| 7-8-2003; 11:37pm (man, I've been forgetting to timestamp...I'm just tired.) I've been thinking some more. I'm not as miserable as I thought I would be at this point in my life. What can I say? Things aren't as bad as I think they are. Hell, as down and out as my last entries sound, I'm not really feeling that bad, when I calm down, like right now for instance. I'm calmer now, and things don't feel bad. Man, I have mood swings. I just need to keep control of myself. Yes, the broken mouse situation sucks, yes, my family is quite trying at times, but times like this, at 11:41pm right now, I'm in a calmer, more serene state. Things aren't looking up, per se, but I just feel better right now. 7-8-2003 Song: Bob Marley - No Woman, No Cry This whole broken mouse thing, is really pissing me off. My brother, is just a class-A idiot sometimes. The BIG FUCKING FIST SHAPED HOLE in the wall next to the computer is proof of that. The moron makes a good effort to BREAK things when he's pissed off, and frankly, I'm just pissed at alot of things right now. The mouse is broken, my life is at a stand-still. Looks like all I have right now, is this damn thing. As the song may imply, I'm trying to recover in this post-girlfriend environment. Bob's full of shit, if you ask me. But I suppose it's all part of the context. Would I be so down if I had never been part of Holly's life? Am I better having known her? The answer is yes, to both of these questions. I AM moving on, there's just nothing to move on to right now. 7-5-2003 Well, folks, Anime Expo is over for this year, and I'm glad to have been a part of it, once again. I need to get these photos developed so I can get cracking on Adventures in Anime 2003. Now, I'm back to square one. The party's over, I have no money, no job, no driver's license, no girlfriend, fuck-de-mucky muck, this isn't any fun at all. I guess now I need to go make something of myself, again. I'm pretty damn tired from three days straight of Anime Expo. Thankfully, AX:2004 is in January, in Tokyo. I KNOW I can't get to that one, not in my current state as of right now, at least. Finally, I'd just like to say that Witch Hunter Robin is making me cream my pants. 7-4-2003 I've gotten all the things that I 'need' from Anime Expo 2003. So, at least my shopping is done. However, I'm still going to go tomorrow, just because I have a full pass and all for the whole 4-day event. I'll have Anime Expo 2003 articles up as soon as the pictures are developed, scanned, and cleaned up. I saw Holly today, at the Expo. She was too busy to really "hang out" as it were. Makes me feel a little more useless. I shouldn't talk about her, I'm supposed to have moved on by now. Life just seems so empty right now. I've built up my life around Holly and Anime Expo. Both of these things, are now at, or coming to an end. I'm not so down and obsessed that I think of these things as a loss anymore. It's just that I knew my life would be so empty and devoid of "goals" after Holly left. The MINI "rally" was just more of us showboating our car. So, there we were, my brother and I, gathered with other MINI owners, and we drove through a parade in some rich, tract housing suburb of San Diego. It's the Fourth of July...go eat barbeque and look at the pretty picture on the front page already. |