I’m not quite sure how I
expected this to turn out. It was obvious this was going to happen so why am I
so nervous about it now. I’ve spoken to her since and him but even through
everything they’ve said all the faults she’s pointed out and all the ones he’s
shown me by accident I’m still not as confident as I should be. I wish Giles
were here with me on such an important day, I wish he’d never left. I have to
thank my friends for bringing me back because Dawn’s life would ultimately be
terrible if there was no other person that could claim a fight for her. Even
though my friends would want to try they would have even less chance than I
have for custody since they’re friends of her late sister. Speaking with Dawn
over the phone has been strange I feel like she’s been hiding something from
me.
“Anyone else would ask why
you didn’t come straight to the office.”
“And you?”
“Understand.”
“She doesn’t belong in this
world, this fake world of people who are only interested in your experiences
and your money. But I can’t help but wonder if she’d be safer here than
Sunnydale.”
“Demons and vampires are
here too, we’d be out of business if they weren’t.”
“Yeah but this isn’t a
hellmouth.”
“No but wherever she goes
she will have her reputation just as you would.”
“She’s not the key
anymore.”
“No she’s the Slayer’s kid
sister, at least in Sunnydale she’s got her big sister the slayer to protect
her.”
“How did you know I was
here?”
“I always know when you’re
in LA.”
“How did you figure I’d be
here?”
“Because this is where everything
changed, this is where you lost your youth. This is where you became the
Slayer.” Looking at the huge looming building now I remembered my past, who I
was before I was the slayer. A new gym had been built but other than that it
was the same as the day I left.
“What is it?”
“Nothing.”
“You will win your case is
strong and is strength even more by the fact Dawn wants to be there.”
“But when she found out she
was the Key and I was in charge and when mom first died and she went…she was
away from school a lot and caused a lot of trouble when she was there.”
“The judge isn’t a
heartless monster he will take into account that she had lost her mother and
you were both just having to find your way in a path that was now dark after
once being filled with light.”
“There’s something about
you Buffy. Something making you nervous, edgy, different and it’s not Dawn.” He
knew me too well but I knew him too and whatever feeling he was getting from me
I was getting from him.
“Ditto.”
“Buffy…I…”
“Don’t tell me. It’s too
much.”
“But you’ll find out when…”
”Angel, I need another favour. I need you to get some files containing birth
information about a girl called Haillie Morgan.”
“Okay.” It surprised me he
could answer me with such swiftness and no questions only understanding. Anyone
else I know would have wanted to know why but Angel was a part of me and he
understood me. I sank to the steps and wept silent tears. I haven’t cried for
what seems like forever. Through it all I never cried and I wanted to so many
times. But Dawn needed me to be the mom, the strong one. Angel sat beside me
and wrapped his strong, safe and forgiving arms around me, he held me as months
and months of tears, fears, nerves, grief and guilt came out of me.
I slipped into the offices
and sank onto the chair. Angel had something he needed to tell me but my sobs
and protests had prevented him.
“Angel where did you go, I
had a vision and we needed you.” Cordelia paused as she saw me. “Buffy.” I
refused to raise my face so as to show her my tear stained face. It was my
weakness and as the slayer and as a big sister turned mom I had learned to hide
any weaknesses.
“Hi.”
“Gunn and the others went
to fight, it was good it wasn’t a really huge thing. Dawn’s upstairs with C…”
Angel cut her off.
“Okay Cordy.” The tone of
his voice turned my stomach, it also signalled for her to leave. It told me of
things that he had tried to say, needed to say and was now going to say. Things
he knew would hurt me, bother me and affect me in a negative way. I felt his
tension and his apprehension.
“Just say it Angel, we’ve
never hid our feelings.”
“I’m so sorry Buffy. You
know Wolfram and Hart brought Darla back, but you don’t know that before my
epiphany I slept with her.” I didn’t move I didn’t flinch. The anger inside
wanted to erupt but I held it back by telling myself that I’d been with others
since him. But being the slayer still didn’t give me the strength I needed to
control my feelings.
“How could you?”
“Buffy I never wanted to
hurt you but you were with Riley and I was still hurting from our last
encounter and I was going through a bad patch.”
“Angel.” I put my finger to
his lips to silence him. “I’m not mad about that, I’m not hurt and I don’t feel
betrayed but why her? She’s evil.”
“Buffy that’s not
everything. I’m a…dad.”
“You adopted?” the thoughts
spinning through my mind confused me. How was it possible for 2 vampires to
have a baby? Angel and Darla couldn’t have a baby and if they did it had to be
pure demon since they both were. Would it have inherited a soul from Angel? A
thousand questions were flashing through my mind so fast I didn’t have chance
to grab one and let the words escape my lips. The turmoil I was feeling I
inside was obviously showing on my face.
“Buffy, we thought about
killing it but…Wesley found out that it was to be part of a famous prophecy. It
is good and it is human. He’s a little boy, he’s called Connor.”
“Since you’ve obviously
started a sweet little family here where’s the mom?” Hurt flashed across
Angel’s placid features.
“She’s gone. The only way
for the baby to be born was…Darla staked herself and when the dust settled my
son was there. He’s not evil, he has to be taught how to fight the good fight
like any young human he has to make his own choices which is why Wolfram and
Hart are still trying to take him away and a cult of vampires too.”
“Well that’s a nice little
side job for you, like you don’t have enough.”
“Buffy it’s no different
from you and Dawn. They wanted her and you put yourself on the line to protect
your blood kin. So am I.” I knew he was right but I would never admit I, but
then again I didn’t need to he always knew what I was feeling.
“I wanna see Dawn.” Angel
looked as if he wouldn’t move until we had sorted this out but then he went to
the grand staircase and called up for her. Dawn didn’t run down as she usually
did when anyone called her but when she neared us I saw why. She looked at that
baby with so much love in her eyes as he gurgled at her.
“Buffy! You’re early.”
Angel took his baby from her and she pounced on me, her arms wrapped round me
for dear life.
“I’ve missed you so much
Dawn.”
“Buffy it’s awful here, the
only thing that has kept me sane is being able to escape to here. Buffy I did
everything I could to help your case. I’m always in trouble at school and that’s
if I’m actually there which I’m not a lot.”
“Dawn don’t ruin your
education.”
“Buffy I’ll catch up when I
get home, I will work night and day if I have to and plus at home I have Willow
to help if I need it.” She was so sure she’d come home, I wish I had the same
blind certainty. Dawn bounced over to Angel’s office dragging me along. She
flung the door open and I found Angel’s son lying on his desk while Angel
struggled with a diaper. Dawn went to help. She quickly and expertly applied
the powder and fixed the diaper. She picked up the boy and moved towards me.
“I’m just going to go
freshen up.” I hurried out of the room leaving a confused Dawn.
I spun to face Angel. I was
surprised by Buffy’s reaction to Connor. I thought he was the most adorable little
baby I had ever seen.
“Give her time. I think
it’s hard for her to accept everything that’s happened.” Yeah a lot had
happened but she could hardly blame it on a poor little child. Besides it
wasn’t as if Connor was the result of an affair. Angel hadn’t cheated on her.
She was in fact the one to move on first. With Parker and Riley. I even
slightly suspected that she liked Spike more than she would admit. She did seem
to be turning to him more than her friends. I think deep down she was still
bothered about being brought back.