| 7-2-2003; 6:14pm I think I sound bitter in my last entry from a few hours ago. I'm really not. I just think it's a bit of a bummer to have to be alone again, but Holly said so herself, 'there will be others'. I know that, I'm just a hopeless case right now. I'll get over this. I don't know where's Holly's going, I probably won't see her again. But even if I did, it won't be the same, she's moving a million miles a minute, on a journey that I couldn't be a part of. I miss her dearly, and I wish it didn't have to be this way, but I'm not feeling sad. I'll go on, because I have to. Pain is just part of life, and well, I guess this isn't the end, right? It's a new beginning, for Holly, for myself, and maybe even you readers out there. 7-2-2003; 1:01pm Mood: Dumped Song: Pachelbel's Canon The results are in. Holly left me. I can't blame her. Things were just getting in the way. I'm just a speed bump, I can accept that. We all have to move on. It's over, folks. Frankly, I was just glad to be part of it. Holly, good luck on whereever you may go, whereever you may be, You got a friend in La Palma, always. Of course, I wish I could've done more, but don't we all? 7-1-2003; 2:07pm Mood: complacently lost, abandoned Song: Jefferson Airplane - Don't You Want Somebody to Love? Grace Slick's vocals are haunting me. "...don't you want somebody to love, don't you NEED somebody to love...", the trippyness of it all is getting to me. I suddenly wish it was San Francisco in the 60's. Maybe I'd be better off as a hippy. It feels like sometimes, I just don't belong here. I still want to be with Holly, I think I've established that. I wonder what will happen. I want to see her tomorrow, I wonder if she'll remember, and show up. I still think I'm screwed in this situation, I've dug myself too deep, "In the name of Love", I suppose. But now, I don't know what to do, or how to deal with it. She's not around, she doesn't take my calls...maybe I'm not trying hard enough. But like I said in my last entry, she feels too far gone now. I was just a road stop, on the side to some other destination. I hope Holly enjoyed the rest stop. 6-30-2003; 5:26pm I've worked past the initial "pain" from last night and earlier today,, and now, I just don't feel anything. It must be Denial. But, I'm far from fine right now. I feel like an uncerimonius piece of garbage. I understand that Holly needs to move on. I just don't know what to do with myself. She should be coming over, on the 2nd of July, whenever Wednesday is, but I don't exactly hold her to it. She's moving a million miles a minute. So fast, I'm just waiting for her to return, by coming up behind me, full circle. She doesn't need me anymore. That's what MY mind is whispering to me... 6-30-2003; the morning (any time of day, before 9AM and/or a cup of coffee, is JUST 'the morning') I've finally gotten around to getting this thing up. So, let's get down to blog basics... Mood: confused shit, yet somewhat more accepting of fate. Song(s): Louis Armstrong - What a Wonderful World, Beach Boys - Wouldn't it be Nice? Well, true believers, this blog is going to get started on an exciting note. I'm sure I'll be going through these moments of woe pretty often, so let's just get it started now. My girlfriend is my only source of hope. Let that much be known. I'm still new to this dating thing. She's not really from around here, and her "family" is mostly somewhere else. And they're offering to move her back to her "home" where they are, and where she's from. I know I can't win here. I've thought it over a lot, and I just know I can't win. I just hate feeling rejected, or thrown away like so much garbage. I've been feeling like such a waste of time for Holly right now, even though she says I'm not. That still doesn't change the feelings I have inside. I think all I really can do now is wait, then say good-bye. I might as well spend as much time as I can. ...it's like, knowing exactly when someone's going to die. That's what it feels like. I can't stop it. |