| 10-28-2003; 7:19pm Last night, I had a dream that I was making out with Glynnes. I think she was happy in it, too. Hm. I even had the opportunity to talk to Glynnes today. She was at the college, for the high school choir show (that I accidentally obliged myself to). She's just really busy, and I think she even cares about me too...well, Amy's talking to me, Glynnes hasn't blown me off completely....looks like I'm in a pinch....who am I kidding? It's all platonic, isn't it? *sigh 10-27-2003; 7:56pm Man, I love when Daylight Savings ends, and I get that extra hour back, y'know? Well, my situation isn't getting any better, or worse for that matter. I tried calling Glynnes' cellphone, to find that it 'no longer is in service', so maybe she really wasn't getting those messages. Well, that's a pseudo-relief. Hmm, Amy just gave me her phone number. Just another number on my cellphone, that won't be going anywhere. But hey, my preparation could pay off, t-minus 4 days till Halloween. 10-24-2003; 9:00pm I don't know what the fuck's coming over me. I should have been ecstatic today. I saw Glynnes....but I feel so dead towards her now. It's all my own bloody fault. I brought it upon myself, I've conditioned my mind so much, that I'm SURE that she doesn't even give a crap about me....yet, I can't let her go just yet. I'm ashamed of myself, yet again. I don't know if she reads this, but Glynnes, I love you, with all my soul. You're the only one I really want to be with...but my wishes don't come true, do they... 10-23-2003; 8:45pm I think I have my reoccuring theme....I'm really just not getting anywhere. People have left me far behind, I'm lost in myself. Just reiterating, I guess. I guess this is just another breakdown in everything I knew. It's all just a big lie, so I should just spend my money on myself, because Glynnes doesn't care. Also, just to reiterate, I hate my family, I hate the Satellite TV service, and I like Freedom Fighters on PS2. 10-22-2003; 10:05am This one's coming at you live from the Cypress College Writing Center. Frankly, I just want to scream. I just feel like everything I know is abandoning me, like that Blink 182 song, I guess this is growing up. I'm kind of stuck here, and I have no idea what's going on. Everything's moved on without me. I'm just not so sure of anything anymore. I miss Glynnes, yet at the same time, I pretty much bet everything that she doesn't even really care about me. Just once, I'd love to meet someone who could be honest, and just tell me that they don't want anything to do with me. 10-21-2003; 7:44pm Well, my life is now like a Burmese python in the wrapped around a tree that's surrounded by flood waters: All wrapped up and going nowhere. It seems that nothing's happening. Oh, but I *DO8 just so happen to be so lucky that I've developed a boil of some sort on my ass. I can't take this sitting down! ....seriously, this just sucks. 10-17-2003; 9:28pm Observations of the Day: If Glynnes is so busy, that she can't make time for me....maybe she DOESN'T want to spend time with me. I'm tired of dealing with myself. I've spent the last 7 years dealing with that, and I'm tired of it. I just want to love someone else. I just want to deal with someone else other than myself. I just want someone else to use me up, until there isn't anything left for myself. I live under the impression that no one needs me. And the way things are going, there's nothing to really argue against it. 10-16-2003; 9:16pm Well, it's gone back to 'my life is a meaningless joke'. I just want to spend time with Glynnes....but I won't, I don't get time of day with anyone, I'm just a bloody curmudgeon loser, that's all. I'm at one of those points in my life again, where nothing is happening....well, at least I'll get to SEE her, tomorrow. |