Author: Jo (slashgirl)
Rating: PG
Pairing: Mark/Kian
Comments: I have said
PG as there is some mention of sexual things but it is quite mild
Disclaimer: Don't know
any of them or their sexuality. This is all fiction.
For
the umpteenth time I hang up just as he picks up the phone. Stupid, I know, he
has caller ID so he knows it's me, but I just feel stupid each time I try to
call him. I don't know why it's so different now but it's been this way ever
since that night we had together. Once was all that we had. Where have I heard
that before? I take out one of my CDs and put it in the stereo. Finding the
right number I put it on repeat and sit down on the bed, hugging my pillow
tight, swaying lightly with the music, singing along silently...
Please
don't walk away - leave me behind
With these crazy feelings
No one is to blame - Ain't that a shame
But I still believe in you, oh you
You're my every dream come true
And that is why
I just can't say goodbye
The
words strike so true to me now. Until that night I had never realised it, but
he is my every dream come true. I don't want to lose him as a friend so I
haven't dared to do anything about it. I know I should but it's too
complicated, I'm afraid he'll walk away, I just can't say goodbye
Here
I'm standing like an open book
In front of you - my page is turning
Pick a chapter, babe, take a look
What do you see
Maybe now you're learning
My
heart's breaking, only you can stop
The pain I feel, I can't give up
I ask the questions that I need to know
(won't you) Listen to me
He
can read me like a book so often, it's almost scary in
a way. But I'm not scared. He knows all there is to know about me, he knows
every word, every dot in this book by heart. Still I am afraid now because that
night he found a chapter that until then I didn't even know was in this book of
my life. Since then things have changed between him and me, we still talk but
he seems to keep his distance. I just hope I didn't scare him away...
Here
I'm lying in my bed alone
What do I feel - another page is turning
Once again another chapter's closed
And in my mind I see our bridge is burning
I
am falling and I can't get up
Seems so far to reach the top
The way I feel for you will ...
Suddenly
there's a noise by the window. It's a warm night, so I've left the window open.
I look around startled, only to find him standing there. I could have known
really, after those phone calls he'd be worried and this was the way he used to
come in late at night when he had been in a fight and didn't want his parents
to know, or when I was grounded - which wasn't very often, mind you, it was
more the other way around. Not that I'm the angel my mum seems to think I am,
I've had my share of naughtiness but I just knew how to hide it better than he
did! The things we used to do when we were just kids... Sometimes I wish we still
were, things were all so simple then...
He
just sits on the window sill, looking at me. I reach for the stereo to turn it
off but he shakes his head, silently asking me not to, to leave it on. "Dance
with me?" he asks as the song starts over. I don't know if I should, but I
want to. I want to feel his arms around me again, I
want to feel whole again. "Mark?" he asks again as I don't answer. I
nod and he walks to the bed, taking my hands to pull me up. My arms go around
his waist as his go behind my neck. We sway to the music for a while, the whole world is just him and me in that moment. He
softly pulls my head down for a kiss, but I turn away, breaking the embrace. "I
can't..." I sit on the bed again, tears in my eyes. It felt so right and
I've ruined it, but that night felt right too and still I ended up hurt, I
don't want to go through that again. He comes to sit with me and I find myself
crying on his shoulder. The music is still playing, but this time it's him
singing along with it.
Don't
wanna walk away
Don't wanna let you down
Don't wanna see you crying
Just wanna see you smile
I'll
never walk away
I'll never let you down
I'll never leave you crying
I just can't say goodbye
"I
mean it, Mark. I'm scared of what I'm doing now but I do mean it. I've been
trying to deny it for so long now, I don't even know
when it started. I know you think I'm a player, in and out of love, but Mark,
please listen to me." He sighs. "I know I've played around, a
different girl each night so to speak, but they weren't what I really wanted. I
tried to tell myself they were, that I had feelings for them, but it didn't
work. I've never once regretted that night, Mark, for the simple reason that it
made it clear to me that that was what I want for the
rest of my life. You're who I want, Mark. I'm sorry it took me so long to come
to terms with it." He sounds sincere but I'm still scared. I've opened my
heart to him once and he practically tore it apart, in the softest way possible
but it still hurt. I need to know: "Do you really mean it? For real?" He nods. "I'm sorry I hurt you that
night. I didn't know what to do. But now I do know. Please, Mark, give me
another chance?" I can see the truth in his eyes and feel the warmth in
his strong embrace. I nod, can't seem to get a word past the lump in my throat.
"Can I... kiss you?" I smile and put my hand behind his neck, pulling
him close, making our lips meet. This time there's no nagging whisper telling
me it's wrong - the community would still think it is but neither of us cares,
we know it's right. And this time I know, it's for
ever...
THE END