| Eve's little secret One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve called out to God to come down to talk to her. "What's the problem, Eve?" "Well, I know you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious snake, but I'm just not happy." "Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above. "I am lonely," said Eve, "and I'm sick to death of apples." "Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you." "What's a man, God?" "This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat, and be vainglorious; all in all, he'll generally give you a hard time. But... he'll be bigger and faster, and can help protect you, and will like to hunt and kill things to eat. He will look silly when he's aroused, but since you've been complaining, I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your advice sometimes to think properly." "Sounds great." said Eve. She raised an eyebrow ironically. "What's the catch?" "Well... you can have him on one condition." "What's that, God?" "As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring... So you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. Just remember, it's our little secret... You know, woman to woman." |
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| Another version In the beginning God created Eve. And she had 3 breasts. After three weeks in the garden, God came to visit Eve. "How're things, Eve?" He asked. "It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful but I just have this one problem. It's these three breasts you've given me. The middle one pushes the other two out, and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches, snagging them on bushes, they're a real pain," reported Eve. "That's a fair point," replied God, "but it was my first shot at that you know. I gave the animals, what, six? So I just figured you'd need half, but I see that you are right. I'll fix that up right away!" So, God reaches down and removes the middle breast, tossing it into the bushes. Three weeks passed, and God once again visited Eve in the garden. "Well, Eve, how's my favourite creation?" He asked. "Just fantastic," she replied, "but for one small oversight on your part. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has her ram, the cow has her bull, all the animals have a mate, except me. I feel so alone." God thought for a moment. "You know, Eve, you're right. How could I have overlooked this! You do need a mate and I will immediately create Man from a part of you!" "Now, let's see ... where did I put that useless ... |