thingslearned2

i've learned - that you cannot make someone love you. all you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

i've learned - that if at first you don't succeed, check to see if the loser gets anything.

i've learned - that brain cells come and go, but fat cells are forever.

i've learned - that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.

i've learned - that overzealous customs agents can change your life in a matter of hours.

i've learned - that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the door.

i've learned - that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon. and all the less important ones just never go away.

i've learned - to say "fuck them if they can't take a joke" in 6 languages.

i've learned - that your family won't always be there for you. of course, if you win the lottery, the hag, the philanderer, the screw-up, the missing one and the horse tooth girl will more than be there for "you."

i've learned - that no matter how good a chick is, she'll only contribute to your alcoholism.

i've learned - that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for all lost or stolen articles while on the premisies.

i've learned - that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't have secret plans to move out.

i've learned - that we don't have to ditch bad friends because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.

i've learned - that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. it could be victoria's.

i've learned - the two people can screw the exact same person and compare notes.