| 8-6-2003; 8:11pm Strangly, it is indeed the same shit, on a different day. Once again, I'm here, the day after a trip to the Magic Kingdom. But anyways, I've nothing to do. It seems my motivations are fed by monetary means. I'm blisteringly poor yet again, so I have no desire to do a damn thing. Sure, I want to dabble in the art of soda fountain-erie, and get a job, but I can't do anything. Anyways, I got an email from my Rainey-Poo this morning. She sounds like she's being cuter than ever. I miss her. 8-4-2003; 2:29pm Spending more time at Disneyland alone just reminds me of how alone I really am. But, when I think about it, that's alll I really have. I'm just myself, and that's all I can be. It's all I have. I have to take care of myself, because no one else will. No one else will notice "my reality". The world's just what you perceive it to be. And, I think I can be happy like this. I constantly have desires, and wants and needs. If I didn't have these things, I wouldn't be anywhere. If I have everything, it leaves me with nothing. So, I guess today's moral, is that you always need something, no matter what. 8-2-2003; 2:14am My life's finally catching up to me. This all sucks. I miss Holly. I miss Raine. I miss being with someone. I think I love Glynnes. That's a lie. She would never like me. It would never work out. Nothing ever works out, this is my life. I'm a joke. Har-har, let's have fun. Don't take me too seriously, you'll just find that I'm a disappointment. I'm no good. I can't stand my own life. I can't get away. I'm never serious. I could never love anyone, right? I miss you, Holly. I miss you Raine. It doesn't matter, I could never have either of you, anyways. 8-1-2003; 4:06pm I swear, I am perpetually poor. I don't know what the hell's up with my family. I wonder why we aren't homeless, the way my parents scrimp on everything. I swear, when I ask for money, it's like I'm scraping every last drop from my mom's account or something. So, to sum it up, my life fucking sucks. 7-31-2003; 9:30am I went to see Norah Jones last night. I don't know why, really. I'm not the biggest Norah Jones fan. But anyways, I had a nice time, she's a wonderful performer. Her guitar player(s) really sucked. I heard a lot of missed notes, and whatnot...it was pretty disappointing in that respect. But Norah sings wonderfully. But, there's one thing. I like Norah Jones, but she reminds me of that time I bought her CD for Amy. Amy, who blew me off and didn't give a shit for anything I did. That wasn't all my fault. Anyways, that's all the "news" I have for this entry. Man, this journal is getting dull. 7-30-2003; 11:21am I always figured I'd gotten over all this crap. I'm supposed to be a better person, but the shit keeps on coming back. I hate my dad. That keeps coming back. The idiot doesn't see me as a human being. All I am is someone who cannot do a single thing right. He's so absorbed in his own bullshit, he doesn't see the problems that he himself is causing. I can't stand this fucker. I can't stand him, or my inept, mother, who can't make a stand for herself, or just looks idiotic when she does. I can't stand my brother, the irrational idiot who'll never "make" anything of his dreams. I can't stand my life. I want to get away from these people, and they are very much standing in my way. It's not their fault, I AM a screw-up in my own right. I foul up, I make mistake, I do things wrong. But I don't feel I'm doing nearly as bad as my father makes it out to be. I'm much more capable than any of these morons, but I'm not given any chance to prove it. |