of the corner of her eye, gave a little sigh of relief and turned her attention back to her own coat. But when she lifted her arm, it was stiff and sore from the cold. Harm noticed, and immediately reached out to help her, but pulled back when she tensed at his touch. Defeated, he started to turn back to the living room, and Mac cursed inwardly. She hadn�t meant to react that way, but she was still feeling a little defensive. Still, her defensiveness was nothing compared to the embarrassment she would suffer if she had to stand there for ten minutes trying to get her coat unbuttoned herself. So she took a deep breath and reached out to touch his arm. When he turned back around, she asked softly, �Help me with my coat? Please?�
Still a little hurt, he managed a nod, and quickly and quietly undid the remaining buttons of her jacket before sliding it off of her shoulders. He handed it to her and she handed it over to Bud. She then thanked Harm with a shy smile before moving over to the stairs to greet Harriet, who had just come down carrying Jimmy. Harriet smiled and warmly greeted the two newcomers.
Reaching out to caress the baby�s cheek, Mac asked her where AJ was, and Harriet, who sensed some of the tension in the room, immediately began to regale her with tales of her older son�s reign of terror and subsequent banishment to his room. As she talked, they all moved back into the living room. Harriet started to sit down in the closest chair, and then noticed the wistful look on Mac�s face as she looked at the baby from her seat on the sofa. She quickly detoured over to join her.
Once she was settled, she turned to Mac. �Would you like to hold him for me for awhile, Colonel?� she offered, not realizing that it might be a strain on her arm until she saw Harm�s head snap over to look at them.
Mac saw it, too, and was immediately irritated. Before Harm could say anything, she turned to Harriet and said with a smile, �I�d love to, Harriet. Thank you.� She reached out and took him, careful not to put too much strain on her left side. When she had him settled, she glared briefly at Harm before turning her attention to the others. Harm didn�t say anything, just clenched his jaw and took his seat.
The other three noticed the tension, and moved to diffuse it. Bud asked Mac who she thought was going to make it to the Super Bowl this year, while Harriet and Sturgis told Harm about how Jen managed to arrange for them to see the USO concert on Christmas Eve. Their plan worked, and Harm and Mac soon relaxed with their friends. By unspoken agreement, no one mentioned Mac�s illness, knowing that it would just set off another fight between the two. Then the game started, and all of their attention was focused on the television.
Things were going well, until Harm glanced at Mac out of the corner of his eye and saw her wince as she tried to shift Jimmy in her arms. He was debating whether or not to say anything when the wince turned into a grimace of pain, and he quickly stood up and moved over to her, causing everyone to turn and look at him. Without a word, he reached down and scooped the baby from her arms.
Mac, who had just decided to ask Harriet to take the baby from her, was livid. Ignoring the pain in her chest and upper arm, she launched herself off of the couch and planted herself firmly in Harm�s personal space, ready to give him hell.
Before she got the chance, Harriet stood next to her and exclaimed loudly, �Oh my, I completely lost track of the time. I need to check on the food. Colonel, would you mind helping me in the kitchen?�
Mac knew exactly what Harriet was doing, and she was sorely tempted to ignore her and tell Harm off anyway. But this was Harriet�s house, and she couldn�t in good conscience cause a scene by giving Harm the ass chewing he so richly deserved. So she took a deep breath, gave Harm one last killing glare, and turned to Harriet.
�Of course, Harriet,� she said with a bright, overly cheerful smile. �Lead the way.�
When they entered the kitchen, Harriet moved immediately to the oven to check on the roast. Mac watched as she turned off the oven and grabbed a pair of potholders to remove the pan. It wobbled a little, and Mac started to offer her help when she realized that she wouldn�t be able to hold onto it. The knowledge did nothing to improver her temper.
Harriet set the roast on the counter and dropped the potholders next to it. Turning to Mac, she saw the scowl on her face and wondered what the best way to handle this would be. She finally decided on the direct approach.
�Don�t be too mad at him, ma�am,� she told Mac gently, taking a seat next to her at the table. �He just wants to help.�
�I know that, Harriet,� Mac answered exasperatedly, �but it�s not helping me that he thinks that I can�t take care of anything without him.�
�That�s not what he thinks, ma�am,� Harriet assured her.
�How do you know that, Harriet?�
�Because I�ve been where he is,� she said softly. �I remember what it was like to be so worried, so terrified that I would fail to do something and that Bud would get hurt even more because of it.�
�Harriet, I...� Mac trailed off, raising her hands helplessly before admitting, �I don�t know what to say.�
Harriet smiled and patted Mac�s hand. �Then just listen.�
�When Bud first got home, I tried to do as much as possible to help him. And he let me, so when he started making real progress, I was so glad. But then as I watched him push himself to get better, I started to worry. I thought about all of the things that could go wrong, and suddenly everything was moving too fast. He was moving too fast. And I felt like I was getting left behind.�
Mac frowned and looked at her in confusion. �I don�t understand.�
�As I watched Bud start doing things by himself,� Harriet explained quietly, �I started to try and slow him down. I became overprotective and I started to baby him a little. Because I didn�t just want him to get better, I wanted him to go back to being the old Bud. And that was impossible. He couldn�t go through what he did and still be the same man; he couldn�t help but change. But the changes were so large that they frightened me.�
�Because he was so different?�
�No; because I was still so much the same.� She looked down at her hands and admitted, �I was afraid that the new changed Bud wouldn�t want me, that he would need something from me that I couldn�t give him. So I tried to give him everything, to do everything for him to show him that I could still give him whatever he needed. I was afraid that once he was recovered, I would get left behind.�
�Oh, Harriet,� Mac looked at her sympathetically, reaching over to hold one of Harriet�s hands in her own. �That could never happen. Bud will always need you.�
�I know that now. But I was too scared to know that then.� She gave Mac a pointed look and said, �Just like Harm is too scared to know it. He�s had so many people leave his life; I don�t think he could handle it if he lost you, too. Especially if he thought it was because there was something you needed that he couldn�t give you. So he tries to do everything he can to help and protect you, so that he can prove to you, and to himself, that he can still be what you need.�
Harriet�s words made perfect sense, and for the first time since they�d left the hospital yesterday, Mac understood where Harm was coming from, and why he was behaving the way he was.
Tears filled her eyes and she told Harriet softly, �He�ll always be what I need. I don�t think I could ever change so much that I would stop needing him.�
Harriet smiled and squeezed her hand. �Then you might want to tell him that, ma�am.�
While Harriet and Mac were talking in the kitchen, Harm was in the living room having a talk of his own. Once the women had left, Bud had exchanged a quick glance with Commander Turner and realized that Sturgis wanted to speak with Harm alone. So he headed over to where Harm was standing and plucked his son from the Commander�s grasp. Giving Harm an apologetic smile, he lifted Jimmy a little, and said, �Diaper change, sir,� before following his wife out of the room.
When everyone was out of earshot, Sturgis walked over and placed a hand on Harm�s shoulder, gently pushing him to sit on the sofa. Then he took a seat next to him, and looked Harm squarely in the eye.
�Buddy, I know you�re worried about her, and that you�re just trying to look out for her,� he said understandingly. �But if you don�t back off a little, she�s going to kick your ass.�
Harm sighed and rubbed his face in his hands. �I know that, Sturgis. But she wants me to stop worrying about her, and I don�t know how to do that.�
Sturgis rolled his eyes and wondered again how two people who loved each other so much could misunderstand each other so easily. �Harm,� he explained patiently, �she doesn�t want you to stop worrying. She just wants you to stop worrying so much that you don�t let her do anything for herself.�
�And what if she tries to do too much?� Harm countered stubbornly. A part of him knew he was being unreasonable, but he couldn�t help it. He couldn�t shake the feeling that he had to do whatever it took to keep her from pushing too hard and causing herself more pain.
Sturgis just looked at him. �Like standing on a chair?� he asked pointedly, glad to see that Harm had the grace to look embarrassed at the reminder of how he overreacted yesterday. �Harm, I�m not going to say that she�s not going to overdo it from time to time. She�s too stubborn to keep from testing the limits, and there are times she�s going to go past them. But it�s not like she�s going to try out for the Olympics, or ask to get sent over to Iraq and drive a tank. She�s stubborn, but she�s not reckless. She doesn�t want to jeopardize her recovery any more than you do.�
�But-� Harm tried to protest, but Sturgis cut him off. Their talk had brought back memories of another conversation they had had about recoveries and the detrimental effects of over-protectiveness, and he thought now would be a good time to bring it up.
�Harm, do you remember when I tracked you down after your crash?� Harm was caught off guard by the seeming non sequitur, so Sturgis prodded him. �I asked you why you went up to your grandma�s to recover, and not your mom�s. Do you remember the reason you gave me?�
Damn. Harm glared at his old friend, a little annoyed that Sturgis was going to use his own words against him; especially because he was right. He thought about denying that he remembered anything, but the smug look on Turner�s face told him that it wouldn�t do any good. Whether or not Harm remembered, Sturgis obviously did. He sighed.
�Because I knew my mother would coddle me and drive me crazy,� Harm answered reluctantly, �and my grandmother would help me without stopping me from doing what I needed to get better.� He sighed again, and admitted, �I see what you�re saying. And you�re right. If someone treated me like that when I was recovering, I would have been pretty pissed off. I�ll back off.�
�You don�t have to back away completely, Harm,� Sturgis told him. �You just need to give her a chance to start doing things on her own again. Besides,� he added with a conspiratorial grin, �When she overdoes it, you can always tell her you told her so.�
�Not if he wants to live, he can�t.�
Harm and Sturgis turned and saw Mac standing in the doorway, arms crossed over her chest, staring challengingly at them. Sturgis shook his head with a smile.
�I stand corrected,� he told her as he stood up. Clapping a hand on Harm�s shoulder, he announced that he was going to go see if Bud or Harriet needed any help, and quickly left the room. Mac watched him go, and then slowly made her way over to the sofa. She took his place next to Harm, biting her lower lip and twisting her hands in her lap.
They sat silently for a moment, and then both spoke at the same time.
�I�m sorry, Mac.�
�Harm, I�m sorry.�
They laughed, and the tension between them dissolved. Harm reached out and took hold of one of Mac�s hands. Playing idly with her fingers, he admitted softly, �I know I�m being unreasonable. I don�t mean to be. I just worry about you, you know?�
�I know,� she reassured him with a gentle smile. �And I�m sorry if I made you feel like I don�t appreciate that you care. Because I do, Harm,� she said earnestly, �more than I could ever say.�
�But as nice as it is having you take care of me from time to time, I have to know that I�m able to take care of myself, too.� Harm nodded silently, his gaze still fixed on their hands. She reached out and turned his face towards her, lifting his chin.
�Harm, just because I don�t need you to take care of me physically, doesn�t mean that I�m not going to need you at all.� She reached out and caressed his cheek. �I�m always going to need you, Harm. No matter what. Even if it�s just to be there with me.�
�Always,� Harm promised, turning his head to press a kiss into her palm. After pausing to clear his throat of the lump that had suddenly appeared, he told her quietly, �That goes both ways, you know.�
�I know.� She gave him a beaming smile. �But it�s still nice to hear every now and then.�
Harm gave her a matching grin. �Yeah, it is.� He reached out and gently pulled her into his arms. She slid her right arm around him and leaned her head against his chest, and they just sat there for a while holding each other and letting all of the hurt and misunderstandings fade away.
The peaceful silence that enveloped them was broken by a sound Harm had become very familiar with. He pulled away and looked down at Mac�s stomach, and then at her face, amused to see that she was blushing a little. Her stomach growled again, and he laughed.
�I think that�s our cue to head to the dining room,� he said as he helped her off the sofa. Mac rolled her eyes but didn�t say anything; she�d gotten used to his teasing about her appetite over the years. Instead she just smiled, and wrapped her arm around his waist. Harm smiled back, put his arm around her shoulders, and they headed off to the kitchen to find everyone else and enjoy the rest of the day.
International House of Pancakes
January 1, 2004
1120 EST
The server led Mac and Sturgis to a small table near the front of the restaurant. They had just left the cemetery, and had stopped to get a cup of coffee before he dropped her off at Bud and Harriet�s house to celebrate the New Year. They didn�t go to Singer�s grave as often now as they had the past summer, but they still tried to make it out there once every couple of weeks or so. It had actually been closer to a month this time, something Sturgis hadn�t noticed until Mac had called him last night and asked him to meet her there. Then again, he thought as he watched Mac staring moodily out the window, there were a lot of things that he hadn�t noticed recently.
Roberts Residence
1140 EST
While Mac was filling Sturgis in on her condition, Harm was sitting in Bud and Harriet�s living room, doing the same thing. Having had the same problem she had trying to figure out where to start, he had ended up just blurting out that she had breast cancer. They had both looked at him, shell-shocked, so he had gone on and quickly explained what they knew. He told them about the surgery, and the positive pathology results, and whatever else he could think of to reassure them, but without going into specifics. He wasn�t sure how much information Mac would want him to give out.