| 2-1-2004' 10:11pm It must be one of those lost days. I'm not feeling anything. It's been a long, empty day, despite it being National Football Day...er, the Super Bowl, whatever, God bless the USA, whatever.... 1-30-2004; 9:07pm I don't know. I can't seem to bring myself to speak to Glynnes right now. ?i feel ashamed of myself, for letting her find out about the site, and everything that was on my mind. But, it's better this way, right? The truth is always better, isn't it? I shall not waver in my personal philosophy on the writings I put in this blog, I will not sacrifice my integrity in the name of my old, dying obsessions. Yet, I do love her, no matter what. Whether she reads this anymore, or not, I must state my case. Glynnes, no matter what you say, or how you feel. Through changes of heart, or difficulties I cannot imagine, no matter what, I will always love you, even when it hurts. Through everything, you will always be one person I wish I could be with forever. Call me a madman, I'm just trying to make it through this world, the best as I can. I'll make mistakes, I can accept that. 1-29-2004; 11:39pm Oh yeah...life goes on, even after the thrill of living is gone. Glynnes finally read this blog. I can't say things have magically healed themselves, no I can't. But I'm just glad that she finally got to see the things going on my head, no matter how wrong, no matter how ugly it may have seemed. But life goes on...but where's it going? I dunno. I just feel alone. Not that it's a terrible thing. I just feel alone. 1-22-2004; 11:45am Well, it looks like college is going to go off without any hitches this semester either, so in that respect, I'm doing quite fine. But what I really wanted to post about, was this dream I had. I dreamt I was sleeping, and suddenly, Glynnes is in bed with me, in her underwear. She grabs me, and puts my hand on her, and asks me "Isn't this what you wanted?". I don't know anymore. I'm trying to close myself off from anything related to the High School anymore. It's shit like this that drives me insane. 1-17-2004; 11:04am It took me a few hours, but I finally thought of the correct phrase to self-describe how I feel Glynnes treats me. She takes me for granted. But the thing about that term is, that it means to take something "as-is", in an axiom-like sense, perhaps to the point where you would end up shooting yourself in the foot when it is gone. But the thing is, when Glynnes and I no longer maintain any form of contact whatsoever, I don't think it will affect her all that much. I've taken the brunt of most of this into myself, and I just don't feel that she will ever quite see where I am coming from. I guess that's my biggest fear right now. Someday, when I'm gone from her, she won't care that I am. 1-16-2003; 3:05pm Glynnes, please, please, don't lie to me. |