Author: Jo (slashgirl)
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Mark/Kian
Comments: I have said
PG13 as there is some mention of sexual things but it is quite mild
Disclaimer: Don't know
any of them or their sexuality. This is all fiction.
"Why,
Mark? Why did we do this?" He just had to ruin the moment by asking that,
didn't he? Worst thing is I have no idea what the answer to that question is,
so I just whisper: "I don't know, mate. I really don't. It just felt
right..." We both know it wasn't though. You see, he's my best friend, and
until tonight that was all there was between us. Or so I thought...
Just
a few hours ago I suggested we could watch a film together. We were having a
night off with no reason to get up early and neither of us felt like going out,
so it seemed like a good idea at the time. But halfway through the film - don't
ask me which one, my memory's playing tricks on me right now - I somehow ended
up lying in his arms on the couch instead of just sitting next to him. While he
was watching the film he absentmindedly began caressing my chest through the
t-shirt I was wearing. Just that soft touch blocked every rational thought in
my brain as I was taken over by the feelings rushing through me. Soon I found
myself kissing him, I can't even remember who started the kiss but I felt the
urgency to it as passion overtook us both. The film was still playing in the
background but neither of us managed to pay the slightest bit of attention to
it as our hands started to roam each other's bodies and the kisses grew deeper
and stronger. Some very tiny voice in my brain was trying to tell me that I
should stop this but my body kept telling me this felt too right to be wrong.
It
didn't take us long to end up on the bed, which was standing only a few feet
from the couch anyway as we're in some hotel room, I don't even know in what
country at this very moment so let alone which hotel in which city but I
couldn't care less at that time - still don't care as a matter of fact - and
our lips crashed hungrily onto each other. Passion was the only overriding
thought in my brain and his and even though we both knew this couldn't lead to
anything good neither of us had the strength or willpower to stop. Soon my
t-shirt lay forgotten on the floor, as did his shirt and the sweater he had
been wearing and our hands were exploring skin neither of us had ever expected
to touch in this way. Not a word was spoken, neither of us wanted to lose this
special moment. We both knew this would be all we'd have, somewhere way in the
back of our minds.
I
felt his hands move lower as he rolled me onto my back, making himself end up
on top of me while he fumbled with the belt in my jeans. I couldn't take any
more and undid it, freeing my strained erection from its tight prison, leaving
me naked except for my boxers while I pulled him close and again pressed my
lips to his. The bulge in his trousers was enough to let me know he was as
aroused as I was, and I pulled the button fly open, pushing the trousers down
as far as I could reach. Which wasn't very far, I should add, as he was still
lying on top of me, his lips still locking with mine but he kicked them off,
somehow managing to keep kissing me, his tongue battling mine as we explored
each other's mouth.
Was
it on purpose or just driven by these feelings running through us I'll probably
never find out, but he began building a friction, rubbing his own erection
against mine while his hands started toying with my nipples. The feelings
rushing through me were too much to withstand and that tiny whisper in my brain
that said this was wrong drowned in the sensations my brain managed to
register.
I
remember feeling disappointed when his lips left mine, and I was just about to
open my mouth and ask why when I felt his kisses again, this time on my neck,
trailing down to my chest, where the warm wetness of his tongue started teasing
my nipples. Just that soft touch was the final straw for me, I could take no
more and completely surrendered, that nagging whisper having totally
disappeared and instead all I knew was him and me. I've heard a song once,
"and if my house falls down now, I wouldn't have a clue"... that's
how I felt. All that existed in my world in that moment were his mouth and
hands taking me so high I didn't even knew it was possible, and his weight
pressing down on me like a warm blanket.
After
a while, could have been seconds or minutes, I had completely lost track of
time by then, his mouth left my nipples and moved further down. I can't even
begin to describe what it felt like when he took my hardness in his mouth as
far as he could and brought me off. It was just... it took my breath away.
Nothing seemed to matter, there was only this utter
feeling of completeness that I never wanted to stop. He crawled up next to me
and I leaned over him, kissing him again, tasting myself in his mouth. Then I
let my head rest on his muscular chest as I lay on my side, his arm around my
shoulders pulling me close, keeping me safe.
Content
to just lie there, I'm startled when he speaks up: "Why, Mark? Why did we
do this?" "I don't know, mate, I really don't", I tell him.
"It just felt right..." He smiles slightly: "It did, didn't it?" There's something in his voice that worries
me though. "You're not regretting this, are you?" I hesitantly ask,
not sure whether or not I really want to know the answer. "I'm not
regretting it. Don't think I ever will either. But..." There just HAD to
be a but, couldn't be anything else, could it?
"... I dunno, this was good but we can't let it
happen again..." I feel a pain ripping through my chest at those words. I
never knew I was in love with him, or attracted to him or anything, I knew I
loved him but I thought it was more like the love between "just" best
friends. I look down, don't want him to see my pain.
He can read my eyes like a book sometimes. Too bad he realises that too:
"Mark? Please look at me?" Pulling the bit of strength I have left
together, I look up. I know he sees the hurt in my eyes and I can only manage
to hold his stare for a few seconds before I look away again. "Mark?"
he speaks, softly making me look at him again.
"Are you... attracted to me?" I sigh. What kind of question is that?
"Do you think this would have happened if I wasn't?" He doesn't reply
to that and I don't think I'll ever get a proper answer. Instead he changes the
subject: "God, sorry, mate, I think I've made a mess on your bed. Do you
have tissues around or something?" Then he looks at the tv: "Damn, we missed the end
of the film." What's with him? Did this just mean nothing to him or what? "Kian?" I manage to ask, having to clear my throat
to get the words past the lump growing there. He looks at me and sighs.
"Sorry... I just don't think I could give you what you need, mate. I don't
want to lose the friendship we have... Maybe it'd be better if we just put all
this behind us." I need some fresh air now, so I put on my bathrobe and
step out on the balcony, lighting a cigarette. Tears are trickling down over my
cheeks as I stare out into the star-filled sky. A hand lands on my shoulder.
"Are you ok?" he asks. I don't know, there's
so many thoughts running through my head right now. I sigh: "Will be when
I manage to sort this mess in my head." I turn around, leaning against the
railing as I finished my cigarette. He wraps his arms around me: "Friends
forever, right?" I manage a nod and a weak smile: "Friends
forever." If that's all we could ever be, it's all I really need.
...
A moment in time
is all that's given you and me...
The End
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