| 9-11-2003; 9:38pm Yeah, my parents are out to piss me off, and undermine any form of enjoyment, or self-worth I may discover. Tonight should have been perfect. It should have been fucking wonderful. Everything was fine, until my idiot of a mother forgets her charge card at the restaurant, and my dumb-fuck dad gets pissed at me for my driving. How the fucking hell am I supposed to do anything with these idiots constantly fucking me over? 9-9-2003; 8:43pm I'm useless, again. I don't know what's eating me up. I'm just tired, lonely, I can't even talk to Glynnes straight. I'm just so fucked up right now. I think the stress caught up to me again. Sad, considering I had such a good lead all this time. So, to repeat the 'usuals', I'm useless, I can't do anything right, and I'm never going to be loved. Oh, and let's add, I'm in dire need of cash. Life just sucks. 9-7-2003; 8:46pm Nothing special happened today. I got a copy of niche game classic, Incredible Crisis, but other than that, nothing too noteworthy. Oh, I went to the Norton Simon Museum of Pasadena, and I must say, those female room secutity-whatever they are, are pretty cute. It must be those outfits. 9-5-2003; 11:10am Cripes, I hate dealing with people. People are pricks. I can tell you right now, I'm taking people to Disneyland. Instead of explaining how I would break off eventually, off the bat, they're telling me to get lost. I feel a little more used than what I'm used to. (I'm looking at YOU, Amy....) These folks have shuffled their visit left and right for the last two weeks, and now I'm being treated like crap. I honestly don't need your shit, people. 9-3-2003; 8:22pm Wow, I'm tired. I can't fathom why, really. I just seem out of it right now. I'm tired of everything, when I think about it. I just want to support myself, do the things I want, and be happy. I don't need anyone's guff, sass, or contradicting opinions. I'm trying to move on, but I'm just so tired, and screwed up with everything. It is like I can't even keep up with myself anymore. I make plans, I have ideas, and I don't want to execute them when the time comes. I can't remember things anymore. I'm losing it, I really am. 9-1-2003; 5:00pm I'm fucking everything up. I'm an asshole. I ruin lives. My parents can't understand me, so they get mad, I get mad, everyone gets fucking pissed off. They still control me. I NEED my driver's license. I need to get away from these goddamn people. License = freedom = getting a job = supporting myself. I need to get away from these cretins. Life HAS to be better than this. I'm tired of being trapped behind these people. Are these what you call growing pains? I strive to be alone. I want to be far, far away from them. My family is my only problem. Everything else is fine. Every conflict in my life extends from them. I just want to handle my OWN decisions in life, when I'm driving, etc. They're tearing me apart. They only notice me when I fuck up. 2 years now, and they still don't see it. 9-1-2003 For once, I truly dread going to Disneyland. Today's Labor Day, the last ace in the hole for the summer season. It's a precedented fact that this will be a very busy day at all touristy locations. I'm sooo doomed. In other news, I guess College goes on, it's nothing special. I think I need to spend some time away from the student center though, or it's going to drive me nuts. Anime Club's fine, but much like Expo, it serves as a reminder that I'm not the biggest dork in the world. That's a double-edge sword...I like Glynnes a lot. I get pretty flirty with her sometimes. I wonder if it's healthy...ugh, I need to re-configure my bag from school to DL....a minor nuisance, but eh...what can I do? I need it. |