| 8-31-2003; 1:26am My brother's in Mexico, so, that's "one down" for the week. So, that's a little relief. I need to remind myself, and my family that my next driver's test is this week, on Wednesday, at 3:30pm, Bellflower. I hope I don't fuck this up, now that school kids will be back in session. That's like kiddy rush hour right there. Also, Glynnes just creeped me out. She knows about The Pillows. I hadn't heard of these guys until 2 days ago. Frankly, I'm fearing for my life. But I think I love her, so what am so afraid of? Afraid I'm not sure of....oh, none of that, not on THIS blog. I just need to calm down. I CAN drive. 8-30-2003; 1:30pm I just realized I have a three-day weekend. Whatever. 8-27-2003; 9:36pm How the hell did I end up back where I started? Desperate, alone, clinging on to any female I can get close to? Why am I going through the motions of my life? How did I let everything fall apart again? I'm trapped in all the same emotional drudgery from High School. I just do my math homework, and everything's fine. My life's empty, I've lost everything...again, dammit. It's a lie, my entire concept of what I want, and what makes me happy, it's all a big joke....again. This all feels so pathetic and familiar. I should give up. 8-26-2003; 8:56pm I can't believe I've been lied to...but I might be jumping to conclusions. Glynnes said she saw Holly at registration, for Kennedy. My brain's firing off a million miles a minute. "She's lied to me, she was cheating, she's not gonna be around much longer, she lied to me, I'm an idiot." etc. etc. I feel like I've been dicked over. This is just more bullshit I have to deal with. Of course, I don't really have to deal with it. Holly was a stage in my life. I'm over it....but goddammit. It's certainly a bit of a downer after the strides I took today,, not to make Glynnes feel bad, it's not her fault. I think I love her, but I don't really know anything, anymore. 8-25-2003; 5:21pm Now that I'm settling into my college life, it's getting a bit uneventful. It's just another routine for me, which is fine I guess. I'm just bored. I need a girlfriend, or a stalker, or a one-night stand, something....*sigh*. There's a really hot girl in my Political Science class on Monday and Wednesday...and I know coming from a guy that thinks just about any girl is hot, it sounds a bit incredulous, but she really is cute...hot, whatever. Forget it. All I know is I need to get through this, and make something of my life. I also need to go back to the Philippines, and finish some business about that too....damn CD collection....oh, and I miss Raine, of course. Oh well, 'til next time... 8-22-2003; 8:14pm Live from the trenches....I've survived one week of college. I think I found motivation for getting all this education. I need to get the hell away from my family. I absolutely can't stand these assholes anymore. My fucking brother is a depressing lump of shit. Coming from ME, the fuckwit with an internet web journal, that is saying a lot. It's like, fuck the bullshit with my whole family. They're just really useless. The less time I spend with them, the better I feel. Damn these necessary evils. Fuckers. 8-19-2003; 6:06pm Well, it seems College won't be all that bad. I actually like what my subjects are, (well, I still have Counseling, so I better not get my hopes up too high.) and the teachers I have a great, too. I'm doing quite well, I just hope I can make enough time to keep going on strong. Like Rosie the Riveter says, "We can do it!" Here-Here, to that! |