Title: The Changes a Year Brings
Author: Pam (cheshirecat) & Jo (Slashgirl)
Pairing: Kian/Nicky
Disclaimer: Don’t know any of them or their sexuality. This is all
fiction.
Summary: What can happen when a friendship turns to something more….
Warnings/Rating: Adult
The Changes A Year Brings
Chapter 1
From:
[email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: OMG KIAN!!!
OMG Kian you wouldn't believe what just happened!!! Remember how I
told you that last Saturday the coach said there were some managers from other
teams in the crowd who wanted to see us play? He just took me aside
earlier, they want me to play for the Irish national team! If all goes
well I'll be playing in the WORLD CUP next year! I cant
believe it! I tried to call you as soon as i heard but you must just be
in the middle of an exam or something as you didn't answer. I'm going out
to celebrate with a few mates tonight, please say you can come???
(a very excited) Nicky
Chapter 2
From: "K
E" <[email protected]>
To: "nb"
<[email protected]>
Subject: RE: OMG KIAN!!!
Got the impression you were excited Nicky!!
and yes I was in an exam earlier and the bad
news is I've another one tomorrow so as much as I would like to come and help
you celebrate I really must do some last minute studying. I know I sound like a
bore but these exams are important if I want to be a big record manager!!
I'm really glad you've finally been spotted and hope to catch up with
you at the weekend to celebrate then okay?
A depressed Kian
Chapter 3
From:
[email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Exams...
Don’t worry Kian, I know you, when you want something you'll never let
them stop you. I'd say fuck the exams but that's what i did and we all
know how that turned out - although my luck does seem to be changing now
*Grins*
I can't believe my best friend isn’t gonna come celebrating with me but
i see your point. We'll catch up in the weekend (dont you dare going home
to
Anyway, better not keep you from your revision for too long, good luck
with the exam tomorrow and i'll talk to you soon
Nicky
Chapter 4
From: "K
E" <[email protected]>
To: "nb"
<[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Exams...
Shite Nicky!
After the exam earlier I wish I had gone out drinking with ya - I knew
it was going to be my worse one but hell it was and I'm not kidding. I'm just
glad I've got the last on next Tuesday. Mum had asked me to go home this
weekend but I told her I couldn't until after my last exam anyway *winks*
Anyway I think after that I need a bit of a distraction at the weekend -
will you be playing? I bet a few of the lads at home would have never guessed
I'd actually say I wanted to go see a football match but after hearing so much
from you I can't wait to cheer you on.
I can't believe you called me your best friend either! don't feel much
like a friend to you right now but I know you understand my ambition as much as
I understand you love kicking a ball around *laughs*
See you at the weekend
Kian
Chapter 5
From: [email protected]
To: r [email protected]
Subject: Re: Exams...
Well at least you didn't have to sit through the exam with a hangover
-Ow my poor aching head! But don't worry, I'll be over the head ache by
the time we get around to celebrating together! Well at least the last
one was one of your favourites, wasn't it? Thought you said something
like that...
Anyway, you were asking about me playing this weekend - well that's a
first! *laughs* I am playing actually, my
last match with the
And yeah you're my best friend - you're the only one whom I can talk to
about ANYTHING - you know what I'm talking about... None of the people I
used to call my friends wanted anything to do with me after that and I'm not
telling my team mates just yet. You're the only one who still stood by me
after I told you... So yes, you are my best friend and you know I won't
take it against you that you're trying to make a dream come true - even if that
does mean you are an absolute bore during exam time - only joking!
Anyway, I'd better be off, gotta get ready for the training. I'll
see you before the match Saturday, ok? Not going out tonight, can't
afford hangover before a match.
Nicky
Chapter 6 From: "K E"
<[email protected]>
To: "nb" <[email protected]>
Subject: *laughs*
Nicky you certainly know how to cheer a guy up. Funny I could just
imagine you there holding your head - well not the first time you've had a few
too many!! I must admit your admission surprised me but well I thought what the
hell it didn't make you a different person after all and if those others can't
accept you for what you are they can't be real friends..
I surprised myself too by wanting to go see the football - I suppose I
just thought it would be something different to take my mind off exams - and
yes the last one next week is the one I'll enjoy (if that's possible).
You'll have to remind me what time you want me there as I can never
remember what time these things start - and don't laugh after all it will be my
first football match - shite just thought I suppose I need to get a ticket from
somewhere!
Better nip out
Talk later
Kian
Chapter 7
From:
[email protected]
To: r [email protected]
Subject: The Match…
KIAN! I hope you didnt get that ticket yet! I told you ages
ago that if you wanted to come watch a game I'd get you a decent seat somewhere
closeby where you can actually see the game - face it Ki you're not one of the
tallest blokes around. Neither of us is, I know but that's beside the
point.
Game starts at 8 pm, bring a change of clothes and we'll go out to the
pub and clubbing after. It will be about 10 by the time I manage to get
away anyway. Will meet you at the back entrance at 7, you can leave the
bag in my locker and we could talk for a wee bit before the match (probably me
trying to explain the rules to you and explaining once more that it's NOT just
kicking a ball around and chase after it as you like to say!)
And thanks for being a real friend... You don't know how much that
means to me...
Nicky
PS: Don't worry, the hangover has cleared now - I feel one
threatening for tomorrow already but who cares, don't have anything better to
do than lie in bed all day tomorrow anyway so why not?
Chapter 8
From:
[email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: RE: The Match…
Nicky
Was just about out the door when I realized it was too late anyway and
besides I had no idea where to get tickets from (okay I know I should but its
my first time). Should have enough time to get there for seven but don't forget
I've just got a saturday job to get some extra money or did I forget to tell
you about that - anyway finish at 5:30pm so should give me enough time to wash,
change etc and get some stuff together so don't worry if I'm a few
minutes late!
And I will try and listen to you going on about the game but hey as far
as I can see it's about kicking a ball around okay - I know its
your passion so I will try and see it your way but no promises.
As far as being a good friend is concerned no worries when you don't
have family around you need a few good friends you can rely on and I think I've
come to rely on you too a bit as I'm what seems like so far from home.
Anyway look forward to seeing you tomorrow
Kian
Chapter 9
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: RE: The Match…
Just re-reading your email here. Do you call 45 minutes A
FEW? I really got the feeling you did it on purpose so I wouldn't have a
chance to try and explain the rules again - I am glad you came though. We
did have a good night, didn't we. I don't envy
you right now, revising with what (if you drank as much as I seem to have done)
must be a major hangover.
Do you remember anything after entering that pub? Judging from the
way I felt when I woke up I was probably lucky to have made it home at
all. In other words, I don't really remember much at all. If you
remember ANYTHING stupid I might have done, let me know please - on second
thought, do so if you remember anything AT ALL...
Anyway, I'm gonna head back to bed, maybe when I wake up the ground will
have stopped moving. Just wanted to send this to you and wish you luck
with the revision (and exam if I don't hear from you before then)
Nicky
Chapter 10
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Never Again!
Next time you say “come to a match and the pub afterwards” I’ll have to
think twice about that! Sounds like you have a worse head than me and mine was
pretty bad this morning but that’s probably cos I didn’t have as much to drink
as you as one of us had to make sure we got home!
This seem like a good time for me to say anything about what you did and
you’d believe me if you can’t remember *laughs* but I won’t. Mind you I was a
bit surprised when you gave me a kiss on my cheek! Luckily you did that to a
few others as well and they just laughed it off. I’m sure a few will remind you
of it next time you see them….
You’re lucky you can spend the day in bed. Even
though I’m not too worried about my last exam it doesn’t mean I don’t have to
revise but am finding it hard at the minute. You really must try not to get so drunk as you do seem to get very friendly when you do and
it may cause you problems with some of them who aren’t as accepting of you
being gay as I am
Anyway will let you know how the exam goes and you try to behave
Kian
Chapter 11
From:
[email protected]
Subject: KISS?????
Shite! Did I
really do that??? Probably good that I didn't kiss anyone on the mouth
though - cheek will get me enough trouble I'd say. Thanks for warning me,
I bet I'll get some jokes from the lads about it when I go pick up
my gear at the club later and at least I'll know what they're talking
about.
Thanks as
well for bringing me home by the way, don't think I would have made it on
my own judging from the hangover yesterday. It knocked me out practically
all day, would you believe it? Well until 10 pm, then I woke up and ended
up watching old movies all night (and more alcohol but was alone in the house
so no danger there). It's nice to just stay in and watch tv though, maybe after your exams we could do that
sometime? I promise I won't pull a stunt like the other night though -
unless you want me to? (sorry, couldn't help
it! Just me being me, don't take it seriously)
Anyway, let me
know what you think, might be the last chance we have to get together (not in
THAT way) for a while, they want me to go down to
You'll probably
not get this for the exam but if you do, good luck.
Let me know about
night in.
Nicky
Chapter
12
From: [email protected]
Subject: ITS
OVER!!!
Still laughing
over your email you must have been worse than I thought!!! Anyway no problem
mate it’s probably a good thing I didn’t have as much to drink – don’t think I
could have coped with the exam if I had and the head was bad enough. Anyway the
exam went okay (I hope) and now that’s it!! Just have to wait for the result to
see if I have to take anything again.
If you’re going to
be away in Cork for a while we must get together before you go and do something
– I’m sure I can delay mum a little while longer but will have to go home at
some point – now don’t you laugh its strange how you can miss a big family when
its not there.
And … well after I
though about it I wasn’t that bothered that you kissed me on the cheek
*blushes* but don’t let that give you any ideas RIGHT! A quietish night in
watching TV sounds great to me seems like ages since I’ve done that maybe
towards the end of the week if that’s not too late?
Anyway you can
fill me in on all the jokes you get when we meet up if you like?
Talk later
Kian
Chapter
13
From:
[email protected]
Subject: Re: ITS OVER!!!
OH GOD,
Kian! Don't remind me about the jokes! You know I don't get
embarrased easily but seriously, I must have been beetroot-red by the time they
finished. I just want to forget about that little episode. Thank
God no one took it too badly though - they just thought I was drunk (which I
was) and didn't take it to heart. But seriously, Ki, if you weren't
as straight as I'm sure you are... Don't take this the wrong way but you're
a real good-looking lad - but don't worry, I won't do anything, I'm quite happy
just being friends.
About the night
in, I'm afraid it can't wait 'til the end of the week,
they want me on the training in
Yeah I do know
what you mean about missing your family and I guess you want to meet up with
Shane and Mark as well. You've been talking so much about them, they really sound like nice lads. I guess you
must miss them now as well as your family back there in
Anyway, this email
is turning out longer than expected so will sign off now. Let me know
when you're coming over, you have my mobile number.
See you soon.
Nicky
PS: Can get
some booze to drink while watching TV but somehow I'm not sure that's too good
of an idea, what do you think?
Chapter
14
From: [email protected]
Subject:
Meet up
Tomorrow would be
better for me Nicky and I’ll leave it up to you if you want to get some booze
in or want me to bring some along. If I felt that uncomfortable with you I
wouldn’t come you know that – and I know you wouldn’t do anything I wasn’t
happy with. You just caught me actually as am getting stuff organized for the
trip home and yes I will probably be dragged out by Shane and Mark to catch up
on things but I wouldn’t expect anything less.
Will talk to you
more about maybe spending a couple of days in
In some easy I
suppose I’ll miss the hustle of
Anyway see ya
tomorrow
Kian
Chapter
15
From:
[email protected]
Subject: In
Hey Kian.
As promised, an
email to let you know I've arrived safely after the long and dangerous trip
down to wild, wonderful world that is Cork (yeah as if - do you know
Corksmen are saying Cork's the real capital? Ehm, sure... they need
to check their geography methinks!) In other words: BORED BORED
BORED!!! Then again I've only just arrived so hopefully it will get
better.
Wish I could have
stayed in
Speaking of which,
I really liked the last night we had, Wednesday there. Some parts of it
are a bit hazy though, one moment you were there and we were drinking, next
thing I know I'm waking up in my bed - I hope I didn't do anything stupid
again! Maybe in retrospect you shouldn't have brought all that Guinness
down. If I did anything stupid again, please please please don't be
angry.
I must admit I'm
more than slightly worried because you didn't answer the phone any time I tried
to call you - although I suppose that might be due to your being busy preparing
for Sligo. In any case, please let me know. I'd rather give up
drinking than losing my best friend...
Please reply soon
Nicky
Chapter
16
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re:
In
Okay Nicky
I suppose I can’t
avoid you forever and I know I said that I wasn’t bothered if we drank or not
but perhaps I shouldn’t have said anything about your last drunken episodes
antics. You did it again Nicky! Only this time on the lips…I don’t suppose you
remember me shoving you off and then pushing you all the way to your room – you
must have zonked out as soon as you hit the bed.
Anyway I could
forgive you the kiss on the cheek but at the moment I’m not so sure about the
kiss on the lips – suppose I shouldn’t have worried you though by trying to
ignore you – might have known you’d keep at me until I responded. I suppose I
could hide behind the getting set for
Will still come
down to Cork to see you but not sure when yet will let you know and yes I might
prefer you not to drink when I’m around – are you sure there’s not something
you’re not telling me ???
Anyway glad you’re
*coughs* enjoying it down there and its great being home surrounded by all the
family again seems like everyone’s got some new news for me.
Anyway gonna sign
off now
Kian
Chapter
17
From:
[email protected]
Subject: Are we
OK?
Kian
As you can see,
I've left it a while so you could cool down a bit. It's killing me not to
be able to talk to you - can we please go back to the way we were? I miss
my best friend...
No there's nothing
I havent told you - in fact I'm pretty sure I have told you this in a
previous email. Kian, you're a real good-looking guy with a great
personality and I like you - a lot. But I know you're not interested and
I don't want to lose you as a friend so I will try my hardest not to let those
feelings get in the way of the great friendship that we share - that means I
PROMISE I'll steer clear of the alcohol whenever you're so much as near
me. I miss you, Kian. Please say we're OK again now?
Anyway, how's the
summer been for you so far? Are you still in
Nicky
Chapter
18
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re:
Are we OK?
Nicky
I know its been
long time and I’m sorry about that – believe it or not Mark’s been at me for
ages to phone you, email you or visit you – he even offered to come with me if
I didn’t want to go alone. I don’t know why but he seems to have been a big
help over the “drunken issues”. Anyway I’m still in Sligo as my results
are being sent here anyway and I didn’t want to go back to
As for us being
okay I can’t really say for sure until I see you. I know you don’t mean to do
the things you do when you’re drunk but I part of me still thinks there’s
something behind it all but if you say I’m being paranoid I believe you. Anyway
most of the family are thinking of taking a break somewhere not to far for a
few days and unless I want to be dragged along it may be a good time to come
see you – this weekend seems like as good a time as any so I hope you got a
comfortable couch or spare room for me.
Anyway we can have
a good talk when I get down there and I’m sure we’ll be fine as I too don’t
want to lose you as a friend – I maybe just have to try and be a bit more
accepting of some of the daft things you do when you get drunk.
See you soon
Kian
Chapter
19
From:
[email protected]
Subject: Visit
Kian
Thank Mark for me,
I wasn't entirely sure if you would reply just yet - I know how stubborn you
can be sometimes. It might be a good idea for him to come along, I will try and stay away from the alcohol while
you're here but still... Well, that and I'd like to meet him, from what
you've told me he sounds like a nice guy. You could use my room, I'll use
the couch and there's a spare room as well that Mark could use if he does come
along.
Yeah this weekend
is a good time, how did you know? The trainings have been cancelled so
I've got the weekend off so to speak.
Speaking of
"drunken issues", you wouldn't believe what some of the lads
here got up to last week - well you might, I don't usually remember nights out
so I wouldnt know what drunken shenanigans anyone used to get up to back in
Dublin - but I'm avoiding alcohol like the plague ever since
you-know-what. Anyway, running out of time, have to go to the training
soom but text me when you're on the bus.
See you soon.
Nicky
Chapter
20
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re:
Visit
Nicky
Just so you know its just going to be me – something’s come up for Mark so he
can’t make it but he says if you come to
To be honest Nicky
I’m a little nervous about this but I’m determined not to let it stop me coming
as I know if I don’t do this it may cost us our friendship and that’s the last
thing I want! Anyway we’ll talk more about things when I get there as I don’t
want to say too much in an email.
I can see you
really are taking the drunken antics seriously and I bet it was hard for you
not drinking when all your mates were – I feel sorry for you in a way but it
won’t help your fitness to drink all the time so maybe I’m a good influence on
you *laughs*
Anyway gotta go
See you soon
Kian
Chapter 21
From:
[email protected]
Subject: Re: Visit
LOL Kian - just
rereading the last mail you had sent me before coming over. Good
influence my arse! I didn't touch a drop of alcohol but my friend, you
were definitely hammered.
I thought you
didn't like it when I kissed you but there you were, straddling my hips as you
pushed me down on the sofa, pressing your lips to mine. It took all the
willpower I had to push you away - I didn't want you to do something you'd regret
or to think I took advantage of you.
God Kian, why did
you do that to me? I know we had a good night clubbing and you were
dancing so close to me it felt like heaven but that was just dancing, I could
tell myself that it didn't mean anything and that we were just having
fun. But the kiss... You were so drunk you
probably didnt realize what you were doing and most likely you don't even
remember (even if you do claim you remember everything even when drunk) and
since you didnt bring it up the next day I guess you probably did forget all
about it.
I didn't want to
bring it up myself when talking face to face but Kian, that instant has been on
my mind ever since. We need to talk, Kian, really talk. No alcohol,
no nothing, just talk. 'Cause you know I do love you but I can't take you
playing like this - not even when I know you're drunk. It was so good,
Ki, I find it impossible to forget about it. Please get in touch.
I'll have another weekend off in two weeks, let me know where you'll be and
I'll try and meet you there.
Nicky
Chapter
22
From: [email protected]
Subject: My
turn to apologise
Shite Nicky I’m
really sorry. In a way Mark warned me about this oops didn’t mean to say that.
I told you he was talking to me and he all but told me I must love you to be
feeling the way I was about the drunken kisses and now I go and do the exact
same thing to you – I feel like a real jerk! I do remember something’s from
that night – like the dancing too close but I can’t believe I really kissed you
this time *blushes*
I really meant to
tell you that I was having some weird thoughts since your first kiss and then
after it happened again I just couldn’t handle it. Yeah and you guessed it I
avoided the subject but … anyway how about you come to Sligo when you get time
off next and we can meet up with Mark and Shane after we’ve had a chance to
talk things through.
I don’t want you
to think I’m trying to tease you or anything cos you know how much I value our
friendship. I just can’t get my head around what is happening with us at the
moment so please whatever you may think of me please don’t think I’m playing
with you – I don’t think I am – God I’m so confused right now
Kian
Chapter
23
From:
[email protected]
Subject: coming
over NOW
Don't go anywhere,
I'm coming over! Told the coach there was a family emergency (well we're
not technically related but you're worth more to me than all my family put
together so I don't care) and he's letting me skip trainings for the week so
I'm taking the early bus up tomorrow, should be in Sligo around 4pm. I'll
text you when I'm there.
You didn't really
think I'd leave you on your own for two more weeks when you're feeling like
this, did you? I know the feeling too well. Did I ever tell
you about Michael? My first boyfriend? I was
only just 18 then and mildly put not as confident and at ease with myself as I
am now.
Anyway, me and
Michael were pretty close before we got together and one night we were talking
and he kissed me - he wasn't even drunk like I was the other night but it still
took me ages to come to terms with the fact that I had feelings for him that
went beyond normal friendship - wouldn't want you to have to go through that on
your own.
And yes I know
you've got Mark (and Shane? You're not saying much about him so dunno how
much of a help he is but still) up there but we need to talk things through,
sooner rather than later. Anyway I guess I'd better head to bed if I want
to be up for the early bus - you know how I like to sleep in!
Goodnight and I'll
see you tomorrow.
Nicky
Chapter
24
rockdude1980 says:
Hi mate
Mark says:
hey Kian
Mark says:
Mark's not here
rockdude1980 says:
who's that
then
Mark says:
Nicky - was just
checking my email on Mark's comp while he's gone to the loo
rockdude1980 says:
what are
you doing ther?
Mark says:
what did
you think, I was gonna get back on the bus to
rockdude1980 says:
So how come you're
at Mark's?
Mark says:
Mark's back now
Mark says:
Hey Kian
rockdude1980 says:
some mate
you are *huffs*
Mark says:
crap Ki,
what was I supposed to do?
rockdude1980 says:
same as me
tell him where to go
Mark says:
I ran into him
after you slammed the door in his face
Mark says:
sorry, I
can't do that
rockdude1980 says:
well I never asked him to come over
Mark says:
he was
trying to HELP you!
rockdude1980 says:
well I
don't need any help
Mark says:
you keep
saying that to yourself Kian, maybe if you keep it up long enough you might
start to believe it
rockdude1980 says:
yeah yeah don't start that again Mark I know what you
think about it all
Mark says:
then do me,
Nicky and most of all YOURSELF a favour and talk to him - five minutes
rockdude1980 says:
I can't Mark
rockdude1980 says:
not face
to face
Mark says:
what about
like this?
Mark says:
MSN I
mean
Mark says:
then you
don't have to face him and I'll stay here all the time if you want me to
rockdude1980 says:
okay I'll talk to him but don't go Mark not yet anyway
Mark says:
ok I
won't, I'll just get a chair and sit right next to him
Mark says:
here's Nicky
again
Mark says:
Hi Kian
rockdude1980 says:
hey
Mark says:
so you
ok?
rockdude1980 says:
not really
Mark says:
I'm sorry - maybe
I shouldn't have come so soon, I was only trying to help...
rockdude1980 says:
I
suppose I know that really but at the moment you're the last person I want to
see can you understand that
rockdude1980 says:
I hope I didn;t hurt you too much with the door
Mark says:
not
physically no
Mark says:
and I do
find that other thing a bit hard to understand...
Mark says:
sorry, just
me
rockdude1980 says:
anyway sorry
rockdude1980 says:
well I
suppose with you you thought for a while you must be gay I've never even
thought I might be gay let alone kiss another man
Mark says:
maybe...
Mark says:
Mark
wants to say something
Mark says:
Kian, Mark here. You might be right in a way but we
have been talking about this back at Summerhill. Don't you
remember? I know it's been a long time since but you never seemed to have
any problems with me when I told you I had feelings for someone - you even
asked me what it was like so don't tell me you've never contemplated the
possibility
rockdude1980 says:
yeah but
that was different it was you not me and I was curious as to why you would want
to kiss another man
rockdude1980 says:
you didn't go out and get drunk and kiss your best friend
Mark says:
I wouldn't be too
sure of that...
rockdude1980 says:
okay you don't have to go into details put Nicky back on I
get your point
Mark says:
ok, here
he comes
Mark says:
Nicky again
Mark says:
so where
were we?
rockdude1980 says:
Going around in
circles a bit I think
Mark says:
seems so...
rockdude1980 says:
but Mark has a point I shouldn't push you aside like I am
doing
Mark says:
just tell
me one thing, Ki - why are you even trying?
rockdude1980 says:
we could always talk about anything until.. well you know what happened
Mark says:
first time
or second time
Mark says:
?
rockdude1980 says:
both
rockdude1980 says:
and then me doing exactly the same thing to you which I
still feel awful about
rockdude1980 says:
I don't feel gay
Nicky but ...
Mark says:
no need
to. you were just drunk, I understand. but if there's anything else, you have to promise to tell
me, Ki...
Mark says:
there's no
such thing as feeling "gay"
rockdude1980 says:
That's
the problem Nicky I don't know how I feel right now
Mark says:
do you
think we could just try and be like we were before?
Mark says:
or did
things change too much?
rockdude1980 says:
Maybe
the best thing is to leave Mark in peace and you come round to mine in the
morning that way it may give me time to get my thoughts together
rockdude1980 says:
And I promise no
to slam the door in your face again
Mark says:
I guess...
Mark says:
Kian,
Mark here. Nicky can stay the night with me, it's no
problem really
rockdude1980 says:
Thanks Mark your a great frained and I'm sorry you got draged into this
rockdude1980 says:
Nicky
you still there?
Mark says:
what's with
the spelling all of a sudden Kiano?
Mark says:
yeah he is
- am here Kian
Mark says:
Kian?
rockdude1980 says:
*sniffs* sorry
rockdude1980 says:
Can we just leave
it there and I'll see you in the morning Nikcy
Mark says:
ok - try
and get some sleep Ki. and try not to worry,
we'll talk in the morning
rockdude1980 says:
thanks night
Nicky, night Mark
Mark says:
goodnight Kian
(from me and Mark both)
rockdude1980 says:
*offline*
Mark says:
*offline*
Chapter
25
From: [email protected]
Subject: Hope
you didn’t get into too much trouble
Nicky
As if I
hadn't said it enough sorry about not seeing you when you came over. I'm
still not sure I am totally happy about how my feelings have changed for you
but it was great seeing you and you telling me all about your first experiences
and everything. At least now I feel we can get back to some sort of normality.
I know you say you'd be happy if I was your boyfriend but I'm sure you can
understand if I'm not quite ready for that step yet.
Mark has been
plugging me every since you left for all the gory details but I kept him
guessing. As it turns out he has been chatting a bit
more about his first boyfriend!! I hadn't really realised he had had a
boyfriend but he's never really said too much about it. I suppose that's why he
could see how my feelings were changing.
Anyway I'm going
to try and be a bit more forthcoming about my feelings with you as I can see
that you panicing and flying over here is not going to wash too many times with
your manager. I'm just not sure at the minute how I'm going to put things down
into words.
BTW the goodbye
kiss was a lot better when you can remember what you're doing I hope you
enjoyed it as much as I did
Anyway gotta go -
speak to you soon
love
Kian
Chapter
26
From:
[email protected]
Subject: Re: Hope
you didn’t get into too much trouble
Don't worry so
much, Kian. I wouldn't have come without getting the all clear from the
coach first. And yes I'd love for you to be my boyfriend but I told you
before, I won't pressurise you into anything you don't want. I'm already
glad you're still my friend after all that has happened between us - I know
people who gave up on friends for less than this. So thank you for being
my friend and don't worry about anything else, I can wait... Thank you
for letting me kiss you as well, I know you weren't too sure about it but from
your last email I guess you liked it.
Mark really is one
of a kind, you have a great friend there Kiano, don't let him go. Isn't
that what friends do? Seeing through your mask before you even realise
you have one on at all. I feel like I owe him something for what he
did, do you have any ideas what I could do to return the favour? He doesn't
seem too much of a football fan so tickets for a match won't do much good
- any idea what he might like though?
Anyway, just
wanted to let you know I'm back in Cork now and training hard again - speaking
of which, I'd better run if I don't want to be late for the one starting in -oh
shite- 10 minutes! Speak soon!
Nicky
Chapter
27
From: [email protected]
Subject: Feeling
Down
Hey Nicky
I know you've only
been gone 1 few days but I never thought I'd miss you so much as I seem to have
this time - okay don't laugh! I know you will think it funny. I suppose as
we've now sorted things out between us its made me
realise even more how I do feel about you.
As you say Mark is
one in a million - couldn't ask for a better best mate really. As far as doing
something for him he's not really into much so how about next time you come
over to visit we take him out for a slap up meal!!
I've only got a
couple more weeks in Sligo now before I have to go back to
Anyway shouldn't
be depressing you with my problems - hope your training is going well and that
we can see each other again soon
take care
love
Kian
Chapter
28
From:
[email protected]
Subject: Hugs +
Idea, Reply ASAP
Kian
You definitely
have to stop worrying. You've worked your arse off for this all year
(well save for the nights I dragged you out for drinks but anyway), you've
nothing to be worried about. I'm sure you've passed every single one of
these exams with flying colours - DO NOT worry.
By the way I've
kind of had an idea for something for Mark myself - tell me if it's any
good. While in Sligo I kind of noticed that he seems to adore Mariah
Carey - did you know she's passing through
Last but not
least, I miss you too, Kian. But you'll be glad to hear come November
we're moving back up to Dublin for training up there so I won't be too far away
- seems an awful long time though and donn't want to risk any more holidays,
maybe you could come down here again if you want? Would love to see you
too...
Anyway, let me
know what you think on the idea for Mark and on the trip.
I'm off now, see
you soon...
Nicky
Chapter
29
From: [email protected]
Subject: RE:
Hugs + Idea, Reply ASAP
Hey Nicky great
idea!!!
I know Mark would
just flip at getting a ticket to go see Mariah but he would probably say he
couldn't afford to go as he'd have to stay overnight. If you can't get to
Dublin to go how about getting 2 tickets and I'll go with Mark then he could
stay at mine - that way he wouldn't feel awful about stopping over mine as I
know he wouldn't ask me if I wasn't going. Okay I'm not a big fan of Mariah
myself but it would be worth going just to see the look on Mark's face!!!
As I said I'm due
back in Dublin in a couple of weeks so when I get my result and sort out what I
need to do next I'll come down to see you but I can't promise for certain.
Anyway will keep
it short
Love
Kian
Chapter
30
From:
[email protected]
Subject: Would you
believe it?!
Tickets ordered,
have put your address on the send-to so you should be getting them soon.
Mightn't be able
to meet up with you for the next while as the team is travelling to Brazil for
a friendly next week - will be gone for two weeks, then one more week down in
Cork before we all move up to Dublin once more.
Coach wants it to
be my first match so he can see what I'm like in an actual match situation
rather than a training session. I can hardly believe it!
I'm sure we'll get
internet access at some point and there's always internet cafes so will mail
you how it went - meanwhile let me know how Mariah was (well more interested in
Mark's reaction really but let me know anyway)
Gotta run now, due
in for a training soon.
Nicky
Chapter 31
From: [email protected]
Subject: RE Would you believe it?!
NICKY!!!
Whoever it is you
know is a star cos the tix have just arrived and they are pretty good. I bet
those who ordered when they went on sale would have liked these seats. Mark is
going to go ape!!! Anyway I'll mention it to him later when we go out for a
drink before I go back to
I hope everything
goes well out there I can imagine you're pretty nervous about it. So with the
concert being about the time you get back to
You'll have to
find someway of letting me know whether you can get online or else I'll go
spare not being able to contact you at all - mind you if you can;t get online you won't even get this telling you to contact
me -duh having a blond moment.
Guess I'm a bit nervous
myself about what Mark might think about the tixs ...
Anyway take care
out there I want you back safely
Kian
Chapter
32
From:
[email protected]
Subject: RE: Would
you believe it?!
very
quickly from internet cafe near hotel before coming home tomorrow and just saw
your mail. You're right I was nervous about the match but there was no
reason - oh they were brilliant alright and they nearly got a few goals past me
- coach thinks with any other goalkeeper they WOULD have got them in but it was
a 0-0 draw, I can hardly believe it and the coach had trouble believing it as
well. He thinks he might be able to get me a contract with ManU, don't
know if I should do it though. I quite like living in
Seen as the
concert is tomorrow and my flight doesnt get back 'til the day after maybe we
could meet up on msn then? Will txt you when I'm back.
gotta go
now, time up. speak soon
Nicky
Chapter
33
Nicky says:
Hey Kiano, how was the concert?
rockdude says:
Hi Nicky Mark here
and don't take this the wrong way but I love you
Nicky says:
you
do? sorry Mark but my heart's already taken, I
do like you as a friend though *winks*
rockdude says:
Kian took loads of
pics cos I couldn't was so excited still am!!
Nicky says:
so it was
good then eh?
Nicky says:
good to
hear
rockdude says:
Was it good I just
couldn't believe I was there have wanted to go see her for so long thought I
never would
rockdude says:
Anyway you want me
to give Kian a shout he's off making us some food?
Nicky says:
aww...
just goes to show, you should never give up your dreams, you never know if they
might come true
Nicky says:
if he can
get away from the kitchen, yes please
Nicky says:
wouldn't want
your dinner to burn though
rockdude says:
Just a min
rockdude says:
Anyway when you
next come over to
rockdude says:
Kian will be in in
a min
Nicky says:
don't worry,
I like hugs - glad you enjoyed my surprise so much
Nicky says:
I owed you one
after last time
rockdude says:
I was speechless
when Kian told me and wouldn't believe it really until I was there
rockdude says:
And you didn't owe
me anything was glad to help
Nicky says:
and I'm
glad I could do something back for you
rockdude says:
Anyway will say
bye for now Kian's here
Nicky says:
ok see ye
rockdude says:
Hi Nix
Nicky says:
hey Ki
rockdude says:
Mark not been
boring you with too many concerts details has he
Nicky says:
nah - glad
to hear he's so happy
rockdude says:
Don't know when
I'm gonna get him down from cloud 9 but it was well worth it I can tell you
Nicky says:
ah don't
bother - let him be
Nicky says:
so did
you enjoy the concert at all?
rockdude says:
I'll show you the
pics when you get back to
rockdude says:
It was okay
Nicky says:
didn't you
get my txt? I flew in just hours ago, that's why i'm online
rockdude says:
No haven't had my
mob on today yet been so busy
rockdude says:
Wish I'd have
known I would have said join us
Nicky says:
for the
concert? no, only came in after it finished -
well I guess so anyway as Mariah was at the airport - don't tell Mark yet but I
managed to get her autograph
rockdude says:
So did Mark much
to my disgust
Nicky says:
oh...
so much for my surprise
rockdude says:
Well he will love
it anyway and you spoilt the surprise anyway as he's looking over my shoulder
still the nosey *****
rockdude says:
That got rid of
him
Nicky says:
LOL funny, Kian, very funny
rockdude says:
Well I could have
been saying all sort of lovey dovey stuff to you for all he knew
Nicky says:
for some
reason I don't really think he'd mind - should we be worried about that?
rockdude says:
Well I don't
really want there to be three of us in the relationship if I can help it
Nicky says:
I didn't mean
that!
Nicky says:
God no
Nicky says:
only you is
already enough for me
rockdude says:
and I know
he wouldn't mind he's been feeding me some stuff since we made up
rockdude says:
so are
you coming over to get your hug then - if you're lucky you may get one from me
too!!
Nicky says:
ooh now
there's a nice thought
rockdude says:
well I can
tell you how I got in my exams too if you want to know at all?!!
Nicky says:
let's see -
when have I got time off? Actually could take the train over tomorrow -
apparently the coach has given us a few days off to get over our jetlag - what
jetlag?
Nicky says:
and I do
want to know
Nicky says:
even though
I'm sure you aced every one of them
rockdude says:
okay so I
didn't fail any in fact I got a special commendation in one
Nicky says:
congratulations - I
told you it'd be fine!
rockdude says:
yeah but it
would have been nice if I could have had you here to celebrate with - Mark's a
good mate but ...
rockdude says:
well you
know what I mean
Nicky says:
well, maybe
we could celebrate when I get to
rockdude says:
are you
sure you're not jetlagged Nix I'm in
Nicky says:
oh
whoops... ok, I'm not jetlagged as in feeling tired but apparently the
time difference IS messing with my memory!
Nicky says:
What are we still
doing online then if we're all in
rockdude says:
That's what I said
earlier - if I'd known you were back I'd have got you to come over
Nicky says:
yes and I
thought you were talking about joining you both for the concert and that you'd
gone back to
rockdude says:
Mark's going back
to
Nicky says:
ehm...
maybe by then the jetlag will have kicked in - any chance I could come over
tonight still or is it too late
rockdude says:
Mark's saying come
over now! LOL
Nicky says:
thank you
Mark!
Nicky says:
give me 15
minutes then and I'll meet you there - surely shy timid Mark can't be THAT bad?
rockdude says:
I warn you though
he may jump you as soon as you get in the door
rockdude says:
I warn you though
he may jump you as soon as you get in the door
rockdude says:
he's not so
shy here now must be the Mariah effect LOL
Nicky says:
ok then -
thanks for the warning but I think I'll risk it anyway, see you in 15
Nicky says:
bye
rockdude says:
bye x
Nicky says:
*offline*
rockdude says:
*offline*
Chapter
34
From: [email protected]
Subject: Back
to normal
Nicky
I thought Mark was
never going to let you go I think even you were startled by how much he hugged
you. Felt a bit jealous for a short time but at least Mark knew when to leave
us alone for a bit of time together. Was nice just being able to hold you again
and kiss – I think I’m getting addicted to your kisses.
Anyway back to
normal here as I’m now in my last year and have just got my timetable sorted
out. In some ways am dreaded having to find a job at the end of all this but in
some ways will be glad I can sort of choose when I want to do things. At least
now with you back in
I can tell at
times that you may want to take things further and I’m sorry but I’m not ready
for anything other than kissing just yet but would like at some time for you to
try and explain about how things work from a more sexual point of view between
2 men.
Was just looking
over your last email and of course Man U would be a good deal if you can get it
but you will be so far away from me. I know that sounds a bit selfish and you
know I won’t stop your career taking off but I will miss you even more if
you’re so far away.
Hope you’re doing
okay. Speak to you soon
Love
Kian
xxx
Chapter
35
From:
[email protected]
Subject: ManU
I know, Man U
sounds brill and everyone is telling me to take it but I'm not sure I want to -
especially not now you seem to be ok with the thought of there being an us. Maybe I shouldn't let that hold me back but
what's a brilliant carreer and truckloads of money worth if you don't have
someone special to share it with? And don't worry about the kissing, we
can take it as slow as you want with that - no rush at all.
Mark was very
hyper with the hugging there, wasn't he? Didn't think he had it in him
from what I had seen of him before that night but it's ok - I didn't mind too
much other than that I barely managed to breathe! The time after with
just you and me was good too - I'm happy just being with you so don't worry about anything in that department, ok?
We'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
By the way
speaking of timetables - when have you got time off? I have every Monday
and Thursday off, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays are training and
weekends are a bit of training and (mostly) matches so won't be able to go out
TOO much - can squeeze in the occasional night out but not in excess
anymore. Please say we can work something out so we can at least
occasionally be together...
Anyway, just
wanted to send you a quick reply, am wrecked now with jetlag kicking in as well
as a double training session to catch up on missed time so goodnight.
Nicky
Chapter
36
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: ManU
Nicky
Looking at your
timetable it's worse than mine!! at leat I get
weekends off so we can work something out on that one. Apart from that have a
bit of free time Monday afternoon and Wednesday morning so looks like we're
going to have soem fun unless I miss the occassional lecture - yeah I know
that's not like me but I'm serious about us so I guess we both have to make an
effort.
Please don't
dismiss Man U altogether Nix I really think it's too good a chance to miss even
if it does mean we have to be apart - I get long hols so we can always make up
for it then.
You may be pleased
to know Mark's almost back to normal and I'll show you the concert pics next
time we meet up. Have sent a copy to Mark and he was well pleased at my efforts
said I was almost as good as him LOL
Anyway hope you've
recovered and am just off to my first days lectures so will talk soon
Kian
xx
Chapter
37
From:
[email protected]
Subject: Re: ManU
Kian
You do realize
that if I take the Man U offer no matter what time table we have we won't be
able to meet up decently very often, right? At least when I was in Cork I
could still take a bus or train up to see you once in a while - from Manchester
it will take loads more organising.
Jet lag is slowly
wearing off now, do you wanna do something Monday after your lectures
finish? And maybe talk things through? 'Cuz I really don't know
what to do right now.
I don't want to
leave you, Kian and I've always liked
Let me know if
it's ok for Monday - hope to see you then.
Nicky
Chapter
38
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: ManU
Nicky
It sounds like
you’ve already made up your mind not to take the Man U to me but yeah we can
meet up on Monday afternoon and talk about it. I suppose you do have to make
sure you’re making the right choice in the end – after next year things won’t
be so bad as I’d have finished my course and will be looking for a job and I
can get one of those anywhere right!
At least we’ve got
a easy first week so it wouldn’t matter if I skipped a
few sessions if you need more time to talk things through.
Will keep it short
as I’m just off too sort out some of the books I need before the y all go
Kian
Chapter
39
From:
[email protected]
Subject: Shit Ki..
Shite Kian!
Trouble...
You were right, I
had more or less made up my mind before we met up Monday and I had hoped I
could stay in
I like Man U,
they're a great team and I used to dream of playing for them one day but now
everything's different. So confused right now, I really don't know what
to do. My heart tells me to stay in
I really don't
know what do now Kian and they've given me just 1 more week to make up my mind
as they'll be starting to train for the new season after then. Help me,
Kian - I need you...
Nicky
Chapter
40
From: [email protected]
Subject: Shit Ki..
That answers it
then Nicky you have to take the offer and a year isn't so long you know - as I
said I have breaks in the term so I can come over for a week or so every now
and then but you really can't afford to loose this chance. Of course you know I
don't really want you to go but I can't let you miss your big chance just for
me. We'll find a way and as you said I can take things as slow as I like with
you and this will just mean we have to.
Promise me two
things though... We can have one night out before you go whatever and if you do
find soemone else you will tell me first
Kian
Chapter 41
From:
[email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Thx
Thanks Kian - I really needed you to tell me that. You're the best
friend - or boyfriend for that matter if you'll let me call you that now - that
any man could have. There's no need to worry about me finding someone
else though - you must know by now how much you mean to me, I wouldn't give up
on you for the world.
Coach is organising my flight for next Monday - so soon! - and he's let
me off for trainings this week so I can sort out my stuff and pack and what-not
so we still have 3 full days left before I leave. I heard you were having
some computer class now so hopefully you'll get this without your lecturer
realising, please meet me at my place after you finish classes for today.
No pressure here Kian but it would mean a lot to me if you'd just stay over
tonight - I won't force you to do anything you don't want to do but you know
that already. I just want us to be close now we still can - it's going to
be a lonely year...
Please come?
Nicky
Chapter 42
From:
[email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject:Re: Thx
Okay Nicky shouldn't really be answering you but got an alert to say I
had a new mail so am sneaking a response before I get caught. I will come round
later - will be about 6pm. sorry gotta go or else I may not be there at all if
I get caught
see ya later
Kian
xx
Chapter 43
From:
[email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Arrived in Manchester
Kian
First of all, I know I've said this loads of times but thank you for the
wonderful weekend. I don't care if it sounds soppy or what-not, I loved
having you there with me. At least I'll have some warm memories to cling
to when the going gets tough. It already did at the airport just after we
said goodbye, when I had to go into the boarding area. Thank you for coming
with me - I'm just crap at goodbyes is all.
Anyway, I made it to
Anyway, I'm pretty tired now - no doubt due to our talking-for-ages last
night - so I'm heading off.
I'll speak to you soon - despite the distance there's always Messenger
and calling.
Missing you already...
Nicky
Chapter 44
From:
[email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Arrived in Manchester
Hey Nicky
Glad you’ve got somewhere sorted to live and great news about the
internet!!! I think I’ve gone hoarse from all our talking but miss you already
and can’t seem to concentrate on lessons at the moment..
but I’m sure time will soon pass and as it’s easy we
can talk on mob and on MSN and email so it won’t be so bad.
Funny I knew I was going to miss you but didn’t think it would be so
much and no I sound soppy! Don’t laugh and the other good news is that as I’m
so down Mark has threatened to come over this weekend to cheer me up – and you
know how hyper he can get at times – so if he’s in cheer up mode he will be
worse still!!! It will be nice to have some company though.
I was thinking about how I’m going to explain you to my family.. it still seems hard enough me
coming to terms with having a boyfriend let alone trying to explain it to my
parents – will probably leave it until I can take you with me I think..
Anyway better try and do my homework now – talk to you soon
Love
Kian
Chapter 45
From:
[email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Parents...
Kian
You sounded a bit worried in that last email there when you mentioned
your parents - do you have any reason to suspect they'd react badly if they
found out you're gay? My parents weren't exactly too happy about it as
you know but I had known for a long time they had a problem with gays -
probably why I only dared to admit it to myself when I was away from
them.
If they do react badly you may be better off without them but for some
reason I think your parents are probably going to be ok with it. At least
they haven't forbidden Mark to come over - or do they
just not know about him? Speaking of Mark, say hi to
him for me if he does come over. I bet he'd find some way to cheer
you up alright...
Anyway you should really try and get the best grades possible - I know
it's hard to concentrate right now, I have difficulties with that too but I
don't want you to fail the year and have to resit because of me. For one
thing that would mean another year apart. Who knows, if you're lucky
maybe they'll let you come over here for your work experience - although more
likely you'll get something in
Things here in
I'll call you tomorrow, text me when you're out of college.
Nicky
Chapter 46
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Parents...
I am worried Nicky they always make comments about gays when anything
comes on the news. I know Mark has told his parents about himself but mine
don't know he's gay. I think I'm going to hold off telling them for now anyway
- I know you probably think that's not thhe right thing to do but I think it is
for now.
Anyway today was a bit better at uni as had to concentrate if I was ever
going to learn this new stuff. I know I should feel more confident about doing
this music industry stuff with having a very musical family but there's still
so much I don't know. This unit does have work experience but they've already
told us it will be in
Glad you're not the only irishman on the team
and had forgotten that Roy Keane was a Manu U player!! Just try not to get too
drunk yu know what you can be like when you do LOL!!!
Anyway will talk more tomorrow when I finished uni
talk soon
Kian
Chapter 47
From:
[email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re Parents...
Kian
I don't know your parents so I'm the wrong person to tell you what you
should or shouldn't do - maybe you're better off talking to Mark about this
stuff. Just know I'll be there for you whatever you decide to do.
I did get drunk - even though I tried not to,
It was so good to hear your voice earlier even though I couldn't see you
- if only it wasn't so expensive I'd be ccalling every single day! I miss
you, Kian... more than I had thought possible. They're keeping me really
busy during the training but other than that you're always on my mind.
Try getting work experience in
Anyway, I'd better be off...
Love you
Nicky
Chapter 48
From:
[email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Weekend
Hey Nicky
I know what you mean about just hearing your voice but I suppose we've
got to get used to this for a while yet as its months til they organise the
work experience. Seems like the past couple of days has gone fast as I've been
so busy with uni stuff I've not had a chance to even email you. Mark is
arriving in a couple of hours and I dread to think what he has planned as he
told me I was doing stuff whether I liked it or not!
I think I will talk to him about the parent thing not that I don't value
your opinion its like you said he's known me and them
longer. I'm sure once you get going on all your matches and stuff you'll soon
have little time to think of me much - I know you will but you'll have so much
going on anyway.
I miss you too Nix so much I can't believe it. I'm sure Mark is going to
be really dissappointed in me but I will have to make an effort as he is. If
you can get online for a chat let me know as Mark is helping me choose a webcam
so you could at least see me.
Better go for now a have to start some food for when Mark gets here
Love you
Kian
Chapter 49
rockdude says:
hey Nix can you talk?
Nicky -> missing you says:
hey gorgeous - yeah I can talk! ever since I was 1
Nicky -> missing you says:
*sticks out tongue*
Nicky -> missing you says:
just teasing, yeah I have time
rockdude says:
was just checking to see if you had replied to my email but this is
better *switches on webcam*
Nicky -> missing you says:
ooh - very nice!
rockdude says:
okay so I've had a haircut!
Nicky -> missing you says:
unfortunately I haven't got a webcam this side but this is definitely a
nice view - I love the haircut!
rockdude says:
I'm not going to forgive Mark for that one
Nicky -> missing you says:
why not? it looks great
rockdude says:
It was part of his "cheer me up" things
Nicky -> missing you says:
so this was all Mark's idea huh? remind
me to thank him later!
Nicky -> missing you says:
so what else did you two get up to?
rockdude says:
Well he's just getting ready as he's dragging me out to some club in a
bit but won't tell me where hence the smart shirt
Nicky -> missing you says:
uh oh - be prepared for a gay club!
rockdude says:
thats is what I'm dreading it's going to be
Nicky -> missing you says:
Now he knows you're batting for his team, he might try take you to one
of those
Nicky -> missing you says:
oh well, if someone gets too touchy-feely just tell them you've already
got a boyfriend
rockdude says:
Mark's been a great help actually over the parents issue
Nicky -> missing you says:
yeah? so what've you decided then?
rockdude says:
Don't worry if anyone tries I may just grab Mark for protection
Nicky -> missing you says:
yeah but he might be out and about trying to pull (or does he have a
boyfriend of his own at the moment?)
rockdude says:
Nah Mark's free and single ATM and we've decided to give it a bit of
time before telling my parents
Nicky -> missing you says:
ok
rockdude says:
so how's your week been? no rumours of you
kissing Keano then
Nicky -> missing you says:
nope - thank God! Don't know how I would have talked myself out of
that one!
Nicky -> missing you says:
It was good craic tho - the bit I remember anyway
Nicky -> missing you says:
Mark, get away from that comp, me and Kian are trying to talk!
Nicky -> missing you says:
thank you
rockdude says:
Mark's trying to hurry me now that he's finally ready but I told him
you're more important
rockdude says:
bet you can see him pulling faces in the background
Nicky -> missing you says:
nothing good ever starts til half past midnight anyway for the clubs -
get a can of beer from the fridge and CHILL, MARK! I can see the faces,
yes
Nicky -> missing you says:
and not impressed
rockdude says:
so any big matches coming up for you that I should try and watch on TV
Nicky -> missing you says:
We're playing tomorrow actually but I'll most likely be on the bench for
this one
rockdude says:
Oh didn't tell you I got sky so I could watch you in matches
Nicky -> missing you says:
just for me? aw thx
rockdude says:
if that's not addicted to you then I don't know what is
Nicky -> missing you says:
well at least you can see me on tv sometimes- I can't see you at all apart
from on webcam right now
rockdude says:
would be better if I could see you too but we can't have everything
currently so I'll just have to imagine you
Nicky -> missing you says:
yeah - will have to get me a webcam soon too...
rockdude says:
Mark's just commented that I'm a soppy sod
Nicky -> missing you says:
and he's not? all those cuddly toys and
Mariah albums in his bedroom say differently!
rockdude says:
*Mark sticks out tongue over webcam*
Nicky -> missing you says:
I saw that!
rockdude says:
I've told him he shouldnt' be such a nosy swine
rockdude says:
If he wasn't reading my conversation he wouldn't be able to comment
Nicky -> missing you says:
true
rockdude says:
he won't leave though says he likes to see people in love
Nicky -> missing you says:
Mark, Romeo and Juliet on Sky One now - go watch
Nicky -> missing you says:
*sticks out tongue*
rockdude says:
He says okay I take the hint I'll give you 5 mins
Nicky -> missing you says:
FINALLY
rockdude says:
I think he's seeing me in a different light now
Nicky -> missing you says:
God I wish I were there now - not just to scare him off tho. Wanna
run my fingers through that hair of yours, see how different it feels
rockdude says:
he's certainly become very protective of me
Nicky -> missing you says:
why?
Nicky -> missing you says:
you don't think he's falling for you, do you?
Nicky -> missing you says:
You've so much history together and all...
rockdude says:
Now now if you keep having thoughts like running fingers through my hair
you may get into problems
rockdude says:
I don't think Mark thinks of me in that way well I hope not
Nicky -> missing you says:
oh I don't want to do just that - I wish I could just kiss you and hold
you...
Nicky -> missing you says:
i love you, Kian...
rockdude says:
And I wish I could hold you and kiss you too but we know we said we
could handle this
rockdude says:
I love you too
Nicky -> missing you says:
we said - exactly
Nicky -> missing you says:
but I didn't know it would hurt this badly
rockdude says:
anyone would think we'd been going out for years not weeks the way
you're talking
rockdude says:
perhaps I should just quit uni and move over to Manchester
Nicky -> missing you says:
I don't know anymore, Kian. Times like this I doubt whether I
really made the right decision - Well it feels like years to me! I know
it's not been long but does that really matter?
Nicky -> missing you says:
NO
Nicky -> missing you says:
you didn't let me give up my dream, I won't
stand in the way of yours!
Nicky -> missing you says:
DO NOT quit uni.
rockdude says:
I could probbaly get a good job now without doing this final year so
what difference would it make
rockdude says:
and that way we could at least be near enough to see one another
Nicky -> missing you says:
difference between a good job that pays ok and a great job that you love
is what it would make
Nicky -> missing you says:
don't quit uni - I may have made the wrong decision but I'm not letting
you pay for it
rockdude says:
I just hate seeing you this sad
Nicky -> missing you says:
I could just quit Man U, trainings aren't the same craic they were back
home
rockdude says:
it tears me apart
Nicky -> missing you says:
I know, I'm sorry, I shouldn't be bringing you down just before a night
out
rockdude says:
Yeah and then you would regret not giving it a fair go as ManU is your
dream job
rockdude says:
Mark would probably say I was mad for logging on anyway but I would have
hated it even more if I'd missed you
Nicky -> missing you says:
I used to dream of this, yes but in all honesty how many dreams really
turn out the way we want them to?
Nicky -> missing you says:
sorry but I don't care what Mark says, I'm glad you did
rockdude says:
Well I hope one of your dreams did
rockdude says:
or at least is on the way to becoming what you want
Nicky -> missing you says:
ok I'll give it a few more weeks but if it doesn't get better I'm coming
home
rockdude says:
What will you do then though you may not get another chance in Dublin
Nicky -> missing you says:
maybe not professionally - but I could just get my old job back and play
in my spare time
Nicky -> missing you says:
I arranged for that long before Ireland even gave me a chance, never
even mind Man U
rockdude says:
but that won't pay very much and then I'll feel bad
Nicky -> missing you says:
I know how fickle the world of sports can get - win a game you're the
greatest, lose and you're worse than the lowest scum to crawl this
planet. And I told you before, what's all the money in the world if
you're not entirely happy?
rockdude says:
So it's saturday night you not going out anywhere then? or is Manchester
dead on the social front
Nicky -> missing you says:
maybe I just need to settle in here - I don't know, I'll give it a few
more weeks but after that I don't know
Nicky -> missing you says:
It's not exactly dead but I just didn't feel like going out - got a few
beers and crisps and rented a couple DVDs, quiet night in
rockdude says:
you need to get as much out of this as you can
rockdude says:
want me to tell Mark to forget going out and chat longer?
Nicky -> missing you says:
If you want to go out, don't let me stop you - i'd hate to think I was
holding you back
Nicky -> missing you says:
it would be a great excuse not to end up in a gay club tho
rockdude says:
I just hate the idea of going out without you now
Nicky -> missing you says:
Mark's there though - should be good craic
Nicky -> missing you says:
no use us both staying in and being miserable sods
rockdude says:
Yeah I know and he keeps telling me I should get out more instead of
burying my head in books all the time
Nicky -> missing you says:
there you go then, you deserve a night out
rockdude says:
are you sure you're gonna be okay you're so down I wish I could just fly
over there right now
Nicky -> missing you says:
go on, I'll be fine - but I wanna hear all the details when you're back!
rockdude says:
If you come online tomorrow I’m sure Mark will fill you in on all the
details I won't
rockdude says:
One things for sure gonna stay off the alcohol!
Nicky -> missing you says:
don't worry, as I said I've some dvds to watch
- when's Mark's train back to
Nicky -> missing you says:
yeah good luck with that one!
rockdude says:
about 2pm tomorrow I think
Nicky -> missing you says:
Don't let Mark get the drinks if you wanna stay sober, you'll end up
drinking double whiskey and coke before you know it rather than the normal
coke!
rockdude says:
he wouldn't dare if he wants to stay my friend!!
rockdude says:
as you can see he's started to hover again
Nicky -> missing you says:
oh trust me he would!
Nicky -> missing you says:
isn't that so Mark?
Nicky -> missing you says:
I know that look
rockdude says:
*Mark looks innocent in background*
Nicky -> missing you says:
innocent my arse!
rockdude says:
*Mark tuts in background*
Nicky -> missing you says:
now run along then before everything closes, will call you after closing
time (still 3pm for the clubs, isn't it?)
Nicky -> missing you says:
that is if I don't fall asleep before then
rockdude says:
Don't ask me Nicky I don't go that often
Nicky -> missing you says:
Mark?
rockdude says:
Mark says yes around 3
rockdude says:
not sure I can stay that long lol
Nicky -> missing you says:
sure you can! It's not THAT late...
rockdude says:
*blows Nicky a kiss over webcam*
Nicky -> missing you says:
*kiss-emoticon*
rockdude says:
just think what we could do with 2 webcams *winks*
Nicky -> missing you says:
true - I'll see what I can do as soon as my wages come in
rockdude says:
Mark has just said he doesn't want to go there *laughs*
Nicky -> missing you says:
huh?
Nicky -> missing you says:
oh to help me pick is it?
Nicky -> missing you says:
just tell me which one you have and I'll be fine
rockdude says:
he's thinking about what we can do with 2 webcams makes me wonder if
he's an expert
Nicky -> missing you says:
oh god! Dirty bugger isn't thinking what I think he's thinking is
he?
rockdude says:
its a creative one with 640x480 resolution or something like that
rockdude says:
and from the way Mark's grinning he maybe has some suggestions
Nicky -> missing you says:
ouch - sounds expensive
rockdude says:
was only about 30 Euros
rockdude says:
some were 90 euros
Nicky -> missing you says:
oh not too bad so
Nicky -> missing you says:
should be able to find one here then
Nicky -> missing you says:
maybe next time
Nicky -> missing you says:
*wink*
rockdude says:
I think Mark is about to corrupt my innocent mind now
rockdude says:
will have to try and get out of him what he's thinking and tell you next
time
Nicky -> missing you says:
as long as he doesn't corrupt any other innocent part of you - that's my
job *wink* (well someday whenever you're ready - no rush!)
rockdude says:
I'm sure I don't know what you mean *blushes
Nicky -> missing you says:
from the look on your face I think you do...
rockdude says:
after all you are my first boyfriend
Nicky -> missing you says:
yeah I know and I told you we'd take it slow - I can wait
rockdude says:
*looks shocked*
Nicky -> missing you says:
what?
Nicky -> missing you says:
did I say something wrong? we talked about this before...
rockdude says:
anyway it's now after 11pm so if you're gonna watch anything and get
some rest before your match I'd better think about letting you go
rockdude says:
I know we did doesn't mean I can picture myself doing any of it yet
though
Nicky -> missing you says:
don't worry about it, it'll happen when it happens and only when you're
ready, no rush
Nicky -> missing you says:
ok?
rockdude says:
I know love
rockdude says:
I just feel so bad for you that I'm such a wimp
Nicky -> missing you says:
you are NOT a wimp and I don't ever want to hear you say that again (or
read it for that matter)
rockdude says:
okay sorry *bats eyes* we'll talk about it some more soon
Nicky -> missing you says:
now if you still wanna go clubbing you better get going - I see Mark
seems to be threatening to go on his own
rockdude says:
yeah he can get a bit like that when he's set his heart on something
Nicky -> missing you says:
so you going then?
rockdude says:
yeah may as well now he's taken so much effort to organise it I can't
let him down can i?
Nicky -> missing you says:
not really...
rockdude says:
and as you say I may even enjoy myself
Nicky -> missing you says:
ok then, have fun, gorgeous - if I'm still up I'll call you later, if not
I'll just email you before the match tomorrow
Nicky -> missing you says:
ok?
rockdude says:
great will look forward to hearing from you and you just think a bit
more before you act okay?
Nicky -> missing you says:
huh?
rockdude says:
on leaving manu
Nicky -> missing you says:
oh ok
rockdude says:
missing you already
Nicky -> missing you says:
wasn't sure what you were talking about there
rockdude says:
don't drink too much tonight
rockdude says:
will talk to you soon
rockdude says:
you still there?
Nicky -> missing you says:
ok so you are still here
Nicky -> missing you says:
thought you'd forgotten to log off or sth
Nicky -> missing you says:
was just about to call you to say you left the computer on
rockdude says:
no am still here
Nicky -> missing you says:
ok just checking
Nicky -> missing you says:
electricity bills can run up kinda high if you forget to turn the comp
off
rockdude says:
I know but really must go now
rockdude says:
*swiches off webcam*
Nicky -> missing you says:
ok talk to you soon
rockdude says:
yes love you
Nicky -> missing you says:
bye...
rockdude says:
bye
Nicky -> missing you says:
love you too
rockdude says:
*offline*
Nicky -> missing you says:
*offline*
Chapter 50 From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: No reason
Hey Kian
Been a while since our chat and I must apologize, been so busy these
last days that even with internet at the flat I didn't manage to get
online. I guess you might have heard Man U is playing in the Champions
League yet again but here's something you mightn't have heard yet - they want
ME to be the goalkeeper during those games. Didn't think it'd happen this
fast. Anyway, coach is giving me loads of extra trainings to get ready
for it so I haven't had time for anything else.
I still miss you like crazy though - you're in my dreams every night and
I don't want to wake up in the morning because I want to stay there with you.
I did manage to find time for one thing though - I went and got me a
webcam. Brilliant, isn't it? Now just to find the time to wire it
up and the chance to both be online at the same time.
So what's the craic on your side? I guess you must be busy too or
you would have complained by now about me not contacting you. Hope
everything's ok.
I love you.
Miss you
Nicky xxx
Chapter 51
From:
[email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re No reason
Nicky
Believe it or not I hadn't heard about Manu U and am really pleased for
you!! It must be like a dream come true for you... Been really busy here too as
I've had to do a mockup of an interview for a new band - yeah don't laugh it's
a lot harder than I thought even though I know its not
for real. Anyway the tutor said I was the best in the class which is good I
think.
Glad you managed to get that webcam means it will be a bit easier if we can
ever get some time together online to actually use it!! I miss you like crazy
too but I suppose all the uni stuff has kept me busy it just at night I feel it
most not being able to just phone you. Well only 4 weeks till we have a break
for xmas so how are you fixed for a visit from me? The
folks are trying to get me to go home but I'd rather spend it with you if
possible and hang the expense.
Don't worry I won't complain about you not responding I just worry that
somethings wrong I know you're busy....
Anyway let me know when you can okay
love you
Kian
xx
Chapter 52
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Christmas
Perfect timing, Kian, was just going to send you a mail to tell you
we've a week off Xmas to New Year’s Day. Could come back to
Dream come true yes but I'm really working hard for it too - I'm wrecked
most of the time when I get home. Keane's been trying to get me to come
out again for two weeks but I'm too tired - he's going home for Xmas though so
unfortunately even if you do come over I won't be able to introduce you.
Anyway, I seem to keep missing you when I come online, we really need a
chat soon. I miss you
gotta run now...
Nicky xxxx
Chapter 53
rockdude says:
Nix mate!!!
Nicky says:
Hey!! Am I seeing this right? Did we finally manage to get online
at the same time?!
Nicky says:
God, Kian, it's been so long! I missed you
rockdude says:
I know was just going to reply to your email and saw you on
rockdude says:
So have you got your webcam working yet or been too busy
rockdude says:
*switches on webcam*
Nicky says:
I was just trying to get it installed but where the f*ck does that cable
go in?
Nicky says:
oh this view I like! Nice shirt, is that a new one?
rockdude says:
well yeah got it on my latest shopping trip with Mark (who said to say hi
next time I caught you online)
Nicky says:
say hi back to him for me
rockdude says:
will do - so you had a chance to get some rest yet?
Nicky says:
believe it or not I finally had a day off today - slept 'til about 2 pm
rockdude says:
you lucky sod! I've just got back from uni
rockdude says:
anyway before you get whisked away we better sort out xmas
Nicky says:
yes but you have every weekend off!
Nicky says:
oh right
Nicky says:
so who's coming over to whom then?
rockdude says:
doesn't feel like most of the time will all the papers I have to write
Nicky says:
ignore the papers for now, talking Xmas
rockdude says:
I have a spare room here or didn't I tell you about getting a bigger
place as Mark keeps coming over so often
Nicky says:
no I think you forgot to mention that one!
Nicky says:
i would have remembered
rockdude says:
*blushes* sorry and I was beginning to wonder how I was going to afford
the flights
Nicky says:
thought you were still in that tiny bedsit
rockdude says:
so if you still wanna come over to Dublin I have plenty of room here
Nicky says:
no in this case I'll fly back to Dublin, wanna see this new place of
yours
Nicky says:
reading my mind you are!
rockdude says:
so when do you want to come over then?
Nicky says:
so yeah I'll come over to
rockdude says:
okay *hums to self*
rockdude says:
and you know the new place isn't that exciting still small
Nicky says:
Christmas Eve in Dublin at 11.55am - can you meet me at airport
rockdude says:
yeah sure we break up a couple of days before that anyway
Nicky says:
so? I just wanna see you
rockdude says:
well you've probably got a lot bigger place than me
Nicky says:
well I am playing in the big league now
Nicky says:
have to be back in Manchester 4th of Jan tho
Nicky says:
just so you know - can't come back forever
rockdude says:
I know but that still gives us a week together which will be great
Nicky says:
make that 10 days *grins*
Nicky says:
even better
rockdude says:
makes no difference it will seem like a lifetime as it seems like a
lifetime since I last saw you
Nicky says:
it'll fly by is what I'm afraid of...
rockdude says:
yeah most holidays do unfortunately
Nicky says:
exactly
Nicky says:
so when does college start again after Xmas hols?
rockdude says:
6th jan
Nicky says:
brilliant timing
rockdude says:
well even if it didn't I would miss a day or two to make the most of
your visit
rockdude says:
hey I've just realised it only 4 days til 24th !!!
Nicky says:
Kian Egan missing lectures in the final year? Somebody call the
newspaper!
Nicky says:
I know - that's why I needed to check flights first
rockdude says:
okay ha bloody ha
rockdude says:
*sticks out tongue*
Nicky says:
I'm only messing, babe, you know me
rockdude says:
yeah but you don't have to rub it in all the time about how much I hate
missing uni you keep telling me I need to finish this course
Nicky says:
I didn't mention it in ages!
Nicky says:
(then again we didn't talk in ages so you might have a point)
rockdude says:
thats becuase we've hardly spoken or emailed in ages due to work
commitments more's the pity
Nicky says:
sorry babe, will try not to mention it anymore
Nicky says:
*hugs*
Nicky says:
I do love you, you know that, right?
rockdude says:
*blows kiss over webcam*
rockdude says:
I know you do mention it oh like every 2 secs when we do talk
Nicky says:
I really need to get this webcam up and running! kiss to you too
rockdude says:
We both knew this was going to be hard but I just wish we had more time
to even talk
Nicky says:
i know - but hey, 10 whole days together are just about 100 hours away
Nicky says:
you'll be sick of me by the end of it *winks*
rockdude says:
yeah and I'll be counting to minutes
Nicky says:
so I guess I'll see you at the airport then (why is this f*cking webcam
not working?!)
rockdude says:
I hope you don't mind a non-fancy xmas dinner you know how much I hate
to cook
rockdude says:
did you check you installed the drivers?
Nicky says:
get a take-away - oh shite, they're closed
Nicky says:
the what?
rockdude says:
did you get a disc with the webcam?
Nicky says:
two seconds...
Nicky says:
Whoops
Nicky says:
really should learn to read manual first!
Nicky says:
here we go!
Nicky says:
*turns on webcam*
Nicky says:
can you see me?
Nicky says:
*waves at webcam*
rockdude says:
*waves back grinning*
rockdude says:
YEAH!!!
Nicky says:
Finally! thanks Kiano
Nicky says:
I really didn't know what was wrong with this thing
Nicky says:
*blows kiss at webcam*
rockdude says:
on the food thing perhaps I should get Mark to come over he's a good
cook LOL
rockdude says:
*blows kiss back*
Nicky says:
I'd say why not but are you sure he wouldn't prefer spending xmas with
his family? how many spare rooms do you have
anyway?
rockdude says:
on second thoughts after last time perhaps I should just get him to come
across tomorrow and give me some tips
rockdude says:
only one spare room
Nicky says:
maybe he could fix you up sth, put it in the freezer and then you could
just pop it in the microwave
rockdude says:
I'll give him a ring in a bit and see what he suggests anyway then I'll
have to ring mum and tell her the good news
Nicky says:
your parents still don't know about us, right? not
sure it would be the best idea...
rockdude says:
well they can't object to me bringing a mate with me can they?
Nicky says:
or did i miss sth?
Nicky says:
well no, but I know myself
rockdude says:
i just don't want the earache when I say I'm not coming over at all
during my break
Nicky says:
do you have a spare room in Sligo?
Nicky says:
oh wait, Mark has a sofa bed in his room (that's where I slept that time
I came over from
rockdude says:
Well depends on whose over and whose not of the family but you read my
mind there's always Mark
Nicky says:
you might want to give him a call, for all we know he already has
relatives over as well
rockdude says:
i know he'd love to see you again
Nicky says:
just give him a quick call before we take him for granted
rockdude says:
will mention it when I call about food so better call mum first to see
what's going on there
Nicky says:
you've a big family, I'd say your house is most likely packed - ring
them now if you can, I'll wait for a bit (need to go to the loo anyways)
Nicky says:
brb *walks away from computer*
Nicky says:
back - oh you're on the phone
Nicky says:
not looking happy - talking to your mum?
rockdude says:
*puts 1 finger up*
Nicky says:
ok i'll wait
Nicky says:
I can take a hint
rockdude says:
sorry Nix mum isn't happy
Nicky says:
kinda guessed
Nicky says:
no coming over to sligo for me then?
rockdude says:
Its not that she wants me there for xmas day and I told her I had other
plans
rockdude says:
when I said I'd pop over with a friend she went ape
rockdude says:
anyway house if full between xmas and new year so I'd have to find
somewhere else to stay too
Nicky says:
do you want me to come over on St Stephen's instead? then you could
spend Christmas day with the family... can still change flights, got
around to checking but not to booking
rockdude says:
no I want to spend as much time with you
rockdude says:
anyway do you want me to try Mark now or later
Nicky says:
depends, are we going to Sligo at all? If not you could just
invite him over... (dunno where he could sleep though, unless you let me share
your room and him use the spare)
rockdude says:
I feel awful about not going but after all I'm over 18 and can choose so
I'll just chat to Mark in a bit - you sure you'll be okay if I invite him over?
Nicky says:
yeah why not? He's a nice lad - and he has helped us both out a
few times already
rockdude says:
sorry about looking so glum now can you see why I try and stay over here
as much as possible now?
Nicky says:
only thing I'm worried about is sleeping facilities
Nicky says:
*hugs*
rockdude says:
Mark will be fine with the sofa I'm sure but we can work it out if we
need to
Nicky says:
ok
rockdude says:
and I'll hold you to that hug in a few days will definitely need it by
then!
Nicky says:
you'll get more than just the one hug, I can promise you that
Nicky says:
you look so sad, I wish I was there with you now
rockdude says:
*big grin on face*
Nicky says:
that's better
rockdude says:
lots of hugs for xmas what more could I ask for?
Nicky says:
kisses? *winks* no worries, you'll get those as well
rockdude says:
*coughs* anyway better see what I can sort out this end
rockdude says:
will email you with the details
Nicky says:
ok brilliant - will see you in a few days then, love
Nicky says:
I love you
rockdude says:
looking forward to it already
rockdude says:
love you too
rockdude says:
*switches off webcam*
Nicky says:
*blows kiss at webcam
Nicky says:
hope you still got that one
Nicky says:
*webcam off*
rockdude says:
you just made it
Nicky says:
see you soon, love
rockdude says:
yeah see you
Nicky says:
bye babe... missing you already
rockdude says:
missing you too
rockdude says:
*offline*
Nicky says:
*offline*
Chapter 54
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Christmas
Well Mark has given me some great pointers for our xmas dinner and I
made notes so hopefully I should poison you! It was so great seeing you online
last night and even though I think you look like
you've lost weight you looked great!
Anyway Mark says he's moved from his flat to a house as he wanted to
have room for friends to stay. He says there's no problem with us stayig at his
house and it's up to us whether we want 1 or 2 rooms just let him know. Must
admit it made me blush slightly when he said that! I suppose I shouldn't really
but I suppose he's assuming we may want to share - I don't think I mind that
but we haven't shared the same bed yet so I'm not sure.
We could give it a go when you get here if you want as it will be nice
just to hold you until I fall asleep or until you fall asleep. I'm not saying
I'm ready for much else yet but anyway we can play it by ear.
I can't beleive I've only got to wait til tomorrow to see you again!
Longing to see you now
Kian
xx
Chapter 55
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: On my way
quick mail before heading to the airport - counting down the minutes
now! Mark's place sounds good, we could go over
to
Nicky
Chapter 56
Nicky says:
just checking, who's this now?
Mark says:
Mark, hi Nicky
Nicky says:
hey Mark
Mark says:
so where are you?
Nicky says:
back in
Mark says:
yeah I got that impression from Kian - phrase bear with sore head mean
anything to ya
Nicky says:
I guess that's my fault - I knew better than doing what I did, why did I
do that?
Mark says:
cos you love him mate
Nicky says:
he told you?
Mark says:
I can see that and if Kian doesn't know it by now he's must be crazy
Nicky says:
I do love him but I promised him I'd give him all the time he needed - I
just got carried away. God, Mark, how is he ever going to forgive me now?
Mark says:
I don't think all of his anger is at you Nicky I think some of it is at
himself for pushing you away
Nicky says:
Is he ok?
Mark says:
he's worried sick about you now
Mark says:
I'm surprised he's not called the garda
Mark says:
I'm surprised he's not vcalled the garda
Mark says:
want me to get him come talk to you?
Nicky says:
serious? I thought he wouldn't want anything to do with me
Nicky says:
maybe...
Mark says:
he's still very confused about his feelings Nicky that's all
Mark says:
why don't you talk to him
Nicky says:
Does he want to talk?
Mark says:
I can ask him I'm sure he'll want to check you're okay
Nicky says:
ok
Mark says:
brb
Mark says:
Nix you still there? it's Kian
Nicky says:
hey Ki
Nicky says:
yeah still here
Nicky says:
I'm sorry Ki, I shouldn't have done that last night. Are you
alright?
Mark says:
suppose so
Mark says:
I'm sorry too Nicky I shouldn't have said it was okay for us to share
knowing what you can be like especially after a drink
Nicky says:
It's not your fault Ki - don't blame yourself. I should have known
better than that
Mark says:
I just got scared when you started stroking me there
Mark says:
shouldn’t have really but...
Nicky says:
I know - I promised you I'd give you time... I'm so sorry Kian,
you have to believe me
Mark says:
I know you can't help it Nicky and I do need a push sometimes- Mark said
you're in
Nicky says:
I am yeah. Didn't know where else to go and you did give me a
key...
Mark says:
Glad I did at least I know you're in a safe place
Nicky says:
wasn't sure it'd be ok but my flight's not until a few days so didn't
know what else to do
Nicky says:
you're not angry?
Mark says:
Not at you more at myself for being so daft and reacting so strongly at
you
Nicky says:
don't be
Nicky says:
nothing to be ashamed of
Mark says:
Nicky you've been so good to me this week and I repay you by calling you
a whore that's not fair
Mark says:
you're not at all
Nicky says:
everyone says things they don't mean sometimes
Nicky says:
don't worry about it
Nicky says:
I'm just glad you're ok
Mark says:
but not to their boyfriend when they are trying to be loving
Nicky says:
Kian, don't worry about it. It's ok
Mark says:
It's not though is it Nix? I can't keep reacting like this every time
you touch me or at least I hope I don't
Nicky says:
you just need time... but I have to ask, have you ever done that
with a girl? She giving you a hand or a blowjob I mean?
Mark says:
NO!
Mark says:
I guess I've just been boring as far as sex goes
Nicky says:
shit. should have asked that
earlier. I just assumed it would have been ok...
Nicky says:
I'm sorry Kian?
Nicky says:
no question mark intended
Mark says:
Its okay Nix I do love you you know and hate myself for always pushing
you away
Nicky says:
don't worry about that. I can wait - just keep me away from the
alcohol. I just want to be with you
Mark says:
I want to be with you and now I know where you are I'm coming home -
will have to be in the morning though had a few drinks
Mark says:
don't want to end up in trouble with garda
Nicky says:
i suppose it's too late for a train back to Sligo?
Mark says:
probably the last one's at 6pm I think
Nicky says:
damn...
Mark says:
look I'll have some coffee and I'm sure in a couple of hours I'll be
fine to drive
Mark says:
I'll only had a couple
Nicky says:
what about Mark? You've a spare room anyway, I can sleep on the
couch...
Mark says:
Hey forgot about Mark!!!
Nicky says:
can he drive?
Mark says:
just a min let me ask him and you're not sleeping on the couch
Nicky says:
you sure? after what happened?
Mark says:
well I could get you to share with Mark but that would be torture
Mark says:
*calls Mark*
Mark says:
Well Ihope you've not been drowning your sorrows too much too of course
Nicky says:
I'm not letting Mark sleep on the couch after all he's done for us!
Nicky says:
and no, I'm never touching a drop of alcohol again!
Nicky says:
(or at least not yet)
Mark says:
that settles it then Mark in spare room and you with me cos I'm not
letting you sleep on the couch
Nicky says:
ok then - you know you could always use the couch tho! *winks*
Nicky says:
just kidding
Mark says:
Mark says he'll drive me home in my car and get the train back in the
morning
Nicky says:
he can use my ticket - they gave me a monthly return as it was same
price anyway
Mark says:
anymore comments like that and I might change my mind!
Nicky says:
I was just saying! I wouldn't let you and you know it
Mark says:
Mark's killing himself laughing here
Mark says:
but he's glad we're talking again
Nicky says:
tell him thanks from me
Mark says:
he says thanks for the ticket
Mark says:
anyway if I'm to get going better say bye
Nicky says:
ok - see you in a few hours...
Nicky says:
*kiss*
Mark says:
yeah but do have to pack which as you know takes me seconds!
Mark says:
*kiss back*
Nicky says:
true... better let you get going then
Mark says:
love you
Nicky says:
love you too
Mark says:
see you soon
Nicky says:
oh and i forgot to tell you last night...
Nicky says:
Happy New Year!
Mark says:
you can give me that new year kiss when I get
there
Nicky says:
sounds good...
Nicky says:
hurry! (but safely)
Mark says:
okay bye
Nicky says:
bye
Mark says:
*offline*
Nicky says:
*offline*
Chapter 57
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Thx 4 hols
My darling Kian
As you can see, I'm "home" again here in
I just wanted to say thank you for the great time - well apart from that
little episode back then but we got that sorted alright didn't we? Mark
was so great driving you up to
But everything worked out ok. I'm so glad you let me hold you that
night - and the three nights after. Even just being able to hold you and
kiss you felt unreal - so good that some moments I feared it was only a dream.
Right now I wish it was - that I'll wake up and it will be Christmas Eve again
and I'm on my way to come and see you rather than alone again and not even in
the right country. If it wasn't for the Champions' League coming up next
month I'm not sure I would be staying - right now I can't let the side down
though. Football's a team sport, they gave me
the chance of a lifetime so I can't let them down now.
Trainings start again tomorrow - my hands are itching already.
It's time now - this is my chance. What I came here for - what I left
You really should come over sometime to watch when you get the chance -
next time you get a break from college perhaps? I know you're not as much
into football as I am but it would mean the world to me if you could
come... I'll pay for the plane tickets if you want - I know it's not easy
getting the money together when you're just a student.
Anyway, this is turning out to be a VERY long email so I guess I'd
better sign off now before I bore you anymore...
Lots of love and kisses
Missing you
Nicky
Chapter 58
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject:Re: Thx 4 Hols
Hey Nix
I never thought I'd be glad to get back to uni after a break as I am
right now. I don't go back until tomorrow but I'm missing you so much I
wish I was already back as the work would give me a chance to think of
something other than you. God I knew after the last couple of days it would be
hard but it's harder than I thought. And yeah Mark's an angel I don't know how
I would have coped without him through all my confusion. He's already got an
ear-bashing from me as I feel so alone right now - poor thing even offered to
come across at the weekend to see me but I told him I'd be fine once I had
heard from you. Okay maybe not fine but at least by reading your email I can
imagine you saying the words to me.
Wish you all the luck in the Champions League but not sure when I may be
able to get across there and probably will miss most of the games on the TV but
I'll try and sort something out. I'll tell you how desperate things are I'm
almost considering a weekend over at mums! Yeah she's already been on at me
over xmas and is sure I'm not telling her everything.
It's funny how mum's seem to know stuff even without
you saying anything isn't it? Anyway still not sure I'm ready to "come
out" yet.
On money I'm currently looking for a part-time job - you know evenings
and weekends type of thing as now I've got this newer place I want to keep it
and I won't be able to if I don't get some sort of work. I know that will mean
we may have even less time to catch each other online but if it means I can
come over to see you sooner then I'll do it. It's great of you to offer to buy
me the ticket but I can't expect you to pay for me - if I can't pay my way ...
yeah I can hear you now with all your but I love to treat you and the like but
you also know how stubborn I can be over these things.
And now my email is turning into war and peace so I better just say that
I'll let you know what I end up doing soon.
Take care
love you
Kian
xxx
Chapter 59
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Money money money….
Kian
Please listen to me. Your new place is fab, if you do get a job
just save the money for the rent and for that new guitar you were going on
about. I'll be getting loads for the CL games anyway, I will pay for the
flights and I don't want you to worry or feel guilty about it. I wouldn't
feel right making you pay everything just to visit me. And if things go
as planned there's the European championships next year (yeah I'm still in the
Ireland team whenever they need me - just with Manchester now cuz that saves
them training me *wink* I think that's why they
got me in here - seen as anyone else in the Irish team is in a more local club
anyways)
Speaking of the Irish team, Keane's going on at me for extra trainings,
just us Irish lads to prepare for Europe next year. That will mean I'll
be very busy too but we'll find a way to chat some time - in the meantime there's
always email.
So how've you been? Sorry about the late reply but been very busy
ever since coming back here - what with the trainings and the lads wanting to
go out - still trying to steer clear of the alcohol which means I'm usually the
one getting the drinks and convincing them I've whiskey or vodka in my coke
(not true but don't tell them that). Did you go back to your mum over the
weekend then or are you avoiding her for fear of her finding out? I wish
I could give you advice on how to talk to her but you know how it was with my
parents - maybe you could talk to Mark or his mum about it, maybe they can
help. Marie seems to be really nice from the few times I've met her - and
maybe talking to her might help you.
By the way, any word on Mark and that lad he hooked up with over New
Year? They seemed to hit it off OK but Mark never mentioned it since -
can't help being curious.
Anyway, good luck with the job hunt but steer clear of the fast
food places - you'll never be able to get away from them! Shops are good
though, there's a few on Grafton that are always looking this time of
year. And not just girly ones either, some sport shops that I think you
might like.
Anyway I'd better get going before
Love you
xxx
Nicky
Chapter 60
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Money money money….
Hi Nicky
Don't worry about taking so long to reply - I might have the same
problem myself soon. You know how I feel about spending your money but I'm not
going to get into an argument with you over it - we've done enough of that over
misunderstandings recently.
Went to mum's this weekend but ended up out with Mark Saturday night
after a bit of an argument with the family - nothing major but needed to get
out. The lad’s name is Kevin BTW and Mark's talked to him a few times he says
but doesn't think anything is going to come of it but you never know with Mark
he can play it very cool as far as his feelings go when he wants to.
Might think about what you said though and talk to Mark and his mum -
Marie gives some good advice on stuff.
Anyway on the job front I did get one in a music shop actually. Well
music is my first love you know that and a friend told me about this shops that
does alsorts of great stuff including a guitar I would kill for!!! If I'm lucky
I may be able to do a deal and get the one I want but won't push it yet. Tony,
the boss is a great guy and has said that he can work me some extra shifts
around my lectures if I want so I'm feeling great now. I start this
weekend....will tell you more in my next email.
Glad to hear you're keeping your promise to me about the alcohol but have
one if you want just don't have too many - and watch it when someone else gets
a round you never now what you will get then.
The first chance I'll get to come over will probably be easter as we get 2 weeks but it will also depend on whether
I can get time off work too now of course.
Gotta go
love you loads
Kian
xxx
Chapter 61
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Money money money….
Hey Ki
Glad to hear you've found a job. I know you love music so you'll
feel right at home from the sound of it. Good luck with it anyways (and
with getting that guitar you're after. Mark showed me some of the stuff
you wrote back in school, music really is your talent - one of many)
Is the argument with the family solved now or
just being ignored? Cuz ignoring arguments usually ends up with them
growing bigger in everyone's head until they can't be solved. dunno what it was about of course but still...
Anyway, how was the night out? Was that Kevin lad with you or just
the two of ye's? I'm wrecked now - don't think I could survive another
night out on top of the schedule - normal trainings, CL extra trainings AND the
"Irish" trainings. I'm just barely managing to keep my eyes open as
I'm typing this - I guess I should be heading to bed but just wanted to reply
to you first. Will be heading off now.
Tell Mark I said hi and let me know what Marie says when you ask her for
that advice - also let me know how the job goes (you'll love it I'm sure but I
still want to know).
Anyway, goodnight now.
Nicky xxx
Chapter 62
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Just to let you know
Hey Nix not in a good mood right now. Been trying to talk to parents
about stuff and it just seems like they don’t want to know right now. Mum I’m
sure suspects there’s something I’m not telling them and I think this is making
things worse so may end up talking the bull by the horns and telling them about
us – if that’s okay with you?
At least I've got the job to take my mind off things. Its
great BTW!!! Tony has been giving me some pointers on writing music - and I'm
gonna tell Mark off for showing you my early stuff but glad you liked it.
Anyway Mark and I had a great night out and Kevin wasn't there as he
works away in
It was a good idea talking to Mark and Marie about me being gay and
Marie was saying that mum's usually have an idea on these things but hope their
child may volunteer the info - anyway that's what she felt with Mark and after
my latest encounters with mum in particular I think she may be right.
I hope you get some time to read this soon as I'm not sure how long I
can hold off saying nothing to mum anyway...
Hope the trainings not taking too much out of you
love
Kian
xxx
Chapter 63
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Just to let you know
KIAN!
Don't you dare tell Mark off for showing me the early stuff - it's his
too and I'm honoured he trusted me enough to show me - I've seen how shy he can
get. Glad to hear you like your new job and the boss seems really nice -
have you worked out a deal for that guitar yet *winks*?
I thought talking to Marie might be good - didn't I tell you I'm always
right? By the way if you feel ready to tell your parents, don't let me
hold you back. Could try to get a flight to Knock and just get over there
for the weekend - think there was a bus from Knock to
Tell Mark not too play too safe if he feels he loves Kevin - it's true
people get hurt sometimes but it's far worse to have something slip away just
because you were too scared to grab it when you had the chance. That's
one of the things you've taught me Kian. No matter how difficult it might
get - we have to take all the chances we get because we mightn't get any
others. And we have to hold on to the good things - no matter how hard it
gets with us being apart, you can be sure I won't let go. I know you
worry about that - Don't.
Anyway I gotta be off now or I'll be late for (yet
another) training.
Nicky xxx
Chapter 64
Mark says:
Nicky?
Nicky says:
yeah Mark?
Nicky says:
hi
Mark says:
No its me Nix Kian
Nicky says:
oh - ok. stop confusing me using other
people's addies!
Nicky says:
*wink*
Nicky says:
hey Ki
Mark says:
Well didn't really think about that at the moment
Nicky says:
what's up?
Mark says:
Well they know
Nicky says:
oh you already told your parents? how did
it go?
Mark says:
How do you think it went if I'm at Mark's
Mark says:
not too good Nix
Nicky says:
sorry - wasn't thinking... *hugs*
Nicky says:
so what happened then?
Nicky says:
you don't have to tell me if you don't want to talk about it
Mark says:
It was awful - don't really know where to start
Mark says:
partly why I'm at Mark's I needed someone to talk to
Nicky says:
ok - why didn't you ring me?
Mark says:
Dad was the worse - I think in a way mum had guessed there was something
more to me seeing so much of you
Mark says:
I've never seen him so angry Nix
Nicky says:
it might blow over - how did your mum react?
Mark says:
Well mum was shocked but in a way not surprised if you can understand me
Mark says:
dad wanted to throw me out there and then but she said we shoud all at
least talk about it
Nicky says:
shocked to realise that what she had suspected was true maybe
Nicky says:
at least she's kinda supporting then...
Mark says:
I'm not sure Nix I just felt like shite and wished someone would have
just hugged me and said it would be okay but it didn't happen
Nicky says:
yeah... I know the feeling
Mark says:
In the end mum and dad started a big row and mum said it may be better
if I went to stay somewhere else and she would call me
Nicky says:
so then you went to Mark's?
Mark says:
so I guess she sort of understands even if she doesn't approve
Mark says:
yeah didn't want to drive home so turned up on Mark's door sobbing
Mark says:
Mark of course gave me a big hug and Marie made me a cup of tea and then
they both sat there until I was ready to speak
Nicky says:
so they both know you told your parents - what did Marie say?
Mark says:
Marie said she would give my mum a call to tell her where I was as she
thought she would be worried otherwise
Mark says:
She also said I could stay as long as I wanted
Mark says:
I really don't know what to do now Nix I wish you were here right now
Nicky says:
I can come over if you want? was just talking to the coach and he
told me to take the weekend off (without me asking!) so can fly over next
flight
Nicky says:
just too late for bus Knock-Sligo so someone would have to come pick me
up
Mark says:
As much as that sounds like a great idea I'm not so sure it won't make
things worse if they find out you're here too are you with me?
Nicky says:
are you sure?
Mark says:
Maybe the best bet would be for me to drive back to Dublin and you could
come over there
Nicky says:
yes but then if your mum calls it will take ages for you to get back to
Sligo
Mark says:
I know but I can't help feel that it will be a while before any call
comes
Mark says:
i can't see dad ever coming round actually
Nicky says:
Marie called your mum, did she say anything?
Mark says:
I don't know I daren't ask
Nicky says:
maybe she could ask your mum to come over to the Feehily house and talk
without your dad?
Mark says:
I've ruined everything haven't I?
Nicky says:
no you haven't. if they can't accept you
for who you are then that's their loss
Mark says:
I just feel so lost and alone - did you feel this bad when you came out?
Nicky says:
i did - and from what I gather my parents were worse. gave me half an hour to get my things together and leave.
Nicky says:
I never even got to say goodbye to Adam
Mark says:
sorry Nix I suppose everyone who comes out feels like this for a while
or maybe forever if things never get sorted
Nicky says:
I tried to go see him after but my parents had taken out a restraining
order against me - I wasn't allowed near the house or near Adam's school...
Nicky says:
for all I know he hates me now
Mark says:
That's awful Nix and I'm here acting like I'm the only one whos having
problems
Nicky says:
no Kian, don't. don't feel sorry for me
Mark says:
You remember that house we looked at by the sea up the coast last time
we were here?
Nicky says:
yes...
Nicky says:
up in strandhill?
Nicky says:
what about it?
Mark says:
If you came over I could organise for us to rent it for a few days -
yeah that’s the one
Nicky says:
can someone pick me up at Knock?
Mark says:
Well I'm sure if I ask Mark nicely he'd come pick you ip as I'm sure he
won't let me drive up there in the state I'm in
Mark says:
At least then if mum wanted to talk I'd be near for a few days anyway
Nicky says:
yeah
Nicky says:
right, next flight checks in in an hour - you make the arrangements and
will txt you time of arrival when I'm at the airport
Mark says:
Okay Nix see you soon
Nicky says:
only a few hours mate - hang in there - for me?
Nicky says:
*kiss kiss*
Mark says:
Will try *kiss*
Nicky says:
i love you
Mark says:
love you too
Nicky says:
c u
Mark says:
bye
Nicky says:
*offline*
Mark says:
*offline*
Chapter 65
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: : How’s things?
Hey Nix
I know you've probably barely got back and I'm already sending you stuff
but I want to say yet again how much I appreciate you coming over this weekend.
You kept telling me that things weren't as bad as I thought they were and I
wouldn't believe you would I? I must say it was a shock to see mum at Mark's
when we were just about to set off for the house. I know she wasn't too keen
when she saw you there but at least she was polite to you.
At least mum said she was glad I hadn't gone back to
It was nice having these 2 days together I don't think I could have got
through it otherwise and yes I know you didn't say anything but you were right
it looks like at least my mum will still talk to me even if it takes my dad a
bit longer.
I'm stil not sure how I feel about the fact that my parents know about
us but at least I don't have to be careful what I say around them anymore. I've
already had Mark on the phone just to check how I'm doing ...
Anyway I hope you got back okay and talk to you soon
love ya loads
Kian
xxx
Chapter 66
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: How’s things?
Kian
Just came home to find this in my mailbox, what a welcome! The one
I got in
I have wondered about that in the past - just after my parents kicked me
out I couldn't see any reason for my being here - being alive. At least
you've got your mum's support in some way, even if your dad mightn't be as good
about it right now. And you've got Mark and Marie, and me too. I'll
always be here...
Someday Kian, someday we're going to get things right - be together
properly rather than be stuck in different countries. I know you need me
now and I need you so much - I almost didn't get on that plane. I just
don't know now - having seen you made me wonder - are my football dreams worth
all this pain I feel when I have to leave you yet again? This is a
childhood dream come true but I'm not a child anymore, I have other dreams
now. And they involve you.
I guess I just had too much time to think, waiting for the airplane to
board and then on the flight itself. That and I'm
knackered now so I guess I'd better sign off.
Goodnight...
Nicky xxxx
Chapter 67
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: : Normality
Nix
It doesn't take long before real life gets you out of any deep moods
you're in and I was in such a state over last weekend I forgot about some exams
can you believe that? If it wasn't for a couple of them reminding me I may have
gone in completely unprepared - just hope I've not messed up too much.
I know you're there for me Nix but I can't keep dragging you over on
this as you have got your career to think about and in sport you don't get
forever I know that. I just wish sometimes you were playing in
Anyway got cheered up by Tony as he has ordered me that guitar I wanted
and given me a good deal on paying for it each week so looks like one of my
dreams is coming true too and I've decided to start writing again too. You may
say it's not the right time but all this stuff over me telling my parents has
inspired me in a way.
From what I hear from Mark and Marie things have calmed down a bit at my
parents and mum is happy that she's got Marie she can talk things through with
- having something in common I think helpps although mum hadn't realised Mark
was gay too....
Anyway I am now thinking about our future now too and next time we meet
up I want to talk to seriously about moving our relationship on - I know you
said in my time and you wouldn't rush me - and you're not. I think what this
weekend has proved is that I should take the good thing we have and ake the
most of it. I just hope you are ready to teach me...
Sorry its so long
love you loads
Kian
xxx
Chapter 68
Nicky says:
Ki?
Nicky says:
you there?
rockdude says:
hey Nix how's things
Nicky says:
just saw your email - are you sure about this?
rockdude says:
Of course I am Nix wouldn't have said anything other wise you know that
I can't be bullied
Nicky says:
i know but...
rockdude says:
Look I've decided life's too short
Nicky says:
yeah - but are you sure? It can really hurt the first time
rockdude says:
and I know I freaked when you tried to take things further when you were
drunk
rockdude says:
I know you've told me but I trust you Nix and I know you don't want to
hurt me
Nicky says:
well you were right stopping me that time - it's never good to let
someone who's drunk do that to you, especially when it's your first time
Nicky says:
it's bad enough when your partner knows what he's doing
rockdude says:
Well I can't promise I'll be able to go all the way all at once when it
comes down to it you know but I do at least want to try
Nicky says:
right ok - just to be on the safe side, you know I had to ask
rockdude says:
I know Nix and I'm sure Mark will make sure I have all the right stuff
and probably lots of stuff I don't need
rockdude says:
he can be a bit kinky at times
Nicky says:
do I want to know?
Nicky says:
Mark kinky?
rockdude says:
yeah and you don't want to know I stop him at times
rockdude says:
if I just say he has some stuff I wouldn't even know what to do with let
alone imagine it giving pleasure
rockdude says:
you get the idea
Nicky says:
that bad huh?
Nicky says:
although then again, some kinky stuff is actually quite nice...
Nicky says:
not OTT kinky, just slightly kinky...
rockdude says:
don't you start it’s probably going to bad enough getting the basics let
alone trying anything else!!!
Nicky says:
Kian, I was just talking about blindfolds, and possibly handcuffs
Nicky says:
nothing too extreme
rockdude says:
HANDCUFFS!!
Nicky says:
possibly! not necessarily
Nicky says:
it's just that blindfolding helps you feel everything so much stronger -
it's really a turn-on
rockdude says:
Lets just see how we get on when it comes to the basics please Nix and
save the other stuff for now
rockdude says:
perhaps this wasn't a good idea at all
Nicky says:
i was just saying - it's no good anyway if you're scared of what will
happen
Nicky says:
no worries, I won't even THINK of actually trying that for real until
(if ever) you want to
rockdude says:
I know Nix
rockdude says:
changing the subject aren't you due an Ireland match soon?
Nicky says:
yes, actually - thought you didn't know anything about football?
Nicky says:
wanted to keep it a surprise - see the look on your face when I showed up
at your door
rockdude says:
well some guys at uni are footie mad and I overheard them talking
Nicky says:
home game so will be playing at Lansdown Road
rockdude says:
Well I may consider coming to watch you
rockdude says:
unless you don't want me too
Nicky says:
I do, I do!!!
Nicky says:
I'd love for you to be there
rockdude says:
will try and keep an eye out for tickets then
Nicky says:
don't bother, I have one set aside for you
rockdude says:
what just one can't I bring some support?
Nicky says:
ok, 2 - was hoping Mark would be in Dublin as well - might have called
him the day before my flight to help me with the (now ruined) surprise
rockdude says:
don't panic was just thinking off volunteering Mark (he'll love it)
rockdude says:
haha both had the same person in mind
Nicky says:
well we do owe him now for all the times he's helped us
rockdude says:
BTW things aren't going so well with him and Kevin
Nicky says:
what's wrong? did he say?
rockdude says:
Not sure but think Kevin's a bit of a flirt and Mark's not so sure that
it doesn't go further
Nicky says:
does Mark think Kevin's cheating on him?
rockdude says:
Feel sorry for him he's such a great guy
rockdude says:
Yeah I think that's it but you know Mark he won't say
Nicky says:
poor thing - never nice
rockdude says:
Hopefully the prospect of watching men running around in shorts will
cheer him up
rockdude says:
As long as he keeps his eyes off you that is
Nicky says:
seems to do the trick for most girls anyway - for me it was never about
the shorts but I can imagine...
Nicky says:
looks don't hurt - do they?
Nicky says:
cuz if you get jealous when people are looking at me, I'm in the wrong
business
Nicky says:
*wink*
rockdude says:
I won't tell you the comments he's made about you when you're not here -
wouldn’t want you to get big-headed
Nicky says:
aw come on! I won't get big-headed! (well no more than I already
am according to some after some articles in a local paper over here)
rockdude says:
and I hope they were just to give me a bit of a push in the right
direction or else I’m in trouble
Nicky says:
why? what did he say then?
rockdude says:
Come on Nix you don't want to know really do you or are you trying to
tell me something?
rockdude says:
I'll just say he does find you sexy
Nicky says:
you're getting me curious - but no I don't fancy Mark if that's what
you're getting at
Nicky says:
I'll just take that as a compliment *grin*
rockdude says:
He says you look even better now you have that slight stubble
rockdude says:
or was that just cos you rushed over to me?
Nicky says:
heard that one before - frankly it's getting old - might just try
something else soon
Nicky says:
no it was actually a look that I had going for a few weeks now but it's
getting boring - any ideas what I could try next?
rockdude says:
anyway its the comments about how stubble can stimulate parts of you I
stopped him at
rockdude says:
think he was getting carried away
Nicky says:
i can keep the stubble and show you next time if you like...
Nicky says:
talk isn't the same as actually feeling it
rockdude says:
*blushes* well um...
Nicky says:
do I shave or not?
rockdude says:
up to you Nix I don't mind either way
Nicky says:
do you still have your webcam around? I can just imagine your face
but I wanna see if I'm right
rockdude says:
you know I'm the last one to talk about image with my taste in clothes
and hairstyles
Nicky says:
was someone teasing you about the baggy jeans and the long hair again?
rockdude says:
and no I'm not putting the webcam on and yes they are always teasing me
about the long hair
Nicky says:
I think you look gorgeous like that - especially as it's really your own
style that you like. it shows and it shouldn't matter what others think
rockdude says:
I'll have to go soon Nix am supposed to be meeting up with a couple of
the lads from uni for a drink
rockdude says:
BTW keep the stubble I like it cos it makes you look more mature
Nicky says:
ok I guess... but don't let anyone get you down about the hair
ok? you're gorgeous just as you are and if they
don't like it they can always look the other way
Nicky says:
oh you fancy older guys is it? *wink*
rockdude says:
no not at all but maybe I could see if Mark was right about it
Nicky says:
ok we better not go into that if you want to be on time for that
drink...
rockdude says:
Yeah and I might have another problem too if you start talking dirty to
me again Nix
Nicky says:
hmmm... sounds tempting - especially if you would hook that webcam
up
Nicky says:
but i'll let you off - for now
rockdude says:
Not now Nix please it won't be too long before we can see each other in
the flesh - are you gonna work on Mark over the match or shall I?
Nicky says:
either
Nicky says:
I don't mind
Nicky says:
but I wouldn't want him to think I'm chatting him up either
rockdude says:
okay I'll put on an act and I'm sure he'll say yes
Nicky says:
bad enough he thinks his boyfriend is cheating without getting false
signals from a friend
Nicky says:
ok go ahead
Nicky says:
but i guess you better get going now...
rockdude says:
send me details as soon as you can
Nicky says:
i will
Nicky says:
see you soon babe
rockdude says:
yeah don't really want to go but I did promise
rockdude says:
yeah love you
Nicky says:
and you never break your promises so unless you want to start getting a
bad reputation... love you too
rockdude says:
*offline*
Nicky says:
*offline*
Chapter 69
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject:: Details
Right, Kian, as you asked:
I fly into Dublin with Roy just after lunchtime on Saturday. Won't
be able to meet you at the airport as we're being rushed off to the stadium for
training, then there's two hours for food and rest at the hotel (we're banned
from the bar to prevent use of alcohol before the game but can meet you in the
lobby then around 7pm - well I hope the dinner will have finished by then!)
Then back to the stadium for warm-up and changing at 8 (I know that
doesn't give us a lot of time, sorry). Then after the match it's back to
the hotel (management won't let me and
I hope the paparazzi won't be too bad though - I'm no David Beckham who
can't live without getting his name and picture in the papers and I'm sure you
could do without that kind of attention too. I'd love to see Mark too by
the way so if you could get him to come to the hotel with you would be
nice. He can't stay the night though as coach wouldn't let me invite two
people - have a ticket for him set aside though so just before and just after
the match should be ok - bring a car to follow the bus as they won't let either
of you ride with the team.
A bit longer than expected here, what was supposed to be a short email
to let you know where and when is turning into Peace And
War so I'd better sign off now I think.
See you Saturday babe
Love you
Nicky xxx
Chapter 70
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: :Re: Details
Hey babe
Mark didn't take much persuading over the match as I told you about the
nature of some of his comments about you anyway. It sounds like I'll hardly
have time to see you really which is a shame. You should have left things as
they were over the room though - not sure if Mark will be happy to stay at mine
on his own and he could never afford the hotel you're in I'm sure!! Anyway
we'll have to see how things pan out on Saturday.
I hope you won't be too disappointed if I leave you Saturday night and
go back to mine with Mark - not that I don't want to stay with you but it
sounds like you're not going to get much rest as it is so it may be better this
time if I don't stay.
Anyway I'm working Saturday morning to get some extra cash but am due to
finish just about the time Mark arrives. We will both see you about 7 then (if
you make it) if not send me a quick text.
The only other thing I want to mention is that next month I get 2 weeks
off uni and was wondering if you and I could get together either in Manchester
or in Dublin...
Looking forward to seeing you
miss you loads
Kian
xxx
Chapter 71
From:
[email protected]
Subject:: Details - Change of plan
Kian,
After I got your
email I kinda did some thinking of me own rather than letting other people
decide stuff for me and I've booked Mark a room in the hotel. Coach
wouldn't let me have more than 1 guest IN MY ROOM - he never mentioned me not
being allowed to have another guest stay in the hotel in another room.
Fuck the rules, I'm sick of not being able to see my
REAL friends when I want it. My teammates are good craic for going out
but nothing compares to seeing you and just being able to come home. Even
if "home" this time will mean staying in the hotel...
Of course you can
come over when you get that break - that is if I'm still here myself by
then. I'm seriously thinking of letting all this go - too much stress,
too fake and to tell you the truth, even though this was my dream for so long I
really don't know why I'm still holding on to it.
Honestly, Kian,
I'm seriously thinking of going home and getting me a decent job somewhere -
there must be somewhere that will hire me? And maybe, if you don't think
it's too soon and if you want to, we could maybe get a little place
together? I'm just dreaming out loud here, we're definitely gonna have to
talk this through when I get there. Just one day left...
Love you
always
Nicky
Chapter
72
rockdude says:
hey nix
you're ears must have been burning
Nicky says:
just
couldn't sleep - why, were you talking about me? *sticks out tongue*
Nicky says:
hello to you
too by the way
rockdude says:
Was chatting to
Mark as I couldn't get hold of you and was getting worried after your email
Nicky says:
oh -
hadn't noticed my battery had gone dead
Nicky says:
sorry about
that
rockdude says:
I suppose I
shouldn't worry so much but you sounded really down and angry in your email
Nicky says:
angry?
Not really. Just fed up with them always ordering me around
Nicky says:
football used
to be FUN
rockdude says:
Mark says he's
looking forward to seeing you in action tomorrow *winks*
rockdude says:
that is if
you're still playing tomorrow?
Nicky says:
supposed to be
- I hope
rockdude says:
You don't sound so
sure what's happened?
Nicky says:
chances are
I'll end up on the bench as they're scared of
rockdude says:
Then what is the
point me going to see you if you don't play
Nicky says:
no word
of confirmation or denial from the coach just yet but anyway
Nicky says:
well I only
found that one out today - after that email
Nicky says:
you can
imagine I wasn't exactly too happy hearing that just before I'm flying over
rockdude says:
can't you
get hold of anyone to find out anything or are they not telling you anything
Nicky says:
I guess I'll know
tomorrow - even
rockdude says:
So have you talked
to Roy or anyone about your doubts over
Nicky says:
They're not gonna
make me sit on the bench tho - if i'm not on the field then I'm just not going
rockdude says:
At least then we
might get more time together
Nicky says:
rockdude says:
He got some sense
then *laughs*
Nicky says:
ha ha
Kian, very funny
rockdude says:
But I suppose at
the end of the day its what makes you happy
Nicky says:
being with
you makes me happy Ki
rockdude says:
yeah I know
but that doesn't pay the bills - not if we're both not working
Nicky says:
I know it's only
been a few months and most of that time we couldn't even see each other as we
were and still are in different countries
Nicky says:
i know -
and I'm not letting you quit college just to get a job so we can pay the bills
rockdude says:
I've only got 4
months left now until my finals so I'd be crazy to quit now
Nicky says:
I've got a bit
saved up and there's plenty of shops and stuff around
Nicky says:
exactly my
point
rockdude says:
then of
course there's my other little job at the music shop so even if you were over
here we might not see much of each other
rockdude says:
are you
sure you can't stick it out until I at least finish uni?
Nicky says:
speaking of
jobs - any word on the work experience thing?
Nicky says:
i don't
know - I guess I could try
rockdude says:
I'm doing 2 weeks
in
Nicky says:
it is
only a few more months after all
Nicky says:
sounds good
Nicky says:
wait,
BMG? are you sure you want to work for Simon
Cowell?
rockdude says:
will
probably mean I can't phone or email you until weekend though I hear they are
stick about stuff there
rockdude says:
haha it
won't be with Simon but Louis Walsh
Nicky says:
well it's
not like you're stuck there 24/7
Nicky says:
ah well,
he seems like an ok guy
rockdude says:
problem is
I've got to do my uni stuff in the evenings as its due just after I finish at
BMG
Nicky says:
at least
he smiles once in a while
Nicky says:
oh ok
rockdude says:
I know its a bummer but this is almost my final paper so I've got
to make sure I keep up my grades as these next 2 count as part of my finals
Nicky says:
yeah that
might be hard
Nicky says:
yeah
definitely - just a few more months and you'll be a fully qualified music
manager
rockdude says:
Perhaps I can beat
Simon Cowell at his own game then *laughs*
rockdude says:
I wish
Nicky says:
there's
something I'd love to see!
rockdude says:
maybe one
day....
Nicky says:
you will -
I know it
rockdude says:
anyway Nix
promise me you won't do anything rash on the football front
rockdude says:
I know you hate
being away from me so much but as you say its only a
few more months and we can do what we want then
Nicky says:
no, I'll
try and hold on a bit longer, until you've finished uni and it may be a bit
easier for us
Nicky says:
but if
they don't let me play tomorrow I'm not staying at the stadium!
rockdude says:
you tell
them!!! and had you realised its after midnight
already
rockdude says:
I'm going to be a
wreck for work in the morning
Nicky says:
aw poor
love *hugs*
Nicky says:
only a few
more hours now until I can see you
rockdude says:
oops just
noticed Mark's given up on me replying to him and said he'll see us tomorrow
Nicky says:
whoops indeed
- must remember to apologise to him aboutt that
rockdude says:
I guess he'll
understand as I was only bending his ear cos I couldn't talk to you anyway
Nicky says:
he's
probably relieved now LOL
rockdude says:
hehe
probably *blushes*
rockdude says:
anyway Nix
I'd better get some sleep - we still on for about 7pm tomorrow or rather today
Nicky says:
yeah -
maybe sooner depending on what the coach will say - may just walk out of the
training if they don't let me play
Nicky says:
we'll see -
will txt you if that happens#
Nicky says:
if not,
see you at the hotel at 7
rockdude says:
I will be home for
about 2pm anyway as expecting Mark sometime around then
Nicky says:
ok
rockdude says:
see you
soon babe
Nicky says:
better let
you get some sleep now...
Nicky says:
see you in
a bit
rockdude says:
yeah and
you better get some sleep too
Nicky says:
Goodnight
Nicky says:
i'll try...
rockdude says:
night Nix *kiss*
Nicky says:
*kiss*
Nicky says:
love you
rockdude says:
love you
too
Nicky says:
goodnight
rockdude says:
night
rockdude says:
*offline*
Nicky says:
*offline*
Chapter
73
From: [email protected]
Subject: Where are
you?
Nix where are you love?
I thought you
might send me a quick text or email to say you got back okay but nothing and
you've probably just been grabbed into some meeting or other and not had time
and I'm just worrying over nothing.
Anyway you were in
such a good mood after being put on the team and an inspiration in the match as
far as I was concerned - they wouldn't have won without you I'm sure so that
manager better not have any more concerns over letting you play.
Mark has been
going on about all day today and I just thought I'd get a break and email you.
It was great being together after the match, cuddling up talking about what
happens next if I'm sure I want to take things further and then me trying to
give you a blow job but I'm sure I wasn't very good - well not as good as you
are... I know I couldn't swallow when you came but I was so shocked at the
force and suddenness of your orgasm ... anyway I hope you aren't talking to me
because of that.
Please Nix send me
as email
love
Kian
xxx
Chapter
74
From:
[email protected]
Subject:: In
Hey you
It's now Monday
morning and I owe you a HUGE apology. Due to a delay at the airport me
and Roy were whisked off straight to the match after the flight - we didnt even
get time to wait for our luggage, never even mind email. After the match
I was wrecked but the lads here still got me to go out celebrating (in case you
didnt see the ManU match - we won, albeit close *score in litterally the
second-to-last minute*) and wouldn't take no for an answer. I know it's
no excuse but as soon as I got home I fell down on the bed and slept like a log
- I woke up this morning still wearing yeesterday's clothes - Ugh! that kinda says it all, doesn't it?
I am sorry for
worrying you though - I really didnt mean to. It was just the weekend
from hell. Thank the Lord I have today off - I dont think I would have
survived another day like the past two. I think the
Anyway, I'm kinda
still tired so just gonna enjoy this rare lazy afternoon off.
Lots of love and
kisses,
Nicky xxx
Chapter
75
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: In
Well I knew you'd
have contacted me if you could so I really must stop worrying so much when you
can't answer straight away but well I suppose I just can't believe you've stuck
with me this long. I see from the mail you are thinking long term here but I
can't say yet whether I want to move in with you - that's a big step and I know
it shouldn't matter now that my parents know about us but it does in a way as
they still haven't completely come around to the idea yet. Now I'm rambling....
Did get a report
from Mark on the Man U match think he was as excited as you were over it -
bless. Think in a way he's happier now that he's not with Kevin and that we
seem to be getting on really well - don't ask me why that makes him happy but
it does.
Anyway you make
sure you get cleaned up now you have your day off and I'll talk to you soon
love and
hugs
Kian
xxx
Chapter
76
From:
[email protected]
Subject:: Important!
Kian
I really don't
want you to worry over the moving in together. It's a few more months at
least until I can come back to
We don't have to
move in together if you think it's too soon - I was just suggesting we could
but you know we can take things as slow as you want in any area of our
relationship.
Stop feeling like
you're letting me down just because you don't want to rush into anything -
you're not. I'm here to stay, Ki, and contrary to popular belief I can be
patient about things worth waiting for - you, Kian, are most definitely worth
waiting for. I'm honoured you gave me a chance and I feel so lucky you're
still with me even through all the obstacles.
I love you,
Kian. Don't ever forget that.
Hugs and Kisses
Nicky xxx
Chapter
77
rockdude says:
hey Nix
Nicky says:
hey Kiano,
hadn't seen you were on yet
rockdude says:
well Mark
hasn't stopped talking football since the match so wanted some intelligent
conversation
Nicky says:
so how
are you?
Nicky says:
I'll try to stay
away from that subject so
Nicky says:
*sticks out
tongue*
rockdude says:
*sticks out tongue
back*
Nicky says:
howcome you're
online anyway? I thought you were working?
rockdude says:
I'm getting ready
for my week with Louis which starts weds
Nicky says:
so you
excited I guess?
Nicky says:
nervous?
rockdude says:
not sure
really more nervous I think he has quite a reputation
rockdude says:
anyway after
that have to do my final paper so might not get much free time between that,
uni and work
Nicky says:
he does - I heard
he's having auditions for some or another new band next weekend - maybe you can
give me the 411 on it - who knows; it might be your special project *winks*
rockdude says:
don't tell
me stuff like that Nix I'm nervous enough as it is and it sounds like he may
throw me in at the deep end
rockdude says:
anyway what's
all this about you wanting to buy a house now that sounds serious
Nicky says:
well I am
raking a bit in now I'm playing professionally
Nicky says:
thought I
might as well buy me a little place somewhere
rockdude says:
I know but you've
not mentioned it recently when we've met up
Nicky says:
yeah - I
meant to talk to you in person but it slipped my mind - I was distracted *wink*
rockdude says:
well it
doesn't take much to distract you from what I've seen *winks*
Nicky says:
it does
take a lot - except for you
Nicky says:
I love you, Kian
Nicky says:
being with
you
rockdude says:
so have
you managed to wash and change yet you dirty stopout
Nicky says:
haha
Nicky says:
just had a
shower for your information *sticks out tongue*
rockdude says:
don't tell
me that you're not dressed yet though will ya
Nicky says:
eh...
Nicky says:
half
Nicky says:
I've a pair of
jeans on
rockdude says:
thank god
for that
Nicky says:
why?
rockdude says:
not that I
don't mind you without clothes it just doesn't seem right to think of you at
the computer without any on
Nicky says:
don't you
like my body?
Nicky says:
LOL - yeah suppose
you may be right
rockdude says:
Yours is a lot
better than mine - mind you have lost a bit of weight with being so busy
recently
rockdude says:
or hadn't
you noticed
Nicky says:
I did - you look
great - just don't lose too much cuz there won't be anything left of you
rockdude says:
Now you're talking
like my mum!
rockdude says:
Will probably be
on junk food at BMG so will put it all back on
Nicky says:
ok then
Nicky says:
so what
are you up to then?
rockdude says:
Well sorting out
my stuff ready for BMG stint and then off to work at the music shop - they've
got a special evening so was asked to go in
rockdude says:
got to fit
food in a some point too
Nicky says:
sounds like
you're busy - should I leave you too it then or you ok?
rockdude says:
can't chat
too much longer if I'm to eat but can stay a bit longer unless you've got
something on?
Nicky says:
i don't,
not due back training until two days from now as had a very long training
session today - or should that be 3?
rockdude says:
Well just think in
just over a month my course will be over and I'll have to find some work !!
rockdude says:
or
perhaps have a holiday
Nicky says:
well it's just
over 2 months until my contract ends so maybe you could come over for some time
- might give you an idea of what it wouldd be like if we were to move in
together before we actually take the jump and buy something together
rockdude says:
I'll think about
it - might be an option but I may have to do something else first
Nicky says:
what's that?
rockdude says:
didn't tell
you mum called me a short time ago
Nicky says:
might have
forgotten but don't remember you doing so - what's up
rockdude says:
nothing too
drastic it just she was saying that her and dad - yes I did say dad - want to
talk to me
Nicky says:
whoa -
that's big straight away
Nicky says:
any hint
on whether they've come around yet?
rockdude says:
yeah I'm a
bit worried about it but I think if I don't go see them as soon as I finish uni
it may be difficult
Nicky says:
ok - so
let me know how it goes
rockdude says:
I'm hoping its
good news but I'm not sure about dad
Nicky says:
I'll keep my
fingers crossed
Nicky says:
by the
way any chance you'll be online again any time soon?
rockdude says:
mind you
should still be able to come see you after but if dad wants to try and work it
out with me then I'll have to stay a few days
Nicky says:
yeah -
don't let the chance slip
rockdude says:
I can't see me
being online before the middle of next week why?
Nicky says:
some never
get it at all...
rockdude says:
I know Nix I wish
I could do something about your family if I could I would you know
Nicky says:
I know - don't
worry about it
Nicky says:
It's just - it was
my brother's birthday today
Nicky says:
I sent him a card
but they sent it back unopened - I don't know if he even realises I still think
of him
Nicky says:
maybe he
thinks I don't want anything to do with him
rockdude says:
God I'm sorry Nix
could I not have helped you there?
Nicky says:
no - you
wouldn't get near him if anyone found out you had any connection to me
Nicky says:
and they would
ask
Nicky says:
i don't
know where he goes to school now either so that wouldn't have been any help at
all
rockdude says:
Really sorry about
that Nix I can't believe your family are being so
stubborn over this
Nicky says:
yeah well -
that's just how it is
Nicky says:
no point
trying to imagine what could have been
rockdude says:
I'm not sure I can
be online any sooner than next week but I will email you as much as possible if
you want to chat that way
Nicky says:
nah it's
fine
Nicky says:
i don't
want you to worry about this now, you just take care of your work placement and
finals now
rockdude says:
if you
want to call me later I'll be home at midnight
rockdude says:
you've
worried me already Nix
Nicky says:
i
shouldn't have said anything so
rockdude says:
No I've told you
about bottling stuff up we both said we'd be try to be honest with one another
Nicky says:
please Kian,
just forget it. typing I can do but i can't talk
about it - its too hard
Nicky says:
i am
being honest Kian. just think, if they hadn't
kicked me out I wouldn't have lived in that crappy flat near the college and
you and I might never have met
Nicky says:
all things
happen for a reason I've been told
rockdude says:
then if it
helps you put it all down in an email and I'll read it before I leave in the
morning
rockdude says:
You know I now
wish I wasn't working in less than an hour
Nicky says:
if you're
sure - it might take a while though to put it all down so don't worry if it's
not there yet tomorrow
Nicky says:
and I'll
warn you right now - it may be very long
rockdude says:
I can't promise to
stop worrying but I won't panic if it's not there in the morning
rockdude says:
anyway I
really have to think about getting something to eat and getting off to work -
you sure you're going to be okay?
Nicky says:
yeah I will
be
rockdude says:
and you're
not just saying that?
Nicky says:
no I'm
not - I'll be fine
Nicky says:
it just
may take a while
rockdude says:
okay then
I'll have to go but will try and get online if I can at the weekend
Nicky says:
I mightn't be -
match on Saturday and someone's birthday on Sunday
Nicky says:
I need to get on
with things, takes my mind off what I shouldn't be thinking about
Nicky says:
speaking of
which, you better go cuz without food it may be a very long and hungry night
rockdude says:
and you
know how I get when I don't get fed!!
rockdude says:
just keep
thinking about how much I love you
Nicky says:
thanks Kian
rockdude says:
you know
where I am if you need me Nix you know that
Nicky says:
I know - thank you
for that
rockdude says:
bye for
now - love you loads xxx
Nicky says:
love you
too - bye...
rockdude says:
*offline*
Nicky says:
*offline*
Chapter
78
From: [email protected]
Subject: You
okay???
Nix
I know I said I
wouldn't panic but I haven't heard from you in nearly 3 days now and am really
worried after our last chat on MSN. Things aren't too bad at BMG and it looks
like you were right about Louis getting me involved in this new band thing so
may be tied up at weekend.
Please email me
soon
love
Kian
Chapter
79
From:
[email protected]
Subject: About the
Past
Kian
I can’t believe
I’m doing this. I haven’t spoken about what EXACTLY happened in years -
maybe never. Don't feel like you're pressuring me though - I do need to
write it all down and bring some closure to it rather than just try to ignore
it.
I guess I should
start at the beginning. When I was at
Or so I thought –
she never spoke to me anymore since I told her I was gay – back when I was with
Michael. I don’t know what went wrong, maybe she had fallen for me and
hoped i’d feel the same in time and my revelation destroyed that hope – I’m
just guessing here, I never saw her after that. She left for college the
week after and changed her mobile number.
I was with Michael
by that time. Kian, I don’t want to hurt you talking about ex-boyfriends
but I need you to understand and I can’t tell you all this without mentioning
him so please bear with me for a bit. I met Michael shortly after
returning from
Michael was a
great help to me in those days. He himself was bi and had never given his
sexuality a second thought – “You can’t choose whom you fall in love with”, he
used to tell me whenever I told him what the Church and my parents said, “surely the Lord knows that.”
One night not long
after my 18th birthday when I was at his place watching a film he turned
to me. I remember that he seemed very nervous – it stood out because he
usually seemed very confident, bordering on arrogant sometimes even though he
denied it. It seemed he tried to say something but no sound came from his
mouth. He ran his hand over my cheek and slowly moved closer. I
didn’t know what was going on but I couldn’t move if I had wanted to. I
sat frozen to the spot and then his lips met mine. “Nicky,” he then whispered,
unable to speak up, “I... I’m in love with you.”
That moment
changed my life. I'd felt something in that kiss and it was as if I saw
him for the first time. It was in that moment I realised that my feelings
for him weren't just those you feel for a very good friend - I'd never felt
like that before, not even for
I was scared
though, my parents had never spoken favourably about gays in the community -
they were outraged when the news came about the first gay wedding, in the
Kian, remember
when I met Marie for the first time? She welcomed me with open arms even
after she knew I was gay. I felt at ease there straight away and part of
that was that Marie reminded me of Michael's mother Saoirse. She made me
feel more welcome than I had ever felt in my whole life. Up until then
anyway - you make me feel more welcome than anyone ever could, Kian. I
just wish I had you to come home to rather than this empty flat. But I'm
changing the subject again here, we weren't discussing that now.
Anyway, the both
of them convinced me to tell my parents as soon as possible even though I was
scared out of my wits about what they would say. So Sunday evening
Michael drove me back to my parents' house. He was going out with some
mates from college that night - or so he told me.
My parents... well, you already know they didn't take the news too
well. God, Ki, I know I promised I'd tell you everything but it's so
hard... But I need to do this so...
Adam was just in
bed by the time I arrived and Gillian was already gone to her college flat so
only my parents were there. When I told them... I still have
nightmares about that moment. My mother broke down crying and refused to
even look at me. My father did not cry nor look away. Maybe it would
have been better if he had. Instead he rose from his seat, too angry to
say a word and pushed me out of the living room. He had pushed hard and I
fell against the corridor wall. "You've ten minutes. Get your
stuff and leave, and don't come back!" he said and slammed the door shut.
You're so lucky
your parents reacted at least OK even if they weren't happy with the
news. I never even had a chance to say goodbye. I never saw Adam
again. I met Gillian on the street once but as soon as she spotted me she
crossed the road - I never spoke to her again.
Anyway, I got my
stuff out of my room. I didn't have long so I just grabbed everything I
didn't want to leave behind, knowing my dad would throw out everything that was
left in the morning. My favourite football sweater, a picture I had of me
and Adam, another picture that Adam had drawn for me the week before.
Priceless things like that. I threw a few jeans and shirts and a sweater
or two in a bag as well and ran out. I had my mobile on me and I never
changed the number just in case they'd change their mind and try to contact me
- I've given up hope they ever will but sstill I can't bring myself to change
it.
Not knowing where
else to go I went to Michael's place. Biggest mistake I ever made.
Or maybe that was letting him fool me in the first place. He wasn't out
with friends. I could see him through the window. He wasn't alone
though - there was a girl with him. I saw them kissing as he unbuttoned
her blouse - he never did promise me I was the only one for him and I never
asked. He just lived carefree, not bothering with other people's
feelings. I don't think his mum knew, I think she would have warned me if
she had known.
I really didn't
know what to do. I took out my mobile and almost out of habit dialled a
number that I knew by heart.
When she saw how
upset I was she drove me out to the beach. When I told her what had
happened she seemed shocked but she asked me to give her time to deal with
it. She helped me find a hostel I could temporarily stay at until I found
me a place of my own. I had some money saved up to last me a while but I
knew it wouldn't last so I found me a job and a flat. I never heard from
Anyway, I found me
a flat near the college, got me a job and took up football over the
weekends. Then you came along. I can't help thinking that if all
that hadn't happened in the past I might never have met you. It's still
hard but that thought, the thought of you being there for me, makes those
bad memories easier to bear. You know what happened since then and
I'm relieved now that you gave me this chance to... I don't know, come to terms
with it, talk about it...
I saw you sent me
an email just now, no doubt worrying and asking why it's taking me so
long. I warned you it would take a while and it's taken me longer than I
had anticipated. Bringing all these memories back to the surface was hard
but don't feel bad for making me do this, Kian, I needed to. I hope Louis
and BMG are treating you OK and good luck with the work placement - let me know
how it's going.
Thank you for
loving me
I love you
Nicky xxx
Chapter
80
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: About
the Past
Nix
There's not a lot
I can say about your last email except it had me in tears but thank you so much
for your trust and I only hope it helps you to move on. I won't dwell on it but
if you need to talk more about it then please talk to me you know I'm here for
you.
Okay back to how
things are. I mentioned Louis had me lined up to help him with this new band
and that's where I've been most of today. If I thought this stuff was easy let
me tell you it isn't!! I can't believe some of those who turned up for
auditions - they can't sing at all but think they can but I suppose its all part of the job. I don't know who Louis manages to
keep a straight face most of the time but I suppose he's had years to perfect
his look. I know I haven't got a great voice but even I would stand a better
chance than some of them if I entered and that's saying something.
I had to laugh
though cos I know someone (and you do too) who would be great in a music career
but there's no way he would even consider it....
Anyway gotta get
going again as Louis has organised a dinner and I'm expected to go.
love you
loads
Kian
xxx
Chapter 81
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: A Certain someone…
Oh I think I can guess who you meant in the end - Mark is a brilliant
singer judging from the times I've caught him unaware but he's way too shy for
his own good. I'm even surprised he sings along to the music in the club
when it's too loud for anyone but himself to hear him.
Speaking of great voices, Ki, don't sell
yourself short. If you were in some sort of band (I can hear you fuming
from here at the mere suggestion *sticks out tongue*), you have good enough of a voice to blend in with the harmonies AND
you're brill on the guitar no matter what the kind of music. Maybe you
should think of song writing as well the management stuff - you and Mark would
make a great pair of songwriters I'm sure.
So how was dinner with Louis anyway? Would have sent you a txt to
wish you luck but it's probably over by now and only just saw your email.
Speaking of the music business, what's the story with that guitar at the
weekend job place? It seems ages since you've mentioned it, do you have
it yet or is it still in the pipeline? Maybe you're just too busy
strumming to remember to tell me about it - knowing you that's
not too far off a possibility!
Anyway, I guess I'd better head to bed now - Goodnight, my love, I'll
see you in my dreams...
Lots of love and kisses
I love you
Nicky
Chapter 82
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: A certain someone…
Haha Nix you're probably prejudice anyway when it comes to me... but
nice thought and maybe Mark and I will think about songwriting together but
can't see us singing in public anyway.
It was a very late night at the party and in fact am suffering right now
from the aftereffects but didn't drink too much you will be glad to hear - just
not used to champagne.
I'd almost forgotten about the guitar !! It has
been ordered but not come yet I'm hoping it will be there next week when I go
back to work at the shop. Just a few more days now of this work experience and
I'm really enjoying it - Louis has said that when I finish my course he'd take
me on for real!! can you believe it!!! of course he
said I didn't have to make up my mind right now but the offer was there - not
sure what you think about it but it would give me a stable job to get me
started and of course the money would come in handy if we decide to go for a
house - yes I'm coming around to liking the idea of us sharing a house
together.
Anyway better get myself sorted as am supposed to be finishing off these
"great" auditions this afternoon and I think we have to make some
choices after that so may not get much free time for the rest of the day or
near future at this rate.
hugs and kisses
Kian
xxx
Chapter 83
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: A certain someone…
OMG Kian that's brill news about the job - will mean you'll be stuck in
Dublin most of the time but looks like I will be too - My prison sentence here
in Manchester (read: my contract) will be up soon and even though they're
offering me loads to stay I don't think I will.
I used to dream of this but after what happened at
We won't be short on money, don't you worry, I've managed to put a fair
bit aside while raking in the millions (ok, not quite that but I've still got a
good salary while playing professionally - only a starter though and not
waiting until the World cup next year so it's not millions just yet, still
enough to get by for a while though)
Anyway, I'd better go - training in half an hour and as I'm in no
position to just quit right now I guess I should go along with it. Not
long now my love, we'll be together for good.
Love you
Nicky xxx
PS: You do have a good voice, maybe not good
enough to live off it but try asking Louis for a professional opinion whether
or not if you wanted you would get through the auditions. He sounds nice
enough to lend you an ear for a minute - what's the worst that can
happen? It's not like you're talking to Simon Cowell!
Chapter 84
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Exhausted!!
Hey Nix its been a really long day today going through all the auditions
with Louis but the good news is got a message to say that my guitar has arrived
so am well chuffed!! And no I haven't asked Louis to hear me sing I didn't have
the courage but anyway if I decide to take this job offer I'll have time to ask
him anyway.
Was talking to Mark not so long ago and he's up for us two getting
together to write songs again - says he needs the extra money right now. Did I
tell you he's started a teaching job? Music of course.
Think he took this job to stop thinking about Kevin and the fact that its in
I can't believe you're now thinking about your dream job as a prison
sentence! you really must have changed since we met -
you are sure you want to give up all this money and fame?
Anyway am going to sign off as I'm really tired and tomorrow is my last
day at BMG so don't want to be yawning all day
hugs
Kian
xxx
Chapter 85
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Money and fame
Kian, what do you take me for? Do you honestly think I care about
all that shite? What's all the fame and fortune in the world worth if
you've no one to share it with? I'd rather be living in some or another
cheap, crappy flat with you than have a castle all to myself where I've no one
to come home to. You don't understand how lonely it gets for me out here,
Kian. God I used to love football but it doesn't outweigh the hardship of
being here on my own.
And I'm not letting you come over here, you've
a career ahead of you that may well last a life-time. I've been
"discovered" late and even if I were to stay here I'd most likely
have only a few years left in my professional football career and then I'll
just end up as some old fellow sitting on a stool in the pub watching the game
and commenting how it was so much better when I played even if it's really not.
I've no regrets about thinking of leaving, if anything I regret not
having realised before what I was leaving behind. I could have lost you,
Kian. You could have been so upset with my leaving that you broke off the
relationship and sought comfort with someone else. You didn't, you gave
me a chance against the odds and I thank you for that. I don't know how
I've managed to survive so long without you, Kian. Every time we're apart
it hurts me inside, so much that I sometimes can barely breathe but then
there's a message from you, email or txt and I can breathe again, knowing
you're thinking of me.
I've come to rely on you so much, Kian, you're
in my thoughts every waking moment and in my dreams when I sleep. I guess
the lads were right when they blamed me for missing that ball during the match
earlier saying I had to put 100% into the match and not think about my
boyfriend. I can't help it though. I hope to God I'm not scaring
you with this, Ki, last thing I want is to lose you but I just needed you to
know how I feel.
I love you, Kian
Lots of hugs and kisses
Nicky xxx
Chapter 86
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Money and fame
Hey Nix
Sorry I didn't mean it to sound like you only cared about the fame and
stuff cos I know you don't, I just want you to be sure that you're not letting
your heart rule your head in this. You keep going on about me and my career as
if yours doesn't matter and it does! it matters to me
very much that you're happy as well.
Can you honestly see me seeking comfort with anyone else Nix - it took
me long enough to admit I had feeling for you so don't think I can switch to
someone else that easily. I know you sometimes wonder about me and Mark and yes
we are close but I've never fancied Mark and as far as I know he's never
fancied me but you'd have to ask him that one.
It also saddens me to think that I may be the cause of you not
concentrating on your game and in a way am glad it may be partly down to me but
I also know there may be other reasons your mind isn't on your game more deep
and personal ones...
I can't lie that it won't be nice to have you in the same place as me as
I miss you so much right now as I'm supposed to be doing my final paper but
well you're my distraction and you know it or should do by now.
Anyway saying that I must sign off for now and try and get some more of
this done - looking forward to seeing you soon
love you
Kian
xxx
Chapter 87
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Money and fame
Kian
I know you don't think I care only about the fame and what-not, you just
caught me at a bad time. I am glad I'll be getting out of here soon
though - I don't have a career here, Ki. Not if I'm going to end up in a
mental hospital with nervous breakdown from the combination of the stress and
missing you. I'm not letting my heart rule my head in this, even if most
people would think me crazy by now, my head has had a say in this. It's
just not healthy anymore to stay here at this point,
I'm on the verge of a breakdown with all the stress here. I know there's stressful jobs out there in "normal" life
but I don't need to become manager of a multi-national company to feel good
about myself.
Don't get me wrong, Ki, I still love football but I should never have
gone professional with it, there's just no fun left in the game this way.
I never believed it but too much of a good thing can in fact be a bad thing.
That does not go for relationships though! I can never have too
much of you, Kian, however soppy that may sound. I can not wait until I
can get on that plane back to
The coach knows I'm leaving as soon as my contract's up - I've two weeks
after that to get my stuff together and move out of the flat - and I've warned
Speaking of training, I must get going as one's due to start soon and I
still need to get my stuff ready first.
See you soon, babe
Love you
Nicky xxx
PS: Don't let me distract you from your schoolwork, it's more
important than ever now as I'm sure you do not want to have to re-do the lot
over summer.
Chapter 88
rockdude says:
hey Nix
Nicky says:
hey love
rockdude says:
Have just finished my final paper
Nicky says:
you have? nice one
Nicky says:
so what's left then for the year?
Nicky says:
was it just the paper or do you still have exams?
rockdude says:
glad to finally get it finished to be honest not just have 2 more weeks
and thats it
rockdude says:
have an exam at the end of the final week
rockdude says:
then I just have to hope i've passed
Nicky says:
good luck
rockdude says:
so hows things your end? was
Nicky says:
just disappointed I think.
Nicky says:
he reckoned i could have made it far
Nicky says:
but I think he understood my point by the end of it
rockdude says:
why did you tell him about us?
Nicky says:
not in so much words
rockdude says:
wish I had you here right now would be nice to have been able to go for
a drink or something
Nicky says:
Still a few weeks love, but I wish we could too.
rockdude says:
yeah and I suppose I do have to revise for my exam too and would have
too many distractions if you were here
Nicky says:
I told Roy I had someone waiting for me back home, if you wanna
know. He didn't understand why that was a reason to give up as he has his
wife as well but I told him about what I thought of the stress and the lack off
fun and eventually he said I should just follow my heart - wouldn't be good
anyway if my heart's not in it
Nicky says:
looks like I'm distracting you already judging from your spelling back
there Mr Egan!
Nicky says:
*wink*
rockdude says:
I suppose I was thinking more of the something we could have been doing
rather than the drinking *blushes*
Nicky says:
aww...
Nicky says:
*hugs*
Nicky says:
does that mean you're getting a bit hard down there? *wink*
rockdude says:
well lets just say I'm glad I'm wearing my
baggy sweatpants
Nicky says:
*grins*
rockdude says:
come off it I know what you're like so I bet you're getting hard
Nicky says:
want me to do something about it? You can help me with mine later
if you want?
rockdude says:
You can't be serious Nix!? don't you share your
house?
Nicky says:
comp's in my bedroom
Nicky says:
laptop and we've wireless
Nicky says:
hold on, just gonna lock the door
Nicky says:
ok locked
Nicky says:
so you up for it?
rockdude says:
Well I'm glad Mark's not over at the moment he'd love this!!
Nicky says:
don't wanna know!
rockdude says:
lets just say he's done this a few times from what I hear or rather
didn't want to hear
Nicky says:
too much information! I do NOT need to know what Mark likes to get
up to in his spare time (although I'm not surprised! He carries that
laptop EVERYWHERE!)
rockdude says:
Yeah and he appears so quiet LOL
rockdude says:
anyway less talk of Mark
Nicky says:
yeah cuz just thinking of you hard makes my jeans a bit uncomfortable
too
rockdude says:
don't get too excited Nix !!
rockdude says:
actually maybe you should - nice thought that
Nicky says:
excited? not like we can do much for
real, still stuck in fecking
rockdude says:
haha you could just hold those thoughts for a few weeks!! you'd be in real trouble then in your matches
Nicky says:
God help me!
Nicky says:
come on Ki, please?
rockdude says:
You that bad!
Nicky says:
am now
rockdude says:
okay I'll give it a go
Nicky says:
that's better
rockdude says:
just not what I usually get up to you know how shy I am when it comes to
sex things Ni
Nicky says:
i know I know
rockdude says:
so what do you want me to do?
Nicky says:
look Ki if you really don't feel like this I'm not gonna force you
rockdude says:
I did say I'd try Nix so go on
Nicky says:
do you still have your clothes on?
Nicky says:
how warm is it there?
rockdude says:
Of course!!!
Nicky says:
(heating here turned on full)
rockdude says:
well have heating on too a bit chilly here today
Nicky says:
i mean inside, where you're sitting? warm
enough?
rockdude says:
yeah my study is quite small so cozy
Nicky says:
then take your clothes off. Oh and Ki? turn
that webcam on would you?
Nicky is inviting you to start sending webcam. Do you want to
accept (Alt+C) or decline (Alt+D) the invitation?
rockdude says:
do I have to?
Nicky says:
please?
rockdude says:
okay then
Nicky says:
internet seems to be slow again, still can't see you
You have accepted the invitation to start sending webcam.
Nicky says:
hey gorgeous
rockdude says:
Pc is really slow today
Nicky says:
we'll make it work
Nicky says:
God babe you look so good
rockdude says:
still having problems seeing you though
Nicky says:
sorry babes
rockdude says:
I can't do this without being able to see you too Nix
rockdude says:
*blushes*
Nicky says:
I'm trying! God, where's Mark when you need him? he's the expert!
rockdude says:
anyway as you can see am trying to take my stuff off
Nicky says:
Yeah I see
Nicky says:
looking gorgeous babe, as always
rockdude says:
and stop laughing !!
Nicky says:
I'm not laughing
Nicky says:
ok I am now! why did you stick out your
tongue at me?
rockdude says:
Now you can see what I was going on about when I said I'd lost a bit of
weight anyway
Nicky says:
you have indeed - don't lose too much there Ki, I like a little
something to hold on to
Nicky says:
I don't need my boyfriend to look like a beanstake
rockdude says:
don't worry haven't lost any weight there *wiggles in front of webcam*
Nicky says:
GORGEOUS!
Nicky says:
ouch, better get rid of these jeans myself!!
Nicky says:
ok done
rockdude says:
hehe that'll teach you to want to watch!!!
Nicky says:
loads better!
Nicky says:
indeed it will! now i'll be asking you
every time! *wink*
rockdude says:
*stick out tongue*
You have stopped viewing webcam with
Nicky.
Nicky says:
tease! why did you turn that webcam off?
rockdude says:
You'll have to get your webcam fixed for next time unless you're here
for real that is *winks*
Nicky says:
whatever. god Ki it's really starting to
hurt here!
rockdude says:
Told you if I can't see you why should you get all the pleasure
Nicky says:
i suppose you might have a point there
rockdude says:
Well perhaps you should put those nimble fingers to some use and take
hold of yourself
Nicky says:
you sure? don't want this to end before it's even properly begun
Nicky says:
God I wish you were here - or I there, either way
rockdude says:
Nix if we're gonna do this I want us to do it together
Nicky says:
ok go on then
rockdude says:
me too but not much longer luv
rockdude says:
I know you like a firm grip so take a firm grip Nix
Nicky says:
so good!!
rockdude says:
Now start the long slow strokes
Nicky says:
aw babe!
Nicky says:
more
rockdude says:
what about me Nix ? what
do you want me to do?
rockdude says:
could do with 3 hands right now
Nicky says:
me too
Nicky says:
not easy typing wit 1 hand
rockdude says:
Keep up that stroking NIx I can just see you there wanting to close your
eyes as you do when I stroke you
Nicky says:
struggling to keep them open!
rockdude says:
See I knew you would be so you'd better stroke a bit faster - looks like
you're gonna be way ahead of me
Nicky says:
sorry
rockdude says:
its okay babe use that other hand to tweek your nipples for me
Nicky says:
I better hold it a bit so
Nicky says:
you sure?
rockdude says:
sure
rockdude says:
just wish I could see you
Nicky says:
oh babe so good!
rockdude says:
are they hard Nix? I need your nipples to be hard for me before I go on
rockdude says:
keep ups those strokes a bit faster
Nicky says:
as a rock!
rockdude says:
love you when you get liek this Nix
Nicky says:
dont tease!
rockdude says:
okay stop on your nipples and moves that hand to your entrance I know
you like it teasing when you get close
rockdude says:
you know what I want - I want you to tease that entrance of yours
rockdude says:
and speed up your other hand
rockdude says:
you still with me Nix?
Nicky says:
yeah
Nicky says:
only 2 hands!
rockdude says:
keep it up then I want you to scream my name when you come
rockdude says:
I'm getting hard here Nix just imagining you theer
Nicky says:
oh babe so good!!!!!!!!
Nicky says:
totally out of breath now
Nicky says:
let me help you then eh?
Nicky says:
slow or fast?
rockdude says:
Well Egan jnr is certainly "up" for it
rockdude says:
as you want Nix just need your help now
Nicky says:
wet your fingers for me babe
rockdude says:
okay
Nicky says:
ok, bring them to that special spot behind your ear
Nicky says:
imagine it's my tongue lapping at it
rockdude says:
Shite Nix thats feels good
Nicky says:
you always look so hot when I touch that spot...
rockdude says:
well am getting so hot now
Nicky says:
now bring them down, slowly
Nicky says:
across your neck - small butterfly kisses
rockdude says:
mmm
Nicky says:
down to your chest, to your nipples
Nicky says:
imagine it's my mouth closing over them, one at a time, squeeze them a
bit, but gently
Nicky says:
tease them until they're hard...
rockdude says:
Nix feels good
rockdude says:
Egan jnr is twitching here though
Nicky says:
now move lower with that hand, but don't go past your bellybutton just
yet
Nicky says:
you know I love to tease babe
rockdude says:
yeah but...
Nicky says:
you want to go faster?
rockdude says:
its a bit uncomfortabel here Nix and not used to this
Nicky says:
ok then
Nicky says:
wet your hand again, I reckon it might be a bit dry now
Nicky says:
then wrap it around your cock
rockdude says:
shite thats cold!
Nicky says:
imagine it's my mouth around you - it'll get better soon
rockdude says:
okay
Nicky says:
now move that hand babe, I'm sucking you and I'm sucking hard!
rockdude says:
yeah Nix!
rockdude says:
warmer now
Nicky says:
that other hand is going to your hair now isn't it? entangling in those
dyed-blond locks of yours, pulling on it in need of something to hold on to
Nicky says:
so gorgeous, can just see you sit there now
Nicky says:
now go faster babe, I want to taste you
rockdude says:
so close
Nicky says:
come for me babe!
Nicky says:
so gorgeous when you're all spent, wish I could really see you
rockdude says:
F**k Nix didn't think it could feel so real
Nicky says:
not even close to the real thing but yeah it does feel good doesn't it?
rockdude says:
have a problem though sticky keyboard
Nicky says:
nothing a moist cloth can't fix (just don't make it too wet cuz you'll
ruin the comp)
rockdude says:
*blushes* no way I'm revising now
rockdude says:
God I love you
Nicky says:
love you too Ki
Nicky says:
can't wait to get home
rockdude says:
can't wait for you to be here to teach me how to love you
Nicky says:
if this convo is anything to go by you're a natural
rockdude says:
*blushes* better get clean up
Nicky says:
why do just a few weeks seem so long now?
rockdude says:
I know but hopefully it'll pass quickly
Nicky says:
speaking of which, when can I come over? have
you organised that visit to
rockdude says:
yeah will be going straight to Sligo after I finish Uni so will be back
here a week later - so 3 weeks from now
Nicky says:
ok booking the flight now so - see you in a bit babe, soon as the flight
is booked time seems to go faster somehow
Nicky says:
plus I've some trainings still to keep me busy and you your revision -
shouldn't seem to long then
Nicky says:
good luck with the exam there
rockdude says:
thanks Nix would have been nice to have you here but we will be together
soon
Nicky says:
not long now love
rockdude says:
talk to you soon bye for now
Nicky says:
See you tonight in my dreams
rockdude says:
and you in mine
Nicky says:
bye love
rockdude says:
*offline*
Nicky says:
*offline*
Chapter 89
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Still Recovering
Hey Nix
I still can't believe I did the equivalent of phone sex on MSN!!! Would
have been so nice to see you on the webcam though whilst we were doing it but
anyway it's not as good as having you here with me. Just taking a break from
revising so couldn't think of a better way to spend it than sending you an
email.
I hand my paper in tomorrow and then only a week before my exam so am
quite nervous really. Did I tell ya I picked up my guitar and whenever I get a
chance I'm playing it. Mark's coming over this weekend
to give me a break from revising (or so he says) but I think he wants to check
out my place in the hope that I'll let him have it if we get somewhere
together. I told you he's working in
anyway back to work
see you soon
love
Kian
xx
Chapter 90
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Still Recovering
Hi Ki
Not long now is the first thought that comes to mind! Can't wait to get back to
I don't mind Mark staying at the flat and taking it when we find
something else, shouldn't take too long anyway - as I've said I've a fair bit
saved up so we could buy us something somewhere smallish rather than keep
renting. Can't afford a mansion just yet so don't get any illusions
though! Maybe someday when you become the big shot music manager you
dream of being and take over Louis' place *wink*
So you've got your guitar huh? Written any
new songs yet? Can't wait to hear you play - maybe you and Mark could
perform some of your old stuff for me when I'm back. I've seen it on
paper and judging from the little bit I know about music it looked pretty good
but I've never really heard it...
Anyway, sorry about the late reply, the lads had me out every night this
week and there's still the trainings. If you still get this before the
exam tomorrow, good luck. How was the weekend with Mark anyway?
Have to admit I'm a bit jealous - he gets to see you and I don't. It
won't be much longer though, I have my flight in a week. Don't know if
you're gonna manage to come online in Sligo, I hope you will but not holding my
breath as not sure Mark will be home to use his computer - for all I know he's
already brought it to Dublin anyway.
Well I suppose I should sign off now as it's getting quite late, but I
just wanted to say one thing: after what we did on MSN I can't wait to be
able to hold you and make love to you for real - and don't worry, I won't rush
you still, all in its own time.
I really should go now though, it's the first night in a week that I'm
not out but I still have to be up early for training so I need my rest.
Goodnight, my love, I'll see you in my dreams.
Love you
Nicky
Chapter 91
From: [email protected]
Subject: It’s Over!!!
Hey Nix
Was wondering what
had happened to you but was trying not to worry. Am writing
this before I leave for
Well as you know
Mark came over last weekend and brought a few bits with him - clothes
mainly that he's left. Was nice to have some company and a
break from the revising. Got a bit drunk and Mark said I was going on
about you all the time and our MSN chat!! Did I get some stick from Mark about
that the next morning and he said he'd give me some pointers for next time...
not sure I should take him up on that offer anyway will have the real thing
very soon.
I'm beginning to
think having Mark with us may not be a good idea but it will be a laugh! Anyway
not had much time to write but hope to now as I have a bit of a break whilst I
wait for my results and I've spoken to Louis about his offer and he said to
wait until I get my results but looks like I'm going to be working real soon.
I don't want to
rush into finding a place Nix.. it
has to be right... I know you're really looking forward to us having a place to
ourselves but I want it to be right if you can understand me.
Anyway better
finish packing or else I'll miss my train
see you
soon
hugs and
kisses
Kian
xxx
Chapter
92
From:
[email protected]
Subject: Re: It’s
over!!!
Kian,
I know you want
everything to be just right - you're a real perfectionist Ki! I
understand it though, we should have something nice, something we both
like. All I meant is this time of year is perfect for house-hunting -
more so than say September when all the college students come back looking for
rooms.
I never meant for
you to worry but I'm sure you know what it's like when you're going somewhere
and everyone wants to go out and stuff. Can't wait until I get home
though, I'm sure we can have some sort of celebration on our own.
I'm sure it will
be a laugh having Mark around - we'll have to lock the door though when we want
to have some private time, I'm not so sure I want him walking in on us and I'm
not into threesomes as much as I like to joke about that.
Anyway I don't
even know if you'll get this there in
See you soon,
love!
Hugs and Kisses
(you'll get those for real soon)
Nicky
Chapter
93
From:
[email protected]
Subject: Greetings
from
Hey Nix was
wandering around town and spotted an internet cafe so thought I'd check my
email. We go back to
Anyway things have
gone quite well at home which I'm sort of glad about. Was worried when I came
over what they might want but mum said to me that she saw how happy you made me
and as long as I'm happy she'd support us. Dad is still a bit off but at least
he's said I can come and stay whenever and he may even let you come too - but
we have to stay in separate rooms - couldn't say no to that really as it's a
big step for him to even say he'd meet you.
I feel so much
more relaxed now after coming back here, the whole pace of life seems a lot
slower but I can't wait to get back home and have you home again.
Oh before I forget
what time's your flight so I can pick you up?
love you
loads
Kian
xxx
Chapter
94
From:
[email protected]
Subject: Re:
Greetings from
Hey Ki
Can't help wonder
where you'll be when you get this email - my last from
Only a few hours
and I'll be able to hold you again. I'll be leaving soon but thank God I
won't have to carry all this around,
Yeah Sligo is more
relaxed from what I've seen of it but I personally just love the hustle and
bustle of
OK, doorbell,
Txt you just
before take-off in case of delay
See you in a bit
Nicky
Chapter
95
rockdude says:
Hey Marky how's it
hangin!?
Mark says:
grand mate,
just finished my first week in the new job
Mark says:
so how's
the new flat?
rockdude says:
Kian's just got in
from work too
Mark says:
what about
you, Nick? find anything yet?
rockdude says:
House Mark don't
forget we got a little cottage
rockdude says:
Me thinking of
selling my body at the minute
Mark says:
sorry!
not everyone is as lucky as you lads to be able to
live in an actual HOUSE!
Mark says:
I'm sure you'd
have at least one regular!
rockdude says:
haha don't
tell Kian he'd kill me even suggesting it anyway got a couple of interviews at
the leisure centre and an estate agent tomorrow
rockdude says:
so
fingers crossed
Mark says:
oh good
luck with those!
Mark says:
will keep
my fingers crossed for sure!
rockdude says:
thanks I'll
let you talk to Kian while I finish up dinner
Mark says:
ok
rockdude says:
Hi Mark Nicky been
bending your ear
Mark says:
only a
little - I only just got online
rockdude says:
bet its a
lot quieter there now we've gone
Mark says:
too quiet
without all the banging on the other side of the wall *sticks out tongue*
rockdude says:
how's it
going at the school? you settled in yet?
rockdude says:
If i remember you
were shouting for us to shout a bit louder so you could record it !!
Mark says:
was
alright. Only had the first week now so they're all testing how far they
can go but by the end of the week they seemed calmer somehow
Mark says:
told you it
was TOO quiet now! and you never even let me
watch, only had the sounds to go by
rockdude says:
This place is
great!! the view out across the water is fabulous
Mark says:
yeah you
just love the beach, don't you?
rockdude says:
there's a
studio out back so we could almost put on a concert here - you'll have to come
over soon
Mark says:
you know I
don't sing in public!
rockdude says:
yeah but no
time currently to go out there Louis has me run ragged
rockdude says:
it won't
be public just me, you and Nix
Mark says:
what, more
than during the work experience?
Mark says:
still too
public, or have you forgotten about my stage fright?
rockdude says:
Yeah the workload
has doubled since then - everyone wants to be on Louis's books
Mark says:
besides, if
it's the garden the neighbours will hear it too
Mark says:
oh so he
really did need an extra hand
rockdude says:
what
neighbours!! and I sort of promised Nix we'd do a
coupe of our old songs for him
Mark says:
thought he
might be doing you a favour
Mark says:
you what?!
rockdude says:
yeah well
you showed him the songs in the first place mate
rockdude says:
think about
it will ya? need to get some practice on my new guitar
Mark says:
I had just been
looking at them when he arrived, they were still on my desk, he saw them and
asked, what should I have done!
rockdude says:
hidden
them!!! anyway I can't sing them on my own
Mark says:
ok I'll
think about it -not promising anything!
rockdude says:
Nix says you're
being a spoilsport and if I don't get off here soon he's giving dinner to the
gulls!!
Mark says:
on one
condition! you're both so hot together (had
plenty of time to observe that while you still lived here), can I join in
sometime?
Mark says:
or at
least watch?
Mark says:
I guess silence
means no?
rockdude says:
Mark Nicky here
and you a sick bastard sometimes did I tell ya
Mark says:
*pouts*
Mark says:
feck
off! can I help it that my last boyfriend was a
cheating bastard and that you're both so hot?
rockdude says:
Kian's gone into
shock it take all my time to get him naked in front of me let alone in front of
anyone else
rockdude says:
Told Kian I wasn't
into threesomes anyway but maybe I can work on something we all can join in
rockdude says:
you gotta
sing first though
Mark says:
Nicky leave it, I
was only teasing the lad anyway
Mark says:
and I'm
not promising about the singing
Mark says:
isn't your
dinner getting cold anyway?
rockdude says:
Hey Marky boy I'm
serious here you sing and I'll get a good show you can join in
Mark says:
Ki will never let
me
Mark says:
forget about
it Nix, I shouldn't have said anything in the first place
rockdude says:
now who's
chicken!!
rockdude says:
anyway we
gotta go or dinner will be ruined
Mark says:
I'm not chicken!
Mark says:
just don't
like singing in public
Mark says:
go have
dinner then...
Mark says:
and good
luck tomorrow
rockdude says:
thanks mate
talk to you soon
Mark says:
yeah see
you
rockdude says:
and I'll
get you naked in this house !!!
Mark says:
hey, u in
centre for the interviews?
rockdude says:
yeah why?
Mark says:
when!
rockdude says:
wanna meet
up for lunch
Mark says:
off
tomorrow if you wanna have lunch
rockdude says:
sure say
1pm
Mark says:
where?
Bewley's?
rockdude says:
yeah fine
Mark says:
I know they're
expensive but my treat!
Mark says:
ok see
you there
rockdude says:
bye
Mark says:
bye
rockdude says:
*offline*
Mark says:
*offline*
Next Part: So Many Songs