| 5-27-2004; 12:10pm No, I'm not dead...I just feel that way. The kids went off to Japan today. So, now I'm having a friend shortage. Sure, Justin and them are still there, but as I should have expected, they are quite busy, and hard to get in contact with. So, it is back to just me and my knitting. It's an old relationship, we still work together, we do. Speaking of work, I'm considering applying for Nickel Nickel, since I can actually get there on foot. But, dammit I hate kids. 5-20-2004; 10:37pm I'm tired. I attended my first Anime Club picnic. It seemed like our normal shenanigans, minus screening. I don't have a lot to say. I just feel kinda...crap. I can't think of anything much. I'm sort of pissed that my last final is laughing and waiting for me next Wednesday. That is a long time to be kept waiting. I hate being kept waiting. I finally got around to making my Disneyland offer to the guys...maybe next week. Fuck it, I'm tired. 5-16-2004; 9:55am I hate my parents. Not to be repetitive, but there are some things I need to reiterate. When I get in a hurry, they make me wait. When I'm slowed down, relaxed, they make me hurry. I can come up with a decent plan for a day, and they'll force my hand to switch everything around. They manage to keep my life as screwed up as it can be. I hate them. I also hate college, but the semester is almost up. I stopped caring. 5-10-2004; 6:24pm There's a book I keep on myself at all times, called "The Zombie Survival Guide Book". It's satire, of course, but it's written so straight-laced, that I find myself believing it sometimes. But there's something else. There's been a lot of mysterious sirens lately from ambulances and firetrucks mostly. This could be the start of an outbreak. I don't watch ?TV, so I can't keep up on the news, and I don't know if there's lots of covered up/mysterious murders...but I think I've been reading too much. Paranoia sets in... 5-7-2004; 9:06pm Nothing new to report. I'm still feeling bored, lost and empty. Whatever. This semester's almost over, and I'm *almost* going insane. I'll survive this of course. In the meantime, I can only pray and hope that I do what I have to do before this semester's all over. Bring it on, I say. When I'm down and beaten bloody, I won't care. I still wonder about Swim Girl too much for my liking. 5-3-2004; 6:57pm I don't know, things strangely have been lucky for me. Things actually seem to be going my way. Dare I say, things are going somewhat...fine? Maybe. It feels like something is missing, though. I've been here before. Things seem to go right, things are on track, things are fine. Then things go wrong. Still, I despite all this sudden lucky fortune, I can't help but dread. I feel something's off. I'm missing something, I can feel it. I'm not quite whole, not quite complete. And with this, I feel like the things I need most right now have either run away, or have been thrown away. What have I done to myself? Is this even all my fault? |