OMAKES!

These are humorous "extra" stories that don't fit into the real storyline. They're just here, really, for a laugh.

In the order they were sent to the list:

What fate awaits us in the cavern? (during Chapter 7: Speedbumps On The Way)
Ping! Ping! Ping! Pong!! (during Chapter 12: A City Full of Trouble and Chapter 13: Merge Bait! No Signalling!)
Fishy.... (also during Chapter 13: Merge Bait! No Signalling!)
Those Who Crave Vengeance (also during Chapter 13: Merge Bait! No Signalling! Jeez, you'd think it was a boring chapter or something!)

What fate awaits us in the cavern? (during Chapter 7: Speedbumps On The Way)

[Speaking of evils that dwell at the bottom of the cave and people who have already encountered each other....]

Tim looked at Celise. Something about her was very familiar, but he couldn't quite figure out how. Finally, he put it down to the fact that she was a dragon and just looked similar to Filia. This assignment with Lina Inverse was better than he expected. Not one, but two quests. Tim finally commented to Lina, "With all of us having different agendas too. No doubt about it, Lina Inverse, you live an interesting life."

As Tim turned to look at Lina, waithing for her response, his ears picked up a noise. In fact, the entire group heard it and were startled by the fact that upon reflection, they had been hearing it for some time now. It was music, an easy-going cheerful tune.

"What the?" Kitsune growled. Ninoa, Gourry, and Rill waited, curious, though Sarino was kneeling beside Rill, nuzzling his robe as the scaly boy rubbed his head.

Now, they heard footsteps accompanying the music. Two people, despite the calming effect of the music, felt a great foreboding: Tim and Celise. For the sound was that a lute would make, and something, something made them nervous. Their attention, however, was riveted on the bend in the cave.

They saw a bit of motion indicating that the mysterious player was fixing to step around the corner. Some gut reflex told Celise and Tim to avert their eyes. They did.

The rest of the party was not so fortunate. What they saw blinded them momentarily, as they witnessed the greatest crime ever done to fashion. A light, sky blue tri-cornered hat with long, multi-colored feathers crowned his head, with his long, curly pink hair cascading down past his shoulders. A bright, blindingly yellow shirt he wore, with a fuschia vest over it. His shorts had a pattern of alternating purple and lavender stripes, under that, running down to his boots was pair of charteuse leggings. A lute he held in his hands, strumming gently.

As the party recovered and Tim and Celise slowly opened their eyes. The others watched the guady fellow warily, as he nonchalantly looked them over. His gaze landed on Celise and Tim and a smile lit his face. The lights of the party were caught in his teeth, concentrated at the edge of his smile, then glinted brilliantly, leaving spots on everyone's eyes.

"Celise! Timmie!" the man called out in his musical tenor.

The two glanced at each other nervously and backpedaled. The bard ignored everyone and dashed up to them, vigorously shaking their hands. "W-what are you doing here..." The name popped into Celise's head. "Arcius?"

He beamed, lighting up the cave again. "Just wandering around. Lucky thing I met you guys here, eh?"

Tim glanced around furtively. Arcius' definition of luck often ran opposite to what the rest of the world thought.

"You know, Timmie, Cel-chan," Arcius continued, ignoring the glares he got from the two. "I never got a chance to thank you guys for your help. Especially you, Cel-chan. Without that idiot that you had replace you, I would have never ended up with such a grand tale. And you, Timmie, even though you disappeared off to who-knows-where."

Celise mentally smiled at the bard's description. "So you sealed the Power of Command away successfully?

"Sealed it?" Arcius looked confused for a moment, then threw back his head and laughed. "Heck no. I got it for myself."

Both of them leapt back, suddenly deadly serious. The rest of the party readied themselves instinctively.

"What's going on here, Tim?" Lina asked around Gourry who was sttanding protectively in front of her.

"This man," Celise growled, "has obtained a power that, according to legend, can destroy god or demon by merest wish."

Arcius began to laugh. "Of course! But what fun would that be? Destroying things is pointless. What you have to do is change them. Force them to redefine their reality." He pointed over to Rill, Ninoa, and Sarino. "For example. You three are now frogs."

A shimmer appeared over the three, a brief flicker, really, and then there were three frogs on the floor. "Three non-magical, common bullfrogs." Again, the flicker appeared, though nothing happened. One of them croaked and hopped away.

Everyone's eyes bulged in astonishment, but it did not slow their reaction any. Spells leapt to their lips, swords were drawn, and the heroes charged.

"In fact," Arcius said, casually. "I think all the rest of you are normal, non-magical salamanders."

Spells fizzled and weapons were dropped as what the bard spoke became true.

Arcius crouched and lifted the two salamanders that had been Tim and Celise. "In deference to you aid, I shall make this a swamp, so you may live out your days peaceful." Just like that, where there once had been a mountain, there was now a huge swamp. The bard tossed the salamanders into some nearby shallow water and smiled.

Slinging his lute around, he began strumming it and strode merrily away.

Ping! Ping! Ping! Pong!! (during Chapter 12: A City Full of Trouble and Chapter 13: Merge Bait! No Signalling!)

[Note: Group One at this point consisted of Arcius, Zelgadis, Tim, Jin, Constance, Copy-Lina, Geltro, and Eric]

~Zelgadis' Seriously Funny Theatre~

<PARODY TYPE="Star Trek">

"Cap'n, there's nae a sign of them on the subnet sonar at all, sir!"

"I... see. Thank you, ... Mr. Scott. ... That, will be... all."

"I believe Group One may have been swallowed, Captain, by a binary anomaly occurring in the uncharted data streams between email routers."

"Thank, you. Mr. Spock. ... Opinions, ... Bones?"

"Damnit Jim! I'm a doctor not a network administrator!"

"Very well. ... Remember, gentlemen... we, will... not rest... until Group One has been... found, and, rescued. Uhura... keep all... communication lines... open."

</PARODY>

<HUMOR>

You know your Slayers RPG group has too many Munchkins when...

1. Someone other than Lina casts a Giga Slave.
2. The Giga Slave is ignored by one or more group members.
3. Every third post is from an Admin undoing the previous posts.
4. You've seen more 'special attacks' than the latest re-release of Mortal Kombat.
5. There are more explosions than at a smoke-a-thon inside a fireworks factory.
6. You feel the urge to steal the Caps Lock from their keyboards.
7. One more repetition of a 'signature phrase' would make your eyes bleed.
8. Sailor Moon had fewer hidden powers showing through at just the right time.
9. Someone parries a Ragna Blade. Bare-handed.
10. "Mazoku? Come on, give me a tough enemy."

You know your Slayers RPG group isn't posting much when...

1. Zelgadis takes an active leadership role in moving the action forward.
2. Lina Inverse (Copy or not) alone in a city full of treasure and magic causes no concern.
3. Nobody has introduced a fish-man yet.
4. Lina Inverse hasn't blown up any group members lately.
5. You haven't seen a sweatdrop or facefault for days.
6. Zelgadis hasn't threatened to walk off, go on his own, beaten on Arcius, or said "Damn you, Rezo!" lately.
7. The group hasn't chowed down for days.
8. Gourry Gabriev hasn't said "Huh", "Ummm", "I don't remember", or "I wasn't listening" that day.
9. You don't have a Fireballing in your recent memory.
10. There haven't been any grand acrobatic entrances accompanied by long speeches for days.

</HUMOR>

<PARODY TYPE="Star Trek">

"Captain! We're under attack! It's... it's... my God!"

"Red... Alert. All... stop, Mr. ... Sulu. Shields up... ready phasers, Mr. Checkov. On... screen."

"Aye-aye sir."

<A HUGE MASS OF EVER-EXPANDING, AMORPHOUS ENERGY>

"Good... lord! What... is that thing? Fire!"

<ZAAAAAP>

"No... effect... Sulu, defense... status."

"Shields nominal, sir."

"Checkov... photon... torpedos. Fire!"

<ZAAAAAP>

"Still... no effect."

"Captain, it's hailing!"

"On... speakers, Uhura."

"HAHAHA!!! TAKE THAT YOU PATHETIC PIECE OF NOTHINGNESS!!! I CAN IGNORE AND ABSORB YOUR WEAK AND MEANINGLESS ATTACKS ALL DAY!!! NOW, WATCH ME AS I SHOW YOU WHAT A *REAL* OFFENSIVE IS!!!"

<THE SHIP SHUDDERS AND LIGHTS DIM. SPARKS FLY, SMOKE BOILS UP FROM CONSOLES>

"Damage... report, Mr. Scott."

"I cannae unnerstand it, Cap'n. 'Is attack jus' by-passed ourre shields, sir! She can't take much more o' this!"

"Understood... Mr. Spock?"

"Captain, sen-sors indicate it to be a highly dangerous and highly annoying entity immune to nearly all forms of attack."

"That's... impossible! How... can it be?"

"I believe it is what is known to humans as... a munchkin."

"Good... lord! Is there... anything we can do?"

"The databanks indicate that a munchkin does its true damage by annoying others and ruining their efforts. Therefore, simply ignoring it, will probably cause it to disperse."

"That... is risky, Spock. Bones?"

"Damnit Jim, I'm a doctor not a RPG administrator! But what the hell, I say go for it!"

"Captain, it's hailing again!"

"Uhura... ignore it."

"Sir! It looks like it's getting ready to attack!"

"Hold... on, people..."

"It's still hailing sir!"

"Steady... Mr. Sulu."

"Sir! Look! It's vanishing!"

"I... see. Spock?"

"Captain, the munchkin is a creature that thrives off the attention it gets from others. Depriving it of that attention is, in effect, starving it of the food it needs to survive."

"Of... Course! All... right then. Mr. Sulu, impulse power. Back... to searching for... Group One."

</PARODY>

Fishy.... (during Chapter 13: Merge Bait! No Signalling!)

scene- Ren and Filia are sitting in a room, being bored.

Ren pulls out a box and begins to eat its contents. Filia glances over at him and tries to see what he's eating. "What's that?"

Ren looks at her with quick, furtive glances. "Fishes."

She jumps up on the couch they are sitting on. "I wuv da fishies cuz they're so delicious!"

He looks back at her. "Honey Graham Fishes." Putting his hand in the box, he reluctanly pulls out some fishes and holds then out to her, then pulls them back. "You want fishes? Come get!" and runs away.

Filia smiles and chases after him.

Ren looks behind himself and speeds up. "No fishes!"

She catches up with him and takes the box, forcefully. He blinks, making that anime *piku piku* noise. "Hey...." He jumps at her and pins her to the floor. "Fishes!"

She gets an angry face. "Too close!" and bashes him. He lays there with swirly eyes while she eats the fishes.

Those Who Crave Vengeance (during Chapter 13: Merge Bait! No Signalling!)

Exhausted at the end of a long, hard day of adventuring, Filia, Renzzoku, Lyssa, and Ninoa sat down for their meal. They didn't even have a chance to savor the aroma, however.

A hellacious, cacophonic, grinding noise assaulted their ears. It was music, although 'music' in the same sense as Arcius had 'fashion sense'. As they winced, looking around as to what was causing it, the door swung shut. Behind it, a terrifying figure stood.

The four, all in unison, gasped, "YOU!"

The people's eyebrow raised slightly. "THAT'S RIGHT, YOU CANDIED ASSED JABRONIS! I'VE COME BACK TO PAY YOU MY RESPECTS, SINCE THE LAST TIME YOU PAID OFF THE CANDIED ASSED REFEREE TO WIN! THAT'S A LOAD OF DRAGON CRAP! LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, JABRONIS: RED IS HERE TO LAY SOME HARDCORE SMACKDOWN AND YOU BETTER GET USED TO THE IDEA OF PAAAAAAAIIIIIIN! CAN! YOU! SMELLLLLLLLALALLALLALALALALAL--"

>crash! boom! shatter!<

Lina and Gourry burst into the room with all of the force of a tac-nuke. "You're right, Gourry! We DID smell FOOOOOD!"

And Lina and Gourry ate all of the food, as Filia, Renzzoku, Lyssa, and Ninoa stared mutely at the newly carved, great, gaping Red-shaped hole in the wall behind the door.

The end.